witsend

Sallya, I have done all that before now and yes turned up at school too! But I am blonde so guess I can get away with it! Luv Witsend.

Hi Stephanie, like all the services i think SALT vary depending on what area your in. I don't understand why you're not getting the support you need already throught the NHS service. My son has had one to one SALT for years now he has never had it in a group setting, (he has semantic pragmatic disorder, AS etc). Have to say am not really sure how helpful the SALT has been especially now he's older but I think it did help more when he was younger. Does your son have a statement and if so is the need for SALT outlined in it? Has your sons consultant recommended SALT? Sorry don't know your situation but it sounds like your not receiving the service you should be, 4-6 times a year is a bit useless isn't it? I don't think you should have to pay for what your son needs but there is a website called 'tigerchild' which gives lists of all the therapists our kids need and it will tell you who is in your area and what they do etc....Good luck Luv Witsend.

Hi Cmuir and good luck for friday. I think things do vary a lot depending on where youy live, when we got diagnosis absolutely nothing happened at the time I was so releived to get it I didn't notice. but since then it has made a differance re statement banding and schools attitude etc also last time we saw consultant he actually started talking about various groups courses that may be of help. Maybe he thought we had to have time foir the news to sink in or maybe they just work at a slow pace i don't know. Like Lauren said it is a good idea to make a list of things you want to know before you leave because even if you're ready for and expecting dx, when it comes it can sideline you a bit and it's only afterwards you think 'Oh, I meant to ask that and that..' Take Care Luv Witsend.

Hi again, God Helen, feel embarrassed now I forgot to bring cyber rock!! You will have to do with some of these <'> sorry know it's not the same! The romance is fab, had totally forgotten what it's like when I swore never to date again quite some time ago. Best thing is 'he' is fab with the kids and actually mad enough to fit into my family nicely - you can't ask for more than that eh? Don't want to get too deep and sloppy here but have to say what a differance it makes to be with someone who gets it (the whole ASD thing) my ex hubs never did and it caused no end of grief, this time looks like I've got it right and tbh can't believe my luck!! Hopefully this post will be lost in the sands of time before the new gorgous 'Mr Witsend' ever gets chance to read it, not yet introduced him to this site but I'm sure that will happen, don't want him to get too bigheaded eh? Luv Witsend.

Hi - it seems like age since I posted or visited the site, think I was going inot ASD overload! Hope I've not missed too much (sure I have ). Have been busy with a new romace which is blossoming (ahh) and actually thinking baout stuff other than sons problems for a while! Still going through the 'which is the right high school' for son thing, going to visit a special school soon to have a look around. Have just about decided not to go down the ritalin route at present and things have recently been pretty good . looks like youngest son is now going to be reffered for assessment so here we go again Hoping to get some time to read through some posts now I've had a 'break'. Have missed you all 'cyber family' luv Witsend.

A few months ago I had to have root canal dental trreatment, this consisted of four two hour appointments! The first time was just ###### dreadful, but do you know what (and this is very sad but true) after that when I realised I would be so numbed up there was no pain (not til later anyway) just a general feeling of claustrophobia, I actually quite liked it!!!!! All because it gave me a couple of hours away from the kids and I got to lie down!! Like I say it's sad but true, it was not really a highlight so much as a bizarre respite! luv Witsend.

Hiya Shona, how lovely your daughter has made a freind and gone to tea. I don't think it's just a girl thing mine are boys but we've had similar stuff to this too. Think Phasmid has a good point about inviting them both over, or perhaps you could invite them both over on seperate nights so your daughter can have one to one time with them both on differant occasions, and then the other two girls might not feel so so competitive? Just wondering why the first freind has never invited your daughter for tea before? Or is it that your daughter didn't want to go? There's a lot to be said for kids whose parents are understanding - so the new freindship bodes well. Good luck with it all Luv Witsend.

Hi - am sat here feeling rather guilty and wanted to offload a bit onto you lot if that's OK? Just before the Feb break my son and his class were set a school project to do about our local city, needless to say I didn't know about this until after the hols becasue son forgot to bring the project instructions home, this still left us a couple of weeks to get project done. Goes without saying my son woulod not and could not do the project without substantial help, in fact tbh basically I had to do the project. Well to cut a longish story short I (we) haven't done the project, basically just coping with eldest son and toddler and work and dog and family and the printer has broken down for the computer etc etc.....I have not had time. I wrote a note to sons teacher last week explaining then went into see her to check there was not a problem and she basically said son had to hand something in even if it was breifer than intended. I went away feeling bad and was gonna knock something up but then actually started to feel a bit naffed off about it all. The school must know if this project gets done it will be me not son doing it! And I know son will learn nothing by trying to do it and it will just ensure hours of stress and meltdown, so I've not been v motivated . I get so fed up sometimes because for all the lipservice school pay about differentiating the curriculum I have to say I've seen little eveidence of it over the years. A freind of mine decided to help and produced a version of the project on his computer, but have to say it is much shorter and not to the breif the school asked for , don't know wether to hand this in on Monday or do nothing or write another note Part of me is feeling bad 'cos I haven't done what I should have, and part of me is feeling a bit defiant because it's all so irrelevant! Just worried I'm giving my son the wrong messages by 'not bothering' but tbh I'm so tired I just can't face it . So anyway before I go off in total rant mode, how bad on a scale of one to ten do you think this is? I am so dreading tomorrow! Luv Witsend.

Aww, thanks you lot, I will try and give up again soon I hope but not gonna worry about it too much for now, to many other things to stress over as usual! Luv Witsend.

Hi posted at new year re giving up the fags and was doing really well 'til last week when various things added to too much wine sent me back to the evil weed!! Just back to smoking again full time, feel really cross with myself and like a total failure! Just wanted to make a public confession in the hope it will be good for my soul!! luv Witsend.

Darky <'> the previous suggestions all sound good. good luck. Luv Witsend.

I wish schools would realise how these so called small incidents can affect our kids hugely. loulou your son must feel outraged about it all! I know mine would, but then sadly they do often get resigned to being blamed for stuff they haven't done. Personally I know where I'd like to stuff those rubbers! And yes it would involve part of the teachers anatomy through which she is currently speaking! Don't let them grind you down. Luv Witsend.

hi Kirstie, your post is so similar to whats happening here with my son. He is 11 and wants to play out with the other kids 'til 9pm! I bring him in at 6.30pm at the latest because it's dark by then and I'm pretty sure the other kids around 'playing out' are up to no good. Thing is when I call him in he really kicks off about how unfair it is and how I treat him like a baby etc......but I have to say deep down i think he is relieved to have an excuse to come in because he's actually worried about what trouble he'll end up in if he stays out. After agonising about it all for a bit I've actually decided I'm right!! And I'm sure you are too Like someone else said i think they are quite relieved when you set boundaries because mostly they find it hard (ASD, NT, or otherwise) to set them themselves after all it's our job i suppose not theirs! Good luck, stay strong, Luv Witsend.

Hi, as anyone whose read my previous posts will know I'm still in the midst of finding right high school for D. Just wanted to ask if I find a school that is right for him but is independant will I be expected to pay fees? Sorry this may well be a really thick question, but today Ed Psych mentioned some independant schools and it was only afterwards I thought of this! Cheers, Luv Witsend.

Hi HH, you're brill, no way did you over react. You told it like it is and the school did rather ask for it! Your a great advocate for T, now could you please come round here and advocate for D? Cheers, Luv Witsend.

hi just wanted say thanks for all the replies, as always it's nice to know we're not alone with this. Haven't seen anything of the 'freind' this weekend and son has just retreated back to his PS2. It's sad but things are often easier and quieter for us when there are no freinds around, but it still upsets me 'cos I know D would love to have freinds really, I'm sure lots of you can relate to that. Thanks again, Luv Witsend.

Funny Ive never really thought about this until now, but my AS son has no shyness whatsoever , he doesn't do embarrassment much either . luv Witsend.

Me too, testing signature.

I say Asper jers, consultant says asper gers. Son doesn't like it with the G sound 'cos he says it makes him feel like a (beef) burger!! Luv Witsend.

Hi, I know the topic our kids having difficulties with freinds and/or not having freinds at all has been posted about many times on this forum. It's one area of this whole ASD thing I find most upsetting. My son has had various, mostly short term frendships, they always seem to end without any specific reason. He has few freinds at school and they are not constant, he tries so hard now he's older to be a 'good freind' and is often baffled why other kids leave him out of stuff. Anyway until fairly recently the freinds he had near where we live had all stopped calling for him, then a few weeks ago a new lad moved in and he and my son have become 'freinds' or so we thought! D has invited this boy round many times they play on the playstation and play out a bit etc, this boy also took D to the youth club with him last week, and D was so excited to be asked it would bring a tear to your eye. Thing is now it all seems to be going wrong again, and even I'm baffled now! I've kept an eye on the relationship and have to say I've noticed D going out of his way to be nice and a freind to this boy, he has learnt from past mistakes and makes sure this boy always gets a turn on PS2 etc etc, I've been really proud of him......but last night this boy and another boy called for D and when I said he was in the bath the next thing I know is my windows are pelted with pickled onions!! Then today D went out to play with this boy and others and then came home a wee while later obviously upset but trying to hide it, because they had been playing snowballs but all the kids (including v much new freind) had decided to snowball my son only! It sounds like they were basically picking on him and laughing at him, he asked them to stop but they didn't, he came home almost in tears (he's not soft) and I think it wasn't the snowballing that upset him but the fact he kind of knew this freind was being horrible to him in some way he couldn't quite verbalise or understand. I've got a horrible feeling this boy is now gonna join ranks with several others who have bullied my son in the past, and I just feel so cr*p for my son, he doesn't deserve it and I'm so worried this will be another blow to his fragile self esteem! God sorry didn't mean to rant so long. Basically was wondering whether any one has found these problems get better as they're kids get older? Or dare I say it worse? Just don't know what to do to help him, you can't force kids to be freinds I know, but if only he had just one good freind it would make such a differance. Luv Witsend.

Hi darky, sorry not much help to offer but do ahve one of these <'> . I know what you mean about ridding them of all their possessions, it's tempting sometimes isn't it? Cos then what would they have to fight about? Be warned though a freind of mine once described how her son and daughter (both NT) fought about everything she did her best to remove all likely sources of fights then said they started to argue about who was taking up the most air by breathing most!! I kid you not!! Take care, turn the music up louder, whatever!! Luv Witsend.

Loulou <'> . Please do ring your GP, I think she's right this is not the best way to come off anti'ds. I appreciate you have decided you're ready to come off and just want to get on with it but the way you're doing it will prob mean you'll just end up feeling so bad you'll have to start all over again with going back on the. You shouldn't feel pressured to come off them either, if you are having unwanted side effects then might be best to talk to your GP about trying a differant antidepressant for a while, then when you really feel ready to come off them draw up a plan with her about how to do it without these horrible withdrawal symtoms. Take care of yourself, let us know how you get on <'> . Luv Witsend.

Hello Darky, and thanks so much for that it is great to hear you're experiance and I am so glad it is working well for your daughter, your post has taken some of the immediate fear factor from me. I know there's a lot to consider but I won't veto the meds without thinking it all through carefully. I'll check out the website you suggested too. I also take my cues from my son so will be talking it through with him when appropriate. Thanks again, Luv Witsend. PS the consultant said if son has meds then the ADHD will calm down but his AS may seem much more apparent, just wondered if you've found that to be case? Oh also how old is your daughter? My son is 11.

Hi - went to see sons consultant this morning and he has now pretty much decided son has ADHD in addition to AS! Now this doesn't really surprise me because I've always felt this but when he was assesssed for it years ago they said he did not have ADHD, many assessments and much fighting later we got the AS diagnosis! So I feel a bit weird about it all, although I know a fair bit about AS I'd stopped researching it when they said he didn't have it and now feel a bit lost. Don't really know what the implications are for the future with this dual diagnosis. Also consultant said he thinks my son would be one who would benefit from treatment (ie Ritalin) Now this has knocked me for six, I've always thought I would never medicate my child and I feel scared he would no longer be himself if he takes this drug. However his behaviour is pretty challenging so I suppose I can see where the cons is coming from. I just don't want my son medicated to make everyone elses life easier if you know what I mean. I'm sure there are threads about this on the medications bit of the site, so will start reading those when I get over the shock. In the meantime any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Luv Witsend.

Hi loulou <'> I do know how you fel this kind of thing is something that has happened to me and son so often. I used to get very stressed about it, when something like this used to happen it used to m ake me feel awful and ashamed and I'd just come home and . However have to say some months after getting dx and realising more about how my son is feeling when this sort of thing happens my sympathies and worries are now about him only! Let them all stare you'll find they rarely say anything and if they do well let them have it!! I tend to act now as of nothing untoward is happening and then all those staring (with they're uninformed sheep mentality) aren't sure any longer how to react! . Have to say I used to feel no one else ever felt this way or had these experiances but since joining this site I know better, and so it's always good to come here and offload in the land of non-normaltons! Take care - don't let the b*****ds grind you down.XX Luv Witsend.