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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   Depression and other mental health difficulties are common amongst people on the autistic spectrum and their carers.   People who are affected by general mental health difficulties are encouraged to receive and share information, support and advice with other forum members, though it is important to point out that this exchange of information is generally based on personal experience and opinions, and is not a substitute for professional medical help.   There is a list of sources of mental health support here: <a href="http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=18801" target="_blank">Mental Health Resources link</a>   People may experience a more serious crisis with their mental health and need urgent medical assistance and advice. However well intentioned, this is not an area of support that the forum can or should be attempting to offer and we would urge members who are feeling at risk of self-harm or suicide to contact either their own GP/health centre, or if out of hours contact NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or to call emergency services 999.   We want to reassure members that they have our full support in offering and seeking advice and information on general mental health issues. Members asking for information in order to help a person in their care are seeking to empower both themselves and those they represent, and we would naturally welcome any such dialogue on the forum.   However, any posts which are deemed to contain inference of personal intent to self-harm and/or suicide will be removed from the forum and that person will be contacted via the pm system with advice on where to seek appropriate help.   In addition to the post being removed, if a forum member is deemed to indicate an immediate risk to themselves, and are unable to be contacted via the pm system, the moderating team will take steps to ensure that person's safety. This may involve breaking previous confidentiality agreements and/or contacting the emergency services on that person's behalf.   Sometimes posts referring to self-harm do not indicate an immediate risk, but they may contain material which others find inappropriate or distressing. This type of post will also be removed from the public forum at the moderator's/administrator's discretion, considering the forum user base as a whole.   If any member receives a PM indicating an immediate risk and is not in a position (or does not want) to intervene, they should forward the PM to the moderating team, who will deal with the disclosure in accordance with the above guidelines.   We trust all members will appreciate the reasoning behind these guidelines, and our intention to urge any member struggling with suicidal feelings to seek and receive approproiate support from trained and experienced professional resources.   The forum guidelines have been updated to reflect the above.   Regards,   The mod/admin team

pola y dobie

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Everything posted by pola y dobie

  1. Aspergers & Relationships

    Pola write : In Love with You and Aspergers I have never previously before been in a personal relationship with an Aspie! I met my permanent partner Dobie through one of those many 'social-network' sites. We would talk for hours, sending hugs, pictures etc. Then one day we decided to meet. We 'knew' we were meant for one another, as they say love knows no boundaries....Dobie informed me had Aspergers, although my job takes me into a variety of nursing work. I really wasn't that specialised in this syndrome. (hence joining here, eager and hoping to learn more). Through our relationship, I have noticed more about Dobie, the way he interacts or doesnt!! One thing for sure I know is that he loves me and I love him. Having Aspergers doesn't stop you from being in love and shouldn't stop you from having a relationship!! Having since read various negative articles on relationships of people with Aspergers. I thought I would self-examine why such negativity exists!! Primarily, it appears that we each hold expectations on relationships and what we should expect from our partners!! ( mine is simply a cup of tea ready for when I get back home from working night-shifts) You could say that about any relationship. Reciprication: giving one thing to another in return for something else. But what happens when the giver is soley giving and not receiving anything back!! It's what we expect to receive back that appears to be the issue, especially with Aspergers Relationships. The endless articles I have read, have highlighted that they expected more love, more romance, more of everything from their AS partner? The only thing I ever expect from Dobie is a great big Hug at least once day ( but usually end up having more than a dozen). To me it appears, that certain people are unaware of their AS partner's ability to recipricate those feelings back. Like any partnership, we both take on a voyage of discovery, taking the time to know each other, our likes and dislikes. There are times when I just want to sit on the other sofa by myself, without two heavy dogs and Dobie!! And then there are times when I just want to cuddle up and watch a film. Everyone is unique, and AS partners are no different than any other partner!! In understanding your partners needs and wants, you examine your own needs and wants and how you both can combine these. Maybe ( as in my own case), I had to do more partnership homework and read up on AS relationships. Dobie always remarks " love conquers everything", and with a little understanding, a pinch of patience and a great deal of time reading!! Love does conquer everything. I have enclosed some excellent reading and support to those in AS Relationships. They have helped Dobie and me develop and continue our fantastic partnership. I hope, given time, they will help you aswell. Many thanks for reading this article Suggested Reading : ' Aspergers In Love : Couple relationships and family affairs' by Maxine Aston 'Alone Together: Making an asperger marriage work' by Katrin Bentley 'The Aspergers Couples Workbook' by MAxine Aston. & finally books written by Sarah Henrickx.
  2. Coming home on Friday

    <'> >< Firstly glad to hear your son is FINALLY coming home to you and no doubt YOU both will be looking forward to seeing each other again. It seems you feel negative regarding his mental health assessment, I dont know what specifically they were assessing him for? But having under taken over twenty years of mental assessments on a variety of people ( my background in psychiatry and learning disabilities), I have never in my life told any parent or carer that the person they love or care for will have negative behaviour forever. If it would benefit you, then please let me know (message my inbox) and we can look through the assessment together and you can have the benefit of a professional in this field have a second opinion for you. Mental health assessments should undertake the 'holistic approach' ensuring that every aspec of your sons health is examined and why factors are affecting his mood, behaviour etc... Let me know if I can help POLA ( psychiatric and learning disability nurse for 20 years and living with my partner with Aspergers)
  3. Bad News...

    [ <'> Sorry to hear your news...sending you cuddles and hugs xx
  4. Information required please asap

    Hello Friends!! Apologies for what must seem like ages in writing and sending in my inputs. Hope everyone is well. Me I've been busy with my partner Dobie. Fighting the Department of Work and Pensions, Fighting with Social Services, Writing to Chief Executives of varius health and social departments. Why?? Because unlike me, as a genuine caring psychiatric nurse, THEY CANNOT BE BOTHERED TO DO THEIR WORK FOR MY PARTNER. :wallbash: Hence they have angered me that much that I The Great White Pola Bear have unleashed hell fury upon them... Still waiting for a social worker to carry out a care assessment, still waiting for psychotherapy services, STILL being REFUSED ACCESS TO COLIR PROJECT a SOUTH LANARKSHIRE COUNCIL FUNDED ROUTES TO WORK COURSE FOR PERSONS WITH ASPERGERS?? :angry: Oh the joys of trying to get help in britain for a person with aspergers??? ( GOSH DOES THAT SOUND FAMILIAR TO ANYONE OUT THERE). Even trying to the DEA (Disability Employment Advisor Hamilton JobCentre) to get off her backside and refer my partner Dobie to REMPLOY where they ACTUALLY WILL EMPLOY HIM.. Hell its easier moving a mountain!!!! One whole year of no help or assistance. ONE WHOLE YEAR OF NOTHING!!! (If in my own nursing career I were to do the same, I would be SACKED so why the hell arent they??) :angry: Of course trying to quit smoking has been disaster aswell with all the letters i have to write??? ANYONE OUT THERE JUST FOR A HUG OR SMILE..... LOVE AS ALWAYS pola AKA Chris the extreme hard working psychiatric and learning disability nurse who works 80 hours per week without support for partner.xxx
  5. Information required please asap

    sometime i just feel like this??
  6. Autism and Sensitivity in Ghosts

    fantastic news paul..spirit orbs are fantastic to see, small bundles of psychic energy..as someone genuinely interested in all psychic activity its great to hear of others experience. Being sensitive often helps attract them
  7. Still breathing and very much alive!!!!busy with work etc....

  8. very sad newsx

    Love, light and rainbows sent to you both <3 <'> >< in our thoughts and special prayers xx
  9. Hi people

    <'> Hi James
  10. Autism and repetitive music

    <'> Dobie my partner only prefers Heavy Metal Music ( me being a GAGA fan myself). Everyday we have metal and rock music played in our home, in our car etc... When asked to change and listen to alternative music, Dobie has meltdown!! So we have agreed to play the metal music at certain times of the day only ( .i.e. when i'm asleep in bed during my nightshift and when I'm at work). Interesting theory though, I suppose all of us can 'repetitive behaviour', including us NT's ( i have to follow the same routine every am and dont like to change it and I'm NT I think!!!) POLA
  11. Think I'll be around a while, so better say hi :)

    <'> Better say hi back!!
  12. Sexuality and AS

    Hopping all over the place trying to find information and resources to help an NT friend of mine with her AS partner. So what better place to come to for advice and information. My NT friends situation is such : she is in a permanent relationship with her AS partner. However, he has stated that he has visited various 'adult-based' websites, and as such has had encounters. Of course, this has had a devastating effect on her relationship ( numerous calls to me for help and support). With support, she has allowed her AS partner back into the family home ( two children in relationship). But she is concerned with the issues of re-allowing trust. She has banned her AS partner from the internet, but had found messages on the mobile phone. I have forwarded her the loan of my resources on AS/NT relationships, but she still has a concern that it will happen again? Commitment between any partner is difficult. You only have to read the papers, to find cheating and infidelity!! The upset, despair, paranoia that infidelity can cause in any relationship can prove difficult. I know some RELATE counsellors are trained in dealing with AS/NT relationships. The research into this crisis in a relationship is very limited!! I meet my friend this week to help her through this turmoil. Any advice or suggestions would be kindly welcomed. Thank you my on line friends and I look forward to hearing from you..... POLA xx
  13. For those of a 'certain age'

    This really has got me thinking into what 1980's programmes were available... so here's my list of what I remember POLA A • The Adventure Game • The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers • Animal Magic • Art Attack B • The Bad News Bears • Bananaman • The Beachcombers • Bertha • Blockbusters • Blue Peter • Bod • The Book Tower • Bozo the Clown • Bravestarr • Button Moon C • Captain Caveman • Captain Kangaroo • Care Bears • Cheggers Plays Pop • The Chronicles of Narnia • Count Duckula • Crackerjack D • Danger Mouse • DEF II • Degrassi High • Degrassi Junior High • Doctor Snuggles • Dogtanian & the Three Muskethounds • Dungeons & Dragons E • Educating Marmalade F • The Famous Five • Finger Mouse • Fraggle Rock G • Going Live! • Grange Hill H • Hanna Barbera Cartoons • Heckle & Jeckle I • Inspector Gadget J • Jackanory • Jem & The Holograms • The Jetsons • Jigsaw • Jim'll Fix It K • Kids of Degrassi Street • King Rollo • Knight Rider L • The Littlest Hobo • Look & Read M • M.A.S.K • Magpie • Metal Mickey • Monkey • Mr Merlin • The Moomins • Multi-Coloured Swap Shop • Muppet Babies N • Newsround • No. 73 • Noggin The Nog • Noozles O • No Shows Listed P • Paddington • Pee Wee's Playhouse • The Pink Panther Show • Pinwheel • Pipkins • Play Away • Play School • Postman Pat Q • No Shows Listed R • The Raggy Dolls • Rainbow • Rainbow Brite • Razzamatazz • Rentaghost • Romper Room S • Saturday Superstore • Screen Test • Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13¾ • Sesame Street • She-Ra • Simon Townsend's Wonder World • The Smurfs • The Snowman • The Sooty Show • Strawberry Shortcake • The Storyteller • Supergran • Super Mario Brothers T • Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles • Terrahawks • ThunderCats • Thomas the Tank Engine & Friends • Transformers • The Tripods • Tucker's Luck U • No Shows Listed V • No Shows Listed W • Why Don't You? • The Wind in the Willows • The Wonder Years • Worzel Gummidge • Worzel Gummidge Down Under XYZ • Your Mother Wouldn't Like It • Zoobilee Zoo • Zoom
  14. My son has been waiting for 3 weeks and he is urgent! we did request a referral from our GP to go to a private CAHMS that specialise in Autism but it required a Social workers referral and she has refused. It makes me mad why social workers wont do the job they paid ALOT of money to do!!! Our Social worker is a nightmare, not responding etc, and even waiting for a Community Care Assessment is taking an eternity. I could have done a full report myself in 1 day!!!
  15. <'> Having trained and worked as a Learning Disability Nurse and Psychiatric Nurse, it does depend upon what catchment health area you in live in. It used to be a case of either side passing the AS person to each team. However, please note ONLY Learning Disability Nurses ( RNMH or RNLD ) are actually trained in the Autistic Areas. Psychiatric Nurses are not trained in that specific diagnosis!! My experience has shown that Autism and AS generally comes falls under the Learning Disability Nursing Team. As during my career, I came into contact with autism and AS then, than did my psychiatric nurse colleagues!! <'> POLA xx
  16. Do you hate having AS?

    Well I have two degrees ( Cambridge University) 1 degree Alicante University. And believe me I would definitely go and work in Asda. We have friends there and they get better benefits than me working alot of hours per week. I've done a alot of jobs in my life, and the best ones have been with what we call 'the workers', how I miss huddled up with mugs of tea and having a quick ciggy with 'the gals'!! Life was easier and happier then ....( Pola goes off to happily reminisce).... Seriously, employers should recognise the potential of everyone who applies for work, unfortunately they dont, even with Discrimination Laws etc in place. Dobie has been unable to get any employment within the last 9 months, and thats with me putting out CV's etc for any job. AS and NT all live in a world which is constantly changing both economically and financially, the days of anyone getting a secure job, whether you have degrees or gcses or even CSE's and 16 plus ( I'm showing my age)is now becoming limited. Be grateful you have a job, and be grateful you get any government benefit ( I pay over 1,000 in tax per month and Dobie my partner can't any unemployment benefit)GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Makes my fur stand on end!! Thanks for reading my posting xx POLA

    <'> >< Hope these little words can provide comfort and support to everyone here. Be The Best of Whatever You Are by Douglas Malloch If you can't be a pine on the top of the hill Be a scrub in the valley--but be The best little scrub by the side of the rill; Be a bush if you can't be a tree. If you can't be a bush be a bit of the grass, And some highway some happier make; If you can't be a muskie then just be a bass-- But the liveliest bass in the lake! We can't all be captains, we've got to be crew, There's something for all of us here. There's big work to do and there's lesser to do, And the task we must do is the near. If you can't be a highway then just be a trail, If you can't be the sun be a star; It isn't by size that you win or you fail-- Be the best of whatever you are!

    :notworthy: :notworthy: thank you
  19. Meet Up Scotland 2011

    Anyone who lives in Scotland ( or any part of UK ) interested in meeting up in Scotland? Would be great to meet any fellow NT's AS's etc for a chat, friendship etc.... Dobie and I live in Glasgow, but can travel, we can accommodate (have guest bedroom). forgot to mention we do have two crazy dogs!!! Or even organising a trip in Scotland? Have got a fantastic brochure on holidaying in Scotland very cheap prices etc, Let us know, everyone welcome POLA and DOBIE xx
  20. For those of a 'certain age'

    <'> Monkey!!! How I wish i could summon up a little cloud and whisk myself away!! Always watched it especially the pig with the turtle shell on his back!! My ALL time favourite must be http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CW54W9y6-eU Dobie leaves the room when ever i put the VHS tapes on!! Must be his AS hehehe ( at least I can get the sofa to myself for an hour)!! POLAx
  21. Do you hate having AS?

    <'> Thanks for the reply. Firstly in reply, I am NOT good looking, nor am into fitness, infact generally plain -jane, pardon the pun!! But I do think think its important to be honest in relationships. If the person you meet truly wants to be with you, then they will accept AS. Dobie was honest with me when we met. Ok, I had limitations into what AS was, but that certainly didn't stop me loving and falling in love with him. The same can be said of any relationship, you have to be honest. I have read through the internet into AS groups especially groups of NT partners ( heterosexual groups), that NT women seem disappointed with their AS partner!! My believe is they havent read into what AS is, therefore relationship problems begin. But there ARE alot of NT women who have written negative views on their AS partners. I can't really comment on why this relationship failures etc, myself being gay!! If you say they 'bolt' as soon as you say AS, then in my opinion they are not worth the relationship. And what pray tell me is a ' REAL MAN' !!!! I have a real man at home waiting for me, he cares for our dogs, makes me a cup of tea when I finish nightshift, cuddles and tells me he loves me. My real man has AS, and I wouldn't swap him for any other. Thanks for reading my posting POLA Relationships are the worst. I don't generally have a hard time with women because I'm really into fitness and MMA and Muay Thai boxing and women kinda dig the "quiet strong silent type" some don't but some do and it kinda works with them and I don't want to sound vain but I'm a fairly good looking guy and they usually talk to me first, if they didn't I would probably still be a virgin lol. I don't ever want to admit to a woman that I have aspergers syndrome because just like most women I have met they just bolt as soon as they hear it. This is early on in the relationship because its a big part of who I am (URGH!! I HATE IT!!) and they should probably know this massive fact about me, if we are together for a year then drop the bomb on her about how my brain is basically broken or wasn't made properly, then she is kinda stuck with me and being together that long is like lying to her and not telling her at all. Most of the women who like me aren't my thing, they are all kinda soft and sweat-hearted and kind, when what I like are kinda the opposite, I have a b**ch fetish where she is confrontational and goal driven and those women want a real man and I cant be when I have aspergers.
  22. Work very busy:( Finally got carpet cleaners in Friday!! Day off thursday Hurray!! Back on the diet, this bear has put on weight not good!!

  23. Looking forward to Sunday I have one day off!!

  24. Empathy vs sympathy

    <'> Hello!! Ok I'll try to explain it for you....when someone tells you that his goldfish died, you may sympathise. You imagine how the person must be feeling. If say, your own goldfish was no longer alive, then you can 'empathise' saying ' well I know how you must feel, as I went through that myself'. However, knowing how other people 'feel' can be quite difficult for people with AS. The ability to see something from a friend's perspective to imagine how they must feel in a particular situation is called ' theory of mind'. Persons with AS show difficulty with things that involve theory of mind, which means that social interaction is hard and sociable behaviour is unpredictable ( dobie always says to me, imagine not being able to how how a person feels, then trying to say something right to them!). Hope this helps!! POLA xx
  25. Do you hate having AS?

    <'> >< Thank you for your lovely replies. I never expect to get them, but it's good to hear that there ARE friends out there reading what I write or rant about. So many genuine thanks. I get quite annoyed what is forever being written about AS, (followers of my previous postings, will know that I am happily ploughing through a stack of books, research etc on AS) and trying to figure out for myself what's it all about. There just seems to be so much negativity on the subject. I have worked in psychiatry for over 20 years ( yes I am getting an older bear!!), and I have never read so much negativity on one condition/way of life. I am STILL waiting for the book entitled 'You know what, having AS isn't really that bad, OK, you'll have some problems, BUT life's like that, So don't worry!!' ( my librarian is still searching for that book for me.) Too be honest, life IS difficult, it aint easy for anyone, no matter what you have. What's important is that you have someone there for you, just to give you a little push, offer a smile, give you a hug (dobies favourite), and even offer to make the occasional cup of tea!! With little things in life, much greater things CAN and often ARE achieved. Dobie has dramatically improved ( since moving out from a mental support unit) in his skills, since being offered the chance to live in a 'normal' environment, which allows him to make mistakes, from which he can learn from. There is not one day when I don't love him, we take each other's limitations and work upon them, encouraging and supporting each other. That's what life should be like. They say not one person is the same, and I agree, it would be boring, BUT they do say that everyone IS equal. Whether you have AS or NT, we are ALL in this life and world TOGETHER, its just a case of trying to understand each other a bit better. If it means on my part reading more, thinking before I open my mouth, asking how my partner feels, re-explaining what I meant, continuing to show Dobie how to change the duvet sheet, then so be it, I will do this. There may be one person with AS in our home, BUT there are two people who will endure anything and everything to support and love each other. Always Support Never Trouble which equals ASNT. thank you again for reading my genuine postings. Bear hugs to you all POLA XXX