jools Report post Posted March 6, 2007 that is what my son asked last night when yest again he hasn't been invited to a birthday party. it doesn't normally bother him too much but this time it has. the boy in question is the son of a friend of mine, and they have been in the same class since nursery...they are now in year 5. i really feel for him and gave him the old tired excuse of 'well he can't invite everyone' problem is he almost has. all of the boys who play football at playtime have been invited but not G. in the past G has still given this boy a present, bought and suggested by me, but i'm in two minds whether to bother. when i asked G if he wanted to get him a card he said no. i know my friend will be expecting something for him but sometimes it really gets to me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TheNeil Report post Posted March 6, 2007 (edited) i know my friend will be expecting something for him but sometimes it really gets to me. Can't offer any advice but your friend expects something but doesn't invite G to the party? Is it just me who thinks that that's just a little bit two-faced Edited March 6, 2007 by TheNeil Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted March 6, 2007 Oh jools <'> <'> <'> this is heartbreaking, isn't it. I agree with TN, though, I wouldn't make your lad give a card or present to this kid if he doesn't feel inclined to, the kid can't have it both ways! So sorry about your hurt. <'> <'> ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tmf Report post Posted March 6, 2007 Hi, This only happened to me a couple of weeks ago. I have known my friend 28 years, our boys are a yr apart and are more like brothers than friends. They go to different schools so dont see each other as much as they used to. Well ds wasn't invited to his party as he didnt want him there, i was quite upset because i have taught my children that although you make new friends you don't forget the old ones. Therefore when it is birthday time i say right theres you and your sister and this little boy....therefore you can have 7 friends from school. When my friend got told i was upset she ignored me.....then to make matters worse, invited ds 10 mins b4 party was due to start coz some1 hadn't shown and she didn't want to waste the money already spent!! I didn't speak to her for a couple of weeks as i was so mad......we have kissed and made up now, and she was in tears as she hadn't realised how thoughtless she had been. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bambi Report post Posted March 6, 2007 Awww hun im so sorry this has happened and especially as the boy the son of ur friend, have u spoke with the parent to see why he has been excluded? and to expect a gift why should u bother?! sending u lots of hugs <'> T never gets invited to parties and he used to come out of school demanding he gets an invite like the other kids lots of times and like u i had to say they cant invite everyone but i know T knew he was NEVER invited to parties, he has only ever been invited to 1 party of a school friends and that was when he was in reception class 2 yrs ago since then nothing Thinking of u. Bambi x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ellisisamazing Report post Posted March 6, 2007 Awww hun im so sorry this has happened and especially as the boy the son of ur friend, have u spoke with the parent to see why he has been excluded? and to expect a gift why should u bother?! sending u lots of hugs <'> T never gets invited to parties and he used to come out of school demanding he gets an invite like the other kids lots of times and like u i had to say they cant invite everyone but i know T knew he was NEVER invited to parties, he has only ever been invited to 1 party of a school friends and that was when he was in reception class 2 yrs ago since then nothing Thinking of u. Bambi x We have had this happen too and it's awful. When El was still in mainstream nursery he was not invited to any parties in the first six months, but the mothers were quite blatant passing out the invites in the reception area and it would upset me. My son was the only child there with ASD and was the only one always left out. One particular day I was a bit upset and on arrival was greeted with the usual invitation scenario, I couldn't help myself and blew my top.....I said (very loudly!) "So I take it that El's invite is lost in the post then, with the past 6 months of parties worth!!!!" The Mum in question just squirmed whilst I burst out crying and was packed off to the Head's office, she was agog when I told her and must have said something cause next thing was we were getting loads of invites!!! We have hadno probs at his special school Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
butterfingersbimbo Report post Posted March 6, 2007 oh no, we know that feeling well here.....i dont think you should buy a pressie or anything either, i wouldnt even mention it if anything gets said.....big hugs to G, maybe you could do something G likes to do as a treat, if he feels like it. <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
David Matthew Baker Report post Posted March 6, 2007 When I was younger always had everyone in my class to any parties. Nowdays I have a few select friends round. My friends come from all different areas of my life though and always get on fine. I'd talk to your friend before you decided what to do. She may have thought that it was a situation your son couldn't cope with. Still would have been nicer to ask you or explain first. Still I believe it best not to jump to conclusions until you fully understand a situation. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted March 6, 2007 We've experienced the same, and its painful. May be worth having a chat with your friend, to find out what is behind the lack of invite. Regarding a pressie etc....would she buy your child a pressie if her child wasn't invited to a planned party? If so, I'd go ahead and still buy her child something, if not, I wouldn't. DH and I always try to treat people as they treat us......makes life alot simpler Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KateBall Report post Posted March 6, 2007 I too have had this with my son. Never gets invites. One parent told me the other day that her daughter felt sorry for him because there was a party everyone else went to. I found out once that the child whose party it was wanted to invite my son, asked him if he would - to his face - but the parent refused to give him an invite. I wish I knew what I could do to make these people realise how cruel they are. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jlp Report post Posted March 6, 2007 I'm afraid I wouldn't send a pressie - it might make your friend wonder why and realise that you both were hurt. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Corcaigh Report post Posted March 7, 2007 I'm afraid I wouldn't send a pressie - it might make your friend wonder why and realise that you both were hurt. I wouldn't get a present either. He wasn't invited: why bother? I am afraid this is a common situation with all our children. My son hasn't gone to a party in years, I can't even recall when the last one was. The fact that he changed school 15 months ago and -basically- was eradicated from his own community, didn't help either. He stopped asking, he's 11 and knows well why he doesn't get invited. He has a couple of close friends now, they see each other from time to time, but they're Aspies too and don't do parties. I really hope the situation changes in the future, he's being mainstreamed little by little in a fourth class at the moment (one hour a day) and I hope he manages to get some friends and some social life in there. Expecially because he can see wery well what kind of social life his sister has, a girl very busy with friends, playdates and parties. You might give him a special treat to make up for the "missed" party, whatever he likes, a trip to the zoo etc. We're doing our best. <'> Martina Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cmuir Report post Posted March 7, 2007 Hi It isn't pleasant, is it? I agree with TheNeil - I wouldn't buy the kid anything. This friend doesn't sound much or a friend - sorry, that's rather blunt. It would be a different story if she'd discussed inviting your son in terms of whether he could cope in such an environment or not. I mean, what's the worst that can happen (we all know that one)? But, if your son couldn't cope, then you'd leave. However, there's no excuse for not giving him the chance. Try and keep your chin up. Unfortunately there are those that understand (few, in my experience) and those that doesn't want to. We parents have much more on our plates to deal with and sometimes others just aren't worth bothering about. Caroline. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted March 8, 2007 my x best friend lived opposite me,her boy was same age as steve,her boy had party,no invite for steve,she said her boy chose who he wanted there,i was so upset,i really was upset for steven,people are so insensitive sometimes,used to break my heart when all kids came out clutching party envelopes apart from steven hes older now so not a problem,thank god. i agree with neil dont send the boy a card or present,it will make the mum think of her actions then Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jools Report post Posted March 8, 2007 well i gave him a card and a bag of sweets as a token gift. i decided i couldn't give him nothing (too soft i know) but it will make his mum wonder why i didn't get a 'proper' present Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
