Matthew has been excluded

[LizC]

Hi you may remember a week or 2 ago my post on the possiblity of M been excluded. well today that day has finally come! I just knew what they were calling me in for. I have to go in again on wednesday with Matthew but I don't know where we go from here and whether he will be going back to school or what, there was mention of me maybe goinig in for a few hours, but I have my other little boy, so afternoons are out (morn he is in school nursery now) I am so stressed out right now and earlier on that packet of paracetamol on the shelf was calling out to me

 

the school did say a letter to the LEA would help from us as parents, the statement needs to be brought forward!! the senco said that this school setting just isn't the right thing for M...

 

so anyway any advice or just hugs and support is all I need right now! thanks

[aro]

Sorry to hear things aren't good there, hope you get some advice re the LEA!

 

Big hug,

A x

[jlp]

Oh Liz!

 

I know it's hard and I've been there with regard to suspension but try really hard to think of this as a good thing. When a child is suspended it means people finally listen and become involved. Ring everyone possible involved with your son (I rang the asd liasion teacher, our local Barnardoes, G's consultant...). It may just be the thing that gets him the help he needs.

 

Atm G is in similar circumstances and has been suspended for far less than what he;s done today (hitting and kicking the school chaplain) and I wish they had suspended him, at least then people become involved and take things seriously.

 

Hugs though because it's very upsetting - I remember when G was suspended aged 5 (although he was first informally suspended several times aged 3 and 4) that it sounded like what you read about in the papers of some ASBOed youth, not what I forsaw being a possibility in the life of a well looked after and loved child from a 'good' home.

 

Take Care - and get on the phone so everyone involved knows what things have come to.

[LizC]

Thanks! yeah I know I am trying to be positive that something good will come out of this, it is just upsetting to know this has happened and I didn't ask for any of it! I just aren't getting a break from him, with him being very disruptive all day, evening and up until 11/12, me and hubby are not getting time for us

[LizK]

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Sounds so very difficult for you. Hope some good does come out of it and your son gets the support he needs

 

Liz x

[smiley]

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Sorry to hear your all having a difficult time. I know it's the last thing you have the energy for but now really is the best time to start shouting.

 

Big, big hugs to all <'> <'>

[Bagpuss]

Oh Liz, I'm so sorry

 

I know we are in the same area too, although I'm unsure if we see the same professionals. Have they offered an alternative placement as yet? Is your ds in mainstream? Might be worth seeking the advice of the EP (ours was fantastic, but as I said, you may see a different one) or possibly the Autism Outreach Worker (shes great too ). I think the fact your ds has been excluded may work in your favour long term, if that makes sense

 

Good luck with it and keep us posted.......

 

Take care <'> <'>

[stressedmumto2]

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time, does your child get 1-1 support at school already? If the school think they cannot cope and he is not right in there school have they sounght advice from and outside agencies to helpthem understand him?

 

It is very upsetting when this happens but it will move things along, hopefully in the right direction, Take care <'>

[LizC]

Hi no he doesn't have any support in school yet (he has had his diagnosis over a year now) the school are gettign some info from the local school for autism and the EP is getting M referred back to where he was diagnosed. yes he is in mainstream at the moment!

[Jericho]

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[opheila]

So sorry Liz just to let you know i am thinking about you

 

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[cmuir]

Hi Liz

 

You're obviously having a really tought time of it just now. I know what you mean about getting no breaks - at the moment, with my son, it's just one thing after another. It can really take it's toll. I get through it by remembering that when things are bad (ie Robert having meltdowns!), it's because he's not coping with things. He's nearly 5 and he's still young, but he may be scared, anxious, over-excited, etc. Hang in there. It may turn out to be a blessing in disguise that he's been excluded. It may be that all Matthew needs is support - not exclusion (or certainly not until they've tried supporting him)! My son has just started mainstream P1. I didn't make myself popular, but seems I've developed a real talent for writing nasty letters to get things that are needed. Robert has full-time support which will be reviewed annually. Without a doubt, it has made a difference. Robert needs someone to be there to mediate when flareups occur between other kids (irrespective of whose at fault) and generally manage his behaviour. It was something I spoke to our consultant about, and she's was great - she's basically sent the headteacher a report to tell them not to even think about withdrawing support! It's obviously a real worry, but time will tell. Best wishes.

 

Caroline.

[Karen A]

Liz I am really sorry you are having such a tough time. <'> <'> Have you contacted parent partnership?In our area they support parents when children have been excluded.I know it must feel like an awful situation but hang in there.At least this can only prove your son needs an awful lot more support to cope in school.It must surely encourage the LEA to get on with Statutary assessment.Karen

[stressedmumto2]

Wellto be honest I think it is wrong for the schoolto say it is not the right place thing for your child, how do they know that when they haven't put in support yet.

 

With support he may cope better because there willbe someone there who can quickly divert him or remove him when it's all getting too much.

 

Get the support for him and then see where it goes, my son has now gone past mainstream, his behaviour got so out of hand before support was put in place that I think it is a no go now, not only that but until he starts recieving help in dealing with his temper nothing is going to change and I don't know how to help him with getting this help, noone seems to have advice.

 

Take this exclusion as a bit of calming time and I hope you get the support for him soon <'>

[oxgirl]

Hi you may remember a week or 2 ago my post on the possiblity of M been excluded. well today that day has finally come! I just knew what they were calling me in for. I have to go in again on wednesday with Matthew but I don't know where we go from here and whether he will be going back to school or what, there was mention of me maybe goinig in for a few hours, but I have my other little boy, so afternoons are out (morn he is in school nursery now) I am so stressed out right now and earlier on that packet of paracetamol on the shelf was calling out to me

 

the school did say a letter to the LEA would help from us as parents, the statement needs to be brought forward!! the senco said that this school setting just isn't the right thing for M...

 

so anyway any advice or just hugs and support is all I need right now! thanks

 

 

So sorry you're all suffering. Here are some hugs from me and hope you get through this period soon. <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[butterfingersbimbo]

omg i cant believe that the school are expecting him to cope without the support!! what planet are they on? sorry but i get so mad when i think of how many children struggle in school needlessly. i am sending you some kick ass vibes as i think you are going to need them.

[LizC]

thanks everyone!! well I will be going into to see the head with M tomorrow first thing, am dreading it in a way. I have no idea if M will be going into school tomorrow, so I will have to put his uniform on pack his lunch etc.

 

what the head is saying is she thinks M is manipulating the situation and says that his naughty ness isn't necessarily to do with AS as he knows what he is doing and plans to be naughty, .........(but maybe it is cause he is very intelligent!)

 

anyway will let you all know what happens tomorrow!

[Kathrynh]

Good luck tomorrow hope it goes well. <'> <'> <'>

[Platefull of Love]

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[Bagpuss]

Good luck today Liz, thinking of you and hoping it all goes well <'>

[LizC]

Hi well at that happened was we went into the heads office she sat us down and said to M are you going to be a good boy, are you going to join in and do as your told because we don't want naughty behaviour or running around the classroom, in this school, cause that is what it is and then we took him to his classroom.

 

those were her words, so basically she expects a child with AS to join in without support, she has no idea!!! (she has working with AS kids before believe it or not!) so I just feel quite anoyed about this. I have now got the official letter saying he was excluded etc etc, he should have got this letter yesterday but it says he can't in that time go into school or on the premisis in that time, now I didn't know that part, I have no choice I have other kids so I still had to pick my daughter up. if this happens again, I don't know what to do as I have my youngest in the nursery there too, what do they expect me to do, leave my 6 year old at home on his own while I come to the school??

[Bagpuss]

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[stressedmumto2]

I feel so angry for you, it sounds so much like what I went through with my son's old school and could be the pattern of this one.

 

I would send them an e-mail saying you have no choice but topick up your other child and that your child who has been excluded will have to come with you, you can always collect from another entrance door too if you want to.

 

The letters they send out are all the same with the stuff about not being on property so i'm pretty sure it's just a standard letter and way of them putting things.

 

Send them the e-mail and i'm sure it will be fine, if it's not then at least you have it on record so you can do something about it.

 

Hope you're feeling better soon <'>

[LizC]

hi thanks.

 

well just tryed ringing LEA. they were as useless as a chocolate t-pot! they said there is no way to hurry things on and that if he gets a long term exclusion then that could slow things down! well the whole system is letting me and my down left right and centre and no support in between! she said in November the panel will sit down and decide if Matthew will get a statement! what happens if they decide not to!! what will happen then, is my son doomed forever?

[smiley]

 

said to M are you going to be a good boy, are you going to join in and do as your told because we don't want naughty behaviour or running around the classroom, in this school, cause that is what it is and then we took him to his classroom.

 

I cannot believe she said that to him!!!! I'd be furious.

 

AS experience???!!! Really?????? If so, she should have phrased that totally differently.

 

Ohhhhhh - that's made me cross!

 

 

 

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[nellie]

Liz,

 

Sorry, I'm confused. Have the LEA started the statutory assessment process?

 

Nellie xx

[LizC]

No not yet, basically the school were gathering 'info' and getting evidence together and have just sent off it off, the LEA have received it and then meet on the panel in november to decide whether to take things further!

 

matthew is sat right next to me and wants to put an icon on here

[nellie]

For Matthew.................

 

[nellie]

Liz,

 

I would ask the LEA if you can submit further parental representations and include the recent events and the statements made by the head teacher. Actually, it may be best to submit the evidence with the request.

 

You could also write a letter to the governing body saying your son has special educational needs and that he should be receiving support. That you have discussed this with the head teacher, without satisfaction.

Remind them of their legal duty in law to 'use their best endeavours' to see that children with special educational needs have their needs met.

 

Hope this helps.

 

Good luck

 

Nellie xx

[Nic m]

Dear Liz, dont know if this will help but what has moved things faster for me is getting my local councillor involved. She wrote to the local social work services asking why no support was in place for my child that really did speed things up although school have been playing up again and have removed hayleys support. My reaction has been to get legal advice and when i called education dept to inform them of this the head of the dept called me direct to see what she could do. Amazing what shouting loud for long enough will do.I have realised being nice doesnt work and now do everything by letter and ask for decisions in writing in a set time.This is the only thing that gets a proper response from Hayley's school anyway. Good luck, Nicola

[LizC]

Thanks for all your help!!!!

[LizC]

For Matthew.................

 

 

 

 

Matthew loves them! he wanted to put some more emoticons on before he goes to bed...

 

[butterfingersbimbo]

where did you get all those emoticons from? i'm dead jealous!!!

 

well that head teacher sounds like she could do with going back to school herself, lesson one, autism!!!

 

funny enough, the old head of el's school called me in a couple of years ago and told me that her son is aspergers and in her opinion, el didnt have autism..... so because el wasn't the same as her son, i was a bad parent!!! and get this, el's school was supposed to be excellent at catering for special needs children.......well, we taught her a thing or two......

 

good luck with the statement, i really had to fight for el's......but it was really worth it.

[LizC]

where did you get all those emoticons from? i'm dead jealous!!!

 

well that head teacher sounds like she could do with going back to school herself, lesson one, autism!!!

 

funny enough, the old head of el's school called me in a couple of years ago and told me that her son is aspergers and in her opinion, el didnt have autism..... so because el wasn't the same as her son, i was a bad parent!!! and get this, el's school was supposed to be excellent at catering for special needs children.......well, we taught her a thing or two......

 

good luck with the statement, i really had to fight for el's......but it was really worth it.

 

 

Hi the emoticons were just on here, if you just press show all you will see more! Glad you taught that teacher a lesson!! I agree you cannot put autism in one box and expect everyone to be the same! well I spoke to the senco after school and she said they will do all they can to fight this as he needs it as he just isn't gettign any education! I think M has given up in all honesty, he sees no reason to have to learn, he said to me earlier, when you are older you don't need to know about cat and mat and words that rhyme, I had to explain to him that you have to start with small words then go onto learning bigger words.