Mike_GX101

I have said before that I worry some times about the number of non-members viewing this forum at any one time. It may be true that most people would never think to view this forum with it being quite specialised in the larger context but then you forget about all the search engine bots and caching that goes on every day. I can therefore see the reason for certain levels of moderation to be necessary. But other forums make some areas screened so only members can view them. I use Aspies Central partly for that very reason but also because it is a place adult aspies can debate things much more relevant to their age groups. But if this is never going to happen here and people are going to start leaving because their needs aren't being met as a result then would it not be worth having a link to forums such as Aspies Central on the homepage so that they can continue to have a platform of support relevant to them?

Darkshine: It will be sad to see you go but if you find you've outgrown your old haunts then you must move on. You must take the opportunity while you are strong and go and be whoever it is you want to be in life. You have so much to live for and you should not let anyone hold you down from realising your dreams and your full potential. This is your life and not anyone elses! Be strong and look forward and beyond. Take care of yourself. Mike

Repetition helps me to learn something new - such as writing something over and over and over will allow me to memorize it. But as with writing lines when learning to write sooner or later your style will develop and become more fluid and the lines (or guides) won't matter too much any more and your handwriting becomes you!

And yet we're told so often that aspie's don't deal with change very well. And yet change is faster than ever on this forum. If anything I'd say aspies get bored easily from what we're seeing here.

On other forums a topic might last several weeks, maybe even months. But on here a topic is started and there is a flurry of activity - usually a number of people reply to the original poster - and then that's it and the next time you log-in that topic has been forgotten and is buried under a dozen new topics. If it is still going it has often veered off the tracks. Further down I bet there's even a topic graveyard where the topic-conveyor belt eventually winds up. Has anyone ever counted how many topics there have ever been on this forum?

You are a moderator though and you've been on longer than most so you have the privilege (if that's what you can call it, LOL!) to change your member title to whatever you want. The rest of us are stuck with mountains because the forum software does not allow us to change that attribute. But what if a member isn't a mountain person? What if they'd prefer their title to indicate skyscrapers and towers (world's tallest skyscrapers) or different city sizes (world's largest cities), etc? It seems a little silly to make that attribute static? Couldn't they offer a choice of different scales - e.g. give a member an option of incrementing it by mountain size, city size, skyscraper size, lake size or star size??

No - of course depression is a very serious thing and so too is any remedial action one can take including meditation. But I was just wondering how you managed to do it for 10 hours a day that was all. I have always had the belief that things are good only if they're done in moderation otherwise you run the risk of forgetting about other things in life, etc. But if you've found a way around that and can meditate while you shop, talk and do all those other wonderful things in life simultaneously I would really love to know how you do it because the only time I can meditate is when I'm in a dark room and I have a relaxation CD on. But I couldn't do it for 10 hours straight not without serious back trouble, problems with muscles cramping up, bloodflow issues, and missing huge chunks of my life, etc. But if you've found a way to do it at the same time as doing work, etc then I can ditch the dark-room and CD routine and I can stride out into the big wide world with a big smile on my face while I meditate-on-the-go!

I'm interested Merry in how you juggled those 10 hours of meditation with things like breakfast, lunch, dinner, going to work, studying and everything in between such as washing your hair, driving, walking, searching for the television remote, catching the bus, changing the lightbulbs, etc?? I would imagine it would be difficult to do all those things at the same time unless you have come up with a unique way of doing all those things AND meditate while you do them perhaps on a kind of auto-pilot in a kind of dual personality, or maybe even a Multi (broadband) Personality Mode (MPM)? But tell us have you got any tips on how to integrate the various personalities so that we may be able to take full advantage of each and every one without losing control of the others? And have you found a way to avoid the resonal distortion headaches reportedly being side effects when you have multitudes of meditative MPM crowds stuck in lifts?

I get this from time to time too - it usually comes with deep inner emotional pain as if I'm crying on the inside and can't express it. My body shivers and it takes a while to shift it. I just try to occupy myself when I'm like this - it usually eases with time.

Good to hear things are going so well A-S Warrior - keep up the good work and remember to keep staying positive. I like the avatar picture by the way!

I stand by my argument that women are less inclined to fight physically (except in defence) from a survivalist perspective. Sadly from your perspect Sa it sounds as if you were simply unlucky and may you learn from that for future relationships because ultimately you did survive it! You are a survivor! Keep your head up and use your experience as a means to explore what you could have done better, which things you could have done differently, etc.

Obviously you don't have to educate yourself on your emotions; you don't have to help yourself at all! But I've always taken the other approach - yes I might be on the spectrum but I'd rather help myself and live as independently as possible. And I see this as being quite a positive mindframe to be in because otherwise you end up stagnating and ending up ill-equipped to dealing with whatever life throws at you and always needing rescuing even at times when it isn't possible to be rescued by others.

Don't let your fear get in the way of you finding your way ST123! Of course you don't have to read the whole book (there's even a CD version by the way!!). There are some introductory chapters which will help you charter and process your emotions and then you can pick and choose which emotions you want to read about, etc. In my case I did go to the chapters I was most interested in at first. Then I was pulled into reading about other emotions because apparently all the emotions intermingle together and create like a web of emotional chatter.

I wanted to recommend "The Language of Emotions" by Karla McLaren (ISBN: 978-1-59179-769-2) - it's a thoroughly informative encyclopaedia of all the different emotions and how they work against you if not read correctly. And what's more it is a 2010 edition so it is very up-to-date with some useful references. It's a big book with just over 400 pages but then that's indicative of how much there is to human emotions. It's a thoroughly good read and of course when you've finished it you'll be a master of your own emotions!! It's the subject we never got the chance to take at school but needed more than ever!

I truly recommend you read "The Language of Emotions" by Karla McLaren (ISBN: 978-1-59179-769-2) - it's a thoroughly informative encyclopaedia of all the different emotions and how they work against you if not read correctly and of course apathy is in there too! It's a big book with just over 400 pages but then that's indicative of how much there is to human emotions. It's a thoroughly good read and of course when you've finished it you'll be a master of your emotions and you'll know what to do about them if they get stuck! I got this 2010 edition from the library but it's so good I think I'll be buying it myself!

The way males and females fight gives the game away somewhat. For example in the animal kingdom males will have physical challenges (say like two stags fighting head-on). Females on the other hand do not do this as they do not come armed with antlers, etc. From a survivalist stand-point females are less inclined to fight physically (except in defence). What many women do (in my experience) is cut into you with words that really hurt. They will twist arguments and wound you emotionally leaving you crying your eyes out as you step into that boxing ring which of course will leave you quite vulnerable. And yes we all feel sorry for Richard in "Keeping up Appearances" but he does it to himself because he never argues back and puts up with it. If I was Richard I would have left her a long time ago!

I meant nothing to you personally ST123 - so no I wasn't getting anything 'thus' as you put it - you've just assumed it was aimed at you. No I was talking in general about some things I was thinking about the other day...plus some other stuff about how everyone has the right to decide who to be friends with, etc. If you scratch someone's back (and I'm not talking literally) then yes it would be nice if they scratched yours in return but that isn't always going to happen. Our expectations of those we perceive as our 'friends' may some times be misplaced in the real world and it is especially important to ensure our internal expectations accurately reflect the reality and this responsibility is important for you may end up 'tagging' along with someone who you perceive as being a 'friend' but who doesn't feel the same in return and may actually perceive your 'tagging' along as 'stalking'. Feel with your instincts. Make sure your inner expectations aline with the real world otherwise you may end up in a bit of a tangle. This is one skill out of many connected with social skills you seriously have to stay atop of.

This thread is surprisingly similar to the 'friendship' thread - I know it is a hard thing to accept but not everyone you fancy will fancy you back. That is hard on anyone. OK you could perhaps offer her some flowers, maybe a box of chocolates and ask her out on a date but don't be offended if she says no - there are plenty of other women out there. No one has to like you back - everyone has rights and everyone can choose who they like, etc. I know how much it hurts when you smile at them in the street or say 'hi' and such pleasantries aren't returned - I've been there and it hurts more than you wouldn't believe. And what is more some women actually enjoy putting men down - just don't let them get to you too. Some women can't get enough of themselves and to be honest you don't need those kinds of women in your life. Keep looking and soon you'll find a woman who actually does care and doesn't just care because you've bought her an expensive ring or gold necklace!

What I was thinking the other day was this: you have an aunt or uncle and you have a good relationship with them. But what makes that relationship other than the imposed relationship set by your family tree? There are many people who have aunts and uncles who they don't get on with but they don't stop being aunts and uncles. Similarly there are many people who do get on with them at which point they stop being merely aunts and uncles and actually become friends too - i.e. the relationship transcends into something much more than the imposed titles of 'aunt' or 'uncle'. And this goes for any family relationship - the same rules apply. But what of simple friendship with another? What are the processes involved before you can call a random person off the street a 'friend'? What imposes them in your mind as being a 'friend'? It is different from family relationships because in this case there is no pre-set relationship set in stone and you are instead the one who determines who is a friend and who isn't. But that's where it ends because that person's 'friendship' might only be one-sided and in reality isn't returned (i.e. is opposite to your expectations). Taken aback you're unsure what to do. But the best thing you can do is take stock of such a reality and actually adjust your expectation of that person and maybe see them for what they really are. No one has to be your friend, no matter how much you might want them to be a friend. And that is life. Pure and simple. Don't be offended if someone you have done some good deed to doesn't return the favour or doesn't meet your expectation. That is their choice. They have every right to choose what they want. Everyone has rights. No one has to be your friend or has to return your favour. I know that hurts Sa but it's true! We all have rights. Perhaps you aught to maybe charge him the next time you fix his motorcycle Sa - because you too have a right to get a return for your efforts. Perhaps even next year you aught to arrange your own night out - send out invitations and become a part of that night out. In doing that not only will you be communicating who you think your friends are but you'll also get the feedback as to whether that is true or not and whether your expectations are correct. Plus you'll have the added bonus of actually getting a good night out to enjoy!

I think the run up to Christmas is way too over rated and the actual day is hyped up to such proportions that more people get stressed at the very notion of it and as a result are more likely to have stress-related illness especially when they realise afterwards how much they've spent! And then after the New Year celebrations all goes quiet again and life feels a tad uninspiring all of a sudden, which again is potentially another source of anxiety for many. I'm much more frugal than I used to be because I enjoy Christmas for what it is rather than being led to spend more than I've got. The real magic happens when you ease off the accelerator a bit and just go with it. Some of the best presents come from the heart.

Yes have a good Christmas to you too Ben - do it in cowboy-style! Hats off...

I know how you feel and it's even worse when she does it provocatively when her boyfriend is in the same room and is in fact your friend too! Either she's doing it accidentally (tell me the odds of that!) or she knows what she's up to and she's pushing for sparks to fly. Some women are like that.

I don't think it does any of those things AS Warrior - it's like the age-old debate about video games being a bad influence to the younger generations etc...If you believe that you'd believe anything and besides parents only have themselves to blame if they allow their kids to play games with an 18 certificate. Let's not add fuel to the debate by suggesting the internet is all a bad influence too. The way things are going we're already seeing a debate pushing towards an internet which may very well soon feel like a TV-based teletext! I shudder at the very thought I really do.

Well why not? I bet there's an old ancient cemetary full of old topics long forgotten - there may even be some real gems down there. Why not resurrect a few of them and raise a few spirits through doing so? It is Christmas afterall!

Perhaps one example I can think of is when an incredibly beautiful woman has walked past me in the street and suddenly I can't breathe and I'm frozen where I'm standing and cars all around are suddenly skidding to a halt narrowly missing collisions as men spring from every which way with bunches of flowers and boxes of chocolates in their hands!