Lyndalou

It sounds like you are doing everything the 'right' way, if there is such a thing. I have been concerned myself about my son not being treated 'the same' way as other children if I 'separate' him from his peers. However, by virtue of the fact that he has a speech disorder, has processing difficulties, gets anxious and confused around other children and the rest, he already IS different to his peers and many other 'typical' children see him as such. Therefore, I've decided that the best course of action is to 'cherry pick' if you like the children I want to be in my son's life until such time as he is in a better position to choose wisely himself. Or at least, he will be in situations where responsible adults can oversee how other children interact with him and he interacts with other children. Having been the victim of bullying much of my life, I believe very strongly that many behaviours seen as 'normal' childhood / adult behaviours are sometimes insidious or covert bullying behaviours which are 'under the radar' of what parents/teachers/other people think is bullying and therefore they can be more easily disregarded. Girls especially can be very inventive in the ways they bully in order for it to go unnoticed. I would be more worried about the girl who tries to get your son into trouble than the other boys. She might even be the instigator of more obvious bullying by the boys.

Bullying is the right word for what you are describing. It comes in many forms and just because it is not necessarily 'witnessed' does not mean to say it is not happening. If your son has a diagnosis of ASD, your son's teacher should be aware that your son may not be able to understand boundaries but also that he may not recognise he is being bullied or be able to say he is. In the way your son's teacher dealt with this situation, I would say that this could be interpreted as 'colluding' with the bullies. I would ask for a meeting with the Head Teacher as soon as possible to discuss the situation, explaining that there have been incidents outside of school with the same children. The more your son is afforded little protection from the adults in a position to do so, the more these children will feel the power lies on their side and they will begin to think they are untouchable. It needs nipped in the bud now. What can be problematic of course is that bullies can escalate their behaviour if they are 'told on' or think their power has been taken away so it is all the more necessary for responsible adults to be in charge and be aware of bullying in all it's forms. I would not let your son out to 'play' meantime with these children. If you think their parents would be receptive it could be worth speaking to them but it's maybe best not to go down that road. It is pointless thinking that these relationships will in any way help his social skills or increase his confidence as the opposite is more likely so he needs to be taken out of this situation altogether imo. It might be better to look into organised activities meantime. I will shortly be looking into getting one-to-one assistance so that my son can access various activities. This is because, outside of school I can't consider my son playing with other children in 'free play' and his playdates are supervised as I would not feel happy with him playing with many of the 'mainstream' kids round about. I have already seen how 'differently' they treat him, ranging from other kids ignoring him, trying to get him into trouble and giving him dirty looks and once a younger boy pulled his trousers around his ankles and smacked his bum in public. Their parents of course don't seem to see this happening or see it as 'normal' child behaviour and don't seem to see these things as a precursor to bullying or actual bullying. There are a couple of exceptions to this and I am sticking with those children (and parents) meantime. My son is quite a lot younger than yours but I think by the sounds of it, your son has very limited ability to stick up for himself as my son has. I am thinking along the lines of Boys Brigade, Beavers, Gymnastics class etc. Do you think your son could benefit from this to help him learn the skills to cope with what he is experiencing and to learn who are more likely to be friends and to recognise the signs that someone isn't?

Hi Nimz As I explained to you in PM, posts can be edited for good reason, one of them to ensure the safety of our members as this is an open forum. Obviously, it is your own choice if you do not feel this applies to you. Lynda

I've had a bit of a weird day today. For many months my mental health has been poor and I have started exploring the possibility I have C-PTSD. As I've come to a crossroads, I decided to start seeing a counsellor and I had my first meeting with her this morning. So, I told her a lot about the various difficulties I have and have had and detailed a lot of the emotional and psychological abuse inflicted by people I trusted (way back in the day) within a church environment. A few days ago, I stumbled on information which described what I have experienced and it has a term - Church Abuse - who would have known? Anyway, the jist being that I thought I had come to terms with everything and it's likely I have not! And...my counsellor said to me that she could really understand what I was talking about because her background was similar...how often does that happen? Then, I had arranged to see my friend I have known for 4 years. We've spoken a lot about various things but with my trust issues, this topic has never been discussed before. She contacted me because I hadn't seen her for a while as I'm not going out of my way to see anyone really right now and told me she was there to talk. So, I told her where I'm at at the moment and when I'd finished I said that I had no idea what she would be thinking. She said, I've got something to tell you and went on to tell me her own church abuse story. How often does that happen?

Mike, I do think I've put my hubby through a lot, certainly since the kids came along and over the last couple of years in particular. However, 'for better, for worse' is at the core of marriage vows for a reason. Relationships have good times and they have bad and if you are in it for the long haul you shouldn't expect everything to be wonderful all the time. To be frank, I doubt many relationships are like that at all and if people say they are then they are likely not telling the truth. I think what most people aim for is 'balance' and a certain degree of synchronicity and I think a well-balanced relationship is a more achievable goal than even a half-way 'perfect' one.

If I get interrupted, I often start off again from the point I was interrupted. I try not to make it obvious if I can, depending on the situation. I might add something in before I go back to the original topic of conversation. There are times when I totally lose track of what I was saying altogether though. It is similar to when I go upstairs and when I get there I can't remember my reasons for going up the stairs. Is this connected to dyscalculia then?

Hi Nimz Welcome to the forum. Hope you enjoy your time here. Lynda

Hi Skaro Hello and welcome to the forum. Lynda

Do you think that this way of communicating would change any if he didn't feel under pressure to explain why he wants something? Could his siblings find other ways to ask their brother his reasons for asking for particular things? I just wonder if, like you say, this has been the trigger to the way he is now asking for what he'd like. I know it's a bit different but in the same ballpark but when my son thinks I'm going to say 'No' to his request for something he does something similar to this...he speaks in a kind of 'staccato', making his words all clipped.

My son LOVES reading at bedtime. We have read books to both kids from under a year old and both have loved to turn the pages and choose the books they want to have read to them. When my son was younger, he used to prefer books with rhyme and we would read the same book over and over for weeks on end. He could recite entire books beginning to end by around 3 and a half years old using words that 'normally' he wouldn't be able to say or think to use even now at 5 years old as he has a speech disorder. I believe strongly that reading books has aided his speech development, has provided a way to bond and has helped across the board in his basic skills development. Now with his sister wanting to be with her brother at storytime when I am putting them to bed on my own when hubby is at work, it has been an opportunity to teach learning to share. The book of the moment is a Thomas book with 10 stories in it with 'highlighted' words that my son reads out loud. My son often wants his dad to read to him when he is home and he really looks forward to this time with his dad. Storytime is good on so many levels. Thanks Antolak for posting. Very interesting

Can you contact the council and say exactly what you have said here, in terms of the fact that the absences have all been authorised and have been for good reason? Are they talking about some kind of sanction due to low attendance? If so, this may be an opportunity to chase up the Educational Psychologist providing evidence that due to lack of proper support your little boy is being sent home from school etc. It sounds very frustrating especially as you are doing everything that is within your power to do. I would phone up the council then follow up with a letter to the person you speak to.

Do you have to go into secondary teaching after this? What about adult education or Special Ed teaching?

It really sounds like you need to take a break to take stock. Your health comes first and there is no point in burning yourself into the ground. Sometimes it's best to trust your instincts but depression can skew your judgement too. You need to be honest about how you are feeling so you can figure out the best way forward.

Hi amberzak If you are feeling this low, are you able to negotiate a break in your training to get your head together a bit? It does sound like you are really not coping and when you are very depressed you can feel quite hopeless and that you are a failure. You have to remember that this is the depression talking and that when you feel more positive you will not have these feelings as strongly or even not at all. Seriously, I've been there (and am there now to an extent) and the way I describe it is like I am clawing my way up from the bottom of a deep pit. These days, I imagine that I am looking up towards the light and it's very far away to begin with but as I climb I start to have more hope in making it to the top but it's very very tough. Get all the support you can. Try to be as honest as you can with your hubby and with your mentors. Sometimes, medication can help get you to a point where you can start to see the light and sometimes a complete break to focus on looking after yourself without all the usual stresses will be the best route to take. Try not to act too hastily about the teacher training. You have put in a lot of time and effort and in the future you will see how it's paid off. I almost jacked in my 4th year at Art College because I couldn't get it together but somehow I made it through. You can too. Take care, Lynda <'>

Hi Bianca Welcome to the forum. I've just edited your post as it's best not to give to much information on an open forum that is identifiable for safety reasons. Lynda

Hi Flower1983 I wonder if there is some connection between him drinking more and having accidents at night? My son is not fully toilet-trained at 5. He has a fear of going to the toilet to do a poo and although he is dry most of the time at night now he is still in overnight training pants. We need to take the bull by the horns and get him out of those,but that's another matter! I push fluids through the day. He can ask for drinks but then get engrossed in doing something and forget about it. However, around a year ago we were having a lot of problems with him filling his overnight trainers and then the overspilling then soaked his bottoms and sheet and often as he had wrapped his legs around his duvet, it had to be stripped too. So, I started being strict about when he stopped getting drinks and tried to make sure he didn't drink past dinnertime although he got a lot of drinks up until then. This was only to ensure he didn't 'flood' in the night. I think a mixture of this and now better bladder control has got us to where we are now. Dribbling may be a bit different though with your son. Has he been checked for a urine infection for instance? Does he pee right before bed? Or is it possible he's having 'wet' dreams? If there is an 'embarrassment' issue with friends staying over, I would recommend the trainers which go up to his age short-term anyway. They are very tightly fitting and if he has a long pj top on then no-one would see he was wearing them. Lynda

I don't know what else to suggest other than what you've already tried apart from contacting a Disability Rights organisation? Also, there is an MP local to me who often brings up disability rights issues in the Commons who is disabled herself - Anne Begg - is there anyone else like this your MP could liaise with?

Really glad to hear that the MP is working so proactively on your behalf and hope resolution can be reached very soon. It is appalling that you have been treated in the way you have been and if there are people out there (including you) out there who are being penalised for speaking up and questioning decisions made about their benefits I hope that this MP can use his influence to get to the bottom of it all and close whatever loopholes allow this to happen. Are you still unable to get a crisis loan? Is there anyone to help you with food and bills meantime? Would there be any of those food co-ops local to you (for people who find themselves in crisis) where you could get food from?

www.taniaannmarshall.wordpress.com/2013/03/22/moving-towards-a-female-profile-the-unique-characteristics-abilities-and-talents-of-young-girls-with-asperger-syndrome/

What I was trying to get over is that there are these schools of thought but I would hope that as more and more adults come forward and can share their stories that we can disprove much of the 'accepted' view of AS/NT marriage (in some quarters). I read an article written by experts involved in Autism Research in the US published not too long ago. They stated that by virtue of the difficulties experienced by the person with AS that they were completely incapable of entering into a relationship. One 'expert' stated they only knew of one ill-fated AS marriage. Then, the flip side of the coin we have experts expounding on the belief that AS people enter into marriage willy-nilly and cause untold emotional damage due to their complete inability to 'connect', 'empathise' or 'communicate'. Do you know what I say? Make your minds up! The fact that some people are just ignorant, selfish or abusive is a fact of life. Watch Jeremy Kyle any morning and a whole spectrum of dysfunctional, pathological and bizarre individuals who give no thought to the impact they are having on their offspring or partners will be paraded in front of you. Do they get their children forcibly removed or are they made to separate by higher authorities? In many cases, it would appear not even though they are causing psychological distress. As Positive_about said, if people were forced to separate or threatened with being jailed for entering into a relationship just because their partner or they had (diagnosed) AS, it would be discrimanatory and against their human rights...Right to Family Life etc. There are likely cases where uneducated professionals hear 'Aspergers Syndrome' and automatically make assumptions that any problems with a relationship or parenting difficulties and down to this and may make decisions based on their skewed understanding of what AS (not forgetting that everyone 'presents' differently and everyone gets to where they are carrying different life experiences) is. However, I reiterate that separating people forcibly would be against Human Rights. Of course, these are just my thoughts.

This is a person who in simple terms is known as a 'user'. Personally, I would distance myself from someone like this as much as possible and make no effort to keep in touch. I've known a couple of people like this and they were not good for my health. I tied myself in knots trying to figure out if I was being used or if I was just being too hard on the person. If you get so stressed and upset about being financially and emotionally abused and being harrassed about keeping money that is rightfully yours, there is a reason for it....this person and his girlfirend are not nice people and they will carry on doing it if they having a meal ticket and access to money for their dope. If they want to spend all their money on drugs then that is THEIR business but if they want to spend YOUR money on drugs then it is YOUR business. Kick them to the kerb. Don't answer their texts and even change your number if you need to. DO NOT give them any more money. If they keep giving you hassle then report them.

Well stated Positive_about. I would put to the back of your mind what anyone else would think 'looking into' your relationship and just concentrate on finding a partner who is suitable for you and complements you. I was never married before meeting my husband but I had a few relationships which were not very healthy and I often settled for people who I had little (or nothing) in common with just because they wanted to be with me. Think about all the positive things you can bring to a relationship so that you can go into a 'date' situation as an attractive and interesting person. If you go into the situation just thinking that you are meeting someone for a bite to eat and (hopefully) some good conversation instead of pinning all your hopes on the person you are meeting being a potential 'The One' then you will be less disappointed if they don't want a second date. The best way to attract the wrong type of person is to project that you don't like yourself or have a very poor opinion of what you can contribute to a relationship; ie. if you have a date where you constantly apologise for your 'faults' then the person will either run a mile or believe you are someone they could walk all over! Relationships are not easy but if they are right then they are worth fighting for. You can't predict how things will turn out and what kind of a relationship you will have at the beginning and crises can happen at any time and this has a major impact on how people relate to each other. Children too can cause a huge strain between couples because then you bring other human beings with all their needs and personalities and disagreements about parenting into the mix. My husband and I met through telephone dating. It's not for everyone but any variation on the theme I think is worth considering. It's a lot easier to 'cut to the chase', past all the peacocking and usual starting points like when you meet someone completely from scratch.

FAAAS - Yep! that's the type of thing I was referring to...