witsend

Hi - thanks for the replies - well after stewing all day at work on the matter and waging war in my head on the LEA I got a call when I got in from woman who called yesterday and she said all they have to do is sort out official offer from new school (not a prob) and transport (shoudn't take too long) and he can move schools!! I asked if the funding was no longer a big issue after what she'd said yesterday and she said no they were going to work round it!! Can't beleive the change in attitude since yesterday - no idea what's precipitated it but obviously am chuffed. Still going to take 2/3 weeks to sort (I'm hoping 2 not 3 ) but that's a lot better than we thought now. Ds went to school today and will try and encourage him to keep going now I know somethings happening. Both schools are independant and I know LEA woman said she'd spoken to current school and they were going to "co-operate" so maybe they've agreed to refund some fees money or something? Anyway don't know and daren't ask too much just pleased some progress has been made without the expected battle! Cheers again - Luv Witsend.

That's great news Hev - at last! Luv Witsend.

Thanks pp, no I don't have anything in writing and the first man I spoke to (the one who has dealt with it all so far) is now off work for an operation, and will be off for the next 6 weeks. Just had an awful evening with ds now he knows the situation, he just cant cope with it all . He agreed to go to school tomorrow earlier on and since then has been edgy and irratible and in tears, just so horrible seeing him like this and it's affecting the whole family. Think I'm going to end up marching down to the LEA and having a showdown - just cant go on like this much longer. Luv Witsend.

Hi sat here really down in the dumps . Just when I thought school thing was sorted now it's not! Basically after choosing new school for ds, head said he can start staright away, woman from LEA just rang to say it will all take much longer than we were told. She said becasue they have already funded place at sons present school until end of term (July) they are not supposed to then fund another place at new school until then! The problem is at the end of last week the man from LEA told me son could transfer very soon (a week or two at most once paperwork and transport got sorted) so obviously we were counting on this being the case. Son who has just had enough at present school did not attend on Friday or today. The woman who rang today is asking me to persuade him to go back, I told her no way will he go back until July after expecting to move in a week, she said hopefully it could be sorted earlkier than July but not as soon as two weeks! Really don't know what to do now, can probably 'make' son go back to this school for a while but don't know how long for, plus to be really honest I don't want him to go back becasue he's having such a miserable time and I know the school is having a negative influence on him, but then again nor do I want him to be out of school altogether and getting used to that! If I thought keeping him off school altogether would make LEA speed it all up then I probably would do that but I don't know if it actually does work like that, but I do get the feeling that the longer he attends present school the longer they will take sorting out transfer to new school. My brain is aching with it all, don't know which way to turn and after the elation of finding another school at last and getting him a place there just feel so down now it's not straightforward. Any advice gratefully accepted here. Luv Witsend.

Oh Lizzie I totally empathise with you I've had similar (but not as bad) experiance in the past in DR's waiting rooms, thinking back I just think at least the GP actually sees it how it is for us but I know that's not much comfort. I hate waiting anywhere with the kids and now avoid it at all costs wherever possible. i had a very horrible stressfull time with yougest son today too at his eye appointment I was in tears by the time I got to the car and I know if anyone nosy parker had intervened on the way I would have flipped totally! Hang in there tomorrow will be better . And why does no one run a deliver to your door wine service for stessed out parents who cant leave the house once kids are in bed?? Take care Luv Witsend.

Hi just wantd to post an update on the school situation and to say thanks again to all who help me out posting on here. Last time I posted we were in dilemmas about which school to 2choose2 for ds to transfer to, as he's very unhappy at present special school....well for those who can remember the choices we have decided not tosend him to large CofE (good reputation, difficult to get in) local school which is just as well really because they have said no te admitting him anyway!! Think this is largely because of this other child saying he doesn't want mny son to go there, it makes me feel a bit sad and mad but at the end of the day I realised if the school and the pupils are being this obstructive already it could well turn out to be a nightmare for my son if he went there should we win on appeal, so have decided not to bother. On the positive side we went to look round other (independant grammar school) yesterday and it was really nice, headmaster very nice human and approachable, small class sizes, lots of activities son will enjoy, good structure, straightforward fair discipline system, good senco support, and ds though disappointed about first school actually looking forward to starting this school now. LEA quite happy to send him there and agreed they had big reservations about the first school too. Only drawback being the school is still an hour away in taxi but nothing is perfect eh? LEA just have to sort out transport, paperwork etc (which I'm praying won't take them too long) and he can start straight away. It's been a long haul but for now at least I can exhale. Luv Witsend. PS just wondering who sorts uniform out, at present school LEA paid for it, will it be the same with this school does anyone know? Not that it matters just realsied no ones mentioned it yet.

Hi - just so pleased had to post - had in laws and family round today for Easter meal/ get together, my nerves were on edge as usual and had to have a Baileys prior to serving lunch, but guess what?..... No awful incidents, embarrasing moments, arguments or anything!! Can't say I enjoyed it 'cos was too tense but wow what a relief it's over safely now. Son did cross question everyone through lunch about their favourite film/actor/dr who character but compared to the 'spray your kunst' incident at Xmas that was a breeze! So off out tonight for a celebratory drink . Hope everyone else is surviving the Easter thing. Luv Witsend.

Hi Annea, certainly don't have a starightforward answer for you at all but I do think there's enough stuff there for you to be rightly concerned. i get the impression just from what you've posted that there are two probably seperate things going on first the physical stuff and secondly the 'behaviour' type stuff which need not be related at all. I thought a lot of what you've said about the behaviour side of things is recognisable to me as symptomatic of AS, does your daughter with dx display similar traits? Maybe because her AS is more obvious you've not noticed (not right wording really) or downplayed your other daughters symptoms? This only comes into my mind because my yougest son is on verge of ADHD dx and to be honest I've never been as concerned about his behaviour as much as my eldests (dx AS) , partly because it's not so obvious in some ways and I think partly because I have got used to my kids not being 'normal' 'neurotypical' whatever so I just sort of think they are normal now if you know what I mean. What do your freinds relatives say about your daughters behaviour etc, do they find it odd? It's all a bit baffling but I do think you should pursue the relevant people for answers second opinions as they do seem to be missing something somewhere and they sure won't come to you. Good luck, Take care Luv Witsend.

Hi - just wanted to post an update on our school situation, which some of you are familiar with. Not really got very far yet, think last time I posted we were about to go and look round 2 mainstream schools. Well we went and were quite impressed with one and not at all impressed with the other. The first one is the one my son is fixated on anyway, they have said they are full and so now it's in the hands of the LEA guy to talk to them, he is going to write to them requesting they let ds in but expects them to say no so then there will be further negotiations and possibly an appeal. Thing is whilst we were talking with LEa chap he said he'd rung the school breifly to talk about admitting my son and they said that some of the kids from sons primary school had seen son looking round the school and one child had raised concerns about (sons) prescence at the school saying if he went there he would disrupt his learning!! Now I have a good idea who this child is, I think it must be a lad my son didn't get on with at his last school, there were no major incidents they just didn't like each other. I'm pretty sure this lad has AS too and his mum is a teacher at the school son wants to go to!! So it doesn't take much to add it up that basically it must be the mum/teacher who has raised concerns, so now I'm guessing any chance son had of getting into this school is gone. To be honest I was pretty gobsmacked and LEA guy said he'd never come across a situation like this before! I just feel instantly victimised by it and think now even if we did manage to get son in at this school there could be worse problems ahead with this sort of attitude going on and he's only been for a look round. Don't know how things can get worse really. The only positive thing was that the LEA guy seems prepared to fight our corner as far as poss (but he too has doubts wether this school would be right for ds) and he did suggest we look at another school we weren't aware of. This one is an independant mainstream 'grammar' where LEA send a few kids in 'special' cases. It is much smaller (200 kids in total) 16 in a class and has lots of great extra curricular activities etc and good Senco dept. Only catch being it is close to the school son attends now (an hour away by taxi!), and we were all looking forward to him being somewhere local. Anyway son still v keen to go to first school (haven't told him about the childs comments) but I;'ve told him it might not be possible so he has said he would be interested in the other school despite the distance. We are going to visit the school soon but still no guarentee they will take him, but I'm guessing LEA wouldn't of suggested it unless there's s good chance of him getting in there. Sorry getting a bit rambly now, it's all just as confusing as ever and no chance of it being sorted in time for when school starts again so son will have to return to current school for a while which is becoming unbearable . Sorry to be so miserable would be nice to post a cheerfull post - maybe one day eh? Luv Witsend.

Hi just after a bit of advice here not directly about this site so hope it's ok to ask? Partner has a website phpbb forum running a portal system (to do with his work) and is having probs getting people with the right knowledge to update it etc using php and tpl extensions, the site is also html integrated just to confuse matters. Just wondered if there is anyone out there who can do this sort of stuff or knows a man (or woman ) who can? Obviously not after a freebie here just need to know if there's anyone who can actually do it? Not had much luck round these parts so far any suggestions welcome. The site if you need to look is: http://www.signoholics.com Cheers luv Witsend.

Well I was just about to shut the old PC down for the evening, and ds came in reading the local paper headlines to me. It was an article about a new shopping/housing development planned for our city and he was reading bits out saying "ooh there's gonna be 15o new houses" and "Oh there's gonna be a new Game shop" etc, I was just smiling thinking his reading is coming on when he said "oooh we're gonna be getting a new decapitation store" !!?? When I looked at the word it actually read 'Debenhams' , but it was the excitement in his voice when he thought it was the former option which is making me still giggle! Anyway - deffo going now for some chill out time before work tomorrow. Luv Witsend.

Oh the school gate thing hate it too! My sister and I have a collective name for all those cliquey competative mothers who turn there back on anyone who doesn't fit in with them, we call them the Muffia (mothers mafia), think we read this in a book somewhere and made us laugh. Not actually sure now I come to think of it if it has rude conotations (the muff bit? ) think I better stop there! Go to that appointment Mel and let us know how you get on OK? Luv Witsend.

The gp suggested I tell him to watch where he is going, to be careful, I said that I have been trying that for the last five years Am speechless! <'> Luv Witsend.

Hi Lisa, freindships are a difficult area for our kids for sure. My son finds it quite easy to make freinds (well he did more when he was younger) but he always seemed to fall out with them pretty quickly too and never seemed to know the reason why, except according to him it was always their fault not his!! I think it's often hard for them to be friends with a group because there is so much complex social rules etc going on, so maybe when they find someone they like and they think likes them they want to keep that to themselves, and get worried about sharing it. It seems to me boys tend to do the group thing more than girls do, maybe that's why my son tends to get on easier and for longer with girls? I think prob the age your son (and mine) is it is maybe an added difficulty what with the dreaded hormones raising their head! I hope your lad doesn't stress too much while his friends away, could you maybe set a date for them to go somewhere nice together when he gets back, so he has that to look forward to? Take care Luv Witsend.

What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your Grandads underpants?................. Your Grandma!! Luv Witsend.

Aw, Carrie what a horrible thing to have to deal with. <'> We've had quite a few of these 'minor' incidents' over the years which have been blown up out of all proportion by the so called adults involved overreacting and overstepping the mark with what they think they can say and do to other peoples kids. They make my blood boil too. Can't offer much advice because I usually just end up in tears over things like this. At the end of the day this woman was supposed to be the grown up in the situation and it certainly doesn't sound like she acted like one! Lets hope the chlorine turns her hair green and she gets an abundance of verrucas on her feet and any other horrid things associated with swimming!! (Not that I am childish or vengeful in any way myself of course! Take Care Luv Witsend.

Hi - as you may know from recent posts ds is in the midst of hopefully changing schools, in the meantime though he is still supposed to be attending the special school he's at now which he hates. Every morning he doesn't want to go, some days he will refuse to get out of bed 'til last minute, some days he just is v irratible and other days he just cries quietly (that is the worst for me anyway ) Anyway I have kept on making him go to school because I don't want him to think not going to school is a along term option, I have mostly been able to persuade him to keep going by telling him he will be able to change school after Easter (which I am hoping so much is going to happen in time), that and he hasn't quite reached the stage of total rebellion and refusal just yet.....but about once a week now we he is having pretty bad meltdowns (these had become quite rare before this) in the evenings they leave him exhausted and very emotional, they usually start with a big outburst of anger, shouting swearing followed by hitting walls etc or himself! Then he will go off and hide somewhere small or just rock in a chair and there's no talking to him for a while. Eventually he calms a bit apologises and cries and says he's stupid and hates his life all because of school...............so I end up telling him he doesn't have to go the next day, this pretty much calms him right down and he goes to sleep. At the time I always think I've done the right thing, but the next day (like today) when he is up and about the house seemingly quite happy and relaxed with himself I wonder if there's some manipulation going on, and have I just given him exactly what he wants? Has the meltdown from the night before happened totally involuntarily or has there been some measure of planning? Hope you can understand what I'm trying to say I don't know if I'm saying it very well. I'm just getting worried that he may start doing this whatever school he is at when he wants to avoid a certain lesson or something, he's already had more abscences at this school since starting in Sept then he had all the time he was at primary school. It feeel like I'm aiding and abetting him skipping school which I don't want to do but when he has these episodes I just can't bear to make him go - do you think I'm doing the right thing? Sometimes I'm tempted to pull him out of his present school altogether while we wait for the new school to be sorted, but the guy from parent partnership has said absolutely not to do that, so we're struggling on like this. Opinion anyone?? Luv Witsend.

Mel - you are always a good friend to the people here, I know it's cyberspace but it still counts! I've sometimes thought about joining a support group but have never quite done it, I'm not much of a group joiner I suppose. Are there no courses you fancy doing (bit of a cliche I know) but if it was something you were interested in then maybe the pressure to just 'make friends' wouldn't be there so much. Sorry if that's a ridiculous suggestion I obviously don't know if that's a practical option for you. But I know it's horrible when some days you realise you've not had a real conversation with anyone. Take care <'> Luv Witsend.

Brooke hi - your certainly not alone. my 4 yr old copies an awful lot of what his brother does too, I have told school this lots of times but they don't seem to take it on board. I rarely see freinds when I've got the kids with me it's just to stressfull, one of my freinds used to come round with her kids and they used to just behave so we could have a conversation - well no chance doing that with mine . Sometimes it makes me upset and embarrassed but then I always think if the situations were reversed I'm sure I'd be a lot more understanding in the freinds position, IYKWIM. I have a couple of freinds who live in other parts of the country adn they have asked so many times for us to visit with the kids but I just can't face it, when I try to explain I'm sure they just think I'm avoiding them or something to the point where I think they have felt quite offended. They just can't understand what it's like, they always seem convinced that they can work some magic and the kids won't be that bad after all' but believeme I know different but they make me feel like I'm over protective and exaggerating. I suppose I should go one day just to proove it to them - they would soon change their minds eh? Hang in there - hopefully you will have a better day soon and it won't seem so dreadful. In the meantime... <'> <'> <'> Luv Witsend.

Hi -thanks for that ultramum. Having spoken to LEA liason man again he says the LEA wont name the school, but don't actually know this for sure until I've spoken to the organ grinder! Having chatted to my son more about it all he says he is willing to go to whichever school will take him first anyway so that's something. I've said now I'm not happy about being shown round a school by 6th former so that visit is getting re arranged. Watch this space - and thanks everyone for your help - it really does keep me going. Luv Witsend.

Hi - to be honest claire If your sure K seeing his Dad again is not in his best interests (and it sounds from what you've said you are sure) then I would handle it all via solicitor and refuse him access. If he does take it to court then from what you've said it sounds unlikely he would get very far, especially with the lack of contact and knowing so little about K's 'problems'. I know this may sound harsh to some, but I think having an unreliable and untrustworthy parent around is worse than not having one at all. If K is happy and settled with you and the way things are at home and if he does not miss or ask about his father then what is the point of risking that? Good luck with it, and take care of yourself it must all be horribly stressfull for you <'> . Luv Witsend.

Great thread. What keeps me sane? Wine at weekends laughing with boyfriend whose take on life is refreshingly different to everyone elses! cooking enormous sunday lunches (accompanied by aforementioned wine) reading fashion mags buying clothes (and I'm with you Hev love charity shop shopping) walking dogs and getting wet and muddy tea and crumpets and DVD evenings odd bit of sex can I say that here? kissing the kids goodnight (when they are asleep) and thinking they are actually gorgous after all!! Nice to know what others do when we're 'off duty' Luv Witsend.

Hi loulou, how lovely to hear kai is getting on ok at school. I know what you mean it is nice to just have some 'normal' naughtiness . And it sounds like he must have settled there to be engaging in such relaxed type behaviour. Just how many toothbrushes did you have to buy? Luv Witsend.

Take care Bambi - good luck for tomorrow. Luv Witsend.

HI -thanks for the replies. Kathryn I think my son is so set on this school because most of the other kids from his primary school have gone there and so it would feel safer and familiar to him. However what I can see and he can't is that a lot of these kids had no real time for him anyway, just before they left primary a lot of the kids had started to meet up in town etc they were leaving ds son out of it and he used to ask me to take him to town so that he could maybe see them and tag along. I'm sure now these kids have formed their own little cliques again and worry ds would just face more rejection from them if he goes to this school, but then again maybe I'm wrong. At the smaller school I don't think he really knows anyone so would be starting with a clean slate so to speak. I'm glad you also think it's not too good having a 6th former show us round, I think the LEAS guy who arranged it is actually pretty useless. I will ring the school myself like you suggested and set up a meeting with the staff. Clare I can understand your decision I agree that what a lot of other parents would regard as the 'best' school is not often the best for our kids. I think things may be clearer when we have looked round both schools. I think the whole time frame thing is panicking me 'cos I can't see it get sorted for the term after Easter. Anyway will recommence battle tomorrow and see what happens. Luv Witsend.