Dijac

Hi, Will (12) is off to UK in 10 days with his english class. He was really excited that he was chosen to go. Now the trip is almost here, he is gettign very stressed, which I knew would happen. He has talked about withdrawing, but hasn't pressed it. We had a general meeting last night at the school, but I asked his teacher for a private meeting, which is tomorrow. My husband thinks I shouldn't tell her too much, and see what happens. She knows he has Aspergers, but I am not sure how much she understands abotu this. What he is especially worried abotu are the following: The journey - he gets travel sick - (not a problem, I will tell her this) Using public toilets - last time we went to Uk he refused to go even if my husband stodd by the door. He is really scared of locking doors, as he worries about locking himself in somewhere. He mentioned tonight he is worried about bathing etc at the host family house too for the same reason. They will be staying 2 - 4 students per host family - I was thinking to ask her is he could be in a 2 - would be less stressful for him. At least he won't have the problem of language that his french friends will have. I am a bit concerned as to how he will react to really crowded places - and where are they going - Tower of London, Windsor Castle, Buckingham Palace etc - all places which are likely to be busy. He is a bit worried too as they will be going to Madame Tussauds, and the teacher was gettign them all excited yesterday about 'prepare to scream' in chamber of horrors. He will hate that part - my husband thinks it is like making out he is a baby if I tell her that - but I prefer he misses somethings, but enjoys the trip, rather than having panic attacks and gettign over-stressed. They will have really long days, so it will be tiring for all them. He has never been away from us before, except for a handful of nights when my parents visited and babysat, so this is quite a big thing for him, so I was very proud when he asked if he could go. Thanks in advance for any suggestions, Diane

Hi Nomad, I have liuved in France (Vosges) for 8 years now - yes, we have problems here - but from what I read on here, it doesn't seem any worse than in UK. As in we read about AS and asked psychologist (my son was already seeing one ) - she said no way is it AS - after a lot of hassle WE SAW pSYCHIATRIST who agreed it probably was AS. We had to wait 8 months to get him officially assessed, and now know that he is diagnosed officially. He still goes to a regualr school which works out for him so far. I do find the situation here difficult sometimes - it seems no-one communicates - so I have to relay messages from psychiatrist to the school etc - and of course the language is sometimes a problem for me. But we have recently found out about an association for Aspergers in our region, and that is very helpful - they have regular meetings, sometimes with the just the parents, sometimes with the children as well. So there are soem good things here. I know another english woman in my area whose son has autism, and she told me she has received a lot of help, and her son goes to a special school which he loves etc. I got on a french forum too, and will ask if anyone knows any contacts there if you like. Diane

Hi, Thanks for your thougths Sally - I decided that making them both walk the dog with me Tuesday wasn't good - so they have been taking turns the last 2 days - a bit of separation does seem to help. Will tells me I that it is impossible for me to love them both exactly the same, and as I won't say I love him more, then it must be because I love his brother more. He had been stressed like this last year, and had threatened to hurt himself - so I do worry what would happen if he was pushed too far. He seems a bit less stressed today, so let's hope it lasts. Diane

Hi Loubeloulou, LancsLad gave some advice on a topic I started the other day about my son being jealous of his brother. A bit like your situation, things had got out of hand, and I flipped - which in turn made Will flip in a big way. So you are not alone. I have days when I have no idea what I can do with him. My son is also fairly obsessed with computer games - I do try to limit it, but as it is Easter holidays here still, he has been on it most of the day today. I feel pleased abuot the fact I did get him to go and post a letter for me today - and he does his de-stress ritual in the garden several times a day. There is a great teen club in our village where they do different sports each day during the holidays, but I know he would never go there, so I know I have to be content with a trip to the letter box. He also likes building places and goes on a game called hABBOZ, where he has to desin and buld rooms - he sometimes asks for me to pay for points, but I do put a limit on it - it has to come out of his pocket money balance - he knows how much he has, and knows if he doesn't have any balance, he can't have any points. He tries still, but I try to stay firm. To try to engage him, I do also sometimes go on a game with him, and get him to explain it to me - even if most of it goes over my head. My son also hates bathing etc - we have tried loads of toothpastes, and have finally found one he tolerates - it is usually the texture he has a problem with rather than the taste. Wierdly, he has no (or not much ) problem going to the dentist, and as he has braces right now, we do that quite often - so even if he ends up with yellow teeth, they will be perfectly straight!! Not much help probably, and I am afraid I don't really know the system of help in England. Diane

Hi Lancslad, After reading your post I decided I hadn't picked the best time to have an alcohol free week!! I'd managed 2 days, but had a glass of wine once I got them to bed tonight. He is so Jeckyl and Hyde - they even sat togather tonight, as Jamie has decided he wants to make a Yu Gi oh card collection too, so Will was advising him which ones to get. He does tell me that he can't help himself when he loses it, and I believe him. Jamie finds it hard to understand why his brother gets so aggressive. Justine, Will makes Jamie cry too - although he does tend to cry very easily. He has been upset at school too - but because he was worried about his brother. This all escalated last year when Will was 11, so maybe there is an element of adolescence there too right now. He wants to be the big boy, and Jamie wants to be like him, so copies everything he does. Since they got on a bit tonight, and I have finished my glass of wine I am a bit calmer tonight too. Let's see what tomorrow brings!!!

Hi, The children here in France are still off this week. And my husband is away this week. But what I am finding so difficult is how much Will (12, AS), hates his brother (10, NS). He says we love him more than we love him. He almost spits his name when he talks about. He maybe has various stuff going on. He is very agitated right now - I am not 100 % sure why, but he is goign to England next month on a 5 day school trip - he had asked to go and had been very excited that he was picked, but I think he is beginning to worry about it. He almost attacked me yesterday when I made us all go for a walk - I have to force him out during the holidays, or he'd just rest in front on the computer, or his ds. Then it was his brother's turn on the computer - and he couldn't leave him alone - I tried to do a bit of gardening, but all I could hear was shouting from the house, and found Will taking a knife from the kitchen drawer to threaten his brother with. When I tried to calm him down, he threw a glass across the room so it smashed. He is almost as big as me now, and he scares me when he is like this. He did calm down evetually, and I took J out to visit a friend - so I guess Will won in the end. He just keeps saying it's J'S fault, and he wishes he was dead - J can be aggravating, and I know all siblings fight to an extent, but is this normal. Will is still very agitated today, but came for a walk with just me no problem this morning. I am worn out, and looking forward to back to school next week. But I am dreading the summer holidays. Diane

Hi Jen, My son (12) was recently diagnosed - but like your daughter, he doesn't liek to go out much. He does go to school, but as it is the holidays right now, he would stay in front of the computer all day - I managed to drag him to the letterbox today to post a letter. Good luck.

Thanks - Latin is his favourite subject right now. They didn't offer it when I went to school (in Basingstoke, quite a few years ago), but it is offered as the norm here in France. They do the history of that era too, and he loves that. He has been a bit agitated today - he'd told me before he believed he had AS, after he'd read up on it on the internet, but now the actual diagnosis is in, I guess it is taking him a bit of time to accept. Diane

Hi, Well we went for Will's diagnosis today and they said yes, he has Aspergers. We were quite relieved as a speech therapist and psychomotrician (not sure what that is in English) had told Will they didn't think he had it, that he was just 'gifted'. Well the psychiatrist and psycologist obviously over ruled them and he has his diagnosis. He was a bit stressed - I think he was worried thye'd say a lot of negative things about him, but when she was telling him about his high IQ he got more interested. He'd also been worried he'd miss his latin class, and when he realised we'd nearly finished so he could go back to school, he was a lot happier. Not sure what will happen next - will wait and see. Diane

Hi Jenny, This sounds like a similar situation to ours - my son has recently had his assessment, and we are due to get the results next week. As you say, he was always a bit different and a bit isolated - he is very intelligent, so we put some stuff down to that. He is almost 13, and thngs came to a bit of a head last year. Since we made some changes - he comes home for lunch now as he says the canteen is too stressful - things are more stable - but we always feel he could lose it again any minute. I worry about his future too - I don't suppose everyone will be as patient with him as we are - and too much stress makes him retreat into his shell. Saying that, just having some 'de-stress' time at lunchtime, means he is doing very well at mainstream school, so , so far, so good.. Not much help I imagine - but just knowing you are not alone might help. Diane

When I read cmuir's thread about her son (rant) the other day, it was exactly like my son a year ago - So he definitely has problems. We have another full day of assessments tomorrow - then we'll get the results in another month. So we'll see. Butterfly, what is a SALT - we live in France so everyone has different names here anyway - Diane

hI, My son is 12 now, and we are awaiting a diagnosis of AS - currently they say no, hge is just 'gifted', but we'll see. But this is just how we were about a year ago. We still have some problems getting him off the computer, but not as bad as before. 3 main things have changed in the last year. 1) we realise he has a problem - and listen, if he decides to speak to us - rare, but we often have to read between the lines - but we try, so he sort of knows we want to help. 2) the psychiatrist put him on meds (0.5 or risperdal)- not for everyone, but the doc has told us it is a very low dose, and it seems to have helped him. 2) We found that evenings were worse - he too would hit himself, and threaten me or his brother etc. For the most part, we are now able to pick him up and bring him home for lunch. Not practical for everyone I know, and I am sure some people will say it doesn't help him learn to control himeslef, but having a break at lunchtime really seems to have made a difference. He no longer comes home already in an explosive state. In fact, being in a noisy school canteen was one of the things he hated most. If I work, then his tutor has said he can bring sandwiches and go in the classroom - just so he has some calm. He does now stay to lunch once every 2 weeks in the canteen, and seems to tolerate it ok. I wish there was one big solution for everyone, but I just wanted to share what seems to help us (at the moment anyway). Good luck, Diane

Congratulations Justine. And you have time to go on the computer? You must be a lot more organised than I am. A shame she wasn't born today - she would then age very well!!

Hi, We were trying to get a diagnosis for AS - he was having a lot of problems last year at school - better this year, but on the edge - could go either way. The social services told me he could be entitled to help, but once he gets a diagnosis. So this was the reason we started the process. I think the theraspists thought he wasn't AS as he can look someone in the eye. There is no doubt that he is very advanced - he jumped a year (the proceedure here in France as children aren't banded like in UK), but he is still bored. I don't really like the label gifted eitther. From his grades, I would say he is advanced in everything, rather than in just limited subjects. We see more people again next Monday, then get the full results in April. Diane Diane

Hi, At last, we have started the assessment process for Will (12). This afternoon he saw 2 speech therapists, who did role play, whilst recording him. Then he and I met with one of them to discuss varoius things. She says she feels a lot of his problems are just symptomatic of gifted children, and not Aspergers syndrome. Obviously, he sees others apart from just her, so his diagnosis will be made by a group. But I am now confused. We'd sort of accepted he probably has AS, but now maybe he doesn't! I guess I'll have to be patient and wait till the final meeting in April. Diane

Hi Jan, I have a son too, 12 y.o. We start his assessment tomorrow, though he has suspected aspergers. So far, he still goes to mainstream school, and after some adjustments, such as he comes home for lunch, he is doing pretty well. But he does spend most of the weekends on the computer. Look forward to talking to you, Diane

Hi, I believe it is through an agency where host families are paid. There will be no return visit from English students. I agree I have to let him go - he has been so dependant on me up till now that I was very pleased he wanted ot try it. I think he likes the fact that the others are fighting to be put with him, so he can help them with their English. He has gone from being 'Petit Einstein' - his sometimes nickname at school, to Mr Popular, and as long as they don't crowd him too much, he likes it. MandaPanda, he does have travel bracelets - we have had some success with these. Most travel meds we've tried make him sick. So I will be packing him off with the bracelets, and a pile of sick bags. I know some of his teachers are surprised he is AS as they have no problems with him, but I think sometimes he saves his stress up for when he gets home. Knowing he can de-stress at regular intervals means he hold it together for the few hours he is at school. I guess I am just worrying that being with others 24/7 might be too much for him - but maybe not. Thanks for your replies, Diane

Hi, My son W (12, prob AS) is excited as he has been chosen to go on a school trip. This is as daunting as it could be for some since we are English, but live in France - and the trip is to London. So I know at least he won't have any problems with the language - he is totally bilingual. At first I was very excited - he has always refused to go away from us before - even for a night, and he usually hates travelling - he gets travel sick very easily. However, I took it as a sign he was growing up. Now the date approaches, I am beginning to worry a bit. I intend to go and see his English teacher next week for a chat - she was his tutor last year, so knows a bit about his problems. They will be staying 3 students to each family - so he will probably be sharing a room. I will ask if they can make sure he has somewhere he can go alone to de-stress etc. It is my boss who started me panicking by saying that some host families just do it for the money, and are not very caring towards the students. Can anyone think of any other questions I should ask his teacher, or have any advice for how to prepare him for his trip. I have 2 months. I did think if a worse case secenario occurs, and he hates it and has a major panic attack, my parents are just an hour or so away from London, and could go and get him. Thanks, Diane

Hi Amanda. I also have a son 12, probably AS. We start the assessment for him next week. Diane

Hi, My son J (nt 10) calls my son, W (12, AS) Sheldon - especially when he says "you're sitting in my seat!" Luckily, W loves the Big Bang - (I do try to discourage name calling). Di

Since we moved to France, I have been teaching English as a second language. And in teaching English, I have learnt a lot of English. Just today I was discussing a text with a student, and explaining that a barber was a men's hairdresser, who sometimes shaves clients too - and it seemed to make perfect sense - since beard is 'Barbe'in French. It hadn't occurred to me before. I agree that English is one of the hardest to speak as a native - with so many words for things, then so many meanings for different words. But, getting back to the original post, I'm afraid I don't know a lot of car related words. I did live in the US before France, and did have some problems with pronunciation, and one word the Americans could never understand was when I said garage - they pronounced it 'grage'.

That is one thing I really miss from Christmas in UK - I don't think I've ever taken my children to a panto. Hope you have a good time - (oh no I don't,Oh yes I do..) Sorry, couldn't resist. Diane

Hi, Is that when the kids go back to school? Mine go back on Tuesday, thank goodness. Happy New Year. Di

Hi, I will be glad once Christmas day gets here. Will has been stressing so much in case he doesn't get the presents he asked for. At the same time, he wants some surprises, but cannot stand not knowing what they are. And he is already worrying that he won't be able to sleep tomorrow night, like last year. Hope Christmas goes well for everyone. Diane

Hi, I do as the others suggest with my son, 12, and we bring his DS or his i pod with ear phones - that way, if things get too much, he can switch off a bit. I generally make sure he sits next to me too, so I can try and divert things if he seems to be getting stressed. Also for him, he likes to have a calm place to walk up and down - it's his de-stress ritual, so I try to check put a place he can do that too. Failing that, you could do the other thing that works for us, and move to another country - makes a good excuse for not coming to family gatherings. (Joke - sort of) Diane