We cant do this anymore!!

[soraya]

Feeling really upset and angry, Nick got out of a moving mini bus this morning as he just cant get to school, the LEA say l have to keep trying even though he jumps out of the bus. There is no escort on the bus, just the driver who is a teacher. He is at this moment in the middle of the coutryside on his own an hour away by car, the bus has driven on as they have pick ups to make. Nearly every morning the school phone to say he has jumped off the bus and expect me to deal with it. I can t go on like this every morning or l will be headed for a breakdown. The headteacher says l must go about my day as normal and dont go and pick him up, she says he is 14 and quite capable of making his way home!!.Who is responsable for him when he has left the house, the school or me?

[pearl]

I'm at work Soraya so this is a quickie, but this is disgraceful. Its a child protection issue, no way should a child of 14 with AS be wandering the countryside alone. I dont know the legalities but I'd say fair & square its their responsibility once you hand him over to them, not yours.

<'> Really feel for you.

[soraya]

I'm at work Soraya so this is a quickie, but this is disgraceful. Its a child protection issue, no way should a child of 14 with AS be wandering the countryside alone. I dont know the legalities but I'd say fair & square its their responsibility once you hand him over to them, not yours.

<'> Really feel for you.

Thanks so much Pearl, l dont know what l would do without you guys. I am crying as l am typing as l havent heard from Nick and he is not answering his phone, it is so hard being Nicks mum, l love him but feel so usless at the moment, he is so deppressed and angry and takes it out on me

[llisa32]

Hi Soraya <'>

 

it must be awful...can only imagine how frustrated and upset you are feeling <'>

 

In my view it is absolutely 'their' responsibility to keep him on that bus once you have put him on it - he's 14 not 18, and you would not dump him in the middle of the countryside yourself - nor would you give him 'permission' to go wandering around the countryside himself.

 

They either need to provide someone to keep him on the bus - using distraction/company/whatever...or I think you are well within your rights to refuse to send him due to concerns about his safety.

 

I truely hope you can get some support from the right people on this <'>

[Sallya]

Just wondering..who are you talking to at the LEA about this? Is it the transport department or Nick's case worker(if he has one)? I think a case worker should be involved if not already.

[soraya]

The school organise transport in house, and the teachers do the driving. I have phoned the LEA and spoken to Nicks case worker, she just says the school meets his needs and he is fine when he is there, just because he finds the journey "difficult" it dosent mean he can have funding for a residential school. He has only been to school 6 times since the begining of term, and no one cares, l just get told to keep putting him on the transport, the school dont care as they are getting funding for a child who is never there!!!

[Karen A]

Hi Soraya.I am not an expert and know others here have had real battles over transport.However I have had a look and found some guidance to LEAs that may be helpful.

LEAs have a responsibillity to conduct a risk assessment and to ensure safe care for children with SEN for whom transport is provided.The provision should be appropriate for assessed neeed-including need for an escort.Each pupil should be provided with an appropriate travel solution and regular reassesment should be undertaken.Parental feedback should be obtained regarding the service provided.Hence it appears that responsibility rests with the LEA.

 

However if the school are repeatedly allowing Nick to get on the bus knowing he will jump off which is obviously unsafe I wonder whether the Head Teacher is also failing in their duty of care -if the transport is provided by the school as a service rather than by the LEA.

 

 

 

The response from the HT invites the question of why transport is provided-Surely if it is considered that your DS is quite capable of making his way too and from school the school would not provide a bus

 

I hope Nick turns up soon.I cannot imagine how stressful this must be. <'> <'> Karen.

[Clare63]

Soraya,

Thinking of you.....

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Clare x x x

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

I would refuse to send him............end of............

 

Untill this situation is sorted..........

 

 

I dont want to saate the obvious but whats more important youre sons saftey which is obviously put at immense risk or getting him to school........hes not getting there any way.its no contest.............id just keep him at home.I know its probably not as clear cut as this things never are put if it were my son id be terrified.

[Cat]

I would refuse to send him............end of............

 

 

Me to can't quite get my head around this. Everyone knows what is going to happen on a daily basis and yet they repeat the performance on a daily basis. It does not make sense. No way would my 14 year old son be wandering around for hours on end goodness knows where on his own. Yes OK it probably should be the LAs responsibility - but if they are not going to accept resposnibility right now then surely as his parent you must. Even if it is just for as long as it takes to beat them with a big stick about this.

 

How would you feel if while he was wandering around something happened to him? Would it matter whose responsibility it was then? It depends on what the objective is here? Proving that the school and the LA are neglecting their duites - which in my opinion they are, or making sure that a 14 year old lad is safe - Hmm

 

sorry probably not what you wanted to hear right now.

 

Cat

[hev]

soraya,this is too traumatic for you and nick to keep dealing with

i would keep him off school as the worry and stress you are both going through by sending him every day is awful,stuff what lea and school say,keep him off before an accident happens

i really do feel for you as your nick sounds like my steve so much,hang on in there,wish there was more i could do <'> <'>

[soraya]

Me to can't quite get my head around this. Everyone knows what is going to happen on a daily basis and yet they repeat the performance on a daily basis. It does not make sense. No way would my 14 year old son be wandering around for hours on end goodness knows where on his own. Yes OK it probably should be the LAs responsibility - but if they are not going to accept resposnibility right now then surely as his parent you must. Even if it is just for as long as it takes to beat them with a big stick about this.

 

How would you feel if while he was wandering around something happened to him? Would it matter whose responsibility it was then? It depends on what the objective is here? Proving that the school and the LA are neglecting their duites - which in my opinion they are, or making sure that a 14 year old lad is safe - Hmm

 

sorry probably not what you wanted to hear right now.

 

Cat

Hi Cat, Nick has quite severe OCD on top of his aspergers, according to CAMHS is it this that makes him leave whatever mode of transport going to school.Nick is happy at school, but he cannot get there. When he takes the train he just gets off halfway and comes home, he says it is "funny feelings " that make him do this. CAMHS say it is important for him to try and get there everyday or he will just give up. Nick is capable of independant transport, but he cannot be trusted to get there!!

[DaisyProudfoot]

Unfortunately if this has become part of his OCD then he is probably going to keep doing this until he can break the cycle. As you say it's not that he doesn't want to go to school it's just that he has now got it into his compulsion that he must leave the bus and as you know with OCD it's hard to break out of that.

 

I am going to suggest something - it sounds stupid and you can tell me to go jump in a lake if you like but here it is:

 

Would your son be willing to sit on the bus with an ipod (favourite music playing loudly) and a blindfold. The kind you wear at bedtime (but without the pink lacy bits). This way the senses are being tricked and he will be unable to work out the twists and turns (for a few journeys at least). If he can't see/hear where he is going he may be able to break the cycle and get to school. Once he has done this it may make a difference.

 

I said it was a stupid idea but nothing ventured......

[Karen A]

Hi Cat, Nick has quite severe OCD on top of his aspergers, according to CAMHS is it this that makes him leave whatever mode of transport going to school.Nick is happy at school, but he cannot get there. When he takes the train he just gets off halfway and comes home, he says it is "funny feelings " that make him do this. CAMHS say it is important for him to try and get there everyday or he will just give up. Nick is capable of independant transport, but he cannot be trusted to get there!!

 

 

Have Camhs given you any other advice or strategies to help Nick with the OCD ?

A Camhs psychologist provided support for our elder son who was having panic attacks when trying to get to school.He used Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which worked very well.Karen.

[allie]

<'> >< <'> >< <'> >< <'>

Hope Nick is back safe and sound.

[soraya]

Thank you so much everyone for your replies, Nick turned up at home very upset at 10.00am. I have told the school that l am not going to send him on the bus anymore, and the headteacher has said she will send a car. The thing is he will get out of the car as well, although it is safer as the driver will take him to a station if he gets his "funny feelings", this is all well and good but we have tried this and it will work for a couple of days and then he will start telling the driver to take him to the station!!!I think the headteacher wants to get him to school for her figures. I wish she would say they cannot meet his needs and then we could get a residential school.

Daisyproudfoot, the blindfold is a good idea, but with Nick being 14 his street cred would not allow him to wear a blindfold on the bus!! CAMHS say there is a 9 month wait for CBT, but l am going to go private. Once again thanks everyone for your support <'>

[JsMum]

Has your son got a statement?

 

If so then you could look at some residential schools that meet the needs of children that are like your son and you could if they had a place for him ask the statement to change the school part 4. If the school refuse you could appeal, then it can go to an appeal, it is clear here in a panel that the safety of your child is severely comprimised in transportation, that a residential would be far more suited.

 

Be very careful too, because in the hours your son is in the transportation, you are liable and still responsible for him, so if he does get into an accident because he has escaped the bus, then you are liable and the school, transport hold no responsibility.

 

Under health and safety you may be able to access a better provision for your son, ring Advacey Centre of Education for details on changing part 4.

 

JsMum

[shars]

you know something,

if its any constellation ..last week I sat and cried ,head in hands ,,I really couldnt do it anymore...Why me ....Why my family...I wept like a baby...Im shell shocked,, today christ knows I lost the plot.....but why me eh........tomorow will bring a new sun ...with new hopes and new dreams.... and prehaps more energy for our fight and us.Your not alone, your not the only mother, I say that with love....xoxoxoxshars