Mike_GX101

Did you know that cats hate being stared at. Cats will often avoid people who stare at them and are more likely (when in a party of many people) go to the one giving them least attention, perhaps because they're the people with fur allegies or because they simply don't like cats. Two cats who dislike each other will stare each other out. On the other hand two cats that are in good company will not maintain eye contact for long and will instead noticeably blink at one another. It works for us too - blink at your cat several times with 'softness' in your eyes and the cat will relax. Stare at it though with a hard stare and it will send the wrong signal and the cat will probably find the nearest exit (unless you happen to be a mouse in which case it would attack with claws at the ready). The reason many find eye contact so difficult is because it can provoke many different reactions in those making eye contact from love to reassurance to challenge. This is how many bar room brawls get started - someone unwittingly makes eye contact with the wrong person and all hell breaks loose. I believe with those on the spectrum that it is the inability to 'read' these signs that can quickly escalate situations because eye contact is maintained too long and the learned reaction to ensuing escalations is to not make eye contact at all because it simply isn't worth the risk of getting it wrong. It is a kind of learned survival mechanism which sadly operates also as a barrier to communication especially when it comes to things like dating. With a love of routine it is almost a learned addiction. And so of course to increase eye contact you would have to get over the addiction of not making eye contact which may well be a very deeply ingrained addiction which has taken a life time to shape. But it is only an addiction nevertheless and every addiction can be overcome given sufficient willpower.

A scary epiphany I had the other night was that maybe I was the only one experiencing 'this' world and that everyone else are simply simulations. How would you know the difference? The emotions experienced in interaction are real, sure. But how can I truly know that everyone else is real? The emotional connection I sense may just be a response to an artificially-generated simulation which makes me believe it's more real than it actually is. But then that got me thinking that if that were true then there would have to be some higher-dimension/other place where the simulation was running and where my mind physically was (and this is getting into the realms of Matrix-philosophy). So what is real? How do you define real? Where is 'real'?

When my eyes are tired, I am able to significantly improve my vision with a few simple eye exercises which involve circling my eyes, doing some neck exercises (to free the nerves up) and looking at things that are far away and then drawing them closer and then moving them further away again - this helps with focus. But this focus-improvement works with hearing too. It's a little like tuning into a radio station only this time you're tuning-in to another person. It is possible to do and with repetition you will be better at it too - practice makes perfect. Try it. Listen intently to one person in a group where several people are speaking at once and then move to another person. Listen at how you are able, with practice, to hone-in and hone-out of sounds. Your ears are truly amazing - but you have to make them work for you too!

I have used wrongplanet in the past too Sa - if you get past the basic-design feel there are some interesting topics on it which helped me answer some of my questions. I like the fact there's an adult's area where people can ask about relationships, etc. I also like that topic titles are not used in the URL's because it makes it harder for marketing companies to target things at you - it annoys me when shopping for other people and then getting adverts on some past-purchase which I have absolutely no interest in myself all because the URL I clicked on contained the name of the product! Aspies-Central is another good forum and definitely worth checking out.

I was searching for advice on relationships/dating/etc and this forum came up.

I used to like Star Trek but then StarGate SG1 and StarGate Atlantis joined the ranks of top Sci-Fi dramas and I became absorbed by them. I can't make heads or tails of the new StarGate Universe though - it's too slow and too...well I usually get distracted by other things and I just leave it playing in the background and forget about it. Sad the series has gone that way. I think part of the problem is the story plot has got lost a little bit and the characters seem to do a lot of talking and you don't see much action any more. They could do so much more with it than what they are doing.

Photocopier toners also contain carcinogenics so be very careful if you use them in your office. Never inhale any particles from them and also if you get it on your hands wash, wash and wash again - it just isn't worth not washing your hands. Read more here. That link also discusses other hazards with photocopiers so watch out especially if you have one right next to your desk at work - it may have super efficient effects on your work processes but you may want to open the windows and leave them open - maybe even get a gas mask just for peace of mind!

It's amazing what the hypothalamus does - it controls body temperature, thirst, hunger, responses to fear and sleep to name but a few and I thought a few years back I too had some kind of hypothalamus disorder. It was that or the next down the chain which is of couse the pituitary gland. As it turned out all my body need was HRT and it's amazing because a little boost further down the chain has a feedback-effect which helps further up. If you are doing any kind of research though Sa - make sure you use more than just websites. Go to the library and find texts on the subject. There's plenty more out there still besides the internet you know.

So how's the training going?

Hyperacusis - Mmm now there's an interesting word I hadn't heard of before but the condition it describes I identify with very well. What I want to know though is this - does everyone who has hyperacusis also have autism like the autistic diagnostic apparatus appears to suggest? When I first heard about autism one of the big symptoms was "sensitivity to noises others don't notice". While being sensitive to loud noises may be a main symptom for autism should it not be differentiated from autism to reflect on the fact that maybe not everyone with autism has hyperacusis? Shouldn't the symptom's checker for autism read "individual may also have hyperacusis" thereby identifying it as an entirely different condition which may be present with the autism?

I have this problem too - and with the autistic preference for routine it makes it even worse because I become routinely late. It's not that I go without a wrist watch but more because i don't start things until it's too late (I always think I can rush it and do it on time like on some days). I have tried varying the routine and yet when I come to leaving the door...albeit on time...I then have to check I've turned things like the iron and the cooker off just in case...and this makes me late. And if I don't do these things I then worry about it - one time I turned the car around half way to work just to check the iron was turned off because I couldn't remember unplugging it.

I scored a 7...so the gender of my brain is more male, which is a relief! I am male so I'm glad about that one! I'm right-handed but there is no difference in length of fingers between my two hands on a quick-comparison level although there may be microscopic variations I cannot measure at this present time. I like the way the scoring works although some of the questions are a bit of a case of "yes and no" leaving the score possible a little fudged at the end depending on your mood. Like doing wheelies on bikes...there is no real natural inclination to do wheelies on bikes as bikes are human inventions and so it is something you have to learn to do and then like/dislike (hardly a natural inclination!) - you also need a bike and not all kids get bikes. I also prefer to use both maps and landmarks for navigation (anyone else here use OS maps??). And then some things you've learned to counteract and can no longer agree with...again this means your naturally inclined brain gender may again be miscorrectly identified at the end. The same happens with other tests where our descriptions for experiences might not 'fit' with the description the professional is asking about on a questionnaire and before you can accurately answer you'd need to identify what it is they really mean. Many tests have a face-value effect only and there is no way to ask for further information. This may mean your answer has been placed on a misperceived reading of what the question is asking and the end result becomes fudged and misrepresentative of real life.

You might even find your manager is jealous that you're taking a holiday and sees working you harder as retribution.

Take it as a good sign - your manager's going to miss you!

I am just glad retrospectively that the internet didn't turn out to be solely voice/sound-based. If this forum for example had been sound-based (i.e. voicemail-style where you listen to forum messages and verbally record your own messages and replies) then I would not have benefited to the same extent. The internet has played to my strengths as I'm much stronger with visual processing than with audio processing. And for that I am really grateful.

Yes I can reason with this to some degree because I do experience strong emotions at times. I think it has something to do with the social disability we all have here. When neurotypical's have emotional upsets, they reach out and comfort one another through conversation and through 'being there' and this helps to settle the soul and makes things okay again. In our cases however these things are less likely to occur and bad emotions are not flushed from our systems quite so easily. The trick is to recognise what emotions we are experiencing and look at resolving those emotional upsets where possible before they get to boiling point. This is where something like CBT can be very effective.

I discovered recently that I also have an auditory processing disability. It was not an obvious problem because my hearing is fine and I often hear things before others do. But if someone phones me up out of the blue and wants me to pass a message on I don't always get the message right when I then pass it on. I try to remedy this by recording it verbatum-style/word-for-word and then re-reading what I've read (as I process things visually much better). I am then able to verbally forward that message to the next person more accurately by making sense of my notes. Other times I have difficulties is when I'm given an instruction verbally and it takes me a while to understand it. This is frustrating in the train station for instance where the timetable monitors are broken and only the speakers are working.

Anyone can be glued to their watches if their schedules depend on it. Most of these people though are likely to be highly industrious but are probably also highly stressed people. There are plenty of other places where the time can be obtained other than from your wristwatch. Ditch it for a day and see - don't take it with you. You may even be surprised at how liberating it is as you can then truly appreciate the natural flow of time rather than seeing it as a human-made framework. Try it and see! See how people used to live before the invention of the clock. See how people with autism might have viewed the world centuries ago without a sense of time as we know it today. Go on! Give it a go! Just for a day!

What saps my motivation is that the world we're living in isn't quite the world that was painted to us by career programmes and guru's of yesterday. Jobs are not as rewarding as they should be and usually leave you feeling demoralised, badgered, exhausted and quite frankly robbed. It seems many are willing to pay wages that do not measure up to the effort involved - many default to NMW which goes up by a few pence every now and then despite inflation being much greater. There are some good employers out there but there are many out there who seemingly put profits before their staff which is morally testing at the best of times. OK so if they're generally struggling financially then they have to put measures into place but so often they dismiss staff to make savings while continuing to pay their directors huge bonuses. Jobs are scarce enough out there and many of the ones that are available are 'get-you-by-while-struggling' filler-in ones that you have to take in desperate times. And they do nothing to restore motivation or a sense that things are getting better. It's quite depressing actually. Unless you're born wealthy you need a job to survive and yet it is so hard to cling onto them (let alone get them) these days and it just doesn't seem right. There aught to be incentives out there for companies to cling onto jobs rather than getting rid of them the moment the economy starts looking edgy. Economies don't fix themselves through unemployment.

I used to have a wristwatch but no longer - I made the decision when my last one stopped working that I would not get another. I found it quite liberating not having one. If I need to know the time then I've always got my mobile phone. Having said that certain draconian-type people still living in the dark ages get angry when I take out my mobile thinking I'm using it to text when really all I'm doing is checking the time.

Well today you can put your feet up...you can read a magazine or watch a movie or do something else because your hoovering is done. If you still want to do it you still can though - just plug the hoover in and away you go! Who said you can't hoover again?!?

brave

Cleaning is a horrible chore for many and maybe your housemate thought she needed to do *her bit*. She thought she was helping you...maybe you could make her a coffee in return and use the time to communicate your needs - tell her that you hoover because it restores your sense of independence.

Trouble is though Sidious - you have to put yourself in her shoes. What must it be like to be expecting some kind of reciprocity from a lover only to then not get any for ages? To most people that kind of reciprocity (i.e. none at all) would be like being "frozen out" which is equivalent to the message that the relationship is over. So off they go feeling it's all over when suddenly in pops a text or in pops a knock on the door and look who it is - their ex! Or at least it is their ex(-partner) in their eyes. You're suddenly walking on egg shells because while you think you're still in a relationship they may not any longer. They think you've come to apologise but when you don't apologise and instead want to spend some time together they feel hurt. You then in turn feel the wrath of their anger and wonder "where did that come from?" You're lucky to have communicated your needs to this woman Sidious and you're lucky she has the patience to stick around. Sadly not everyone sticks around long enough for the relationship to last. Learn the power of the unspoken side of relationships and you will be a better partner.

The trouble is the longer someone has gone without being diagnosed the less likely they are to reciprocate to any kind of suggestion from another that they may be on the spectrum. They have learned to accept who they are and may well be very set in their ways. Any act of 'kindness' in suggesting they're on the spectrum may well be very taxing on the relationship you have with such a person. Some stones are better left unturned. The only suggestable thing I can think of right now is rather than suggesting it yourself Ziggy (and risk damaging the relationship) is to suggest that things are not going as well as they should be and suggest you both see a relationships counsellor. Leave the identifying to the professional who may well see in your partner what you've described but at least they have nothing to lose in shedding light on your partner's possible problem. But then you still have to suggest seeing a relationships counsellor which could in itself leave you in difficult territory so tread with care!