Inappropriate comment

[cathyz]

Yesterday afternoon I had to take 9 year old son into A & E after he received a bang on the head at school and kept being sick.

 

We were seen in A & E and my son was examined by a male staff nurse. I was asked if my son was on any medication and told the staff nurse that he was diagnosed with ADHD and takes concerta Xl.

 

The staff nurse looked at me and said 'Oh really?' then looked directly at my son and said 'so your abit of a nutter then?'

 

This comment is wholly inappropriate and discriminatory isn't it? I didn't expect this level of ignorance, and bias, in the health service.

 

Should I bring this to the hospitals attention in the hope that staff can be educated not to use such terms. Or am I over reacting?

 

I'm ###### furious about it they wouldn't say something like that to a kid in a wheelchair would they?

[justamum]

YES, report it.

 

As a nurse she should have know better.

 

My recent trip to hospital regarding me dislocating my finger was COMPLETELY different. I had the boyo in toe and was reassuring him that the word 'surgeon' was ok and don't worry. The nurse cottoned on immediately that he had problems. She went out of her way to ensure he was ok and hurried doctors up, explaining to them..boy with an ASD etc. She took time to speak to him and calm him when necessary.

Edited June 19, 2008 by justamum

[baddad]

People react differently/have different views, but for me and Ben it would all come down to how it was said...

Lightly, with a big smile, Ben would like it - the acknowledgement that he was 'different' and a lighthearted response that said, 'that's cool, I'm okay with that'. Better that than someone going all poe-faced and 'PC' as if his dx was something to be ashamed of.

 

[smiley]

I agree with BD - it would depend on how it was said, and if your son was upset by it.

 

Either way - if you feel cross, maybe a polite (ish.. ) letter, saying that other families might not be so forgiving.....................

[pearl]

I'm sorry, but this was a professional. He may have meant it lightheartedly, but it was entirely inappropriate. If there is any possibility that someone might have been offended, he should not have said it.

 

Anyway, there was no need to say ANYTHING. You had provided the info asked for & that should have been the end of it. I would say something, stressing if you thought no malice was intended, but it still needs addressing.

[bid]

Mmmm, I think it depends on the situation and the relationship between the parties involved.

 

For example, my dear colleagues have been known to say to me 'Stop being so ###### autistic!!', and indeed only the other night Kellyanne offered to slap me if I didn't stop being so bouncy But because I know they're my friends I actually like the fact that they like me enough to say things like this, IYSWIM. Also, it's an equal situation, as I can say similar things back to them, and have offered severe pain and sorrow on more than one occasion to The Kazman and Boy Blunder ...but they laike it

 

On balance, I think this situation is unacceptable, as this was a stranger who is working in a professional capacity.

 

Bid

Edited June 19, 2008 by bid

[Sooze2]

People react differently/have different views, but for me and Ben it would all come down to how it was said...

Lightly, with a big smile, Ben would like it - the acknowledgement that he was 'different' and a lighthearted response that said, 'that's cool, I'm okay with that'. Better that than someone going all poe-faced and 'PC' as if his dx was something to be ashamed of.

 

 

 

I think it's innapropiate and I would not have been happy about it at all but agree with baddad in that my DS would probably have been impressed with the comment When I told my cousin about DS probably having ADHD as well as ASD she said grinning "ah so he's a live wire then" which is a much nicer way of putting it.

 

So, yes I think you should let them know that comments like that can be hurtfull and shouldn't happen. Wait till youve had a bad day and phone them up and give then hell.

[warrenpenalver]

i think it was innappropriate in the context of the relationship. IE banter between friends it seems acceptable.

 

 

If i was in a bad mood id probably have replied "maybe im nuts, so how do you know i wont murder you in your sleep??" or some other flippant comment

[bid]

When I told my cousin about DS probably having ADHD as well as ASD she said grinning "ah so he's a live wire then" which is a much nicer way of putting it.

 

I had comments like that when DS was little, and I was fine with that phrase

 

Bid

[justamum]

The situation would not have warranted a light hearted jocular comment being made, even then I would classed it as inappropriate but returned and equally inappropriate remark to the speaker.

 

It was an inappropriate remark made in answer to the child's mother giving across vital medical information. A simple 'ok' would have sufficed.

 

I use a walking stick. Would saying to a nurse, or anyone else,

 

'I have hypermobility syndrome and I take this'

 

warranted an answer of

 

'oh your a bit of a cripple then?'

 

No because that is offencive. Where's the difference?

[Zosmum]

I think you should definately complain to the hospital by either writing a strong letter or a very strong phone call.

There was no need for such a comment. It's not jovial in that kind of situation and should not have been voiced.

[bikemad]

Thats way out of line and extremely rude-personally id complain. Im so lucky that my local hospital have been fab every time-one time I passed out(had gastroenteritis it turned out) n ds thought id died(one of his fears-death)-the docs n nurses were fantastic with him n talked him thru every little thing tests etc they would do n they let him stay in the room with me (even tho my other half had to leave the room )

[forbsay]

I think they were totally out of order saying that.

[hsmum]

Hello,

 

Generally the people who make inappropriate comments to H tend to be quite 'laddish' men who are tactless with everyone. I am surprised that a health professional would make such a remark.

 

(Apologies to any laddish men who may be on the forum).

[Bard]

I would complain, he's a professional dealing with vulnerable people who might well be more stressed than usual.

If it had happened to B, I would have commented at the time, in a very firm and unambiguous way.

 

Had he been a civilian, making a jocular ( in his eyes) comment, I'd have said something but not as fiercely.

It's the kind of stupid comment that elderly relatives of mine would say.

[ryansmum2]

hiya

oh, my goodness

 

YES REPORT it asap !!

 

this is totally wrong - im mean prerhaps the nurse was trying to have a 'joke' with your son, to maybe help him relax,

HOWEVER...

 

this comment is wrong and could easilly ba taken the wrong way by parents and the child

 

the Nurse should have a 'warning' about this

 

Hows your son now? Is he better ?

 

mel xx

[jb1964]

Hi,

 

For us it would be as Baddad says - it depends on how it was said and how my daughter would take it.

 

Sometimes things said lightheartedly she will cope with and respond much better than serious faced people. Personally I wouldn't have taken offence at it - unless it was said with rolled eyes and a sarcastic manner - but if my daughter got upset then it would be a different matter.

 

We always try to make light heart of things in our house and very often I'll say she's like Jekyll & Hyde - but I don't really mean she's a murderer and I'd be hurt if anyone thought that was my intent - but it does all depend on how it's said. I'd just hate to see the nurse reprimanded over trying to make someone relax and had good intentions etc - I'd rather have a cheerful nurse who perhaps says something that might be slightly taken out of context than someone who's PC and unapproachable.

 

Take care,

Jb

[Kathryn]

I'd just hate to see the nurse reprimanded over trying to make someone relax and had good intentions etc - I'd rather have a cheerful nurse who perhaps says something that might be slightly taken out of context than someone who's PC and unapproachable.

 

I think I'm with jb on this - but it's difficult to say not knowing the context. Only you can decide whether the comment was well intentioned or born of ignorance and prejudice, and you have to judge that in the light of the nurse's attitude to your son and treatment of him generally. If your son wasn't upset, I'd be inclined not to make a big thing about it at this stage. It might have been appropriate to have a quiet word with the nurse at the time it happened, but the time for that is now past, in my opinion.

 

K x

[KarenT]

I think it should be reported but with careful phrasing, not in the context of a complaint but more along the lines of 'some people could be offended by this and here's why', to enlighten staff and increase their awareness of certain conditions. I agree with what others have said about a simple OK being enough to acknowledge that medical information had been passed on but 'bit of a nutter' is verging on taking the pee out of someone's disability, which is not acceptable.

 

My J wouldn't be upset by it, in fact the opposite would be true and he'd delight in it. He likes to think it's OK to be a bit mad and get away with it and this is one of the things we struggle with, that he wants his inappropriate behaviours to be acceptable because they're fun, and he needs to understand that they're not. This sort of comment, from a professional person who ought to know better, would encourage him to behave badly because he'd get the impression that it was OK to be 'a bit of a nutter'. My personal concern, if such a comment were made to us in the same circumstances, would not be about offence caused but the months of hard work on social skills being undone in the blink of an eye.

 

Karen

x

[cathyz]

Thanks for all your replies.

 

My son is fine now though he has a big black bruise on his check which he is really proud of!

 

I looked on the hospital web site and there was an email addy for complaints so I used that and just pointed out that we hadn't liked our son being spoken to like that and it had caused offence.

 

When it happened I was too surprised and too concerned about my son to say any thiong but my older son who is ADHD was furious to hear someone speak to his brother like that and is still going on about it, so I think something needed to be said.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

I wouldn't have been best pleased with that comment. Maybe that was his strange sense of humour, but all the same he clearly lacked tact and sensitivity. I'd bring it to someone's attention.

 

Caroline.