badonkadonk

See this is where I've always been lucky to have more of the male brain than I should have for a female, I'm just like blokes after you-know-what, fast asleep, dont want to cuddle at all (I'm Aspergic innit, don't touch me!) and talking in my sleep....no wonder Bob loves me TN - seriously, I'm gonna throw my brick at you in a minute, you're a big blubbering baby this afternoon. Oohhh I've had too many job offers after I've got offered a job, pity me I'm RELATIVELY (he he) young and single and can do what I want and when I want to but still it's terrible because TN Jnr might malfunction in about 30 years time....blah blah blah, go tell the guinea pigs! SV sorry to hijack your post/turn it into a smutfest/whine session by TN! (I'm gonna get proper thumped in a minute ) Emily xxx

I didn't think it was that shocking a thing to write to be honest, but maybe that's because I'm 'depraved'! Apols for bringing it up but if it works it works! Emily xxx Oh and TN like I said, just wait till you start your new job, there has to be women working there, men would make horrendous receptionists!

Oh yes, I'm an expert on Insomnia. I find I have to keep changing the things that will get me off to sleep, keep finding new ways. This week it's watching Poker on the telly. Usually I quite like watching Poker but the commentator is BORING so I drop right off What I would suggest is take a pro-active approach to dealing with Insomnia. If you can't sleep, accept the fact and do something else for half an hour rather than continue to torture yourself by trying to sleep, changing the way you lie and generally huffing and puffing getting into a big strop. It will only make you more tired the next day and more irritable if you've been trying to get to sleep all night. I find that by doing something else for a bit (sudoku, reading, looking up things on Wikipedia) I take my mind off trying to sleep and start to feel naturally tired again. And if all else fails there is another thing you can do, I mean it works better if you have a willing partner but you can always go solo I guess You can probably guess what I'm on about but let's just say it works (as long as you haven't woken your partner up in a grump) most of the time and if not it's fun trying Emily xxx

I have an official diagnosis of AS, I was diagnosed just over a year ago. My mum suspects that my Uncle is also AS but I'm not sure he does. Anyhoo that's me! Emily xxx

He he Karen, I know what you mean, I don't have a social life either unless you count shouting at the telly when something happens that I don't like (why does anyone have to die on ER? I mean, I know it's a hospital but they are supposed to make people better and it's not even real why can't they make everything fluffy and nice?!) I'm up for F&Bs, whatever it is, if only to see the look on TN's face if Cliff Richard starts playing And, and, Bob is going to see if that Saturday has been booked off by anyone else already. That's progress I guess? He didn't even seem negative when I said that everyone was meeting up again, although he wasn't too quick off the mark to say no when I said I didn't mind going on my own.....hmm, we'll see what happens I think. Emily xxx

May 5th is a bank holiday weekend so it will probably increase my journey time by at least an hour, but hey, once you get past 4 hours you stop counting right? At the moment there are roadworks for the first hour and a half on my journey until like November anyway so bank holiday or not it's going to take FOREVER! But anyhoo, it doesn't matter that much if that date works best for everyone else. I'm presuming it works for me, I can't think of anything off the top of my head so wooohoo and yay. I'm going up to Seaham next weekend anyway to nosy around the castle where my bro is getting married and have a looksie at the church so I know where to stand when I read out my dreaded speech poem thing that is going to be the disaster that everyone remembers when they think back to this wedding. We're going up on the Saturday morning so I can see how long that takes then and add an hour or so. Then in the last week of March me and Bob will be travelling up on the Friday night (yay for Bob having to work ) for the wedding on the Saturday and I'm pretty sure that is the start of the half term weekend then so I should be able to see how long it might take me. Though I'm getting visions of us driving all night and me turning up at the church having got dressed in the car with me dress on backwards and an imprint of the seatbelt on my face Getting back on track and stopping waffling......the date is fine by me Emily xxx

Woohoo well done you Like the others, I can speak from experience, and the first few days are definately the hardest because you haven't got used to the idea of being without them yet. You should get a top that you know you smoked in a lot and take another freshly clean top and smell the difference. It's amazing how strong the smell of cigarettes is, I can't stand it now and the first time I went to a music venue after quitting I lost my voice because I wasn't used to the smoke. A bit of advice, have lots of mints or chewing gum handy, mints are better though excessive consumption of either can have a laxative effect as I found out when I quit. But they are brilliant for after a meal or on the phone or in the car (my prime smoking times/places) as nobody wants to smoke after cleaning their teeth so it makes you crave it less. Unless you smoked menthol that is The main thing is to keep with it, it really does get easier and easier as time goes on (especially if you take up a new hobby where you use your hands - for me it was jigsaws). I found the booklet that I got with my particular patches that explained all the benefits I was getting for each milestone I achieved a great motivator. Another thing I did was to get a big piece of paper and pin it up somewhere where I go a lot (like by the side of the computer in the study). I then wrote down medium patches and put the numbers from 6-1 next to it. (I can't remember how many weeks you do medium for now, but whatever the number of weeks you do it for, put that down) and then each week you can cross of the highest number so you can see how many weeks you have to go. Then do the same for low patches. The other thing I did that blew my mind was on another sheet write down at the end of each day how many cigarettes I hadn't smoked and how much money I hadn't spent. At the end of the week I totalled it up and wrote it down, even though it was the same each week and then every time it came to going down a patch strength I totalled it all up. It worked out that each week I hadn't smoked 140 cigarettes and I hadn't spent �35. That meant that in 4 weeks I hadn't smoked 560 cigarettes and I hadn't spent �140. At the end of the year I hadn't smoked 6720 cigarettes and I hadn't spent �1680. Now I haven't smoked 14000 cigarettes. FOURTEEN THOUSAND FAGS! I cannot believe I used to shove all that ###### in my system. And that's only in two years and a month and I smoked for nearly 9 years (considering I'm only 24 now). Now I haven't spent �3500. Three and a half grand. I still don't have any money because I don't work but I'm not in half as much trouble as I would be had I continued smoking. Also for the first 6 months I saved �140 a month and used it to put towards a holiday in Florida for me and my boyf. A much better investment! Hope these figures are a good motivator!! Emily xxx ps don't know if you get them too, but the weird freaky dreams are part and parcel of quitting and worth tolerating if you can because they do go away once you stop using the patches. It might have been just me though who had weird dreams!

Oh well then, you're on your own. I don't do trains. Too many strangers and new people and I can't make it stop if I want to. Plus the toilets are manky and I have to listen to other people's conversations. And it would cost me so much more to travel by train than car and I would have to either travel back down by train the same day or rely on my bro to get me from newcastle and take me back to the train station the next day. Soz for the confusion, all I did was slot you into my journey and not think about alternate ways of travelling Never mind Emily xxx

Thanks bikergal, I would offer to give you a lift also but I think by the time I waited for you to get to 'brummie land' and then detoured to get TN, everyone else would have gone to the meet up and gone home again Either that or you would have to set out pretty early in the morning! We should do a meet up somewhere in the middle of the UK so that all the northerners have to brave travelling south and all the southerners have to fearfully make their way north and I get to sit on my bum and hardly drive at all! Sounds like a great compromise Tbh it doesn't really bother me where and when we meet up, I like travelling and visiting new cities even if I do find the whole experience quite terrifying. It only works out so well for me going ooop North because my bro and his fiancee (soon to be wife in 30 days, oh my god, MUST LOSE WEIGHT FAST) live in Seaham and I can visit them at the same time (and have a place to crash for the night). Emily xxx

I feel there should be a existing joke here about what you get when you put two Aspies in a car/on a train/ on a bus....but I probably wouldn't get it anyway If I do come on my own I shall probably take you up on the offer, I rely heavily on Bob to help me out in new situations so it would be like taking my backbone away and I'd probably end up sitting blubbing in my car. At least if you were with me I'd make it out of the car and into the town cente, if only to run away from the strange man that I made the mistake of giving a lift to I know that talking about it will make me feel better but the problem I have is that I already know all the answers to my problems, if that makes any sense. I spend an awful lot of my time giving advice to other people and solving other people's problems, so I know exactly what my problems are, I know how they are making me feel and I know that to most of my problems there is either no solution (but to grin and bear it) or solutions that, while would rectify the situation, are just not available to me right now (like getting out of my house). I shall probably PM you later though and sound off so I'm at least not talking to myself for once Emily xxx Oh and TN you're forgetting that kids can be evil little you-know-whats. What about if Bagpuss' kids don't like Guinea Pigs huh? Then you could end up with a squished pig and bruised shins! (Bagpuss start teaching the kids 'thy guinea pig is thine enemy, thy guinea pig is thine enemy )

Thanks Bagpuss, I've decided I'm coming to the next one even if it means coming on my own as it was mainly Bob's fault we couldn't make the last one And you can shut ya face TN. Just because I'm feeling a bit rubbish at the minute doesn't mean you can get away with insulting me! In fact if you're not careful I'll just throw my housebrick at your head when I get to Newcastle to let you know I'm there Emily xxx And thanks for the offer of the PM'ing, I'm currently going through the 'bottle it all up and slowly meltdown' phase so I'm sure I will be back to my usual chatterbox self shortly and then you'll regret ever mentioning it

As long as it's after March 31st I'm in this time (as long as I'm free) I'm currently engulfed in 'the run up to the wedding' and can't seem to have a conversation with anyone or think about anything not in relation to my brother getting married. I'm also going through a bit of a tough time at the minute which is why I've not been around (not suggesting that I've been greatly missed or anything, just explaining my sudden withdrawal) but I miss posting on here so hopefully I can get into a more positive mood and get back on here more often. Anyway again if you lot decide a date I'd like to come along if I have the weekend free. Emily xxx

For me (diagnosed just over a year ago two weeks before my 23rd birthday) it's pretty much the same as above. Being diagnosed doesn't make any difference in terms of other people understanding me, sometimes it can be a positive thing when people are already aware of AS, sometimes it can be a negative thing because people don't know what AS is at all and therefore don't even bother talking to you/being around you because they are not quite sure what to do. Whereas there is the possibility that if I hadn't told them I was AS they might have at least talked to me for 5 minutes before deciding I was a complete wacko Knowing about Aspergers makes a huge difference in terms of understanding myself and others on the spectrum. Myself and the world around me is beginning to make more and more sense as I go on and I'm beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to me understanding a Neurotypical psyche. I'm now beginning to understand that some people just do things and others don't, like selfishness or acting in a way that will hurt others just to benefit themselves. I still don't understand why it happens but I'm beginning to accept that it happens and that there isn't a lot I can do to change it and that I am different to these people so I'm less likely to fall into this mode of thinking (as I'm terrifying of doing, I never want to be a bad person). I know this sounds random but it is the problems that I've had personally understanding how some people can be like they are when it seems so alien to me. Knowing what I know now about Aspergers and being reaffirmed in my belief that I am simply wired differntly to other people, I can begin to gain some acceptance and understanding about the actions of others. That's not to say I accept that these actions are correct or how these actions take place in the first place, but even a little understanding makes a huge difference when it comes to being able to place myself in the world. I find I am finally beginning to ask "but why?" a whole lot less. As to the whole tell or not tell issue, what happened to me this weekend is a classic example and not exactly a positive experience. I'm not sure, given another chance, I would have done things any differently as at least now those involved know I am different and that I have Aspergers and, for the most part, it will be some sort of explanation to them. The price I pay is I am still cut off, ignored and wanted to dissappear so I don't make people feel uneasy being around me/not knowing how to deal with me. It was my soon to be sister-in-laws hen party this weekend, a murder mystery weekend in Harrogate. I had never experienced a murder mystery before and had no idea what I was in for. I was also meeting the 'hen's' family and friends and work colleagues for the first time as given the 4 hour drive between us and where my brother and his girlfriend live, meeting extended family members and friends isn't exactly ever on the cards. So when we all met in the bar on the Friday night we were all given stickers to wear explaining our connection to the hen. Before my stickers was done the murder mystery actors started to arrive in the bar and began playing out their scene before us. But the thing I didn't realise what would happen is that they start talking to you and interacting with you. You become part of the story, in this instance a perfume launch for the make believe company the characters worked for, so in turn you are now at the perfume launch at the hotel and they mingle with you as if you were guests at their launch party. Now as you can imagine this freaked me right out, random strangers coming up to me talking about an imaginary perfume. There were characters arguing and having heated conversations everywhere, random people getting in my face, shrieks and shouting and clapping from my hen party and another party of girls celebrating a 21st birthday party as well as other groups of guests along for the weekend. HELL ON EARTH! Anyway I had an idea with my mum, we thought it would work. On my sticker I had Emily - Sister in Law to be and then underneath wrote 'Autistic - please do not be offended if I don't reply ' (the smiley face was included on the sticker). I flashed this at the actors when they approached me and to be fair most of them got it and turned their attention to my mum and sister when it came to asking questions and expecting answers. When other members of the hen party saw it though all it did was stop them making it all the way to me to talk to me, instead I found a lot of them suddenly found themselves walking in any other direction finding any other person to talk to. The most embarrasing and soul destroying thing happened though when we all moved through into the dining room to sit down for the evening meal (how I survived this weekend I'll never know!). We got stuck on a table with the woman from hell who I can't even allude to just in case anyone on here knows her Anyway she's involved in teaching and so should at least be aware that Autism exists you would expect, but apparently not. She didn't know who we were so shouted across the table, what does your stickers say? First she read out Steph's sticker and then mine. I assumed she would stop at the Autistic bit but Noooooooo, not only did she not stop she went "Autistic (pause) (very loudly) AUTISTIC! HA HA HA Don't be offended if I don't reply HA HA HA, have you seen this (nudges her daughter and two of the hen's other work colleagues) AUTISTIC DON'T BE OFFENDED HA HA HA HA" I just mumbled "it's not a joke" and then my head sank very low and everything went quiet. I was tempted to stick my head in my tomato soup just to escape the ringing of the laughter in my ears but fortunately the woman had the good grace to be quiet for the next five minutes. The rest of the weekend went ok I guess, I kept out of this woman's way and a few people attempted to talk to me, bizarrely it made it easier for people to talk to me once we had all donned fancy dress for the Saturday evening. I was dressed as a Chav which didn't exactly go down well with the 21st Birthday group who were actually Chavs in real life. If dirty looks could kill I would be a multiple stab victim. But by and large people kept their distance and preferred instead to talk to my mum or sister. To be fair it's kinda what I wanted and I know I can't have my cake and eat it but part of me felt lonely and excluded too. It's a hard line to walk and I suppose by putting that message out there about not replying I instantly put people off, but what else was I to do? The characters would have never left me alone and people would have been asking me about myself all night which on reflection is one hundred times worse than being ignored. It seems there is no answer and no easy way to achieve a good balance when it comes to disclosure, the only thing you can do is keep trying I guess To answer other questions, I wish I had known as soon as possible to understand it. My school years were very rough and would have been made somewhat better by those around me and myself knowing about Aspergers. I have a three little talents, not sure whether I'd classify them as gifts as they don't really serve much of a purpose I can read two pages at once. I notice tiny details and changes that others dont, my ears are especially good at noticing pitching changes and I can often recall things in much more detail than others can because of my tendancy to notice all the things that other people generally don't tend to. I am also a good problem solver and have a good instinct for things (great for co-ordinating outfits/decorating rooms as my mum has found out). Emily xxx PS sorry to slightly hijack the post, but for those who know about Bettys in Harrogate, I went this weekend!! The queue to get a table nearly killed me, too many strangers, too many noises but I had Cinnamon toast and THE BEST banana milkshake ever, even if we did have to sit downstairs where it stank of fish (for some reason!). I got some scones though for Sunday tea and I was tempted by the Betty Chocolate Coffee creams but resisted for now, there is always the mail order service in future!

Hiya Mel, I'm the same as Js Mum's son. I am completely intolerant to Aspartame and had continual headaches every single day while I drank Diet Coke. It's not just in drinks either, it's in a lot of diet products generally. I got some new fat free Ski yoghurts the other week and found myself having stomach problems and major headaches and then looked and found they had Asapartame in them. It's also in crips, cheese and some bread, amongst other things, as it's an artificial sweetner. Feel MUCH better now I'm virtually Aspartame free (I also went to see a neurologist because I thought I must have something wrong to have the constant headaches) You have to be careful though because you would think Aspartame might be in normal Coke, but it isn't, but it is in Fanta. (I'm also intolerant to citric based products, even fruit! So Fanta is a source of evil for me) I know it's hard to get a handle on his headaches at school but I wonder if you could try establishing a routine when he gets home? I've found that my feet play a huge part in getting rid of headaches (trust me on this one, I drank Diet Coke obsessively for nearly 6 years so I know a thing or two about headaches now ). If you could get him to try this sort of stuff when he gets in.....lie on his bed with the lights off but with the window slightly ajar, make sure he has his socks off and if possible is in comfy clothing like pyjamas or jogging bottoms and a t-shirt. (If possible, naked is the way to go but it's not always poss) Try and get him to glug a big glass of water first and wash his face and in particular splash water around the back of his neck and his ears (I found this helped a lot). Then ask him to lay down and chill for as long as he feels he needs too. If you could get him into a routine of doing this for 10 mins or so everyday it might help a little and reduce the need for Calpol (it's what I always try first before the neurofen now) but I know it would be a difficult thing to do. Hope this helps Emily xxx

Kathryn I totally agree. The family that lived almost cut off from people seemed more than a little kooky and of course the documentary makers are not going to be sympathetic to the family, they're gonna exploit any oddities that they have. I personally found the mother to be quite unsettling myself, in fact I found myself clutching my pillow not wanting to watch I think Dante, the 11 year old philosophist could probably be Aspergers. I recognised an awful lot of myself in Dante. The, what comes across as, aggressive attitude towards parents, the vast and totally unorganised and random ideas about life and what it all means, the irritation and scorn at the social rules that don't make sense (like respecting your elders when nobody respects you as a child). The lack of self-esteem and never feeling good enough as well rang true. I really hope that he can get a handle on everything and make something positive out of it all because unfortunately I seem to be getting there far too late to put my potential to good use. I had the whole gifted and talented thing going for me when I was younger but a lack of confidence and understanding from my teachers and parents led me to spend a lot of my school days excluded from lessons and moved around. My IQ now is around 127, but had I been disciplined with myself and continued the pace at which I was learning I'm sure it would be a different story. More positive or negative it's hard to say and most of the time I can't say I regret how things have turned out, though sometimes I wish it hadn't have been so hard and draining seemingly learning everything the hard way There were a couple of others that also stood out to me as possibly showing some traits. The youngest child in the family of gifted children, his obsession for maps was an obvious sign as it wasn't pursuing something creative or mathematical. He simply liked maps, reading atlases and drawing maps, ALL the time. He was totally adorable and it will be interesting to see how he copes as the baby of the bunch. The six year old home schooled boy was another one because of his speech and the way he explained the answers to his questions in his IQ test. I know they seem like little things and probably mean nothing but I dunno I kind of have a sixth sense about ASD kids, I can just tell whenever I meet someone. I'm not saying these kids are ASD for one second but it will be very interesting to see what has happened when they go back in two years time. I know the programme makers are probably hoping for some dramatic heartbreaking storylines and I'm thinking they will probably get their wish in some cases I found all the kids highly entertaining and all of them completely vulnerable and I just wanted to give all of them a hug. Especially the three year old maths whiz, his dad looked gutted when he got 137 on his IQ test when he got 138 on his last one. I just felt so sorry for him that he didn't know what a hat was but could do multiplications that kids 3 times his age would have trouble doing. My heart went out to Amy as well, she just seemed so monotone in her behaviour when she gave that performance. Sat on a plastic chair outside the main hall reading her book, gave the performance and went back out straight away and sat down and picked up her book as if nothing had happened in between! Where was the excitement at going on stage to perform or the adrenaline rush afterwards? A very interesting programme! Emily xxx

I know how you feel, I LOATHE snow. Hate how it feels, hate the brightness, just plain hate it. The trouble is, is that I seem to live in a magic road. We live sort of on the top of a hill so I guess that explains it a little bit, but not really when the next road down and area behind us is not the same. My road seems to experience weather twice as bad as everywhere else in the area. It's really, really odd and can only be fully appreciated if you actually get to experience it. My boyfriend is totally perplexed by how he can leave his house and there will be a few snowflakes in the air and that's it, get over to mine and it will be at least two inches, cars covered and people slipping everywhere! He only lives 10 minutes away as well. So today most of the kids in my street are at home along with their parents FUN FUN FUN!!! Though a few of the families now are beginning to realise that bigger/higher cars like 4x4s are the way to go. My dad's got a Toyota Rav 4 and he's driven my mum and sister to work today also or else they stood no chance! My mum has a Renault Megane which you would think would be alright in five/six inches of snow but my sister has a Smart Roadster which only comes up to your hip in height anyway so you can hardly see it Me I'm staying put in here allday, there is only one window in this room and it's behind me. I don't even want to go in the living room because I can see the snow through the front window and even that's enough to make me feel all funny! I would draw the curtains but I just look like a weirdo/lazy bum Emily xxx

Hiya Melinda, I can totally sympathise, it must be hard while they are still so young. I still have this problem now and I'm 24! By 7pm I'm done, I could go to bed and it doesn't matter what I've been doing all day, whether it's running around like a loon or just sitting down all day. It doesn't matter what time I go to bed either I'm wide awake by, latest, 5.30am. I've tried going to bed really late, like 1.00am or 2.00am but I still wake up by 5.30am, only I'm just a bit more grumpy. As they get older it should get easier to deal with because hopefully they can entertain themselves more quietly by playing video games or watching a film. I know one kid at my mum's school who is exactly the same (ASD, 11 years old) and when he gets in from school first he runs/spins around in circles to get all the angst he's bottled up from the day out and then he just chills until around 9pm when he's off to bed. He's wide awake at 4am and this is when he does his homework! It was pretty hard for his mum to get used to, it didn't feel right letting him do this as it is totally abnormal to what most people do but as it turns out it is normal for him so now she has learnt to accept it. I dunno how you get 4 year olds to play quietly in a morning Unless you research how to do cheap soundproofing using eggboxes If it's not having a negative impact on their ability to function day to day (and I'm not just talking about them getting a bit grumpy because of the change, I'm talking total meltdowns can't cope etc) then I don't see why you can't experiment a bit and get them to try and nap when they get in from school or after tea or something. If you find something that works for all then it's worth the extra effort but just be prepared to accept the fact that early starts for them might be something that is long term. Hopefully they will settle down as they get older or some sort of medicine could help but it's worth getting into the thinking that they will always have different routines now so you don't have to keep re-adapting to them. The only other thing I would advise, certainly if they are still having problems when they get older, is to try not to force them to go back to sleep. Doze in bed is fine but I wouldn't get them in a routine of waking up and going back to sleep if when they wake up they are bright eyed and you know, awake (as opposed to just waking up because you need the toilet or something in the night I hope this is making sense!). My mum and dad tried this for years and I admit I sometimes still do it if I know I can pass a few more hours being asleep but it really has such a negative effect on me because then I find it sooooo hard to wake up a few hours later. I don't want to get up, I'm sleepy, I have no energy and I don't feel refreshed. It's a case of too much sleep and then I'm generally just in a lower mood for the rest of the day. It totally sucks pottering around the house at that time in the morning, trying to be quiet and trying to find something to do but my Ipod has helped massively and I try to save my books to read then as well so there is always a way round these things! Hope this helps! Emily xxx

I understand the fears and doubts and I'm not a parent. I'm no expert at MMR or anything like that so I'm not replying just to tell you you're wrong. Who knows, there is no conclusive research either way just yet and it certainly could be true that the jab has some effect. I don't believe it myself because I never had an MMR and I'm Aspergers and there are plenty of other autistic adults who never had the combined injections either. I've also had a lot of the major problems that the jab protects against, bar Rubella, and I wouldn't say it was the most pleasant experience. The trouble is the age of diagnosis for kids with ASD because a lot of the time you simply cannot tell because babies are weird anyway. They cry for no reason and play in their own worlds and do things entirely differently to how we do things when we are older so how are you supposed to tell that they are displaying autistic 'tendancies'? Obviously in kids who are more progressively autistic are going to display earlier but for those with aspergers I don't think it's easy to tell at all until we start developing our social side and own independant routines. (I hope this is making sense) So it could also be a case of your kid getting older and displaying more differences rather than reacting to the injections. Again I'm not trying to thrust this point of view on anyone or say it's right, it's just the other side of the coin. Alot of my illnesses happened before I was six or seven. I know I had some injections, Rubella for sure and I'm almost positive I had Measles and Mumps too but I can't say for sure. Regardless I had Measles once, Mumps once, Chicken Pox twice (it's a myth it only happens once), laryngitis and an unknown virus all in those first few years. Combine this with the fact that I used to get tonsellitis (or however it's spelt ) once a month until they finally got rid of them when I was five and my first few years weren't all that great. Around aged seven I got Viral Meningitis. Not actual Meningitis but its more common virus, still nasty enough to stick you in hospital for a couple of days and knock you about. All of this has had not the greatest affect on my immune system but the point is my immune system was already ###### anyway because I'm Aspergers and was a very premature baby. I think this is why a lot of Aspies and Auties have problems with illness is because a lot of us were early babies and my personal way of thinking is that we just didn't have time to develop things like our immune system and our senses to the point that most normal term babies do. Whether being born early affects how we are wired in the brain who knows, though I think that's probably already pre-determined by the genetic lottery anyway, but I definately think being premature is the reason I was such a sickly child. Anyway just thought I would stick my own opinion in here, good luck with your decision! Emily xxx

Hi Luigi, I was diagnosed AS just over a year ago aged 22. I went through the NHS but had to get a list of specialists who could diagnose adults from Autism West Midlands as I was told by my doctor that no one in Staffordshire was able to diagnose adults (an absolute lie I've since found out). It wasn't all that bad for me I must say. I had 2 appointments and was diagnosed on the second, but this doesn't seem to be the process with a lot of other people. It was only traumatic in a way simply because I had to meet new people and talk about myself, but that's only because I'm Aspergers. I think I had a slightly more positive experience because at the time of diagnosis I knew very little about Aspergers. I didn't go in there expecting anything in a way and didn't expect to be offered further help and advice because at that point I didn't know there was any available (there should be help available, like Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for overcoming stress and anxiety etc but as a lot of us have found on here it's not very forthcoming and difficult to find someone who understands our needs). I had spent the last few years though trying to accept the fact that I was probably mentally insane because everyone kept telling me I just had an attitude problem that I needed to fix and that it was all my fault, whereas I knew my different behaviour and thoughts were not something I chose to do (if you get what I mean). The fact that someone was giving me a piece of paper with a formal diagnosis of Aspergers was a hugely positive thing for me because it stuck two fingers up at everyone else who thought I was just badly behaved and put at ease my fears that I was going insane. The ways in which the diagnosis hasn't helped: what the diagnosis didn't do was tell me what Aspergers is. It's only when I've trawled the internet, read books and spoken to people that I have begun to fully understand myself and my different needs. Understanding what causes me to feel anxious, agitated, upset and feel angry has helped enormously because now I have been able to put coping mechanisms into place. Recognising what parts of communicating I struggle with (jokes, sarcasm, people saying things they don't mean) and understanding why I feel so awkward in social situations has helped me not put so my pressure on myself to interact like everyone else and be at the same level. Now I'm much more happy to just sit back and let others talk and just try to relax at these times. By never stopping in trying to find out more information about Aspergers you can constantly further your understanding of yourself. I would reccomend that even if you don't pursue the diagnosis process that you do lots and lots of research because it's amazing how the pieces start falling into place. (The biggest discovery I made was sensory overloading....it makes so much sense now!) If you can I would suggest that you do this with your wife if you can get her involved. It saves you from having relate information back to her and by going through the discovery process together she might recognise things that you could miss. But more importantly both of you will come to a better understanding about Aspergers and hopefully be able to make some positive changes to how you approach your lives so that a better quality of life is achieved for both of you. The ways in which the diagnosis has helped: It helped with getting help at university and in the work place. I got access to Remploy in my last job who helped me put targets in place and for other members of staff to get a better understanding of me. It still didn't work out because I was working as a chamber maid and couldn't not be a perfectionist, but in doing so I couldn't get my rooms finished on time. Anyway waiving the piece of paper at these times can help. It also helps when I go to music concerts because I can now sit in the disabled area which has been a massive help to me. I freak out sitting close to strangers and I get overloaded by the noise, the lights, the different smells and sights so sitting in a more secluded area has certainly helped lessen the panic attacks and meltdowns. I've also used it when flying to ensure that when checking in, if it possible to do so, that they sit me in a window seat and without children directly in the seat behind or in front or next to me. If me and my boyfriend go away we go when it's not school holidays anyway so this makes it easier. I know it might seem like I'm making unreasonable demands of them, but I only ask if it's possible and they have always been totally understanding so far. I take ear plugs just incase but it makes the flight 100% more bearable if I don't have the noise that kids make directly in sort of my personal space circle. Nothing against kids I just have mega sensitive ears and flying is claustraphobic and noisy enough without me feeling overwhelmed by the kid who is kicking the back of my chair and arguing with his sister about who gets to play on the DS first It also helps at doctors appointments or when I go to the hairdressers because I flash my Autism Alert card and then I don't get expected to shake hands or make eye contact, a huge bonus! It also helps in places like big hotels because I book in advance and mention Aspergers and ask for either an end room (so I only have noise from one side) and a room on one of the higher floors because the thudding of people walking around above can stress me out. Obviously I don't start demanding the suites and stuff because they are usually on the top floor, but the higher the better. Also restaurants, again if I book in advance and mention Aspergers I can get a corner table because I hate sitting with people behind me. So really the diagnosis hasn't helped in terms of understanding myself and Aspergers. But being diagnosed and getting an official piece of paper (and joining the National Autistic Society and getting the Autism Alert card) has helped to get society to better adapt to my needs without asking for too much or causing a big fuss. It doesn't necessarily mean that people know what AS is or that it is a positive experience 100% of the time but I've found that if anything because people are ashamed that they don't know what Aspergers is, and because of the myths surrounding Autism, that they overcompensate and help all they can! I don't take the mickey and a lot of this stuff while it might seem like perks actually isn't, it's just small adjustments. I'm not asking for the best seats in the house, upgrades to first class on flights or suites in hotels. I'm just asking for understanding and a little bit of adapting. Hope this helps, sorry for the ramble! Emily xxx

Thanks SV, But honestly to congratulate me on my communication skills at the minute doesn't seem right when I've just put my foot in it all over again. (But thanks for the compliment all the same!) Inevitably where I struggle is making my opinion not sound like an attack. I dunno how it comes out like it, especially in the written form, because I spend such a long time re-reading and re-checking to make sure I'm not offending someone. Honestly, TN and Lucas, I wasn't attacking you or your opinion but it's obviously come across that way or else SV you wouldn't feel the need to distance yourself from my post and reiterate that you have no problem with what was said. I have no problem with what was said, all I wanted to ensure is that you didn't feel like you couldn't do anything to help when I feel that you can. I didn't want you to be frightened into thinking you were going to just make things worse for him when inappropriate behaviour can be addressed and improved upon in a positive way. And it's so cool that you want to try....I dunno, now I can't seem to get across what I want to say but I wanted to try again cos I really hate offending people. If you could see me saying what I write I think it would be a different story because I'm really very shy and mumble all the time, I don't actually speak very loud. But re-reading my posts I can see how the language and style that I use could come across as this overly brash confident person who goes around telling everyone they're wrong. I've tried modifying how I write over the years but it just comes out, I just sit down and type. I personally don't think that not saying a mean thing to someone, even though it's true, is necessarily conforming to NT rules. I just think it's common courtesy and polite not to. I'm not following some unwritten code when I don't tell someone they are ugly even though they are, I'm just not intentionally hurting someones feelings. So what they are ugly, so what I think that, does that mean I have to say it outloud? To me it is insane to think that, that is acceptable. Aspergers or not, Autistic or not I don't think anyone has the right to think that just because they think something and it's true they can say it. Not at the expense of other people's feelings if that person has done nothing wrong. I could walk down the street in the morning and point out all the flaws in people that I spot and that would be telling the truth but why should I be allowed to do that just because I think it? Why should I be allowed to make judgement on others and let everyone know my opinion just because in my eyes it happens to be true. I would be absolutely mortified if someone did that to me. I think we have enough people telling us that we are wrong and that we should want to be this, this and this in the world without us all turning to each other and pointing out each others flaws just because it's true and we think it. Is not saying things aloud really that bad? Is ignoring the bad points and focussing on people's positive qualities such a big deal? I'd like to think not. Anyway, apologies if I've gone off offending people again in this post, it's not what I spend all this time sat here trying to do. I just try to help in my own weird way I just never seem to be able to do it properly Emily xxx

Woohoo, sounds like excellent news! Glad things are going ok so far, big changes are always scary! Emily xxx

Lucas and TN, I can understand the points you have raised here and, being Aspergers myself, to a certain extent sympathise and agree. But I think you've totally taken SV's question out of context. I've been there and done it myself, when I was younger my mum was forever on diets. I was quite mystified as to what this diet place was because my mum was always 'going on' (a) diet. Every Tuesday evening she would dissappear and I would be distraught because I wanted to go on a diet as well and no one would tell me why I couldn't go or where it was that mum went. Eventually my mum found enough patience to explain diets to me but could only get so far as 'people diet because they're fat' before I dissolved into nothing but 'but why?' questions, at which point it is useless to continue talking to me because I'm just a ball of confusion. Anyway, information in hand I went with my mum to the supermarket and everything was ok, until we turned a corner and came across a lady who was quite a bit overweight. Me being me and wanting to show mum I understood diets now, I shouted to my mum "that lady needs to go on a diet doesn't she mummy". Now I was just being honest and wasn't being malicious in any way shape or form. But it was still the wrong thing for me to say. Just because it's honest and the truth doesn't mean it should be said, especially when it hurts other people's feelings. This is what Autistic children could be taught but what will probably eventually be learnt through trial and error and that's just part of life because it's not just Autistic children that will learn these lessons (though I agree that this type of trial and error will be more frequent and harder to grasp for ASD kids). When I did my teaching practice I was teaching a year 7 class A Midsummer's Night Dream. In the play there are two female characters which can easily be remembered as to who is who by remembering one is short and dark haired the other is tall and fair haired. Well I thought my kids had this down until I tried to get them to remember which one Helena was. I said, come on you lot you know the drill Helena is fair haired and what? Cue blank looks all around. I said well Helena is like me (and put my hand low down and drew it up high to show height) but the first thing one boy shouted out was 'fat miss, is Helena fat?' I mean it's true I am fat, but I meant height and as the boy was shouting fat the others were getting that I meant height. I didn't tell him off, he was telling the truth, but the other kids let him have it for saying the wrong thing and hurting Miss' feelings. He wasn't Autistic he was just insensitive and too immature to realise that whilst true, not the best thing to say. He apologised after class and I told him not to worry, we've all done it and that he technically did nothing wrong. I just reinforced that sometimes pointing out others weaknesses and pitfalls, again while true, can actually be quite hurtful but more embarrassing. I don't see what is wrong with this, it's far from being hypocritical. Yeah we encourage people to tell the truth and so we should but there is a limit to everything and exceptions to make. In many cases it is never as simple as one thing or another and I agree that this is where those who are ASD can struggle because we do think in black and white. But that isn't to say that this type of thinking cannot be modified or lessons learnt. I have learnt that saying certain things can cause offense and while I might think them it is not always ok to say them because you have to take other people's feelings into account. I don't see how it's such a bad thing not to say it in order to spare someone else feeling hurt, even if we don't actually care how that other person feels. It is common courtesy and telling the truth for the sake of telling the truth does not have to be a way of life. Nor should it, in my opinion. There are many, many cases where truth prevails and should be valued above all else. I agree that calling George Bush an idiot and incompetent amongst other things is totally correct and ok to do. His actions and thought for others are so bad that vocal criticism is expected and it doesn't matter if his feelings are hurt so much because he hasn't thought about other people. The same can be said if someone is horrid to you. It's not ideal to name call back because it's stooping to their level but it is justifiable for sure. But when a kid is sat there minding their own business and someone who is ASD comments how this other child stinks or is well ugly then this is not ok. Never will be. And it is ok to teach ASD children that this is unacceptable and that in circumstances like this it is better to just think these thoughts rather than say them outloud. Not punish them or tell them they are bad or anything like that. But guidance that sometimes it is inappropriate and that in certain situations people's feelings should be valued more than honesty. It's a hard lesson to learn and get right for any kid, so those who are ASD will find it more difficult and will probably have to learn longer. But given the right feedback when they do make mistakes and not punishing them is the first step towards a positive experience. You don't need to jump at me and tell me that this hardly ever happens and that most kids are punished for being honest and so a lot of ASD kids become withdrawn ASD adults. I know this, it's happened to me, it still happens to me. I make mistakes I learn from them and sometimes I get attacked for my mistakes instead of better informed but it's a part of life I cannot control and, in my own experiences, I don't make it any better for myself by totally withdrawing from society. That's just my experience and I'm not saying it is better or worse than anyone elses, everyone is different and in my case I would prefer to keep making mistakes rather than cut myself off from people. I think you both missed the point of SV's question and instead of seeing the ask for help as someone actually willing to take a positive step towards making ASD kids aware of inappropriate comments (whilst not punishing them), chose to relate how difficult and unfair this aspect of life is. If it were me asking the question if anything now I would be more anxious of how to deal with the situation for fear of getting it wrong and the child having an negative experience, like the ones you two related. You giving your experiences is totally fine and informative to NON-ASD people but I think you both missed the opportunity to help SV when they are actually a rareity in trying to help ASD children better integrate with other kids. My advice, SV (while in no way claiming to be the best advice or right advice) is to try and relate what you're saying to the kid who is ASD rather than asking him to understand how it makes someone else feel because sympathy and empathy to other people is definately something we struggle with. Try first asking him how he would feel if someone said something negative about him, within earshot (don't use an actual weakness of his as it could give him a complex or something...I know you probably wouldn't do that but it's worth making sure ). So make one up and see how he responds. If he's finding it difficult to understand how he himself would be feeling try to explain how pointing out other people's weaknesses in this kinda situation can cause us to feel. How sometimes when people point out something you're not good at can make us feel sad and anxious because we cannot be better at these things (at this time). In terms of appearance and all that, it's tricky of course, but try to explain how calling someone ugly can have the same affect and explain how self-esteem works if you can. Liken it to how people feel when they are bullied and (if possible) relate it to his own experiences. It's making the connection that whilst it is the truth, is it actually worth saying it out loud just because it is the truth when it is so hurtful to the other person. Especially if it is a weakness or flaw that they can't exactly get better at or put right. Just as it is unfair to pick on someone because they are ASD, so too it is unfair to point out someone is ugly as they cannot help the way the look (apart from cosmetically). It is really hard and I wish you so much luck and lots of support. It will mostly be learnt through trial and error because we find it so hard to understand but it shouldn't stop you from trying to aid his understanding. Doing so in a positive way will only help him be less afraid of making mistakes or getting it wrong in future. If all else fails you could get some of his 'victim's of honesty involved so that they can tell him how it makes them feel. Doing it in a constructive way such as this where everyone views it as a learning process rather than jumping on the negative knock-on effect that honesty in these situations can have, can only be a good thing in my opinion. TN and Lucas please don't see this as me having a go at you or telling you you're wrong. I've not done that in this post and it isn't my intention. Instead I've just tried to show 'the other side of the coin' as it were, and that while relating your experiences' is helpful, it is actually not helping SV answer their question which we should be trying wholeheartedly to answer in a positive way because they are trying to do something positive for both ASD and Non-ASD kids and trying to ensure that everyone's feelings don't get hurt. Emily xxx

you all should be ashamed of yourselves!! My mum was forever leaving me places (the older I get the more intentional I think it was) but I also had rather a nasty habit of hiding. C&A (remember C&A ) was my favourite shop because they had lots of those big round clothes rack things instead of the straight ones we have now. Anyhoo thanks to the big circle there was also a nice warm hidey hole in the middle of the clothes rack. It would have been alright if there was one per store but C&A seemed to be obsessed with the bloomin things so my mum could often be found wandering around poking her head randomly through clothes racks yelling EEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMILLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY! Emily xxx

Hi Lyns, One thing you could try is having a root around on the Euro Disney website and seeing what information is on there for disabled visitors. They might even have a disability helpline or contact form or something like that so you could get specific information for queue passes and the like. You may not be able to find anything or even hear anything back but it's worth a shot. I agree with JJ's mum completely about the number of days it takes to do the park. When I went to Euro (coming up to 10 years ago....I feel OLD! ) we camped nearby for 3 days and then travelled further down into Southern France for the remainder of our holiday. There's definately not a weeks worth of stuff to keep you occupied, even with the changes made to the park over the years. Mum22boys also has it right with the evening parade. The most stressful time of the day because everyone's tired and everyone wants to see the same thing. You got parents clashing because they are all trying to achieve the same goal of a view of the parade for their kids. Get there early armed with as much as you can (included ear plugs or a hat or something to put over your daughter's ears because the noise from the waiting crowds can be hell). The other piece of advice I can give is pick a spot and stick with it, even if you see a better spot open up, it's not worth the risk I'm getting quite knowledgeable on these things now after 3 trips to Florida, a go at Euro Disney and a jaunt to Port-a-Ventura in Spain. Theme parks are one of my more expensive obsessions I'm all over surviving the parades now ! (I can't remember if Euro Disney is the same, but in Florida Disney on Main Street where the main viewing for the parade takes place it is set up like a street with shops and things like fake dentists, lawyers and stuff above the shops. The upside to this is that there are fake doorways, stairs that lead up to the doorways that would go up to the lawyers offices and dentist etc if the whole thing were real, as well as doorways leading into the actual shops. 2 years ago at Disney me and Bob found a doorway and thought, wahey, perfect! The thing is you can't really see out as to what is coming and what's happening but when the parade passes directly in front of you, you get to see everything cos you're sat back from the crowd and on steps. It was perfect for me because I didn't have anyone standing near me and being in a kind of alcove eased the assault of noise on my ears....so scout out the doorways, if there is any, at Euro ) My only other tip is to PLAN, PLAN, PLAN! The thing that most stressed me out when I was younger was that after every ride we would have to find room to stand around and decide where we wanted to go next. If we didn't we would inevitably all run off in different directions and chaos ensues. The bad thing about theme parks is that on entry it is a massive onslaught to the senses, it's like walking into a different world so visually it's overwhelming. Then there are loads of screaming kids and music being piped out everywhere you go. There are characters in the streets and Disney photoraphers sniffing round you trying to get a picture to charge you for later. You've got little cafes and sweet shops galore so your nose goes into overdrive. You put all this on a six year old's shoulders, as well as them being super excited about being at Disney, and then factor in not knowing what rides are where, where the toilets are, what time you're going to eat etc and it could spell disaster. My advice, you pull the Euro website apart and make sure you know what's where and come up with a route that you're going to take around the park, factoring in times to stop and eat. Also try and involve your daughter as much as possible if you can. I know she won't understand the planning and all that but if you can show her pictures and the map and kind of walk the route with your fingers so she knows where she is going, it could help ease the stress caused by being in new places etc I know it sounds dull and rigid but it will help massively I promise. Anyway, enough waffling I could write all day about theme parks Emily xxx

<'> Gonna miss you Nellie Emily xxx