Short.

[oxgirl]

When we were at Jay's Neurology check-up the other week, he had a long look through his height and weight charts. Now, Jay has always been tiny for his age and well below the bottom scale for weight, but, after many years of fretting about this, we just gave up worrying about it eventually. He eats pretty well now, although tiny portions still. Me and hub were both small as children and both shot up at 15 so we were expecting the same would be true for Jay.

 

Well, the consultant said, looking at the charts that he would end up about 5'5" or 5'6". I feel very bad, and I don't know why really. DH is average height and I'm above average, even though I was tiny as a child. I can't help thinking that the many, many years of food phobias and feeding problems could have led to malnutrition throughout his childhood and has stunted his growth. I feel like a failure for being unable to nourish my child all that time and that he's going to be short forever as a result.

 

He's fed up with being small now and is always saying about how he hates being the smallest and thought to be younger, etc. I've always reassured him that he'll shoot up in a year or so and catch up and end up about the same as his dad, but now I'm worrying that he'll be even smaller than me as an adult and I feel quite bad about it. Probably being silly but it's really knocked me.

 

~ Mel ~

[Guest Lya of the Nox]

YOU did your best!!

you could not have force fed him!!!!!!!!!

stop taking responsibility for things that probably made no difference

 

have you done your best??

could you have done better? honestly????

stop beating yourself up!!

tis not allowed,

the "expert" could be wrong

my "failure to thrive" baby, serious issues is now 6"3

be kind to yourself and go a make a cuppa, and have some choccy, have mine too cos no b^gger in my house will buy me any cos i not allowed

huge <'> xx

[pearl]

Yes, what Lya said <'>

Charts schmarts.

[harmony]

You have tried your best, don't fret. Best things come in small packages anyway.

I don't know if this true, but I was told that a boy is always taller than his mother, some genetic thingy.

 

Harmony x <'>

[dooday24]

dont beat yrself up mel reece eats very little and has a very restricted diet and yet hes the right hight and weight for his age which i am very supprised and ive allways been told to let him eat wat he wants

 

sending u loads of <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

love donnaxxxxxx

[forbsay]

Hi Mel

 

Don't beat yourself us. You are doing your best.

 

Sending you lots of hugs. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

Take care

[oxgirl]

Thanks guys.

I guess if he was destined to be short all along, if we both were, it would just be one of those things, but I can't help thinking he should be average height like his dad and yet he isn't 'cos of poor nutrition. It's silly really, don't know why it's got to me so much, just feel like I've done irreparable damage is all.

 

~ Mel ~

[lorryw]

Hi Mel,

Ye Gods!! Why on earth do so called "experts" say such things to parents. I totally agree with the others, charts are a waste of space, it was probably 20 years out of date.

I can only speak from 12 years experience in a Junior school. Im constantly amazed at the great, hulking, young men I meet who yell "Hi Miss!" and who I remember as tiny little boys.

[purplehaze]

I know how you are feeling, I was told recently that my son may be short for his age due to a lack of protein and I felt so bad about it but at the end of the day we offer our children the right food and unless we force feed them we can't do anything more.

 

I basically said to my self what would I prefer a short boy (although he may grow) or a boy who is so messed up because his mum force fed him.

 

We do our best so please do not worry about it. X

[aro]

Yes but remember this....judging by your original post, if you and your DH had been measured at 14 you would have be given a "potential" hight smaller than you are. BUT you both shot up in your mid teens. Who's to say your son wont too!

 

Any way those charts and people who measure the kids are rubbish. EVERYONE, even the paed on Monday comments on how tall my dd is, eg looks 7yrs in stead of 5yrs, well the nurse for the paed had just done her usual c**p measuring job and put my dd below the 50 percentile!

I get annoyed by that but dh just say that the charts are pointless....he is probably right

 

A x

[Bard]

What did the doctor say, does J have any other signs of malnutrition?

My dad came from a neglectful and malnourished childhood. He's not very short,( 5' 8") but his body is poorly proportioned as a result of his childhood.

His legs are too short in proportion to his torso, his teeth are dreadful and his digestive tract is fairly knackered due to years spent with no food in it for prolonged periods of time.

He joined the army at 18 and they fed him, then he met my mum at 21 and she took care of him!

 

Seriously though, if you are feeling guilty, you need to talk to the doctor again so that you don't pile this worry on top of all the other concerns, worries and duties that you are already staggering along under. It's surprisingly hard to malnourish a child to that extent, it took my Grandmother 16 years of hating, beating and neglecting her son to create the effect that she did.

It's not your fault, force-feeding children is against the law and J would have been truly traumatised if you had continuously rammed healthy food down him. He'd have ended up vomiting and hating you.

[JsMum]

Force feeding kids can actually cause eating disorders so I agree you cant force feed J, my J has just recently started to put on weight, he has severe sensory issues around tastes, it was soo hard to get him to move away from just wheetabix and milk, but now he is loads better with patience and using sensory support, and now he is tasting all sorts of food, he licks, touches, and we have on menu foods he likes, he looks loads better because he was severely thin, and people do stare, but the people who commented the most had no room to talk.

 

My brother was a skinny as a rake and short for years, now still slim but the tallest of the family, you would of never believed it, a friend of Js a very tall lad I exspected his mum and dad to be tall, they where 5f 1 and 5f 5, this lad will be a six footer, sometimes in the genes down the line, its not your fault its just in the genes, on top of that you have a child who has severe food issues, forcing him will make the situation worse.

 

Could you be referred to a dietition or nurtitionist, we had one for over 2 years and they really helped us.

 

JsMum

[oxgirl]

Thanks again all. I was walking along with him the other day and had a sudden vision of a man's face on his tiny body and it really shook me.

Bard, your story of your dad is very sad and dreadful. Jay's legs are short, yes, in proportion to his long torso and long arms, he does look out of proportion.

JsMum, we saw dietitians in the early years and they were hopeless, didn't help us one bit. We don't need them now, he eats well now, but I fear it's too late.

Aro, it's true what you said, if me and DH had been monitored we, and especially me, would have both been considered to end up small but didn't. I can only hope that he does shoot up this year, he'll be 15 in November. Aside from that, I don't know why I'm worrying so much about it, there are lots of smaller people around, I don't know why it's such a big problem in my head, maybe just the thought that I could be the cause of it.

 

~ Mel ~

[warrenpenalver]

5 foot 6 isnt that short!!! im 5 foot 6 1/2 and i dont have shortness worrys.

[Bard]

I don't know why it's such a big problem in my head, maybe just the thought that I could be the cause of it.

 

~ Mel ~

 

 

Because you're a worrier, you've said that yourself. You are not, and never have been, the cause of any of the challenges and problems that J has. You are his security. That puts a huge strain on you.

If he's got long arms, the strong likelihood is that he will have a growth spurt and be proportionate by the time he's 20.

Dad now has three children, a wife that adores him passionately and numerous grandchildren who celebrate Grandfather's day on August 10th where we gather and he gets to be a pontificating sentimental twit and we let him.

You are worrying about a future problem that might never materialise, and feeling guilty about it.

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

On those charts, G was supposed to end up 5'10" and she's 4" short of it.

B was tiny when he was born, fell off the 97th centile for weight when he was 8, and stayed in the fatty fattest stratosphere until he started to grow around 10. He weighed the same at 8 and 11 years old, but he was 5" taller.

He's now fit and lovely at 13, bar the occasional spot, and taller than G which gives him a great deal of satisfaction. I haven't felt guilty about this once, even when he was stout of tum. I do my best and that's all anyone can do.

Edited April 11, 2008 by Bard

[oxgirl]

5 foot 6 isnt that short!!! im 5 foot 6 1/2 and i dont have shortness worrys.

 

Haha, whoops, sorry warrenpenalver, no offence intended!

 

Cheers, Bard, I've just got a guilt complex I'm sure. If Jay was tubby I'd probably feel bad about that too, I need some chill pills me thinks.

 

~ Mel ~

[Tally]

Boys tend to keep growing until around 21 years old, so there is still time! I was told at 15 that I had stopped growing and would be short forever, but I suddenly started growing again in my late teens, and actually stopped at 21. Now I am on the short side of average, but I was always noticeably small as a child - people assumed my brother and I were twins, and he is 4 years younger than me! Growth is impossible to predict right every time, and it's quite common for shorter kids to just grow for longer.

[pookie170]

Boys tend to keep growing until around 21 years old, so there is still time! I was told at 15 that I had stopped growing and would be short forever, but I suddenly started growing again in my late teens, and actually stopped at 21. Now I am on the short side of average, but I was always noticeably small as a child - people assumed my brother and I were twins, and he is 4 years younger than me! Growth is impossible to predict right every time, and it's quite common for shorter kids to just grow for longer.

 

 

Me too! My sis is not quite 12 months older than me and always has, always will tower over me. My l'il bruv came along when I was 3 and a half, and by the time he was two I could share his clothes.(To my utter delight, I was SUCH a tomboy!!) I was absolutely weeny throughout childhood, then hit 15 ish and started to grow like a weed-well, for me, at any rate. And I'm 5 foot five and a half now....isn't that a ridiculous height to be? I'd round it off if I only could!!!

Now, my youngest is definitely taking after me, he's very small compared to his classmates, theres only one kid in his year shorter than him and the wee soul has a genetic condition that has determined that. Yet according to the centile charts our darling H.V's use, he is a bit on the tall side. 'He is not' said I, and next time we were in docs I took a photocopy of his class photo with a little note attached saying something along the lines of 'Y'see? Weeny!' and got the docs to pass it on. She never said a thing to me after that!! Think I hurt her feelings.

Don't feel bad that he's short- as I say, my sister is, what, 5 foot 10 or so, and my 'little' brother is over 6 foot tall. But I'm wee! Genetics, how capricious! He'll be fine, he'll be just as he's meant to be and thats that. Hes got a mum that cares so he'll be fine!!

 

Esther x

[Faithnomore]

My dad is only 5ft 6,and my FIL is also around this height neither of them have any problems regarding their height.

[Cariad]

When we were at Jay's Neurology check-up the other week, he had a long look through his height and weight charts. Now, Jay has always been tiny for his age and well below the bottom scale for weight, but, after many years of fretting about this, we just gave up worrying about it eventually. He eats pretty well now, although tiny portions still. Me and hub were both small as children and both shot up at 15 so we were expecting the same would be true for Jay.

 

Well, the consultant said, looking at the charts that he would end up about 5'5" or 5'6". I feel very bad, and I don't know why really. DH is average height and I'm above average, even though I was tiny as a child. I can't help thinking that the many, many years of food phobias and feeding problems could have led to malnutrition throughout his childhood and has stunted his growth. I feel like a failure for being unable to nourish my child all that time and that he's going to be short forever as a result.

 

He's fed up with being small now and is always saying about how he hates being the smallest and thought to be younger, etc. I've always reassured him that he'll shoot up in a year or so and catch up and end up about the same as his dad, but now I'm worrying that he'll be even smaller than me as an adult and I feel quite bad about it. Probably being silly but it's really knocked me.

 

~ Mel ~

 

Oh Mel I can see myself typing out the same as you in two years time. T is teeny and will be 13 this year and is in age 9-10 clothes. He is so small people think he's about 8 or 9, if anyone says anything he screams "I'm big". He hardly eats and he is almost 5 stone. He is so picky and hates everything, so we now have milkshake supplements for him to have to "bulk" him up. I SO know where you are coming from <'>

[Shnoing]

When we were at Jay's Neurology check-up the other week, he had a long look through his height and weight charts. Now, Jay has always been tiny for his age and well below the bottom scale for weight, but, after many years of fretting about this, we just gave up worrying about it eventually. He eats pretty well now, although tiny portions still. Me and hub were both small as children and both shot up at 15 so we were expecting the same would be true for Jay.

 

Well, the consultant said, looking at the charts that he would end up about 5'5" or 5'6". ...

Did the consultant ever look at Jay's middle hand bones/the gaps between the bones? Some people are just growing slower ... that's what you can see there. Our 14-year-old has a 'bone age' of only 12 so his position in the height and weight charts had to be modified.