lisa35 Report post Posted June 4, 2007 Just lost it , so tired of the crazy, madness of our lives, have to do everything, I was so mean to son, told him he needs to grow up and starting acting more responsible Is it so much to ask, hes 12 soon, and all I asked was for him to get in the bath(that Id run) and he goes and hides in his wardrobe Every room I go in he has stuff in, hes so chaotic, and I know Ive just made things worse, pmt and all that(no excuse for how ive acted) Just found a note he wrote in his room, said sorry for being a failure, Im so ######, made him feel worthless,just so tired, he is 24/7, wants more attention than any 5 yr old! And other people just seem to feel he is spoilt , even if we go out the room, within seconds hes shouting us Does any one else find this or have we just pandered to him too much? Im really beginning to wonder He has no dx, didnt score enough for dx of asp or asd, yet everything the senco, SALT,etc,etc, do with him is same as the kids with dx of asd and it helps Sorry for rant Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted June 4, 2007 and does really daft stuff, just drawn over his legs in permamnent marker pen...ahhhhh........why oh why Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aro Report post Posted June 4, 2007 If it makes you feel better I told my 4 1/2 yr old dd that she was "being a brat" yesterday just before taking her to a party, that's when you get a lovely reminder of what echolalia is all about! Remember....we are only human...and tired ones too! (((((hug)))) A x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 4, 2007 you not a useless mum,ive often shouted at steve and felt so bad after,his bad behaviours just go on and on,no rest from it and we are tired <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted June 4, 2007 Well, you're spot on. Mumble found the reference for us, that AS children often have an emotional age of 2/3 their chronological age. So you're exhausted, frustrated, overloaded and dealing with a 7 year old who thinks it's funny to hide in wardrobes, and who isn't picking up on how stressed out you are. Oh, such familiar territory! B now runs his own bath, but I still check he's scrubbed all those important places that otherwise means that you can track him by smell. He has a bath a night, and it seems to be a place where he destresses and switches off, so yes, he can spend inordinate lengths of times watching the water reflections and playing with the bubbles. I also do the room sweep, and he knows when I say 'Move it or lose it' that I always carry out any threat I've made if he doesn't get there first. And we used to have the summoning shout whenever he wanted us. You are not an awful, useless mum. You said no more to him than any other weary parent would have said, and it was in the heat of the moment. You do not attack him on a daily basis, telling him he is a nightmare, that he is useless, that he's evil just like his father and that you wish he had never been born. Unlike an NT child I was dealing with today whose mother is emotionally abusing him. Now that's a cr*p parent. He loves you and he's sorry. You love him and you are sorry too. It's hard, you're tired, give yourself a break! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisa35 Report post Posted June 4, 2007 Well, you're spot on. Mumble found the reference for us, that AS children often have an emotional age of 2/3 their chronological age. So you're exhausted, frustrated, overloaded and dealing with a 7 year old who thinks it's funny to hide in wardrobes, and who isn't picking up on how stressed out you are. Oh, such familiar territory! B now runs his own bath, but I still check he's scrubbed all those important places that otherwise means that you can track him by smell. He has a bath a night, and it seems to be a place where he destresses and switches off, so yes, he can spend inordinate lengths of times watching the water reflections and playing with the bubbles. I also do the room sweep, and he knows when I say 'Move it or lose it' that I always carry out any threat I've made if he doesn't get there first. And we used to have the summoning shout whenever he wanted us. You are not an awful, useless mum. You said no more to him than any other weary parent would have said, and it was in the heat of the moment. You do not attack him on a daily basis, telling him he is a nightmare, that he is useless, that he's evil just like his father and that you wish he had never been born. Unlike an NT child I was dealing with today whose mother is emotionally abusing him. Now that's a cr*p parent. He loves you and he's sorry. You love him and you are sorry too. It's hard, you're tired, give yourself a break! Thanks Bard, just feel guilty, seems a permamnent state of being a parent!!! Lisa Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted June 4, 2007 Thanks Bard, just feel guilty, seems a permamnent state of being a parent!!! Lisa Only the good ones who always try to do their very best and sometimes fall short. Then they beat themselves up because they're not 100% perfect, wise, calm and patient with immaculate make-up and a size 6 figure. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mother in Need Report post Posted June 4, 2007 Well said Bard! I sometimes say things to all my kids that I regret afterwards, NT and AS alike; usually when I am really tired or simply can't cope for a moment. sometimes I say things I do not regret saying, and might not have said if I hadn't been so stressed, and that is sometimes OK too, as it makes the boys a bit more aware that mum has needs too. I constantly have to remind myself that I am only human, not a mum and a maid and a nurse and a psychologist and a cook and a cleaner and a taxi driver and a first aider and a wrestler and a umpire and whatever else more, all in one, all the time! I am not a goddess with superpowers so sometimes I simply cannot do everything right all the time (well, alright, most of the time), however hard I try. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
llisa32 Report post Posted June 4, 2007 'Summon'......that sums it up nicely , I'm so glad thats not just me. Sometimes I think I'm gonna explode if I hear the word 'mum' one more time! - And sometimes I do explode!....thing is sometimes I say 'Blo**y and then sprog promptly reminds me I mustn't say that , then threatens to tell my mum or my hubby that i did! usually that distracts us both...but I have blown my top sometimes, I think we all have, it's really very wearing, and sometime shard to stay positive but u definately gotta try. And they all look so cute when they finally fall asleep - mine had to have a shoebox bed for the digimon tonite and he had to tell them off when they still werren't asleep Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KateBall Report post Posted June 4, 2007 Just lost it , so tired of the crazy, madness of our lives, have to do everything, I was so mean to son, told him he needs to grow up and starting acting more responsible Is it so much to ask, hes 12 soon, and all I asked was for him to get in the bath(that Id run) and he goes and hides in his wardrobe Every room I go in he has stuff in, hes so chaotic, and I know Ive just made things worse, pmt and all that(no excuse for how ive acted) Just found a note he wrote in his room, said sorry for being a failure, Im so ######, made him feel worthless,just so tired, he is 24/7, wants more attention than any 5 yr old! And other people just seem to feel he is spoilt , even if we go out the room, within seconds hes shouting us Does any one else find this or have we just pandered to him too much? Im really beginning to wonder He has no dx, didnt score enough for dx of asp or asd, yet everything the senco, SALT,etc,etc, do with him is same as the kids with dx of asd and it helps Sorry for rant Lisa Your situation sounds so much like mine - so its not just you. My son is chaotic - has things everywhere. Wishes me dead - always asks me for things, never his father - says "mum" every minute it seems. I am so tired too. He has no dx (they won't give him one) yet treating him like he is autistic - so what's the difference. He also writes notes everywhere - often abusive to me. I live in a constant state of readiness to deal with endless questions or reactions or behaviour problems and then a constant state of guilt wondering if I have said or done the right thing. If it helps to know you're not the only one - then believe me you're not. If it doesn't help at all then have one of these <'> instead! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bard Report post Posted June 4, 2007 (edited) Sometimes I think I'm gonna explode if I hear the word 'mum' one more time! Does he just yell on one tone, or does he do the special three tone query m-uuuu-um? Edited June 4, 2007 by Bard Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
llisa32 Report post Posted June 4, 2007 definately the rising in tone and loudness variety of 'summoning' If I don't hear him he starts literally screaming so when I do hear him I think something awfuls happened and the biggest emergency is likely that he can't find one of his 'aliens' !! and sometimes is to ask me to 'pass' him one of the flippin 'aliens'! - cos he can't be bothered to get up from comfy sofa! - god help me he's only 7 and half at mo! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JsMum Report post Posted June 4, 2007 Firstly here are some <'> <'> <'> Secondly you are no way a useless mum, no way. Thirdly you are exhausted, and totally drained I know the PMT issue as well, thats the only the times that I do shout! Its really hard when its 24-7, I nearly congratulated everyone for getting throw the half term because its hard work. I agree with the visual timetable, and having everything in the bathroom accessable, the soap might of been sensory difficult for him to grip, or samilair so for J he has his on a rope, there is alsp foam soap, I have been trying to give J some privacy time, so ten mins but he cant cope with the seperation, this may be an issue with your son, needs you to be presant, or near by. Books on preteens stuff to help him see that now he is beginning to grow bigger he will need to get dressed and bathed in privacy, growing bodies and all that, so some picture books, there is spesific Autism teen books for this. Is there a sitter service attatched to your AS/Autism group or Respite carers that may come and relieve you to give you a break, your local carers centre may have further information and may even be able to offer funding so you can have a massage or some time to your self. you are a fab mum and nothing else will do JsMum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 5, 2007 He has a bath a night, and it seems to be a place where he destresses and switches off, a bath has always calmed steven down as well,floods the bathroom but thats a small price to pay for some peace Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted June 5, 2007 Does he just yell on one tone, or does he do the special three tone query m-uuuu-um? steven yells in one tone and i often run up stairs panicking just to find he wants me to open a window Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KarenT Report post Posted June 5, 2007 Hi Lisa. I'm a rotten mum too, but by the sounds of things it's not such an exclusive club I know just how you feel, you just push on and push on and it all seems so pointless at times. It gets really hard to cope after a while. I'm struggling just now because J's had an excellent six months and is falling apart now - I guess I got used to him coping and I can't handle what he's suddenly turned in to. Or what it's turned me into - I used to be such a nice person before all this and now I'm a b*tch!! Keep your pecker up, chuck. You can go on because you have to, just like we all do. At least you know you're not alone. Karen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pearl Report post Posted June 5, 2007 Well I called JP a selfish ungrateful little **** during his last meltdown, we're only human & sometimes I think they should realise the effect they are having on us. He was so apologetic when he calmed down as he just hates upsetting me, & I dont see anything wrong on playing on that a bit if it helps him to think before speaking. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
venus Report post Posted June 5, 2007 I too feel awful at the moment, I've just had enough tonight .Owen keeps making horrible animal noises Ryan is just demanding at the moment. Just before tea I lost it completely and threw their pen box on the floor as I had just had enough of picking toys off the floor today, of course the pen box had to hit their dyson vac cleaner and the plastic at the front all broke and all the little coloured balls sprayed all over the living room floor and they were really upset as it was a favourite toy. I feel really bad and will try to find a replacement at a car boot sale or ebay really quickly. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oxgirl Report post Posted June 5, 2007 <'> <'> <'> Group hug! <'> <'> <'> ~ Mel ~ Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Karen A Report post Posted June 5, 2007 <'> <'> <'> Lisa You described some of my frustrations so well.It is exhausting and would get to anyone at times.Karen. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Deedee Report post Posted June 5, 2007 <'> <'> Now then firstly noone here is a terrible parent.Dear llisa you are like all of us we are on here because we care deeply about our children and are searching for answers and support for them,as well as ourselves.By posting on here it helps so many other people wether they are lurkers or posters.We all have days when they just push the right buttons I recently had a similar accident to Venus but I threw a video at the garden wall in temper only to realise it was one of M's favourites cue panic attack (me that is!!) Ebay is truly a godsend sometimes I hope you feel better today DXX Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
loulou Report post Posted June 8, 2007 Hi, This is a really good thread. I don't feel quite so guilty about some of the things i've said to Kai now . I think it's utter frustration that sometimes makes us blow. Kai seems to have taken over every room in our house too. We moved to a bigger house last year and he's STILL got stuff everywhere. It drives me insane. We are all great mums <'> Loulou xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted June 8, 2007 I've had times when I said something through sheer frustration, stress, tiredness, and later regretted it. Always make a point of apologising to my kiddies if I've said something, and have a cuddle. Had a really difficult morning with youngest dd this morning. DH had to get up early for work today , at approx 5 ish, and youngest dd always jumps into bed with me (usually we then wait for DH to finish getting ready, and get up together), but she couldn't understand, bless her, that this morning it was far too early, and she refused point blank to go back to bed or play in her room. She has also taken to poking my face, unsure why, she won't stop it. I was feeling so tired that eventually I got really irritable and got really snappy with her, and said if she didn't stop I'd start singing (she can't bear singing). DH brought me a cuppa tea up, because he realised I wasn't going to get back to sleep, and left for work and I got up to get ready. As soon as I started getting washed, she is hammering on the door for a wee, refusing to use the downstairs loo, and then after she'd had wee she went back into my room, and was messing about on the bed, knocking the cup of tea all over the cream carpet. Then, when I got it cleaned up, got myself ready, she went back to bed and refused to get up.........by this point I was talking through gritted teeth. Managed to get her downstairs and got her sorted for school etc. Felt so awful afterwards though, that'd I'd been snappy with her, when she didn't understand why this morning was different, and terrible about threatening to sing.....how mean is that. Then when she got home today, her home school diary said she'd been very upset all day, and at one point was under a table crying......they think she's tired......not wrong there, and she's not the only one Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
