loulou Report post Posted April 16, 2007 Morning everyone, I have just seen my son off to school after the holidays and i feel so relieved he's gone. That makes me feel so guilty because i love him to bits, but i don't actually LIKE him at all at the moment. Is that a natural thing to sometimes not like your child (NT or not)? The things that are really bugging me at the moment are; He is rude, he swears, he is very selfish, he thinks he can do whatever he wants when he wants, he won't cooperate with anything i ask him to do and he always has a runny nose and refuses to wipe it ( ). I know he can't help some of his behaviour, but he seems to be really getting to me at the moment. Maybe it's because i'm tired trying to look after him and a new baby? Now i feel really bad for writing such horrible things about him. He can be soooooooo lovely and sweet sometimes, but the negative things are more predominant. Maybe i'll feel better when i see him on Friday. Loulou xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
curra Report post Posted April 16, 2007 Oh Loulou, Don't beat yourself up for feeling relief after the hols. You are only human and the fact that you don't like some of your son's behaviour is a very natural thing, but it doesn't make you bad for it, it's only his conduct you dislike, you love him. What you describe reminds me so much of my son when he was younger and he always had a runny nose and kept making sniffing noises and picking it. It was very irritating, but more for the teachers than for me. In the end it turned out to be hay fever and a treatment with a nasal antiallergic spray sorted it out (but it took years). My son's behaviour has always been quite challenging (and is more now ) and there are also times when I can't stand his aggressiveness. You are doing a great job as a mum and you need a break too! Sending you lots of <'> <'> <'> Curra Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lorryw Report post Posted April 16, 2007 Loulou, It makes things easier if you turn it on its head, its the behaviours you dont like not your actual son. Dont worry its normal, parents of nt children feel exactly the same! You must be absolutely k*******d with a new baby, try and be kind to yourself. Love Lorainexx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted April 16, 2007 I'm sure the feelings you describe are something every parent can identify with to a degree... The more challenging the environment or circumstances in which the parenting takes place, the greater that identification will be. At the end of a long holiday, with a new baby in the house and (perhaps?) some new behaviours from K arising in response to those things it's easy to understand how you might feel the way you feel. When I felt like this (and there were many, many times in the past when sleep deprivation coupled with challenging days and a complete erosion of personal space and any sense of self-identity) l would always think about the end of the day (at what ever time that might happen!) and the feelings I had when he was eventually asleep and I could look at him without all the other 'stuff' that got in the way. Words like 'Like' are nowhere near big enough at those times... My guess is by the time he comes home from school you'll be missing him terribly, and that's all that really matters - 'cos you don't miss things you don't like! L&P& PLEASE rotate that avvy 450 ! BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aro Report post Posted April 16, 2007 my (nt) sister was a nightmare child and I frequently heard mum saying to people that she loved her but alot of the time didn't like her! At 4am when dd has been bouncing on my head for last 4 hrs it's hard to "like" her too! but once asleep she looks like an angel and I forget that feeling! I think you are VERY normal, and like the others say you must be ******* with a new baby too! Take care of yourself <'> A x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aro Report post Posted April 16, 2007 Blimey BD, did we synchronise our thoughts??? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
car2 Report post Posted April 16, 2007 oh lou lou <'> <'> <'> It's completely natural to feel this way and completely natural to feel guilty about it. My "normal" 3 year old daughter is bad enough without her brother to contend with, I honestly feel like walking out and leaving them somedays which is a horrid way to think, but I wouldn't swap them for the world. You are doing a marvellous job and you need to remember that it's not easy at the best of times and you are entitled to feel this way. All the best love caroline Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted April 16, 2007 Blimey BD, did we synchronise our thoughts??? So you want her to rotate her avvy 450 too?? Sorry for messing with the flow, loulou - our sensible responses are above L&P BD <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KarenT Report post Posted April 16, 2007 I have just seen my son off to school after the holidays and i feel so relieved he's gone. That makes me feel so guilty because i love him to bits, but i don't actually LIKE him at all at the moment. Is that a natural thing to sometimes not like your child (NT or not)? It's not a very comfortable thought but God, yes! Sometimes I can't bear to be around J. He takes such a lot of coping with mentally, the frustration of trying to teach him social skills over and over and over again and sometimes he gets it and sometimes he doesn't, then something that he's been used to for years just drops out of his head and you have to start over. I can't stand the rudeness, the snot wiped on the windows, the Beanos lying discarded all over the house, the constant cry of "Mam, Mam, Mam" all bl**dy day... I hate the pressure of having to feel well all the time so that I can meet his needs. We had a couple of days away in the first week of the holidays and I paid for it over the Easter weekend (I have ME and it doesn't take much), and J's behaviour really suffered as a consequence and we're still not back on track yet. I'd love the luxury of feeling a bit off colour but whenever I do it all goes pear-shaped where J's concerned. Perhaps this is what's happening with you now that you have your baby, and can't give your son as much of yourself as he needs? I know all parents feel hacked off with their kids at times but it's got to be a bigger deal with autism in the equation because the fallout is so much greater. Really, really feel for you and can relate to what you're experiencing. But there's no need to feel bad about it because we're all the same, I think. Karen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hedders Report post Posted April 16, 2007 I had a very diffcult day on Saturday with my dds, the tension has been buliding up all week, i dont get much time to myself they constantly fight, argrue, get overexcitied together or follow me around. I ended going to bed in the afternoon i felt drained and kept thinking how easy it would be to put them into care, on that day i hated them, but thats how drained i was feeling then. I spoke to my partner later on that evening about how i felt it was a waste of time he just informed me how i could of handled it better, he hasnt the worries Saturday is his day playing football and then down the pub with mates, infact he doesnt spend hardly anytime with them or us anyway, and feel that maybe i be better off on my own. Sorry to ramble your not alone. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Lya of the Nox Report post Posted April 16, 2007 love is always there like is another thing, and remember it is more a like/dislike of behaviour not of the person bet we could all say the same thing bout or hubs/wives/partners? but i am enjoying school being back Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted April 16, 2007 Yup, same here - i love my son to bits, but WOW!, some days it's very, very hard to like him! It does tend to be a vicious circle for me - my frustration is not aimed at him.... more the behaviour. But it's difficult to be that rational when my little shadow has followed me around for 14 hours straight . As Karen said - constantly having to guide, teach and play with him is totally exhausting. I think, for me it's difficult because much of what he's saying isn't 'conversation' or even particularily directed at me - it's that whole talks AT you rather than TO you / and echolic speech. Yet he still wants and needs some kind of answer or at least acknowledgment that i've heard him IYSWIM......... It's very, very draining. Added to that is sleep deprivation.. always thinking of how to phrase things for him.. being aware of his limits.... etc... etc... Give it a couple of days - and i'm shattered!! It must be very exhausting with a new babby around too <'> <'> But, you know what - the smallest achievement makes it all worth it <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phoebe Report post Posted April 16, 2007 So you want her to rotate her avvy 450 too?? Shouldn't that be 90??? Oh boy do I identify with that - I could have written your post yesterday!! Today is a better day, but sometimes, I cant let go of the negativity that he forces and spreads around him. Even the simplest tasks are met with complete refusal and temper and "why should I." Even the little things can create a huge atmosphere and then afterwards, I am supposed to forget and let it go and he is demanding that I do something for him...... I feel like being the child sometimes and starting it all off again (but I dont cos I know where that leads)!! But I do find it really difficult to let go of my negative feelings and carry on. And I really dont like him a lot of the time. You are not alone!! Hope that you feel a bit better today and are enjoying a bit of breathing space. Look after you Phoebe X Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted April 16, 2007 Help BD, i've rotated the picture so it's now the right way on my control panel, but not on my posts. What have i done wrong? Loulou Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tsmom Report post Posted April 16, 2007 I remember when my son was born,that Toria being hard work made me dislike the behaviour SOOO much.I felt that dealing with Toria meant i didnt have the quality time with Tom it used to really get me down. I remember trying to get her to sleep for hours and hearing Tom cry downstairs DH was with him but my heart was pulling down to him.I got very cross with Toria one night and shouted for god sake just go to sleep.Afterfowards i hated myself. Yr only human dont give yrself a hard time Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lynyona Report post Posted April 16, 2007 I can definately identify with what everyones said here.I find myself some days wishing he was back at school at least he left the house if only for a little while.I love him to bits but some days i dont like him at all depending what mood he s in.If he would just not dominate everything anyone does or wants to do,what to watch on tv even to whether we have the light or the lamp on in the room and has to have an opinion on everything it does get on top of you but i just try to rise above it now for my sanity. lynn Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted April 16, 2007 Yes, same here. Then I'm riddled with guilt, especially when I go and tuck her (youngest dd) in before going to bed myself, and she's sound asleep, looking angelic Sometimes it is the constant questions over and over again, which require the same answer, the destruction of things, the demands.........or just the sheer imput she needs that can be draining and frustrating. I found it more difficult when she was younger, and had so little speech, because she would continually scream if upset, wanting something, didn't like something.....and I felt totally helpless, and found it difficult to enjoy any time I spent with her I can sympathise Loulou <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MelowMeldrew Report post Posted April 16, 2007 I can get very frustrated with things he does , and don't always understand why he does them, but I've never stopped loving him 'though, I'm letting him now find his own level a lot more, and not, try to meet our expectations or anyone else's, that was I suspect our biggest, mistake (And listening to LEA's ! and 'integration' lines !), Square pegs don't go in round holes do they ? I'm sittingback more now, seeing what HE really wants.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted April 16, 2007 Hi, yes felt like this so, so often - my daughter also reads all my signs wrong and very often my voice may sound fed up etc but she will take it that I hate her or thinks she is stupid etc. love is always there like is another thing, and remember it is more a like/dislike of behaviour not of the person I keep telling her as Lya mentions - that sometimes I don't like her behaviour because it makes me sad etc, but I will always love her. Take care, Jb Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
baddad Report post Posted April 16, 2007 Help BD, i've rotated the picture so it's now the right way on my control panel, but not on my posts. What have i done wrong? Loulou Quick - change it back!! What you've done is 'reformated' the picture rather than rotated it, so as far as the panel is concerned it's SIZE (l/r/t/b) hasn't changed. the image has been stretched to fit accordingly... What you needed to do was rotate it in photobucket (or whoever you host photos with) save the change and then do a new link to the rotated piccie.... Hope that makes sense! still - it's been an interesting distraction for you for an hour or so! L&P BD Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted April 16, 2007 thanks, i'll give that a try, should have worked it out by next week! loulou xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted April 16, 2007 loulou i feel like it a lot then feel guilty about my feelings,we love them loads obviously ESPECIALLY when asleep!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stressedmumto2 Report post Posted April 17, 2007 Hi lou lou totally where you are with this one too. Some days I love him to bits but at times I feel I dislike him alot, it's the behaviour I dislike though and have to remind myself and him that. I think you need to take some time out for you when he's making you feel like this, perhaps going into the bedroom and putting some music on that you like to listen to. I find myself sometimes with my son at home all day just sitting in my bedroom and reading a book, just so we both have some space. Take care, you're doing a fab job, sending you loads of these <'> <'> <'> and hoping that you are feeling much better now <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fleur09 Report post Posted April 19, 2007 Morning everyone, I have just seen my son off to school after the holidays and i feel so relieved he's gone. That makes me feel so guilty because i love him to bits, but i don't actually LIKE him at all at the moment. Is that a natural thing to sometimes not like your child (NT or not)? The things that are really bugging me at the moment are; He is rude, he swears, he is very selfish, he thinks he can do whatever he wants when he wants, he won't cooperate with anything i ask him to do and he always has a runny nose and refuses to wipe it ( ). I know he can't help some of his behaviour, but he seems to be really getting to me at the moment. Maybe it's because i'm tired trying to look after him and a new baby? Now i feel really bad for writing such horrible things about him. He can be soooooooo lovely and sweet sometimes, but the negative things are more predominant. Maybe i'll feel better when i see him on Friday. Loulou xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fleur09 Report post Posted April 19, 2007 Hi Loulou! I hope it will help you to know that you are not alone!!! My son is 9, and sometimes can be really lovely, more often than not though, he is rude. It certainly is hard work looking after any child, but a child with aspergers, is even more difficult. Don't feel guilty about your feelings!!! Take care Sarah Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
