scared he will get hurt

[hev]

steve has wanted to change his surname for about 4 years to mine,he has his real fathers name at the moment

 

ive never really wanted him to change it cos thats his name if you get what i mean,anyway hes still really keen to change it,hes an intelligent boy,hes not doing it on a whim so im willing to go ahead with it

i was talking to a lady who changed her childs name and she said i need his real dads permission in a letter,the problem is i do not know his address,he hasent seen steve for over 11 years,he just does not want contact with steve,tried all that years ago,my mum and dad live at same address for years and hes never contacted them about steve and i know hes not interested.

steves plan is to ring up my ex mum and father in law as i have their number,havent had contact with them for 11 years either,he wants to ask them for my ex to write a letter to agree to it,in all honesty they couldnt care less about steve,their loss but i cant bear thought of him getting hurt with a rejection by any of them,i would love for them to be interested but they wont be,no one likes to see there child rejected do they,anyway hes all set to ring them,he knows what he wants to say,hes just going to tell them the facts of name change,he has no idea how im feeling,im very casual about it all,i cant forbid him to do it cos hes nearly 15 but i wish he would forget about it all but that wont happen,if they are funny with him i will go mad and i dont want to

[pearl]

Oh hev your heart just breaks for them sometimes doesnt it? <'>

What a difficult situation. Maybe someone else on here knows more about the legalities of it, would be better if he could just bypass his dad & go ahead.

Hope it works out.

[Kathryn]

A tricky situation hev. He could always wait till he was 16 then he doesn't need anyone's consent. But if he wants to do it sooner and he can't get the permission from his dad, it is still possible, through the courts, apparently:

 

Found this on the Children's Legal Centre website:

 

http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/NR/rdo...angeleaflet.pdf

 

Hope it helps

 

K x

[jo jones]

hev when me and the ex split up my eldest took my last name,,, i didnt have to change it by deed poll what my solicitor said was that u can legally assume any name u like and can be called this... i couldnt change official things like birth cert ,passport and doctors, but this wasnt a problem,, only thing was that when he turned 16 last year he had to revert back to his fathers last name,, he went all through school from 4 year old known by my name,, he only uses his fathers name on official stuff he is still using mine for unofficial things,, dunno if this has changed over the years but worth askin about, especially if dad is not about innit,,jo

[pearl]

See I knew someone would know!

[hev]

i really cant settle tonight,its not me being bitter,i would love them to be interested in him,his dad wasent a horrible dad at all but the minute he met someone else it was as if steve never existed,im dreading him phoning them,in case his little face gets upset,he dont want me to phone them either so thats not an option,hes phoning them in morning

[hev]

hes got heart set on passport being changed etc,he wants it done legal thanks for replies,i will look into it properly tomorrow

[jo jones]

<'> <'> <'> i know how u feel,,,,,,,,,,

[Enid]

Good luck Hev <'> <'> Enid

[bid]

I changed my DS' surname through the Citizens Advice Bureau, with a Change of Name Deed so I didn't need to use solicitors or anything. He just needed to send this with his birth certificate when applying for a passport, etc, in his 'new' surname. Can't for the life of me remember if I needed a letter from my ex.

 

It was about 13 years ago, so maybe things have changed...

 

The CAB is a good place to start, though, as their advice is free.

 

I think you should feel proud of Steve for thinking this all through, working out what to do, and being ready to do the ringing himself

 

Good luck and I hope he is successful <'>

 

Bid

Edited May 16, 2008 by bid

[warrenpenalver]

Hev, can the CSA help you get in contact (or pass a letter on) assuming hes paying like hes supposed to that is.

[loobylou2]

Hev, I got my daughters surname changed by deed poll last year. You can even do it online. I haven't seen or heard from my first husband (her father) since i was 3 months pregnant with her. All I had to do was send in a covering letter explaining why I couldn't get his permission and they sent a certificate back with her new name on. i did it online and think it cost about �35 but not sure. Good luck!

[Bagpuss]

Good luck with it Hev.

 

I hope it goes ok for Steve, and I can understand your concerns.

 

Maybe he'll decide to wait till he's alittle older, and doesn't need his biological dad's consent

 

Take care <'>

[pookie170]

I need to do this this year. Both my sons have their Dad's surname, but he fell out with his adoptive parents and reverted back to his birth surname. So I thought, well, if their Dad doesnt even have the same surname as them then they might as well have mine!And after discussion with eldest, he said hed like that so I contacted his school, doctors, CAMHS etc and informed them that they should change their records to that effect. Mind you, mudt do it legally as we hope to go abroad next year and I know Cal will be annoyed with a passport bearing his old surname!

Does Steve understand your concerns? It must be so hard for you, I hope things go okay.

 

Esther x

[NobbyNobbs]

if his fathers family do not cooperate, you have the right to change the name without the fathers consent. its slightly complicated if you recieve maintainance payments, but if not then you just send in a letter stating his absence with examples (birthdays etc.). this site has all the information on it - http://www.ukdps.co.uk/CanIChangeMyChildre...s.html#Section5

[hev]

thankyou for info <'> dont even get me started on maintenence payments not paid penny for steve for 11 years despite having very good jobs,i went through csa for a bit but couldnt be bothered to fight what with fighting lea at the same time and dealing with steves dx,steve not gone without and thats the main thing

[NobbyNobbs]

well in that case you're all set... it clearly states that you can sign it off yourself, you just need to get the school etc. to cooperate in changing the details on his files, but i'm assuming he hasn't been to a parents evening lately so that shouldn't be a problem!

[hev]

ha ha no he hasent had the pleasure of one of steves parents evenings!!he dont know what hes missed over the years sitting on them little plastic kids chairs listening to the teachers moaning about steven

[smiley]

Hmmmmmmmmm interesting Hev - Monkeys dad named M when i was in ICU after his birth. As it was touch and go with me - so they let him .

 

I'm not sure M would want to change his surname, probably something i'd let him decide if and when.. - and i'm not all that fussed either.

 

But it get's very annoying being asked if he's my son on forms - by the LA - at the Drs............... Anyone who's met us knows how alike we are!

[Enid]

ha ha no he hasent had the pleasure of one of steves parents evenings!!he dont know what hes missed over the years sitting on them little plastic kids chairs listening to the teachers moaning about steven

Oh Yes, Know what thats like, One night after listening to one teacher moan on and on, I said, now could you say something positive about my son, Poor woman I felt quite sorry for her Enid

[hev]

enid the teachers who have taught steven have had a degree in moaning as well as their chosen subject

now before im told off for bashing teachers by all the teachers on the forum that was a joke the only bashing i like doing is baddad bashing oh and sometimes if im feeling naughty smiley bashing

[Bard]

enid the teachers who have taught steven have had a degree in moaning as well as their chosen subject

now before im told off for bashing teachers by all the teachers on the forum that was a joke

 

Why do you think we have staffrooms?

 

What's said in there should stay in there!