Is this a difficult time of year for you?

[Sooze2]

Long post warning

 

Its just so hard for the little man at the moment. The month before the summer holidays start are terrible for him and us what with sports day practice and getting ready to move up a year at school he just can't cope and is a very anxious, angry boy. This means we all have to suffer.

 

I told his teacher yesterday that I will need to collect him early (3pm) on Tuesday for the consultants appointment and she said thats fine in fact you can get him just after lunch if you want because he isn't coping with the running races and had a meltdown about not winning during practice. She said he really doesn't want to do it and it would probably be kinder if we took him out of it altogether. Poor little lad. I could have cried for him.

 

Everything we did last night sent him off the scales. I bought them a bubble wand each, the girls had pink he had green. He was very happy for a spilt second then suddenly went totally mental trying to break it and grabbing the pink ones saying he wanted pink, he only likes pink. He kept treatening to hurt the dog and kill her, he caused total mahem all evening. Once the girls were in bed he asked DH to show him how to play the guitar and got very very upset saying he was doing it all wrong - he wasn't and his little face was so full of hurt and anguish. Its breaking my heart.

 

The other day he ripped up a certificate he got from school which he had worked hard to get.

 

After school today the school sell ice lollies, I didn't have any money with me to get them so he went mad even though I said we had plenty at home. He was yelling at one of my daughters at the top of his voice going on and on about the lollies. She was shouting "stop it stop it" I had to pull him away in the end because he was getting scarely. The other parents pretended they weren't looking and did that sudden looking away thing when I looked up. These people were really freindly once, if it was my freind that this was happening to I would ask them if they were ok, they just look away and exchange looks with each other.

 

Does anyone else get this. Is your child more anxious and angry when all the changes at the end of the school year are looming?

 

Sorry for the rant but I had to get it off my chest. I feel so helpless and just want to take it all away.

Edited July 4, 2008 by Sooze2

[Enid]

Yes Snooze, mine was, specially at the age yours was, 8/9ish, I didnt realise at the time, just got endless complaints night after night at school, just thought he was really badly behaved at school, whereas at home he was always ok, in those days anyway!!! its soo hard seeing them so anxious and distressed, you just want to make it all ok Thats our job isnt it? I know what you mean about those "parents" they seem so smug, but probably they just dont understand chin up <'> Enid

[smiley]

<'> ><

 

Yup, this time of year and the run up to Christmas are always a nightmare.

 

I've found, with my son, lots of visual reminders and lots of photos of what's coming in September helps.

 

<'>

[Bagpuss]

Life is quite topsy turvey at ours atm too.

 

Our youngest DD has been going on transition visits to her new school to prepare her for September, but it's causing abit of a backlash at her present school.

 

She's all over the place, growling at her teacher, being defiant, refusing to sit next to certain pupils, consistently saying at home after school "I've had another bad day today", something we'd never heard her say till recently.

 

I think the incidents are beginning to happen on a daily basis now, and her teacher has even stopped logging them in her home/school diary.

 

Roll on the end of term.

 

<'> For you all Sooze2

[KarenT]

Yep.

 

Suddenly, in the last half term of the year, all the structure and reliability of school goes out of the window and it's hard for our kids to cope. Teachers have reports to write so there are fewer proper lessons - J's class have had loads of puzzles to do, games etc and while I can see that that would be fun for most kids, it does unsettle ours because they NEED that reliable routine they're used to. We always have a tough time with J during this period, and I try to balance it out with even more structure at home so that he can cope. Hayfever adds to it as well. At least sports day has been and gone now.

 

Karen

x

[Bard]

Hard for everyone, but especially hard for ours.

Everyone is shattered, teachers are exhausted and some are impatient and petty, children are getting more vague, less willing to work at ordinary things so the teachers are planning new and exciting and different stuff...which doesn't help ASDs.

 

I've been told by the head that if B needs a pre-emptive day, or just a breathing space to phone in and say so and it will be given without argument and with her support. She wants him happy and calm and not to break his winning streak.

I've not had to use it yet, but knowing that we can is a comfort.

A duvet day with official sanction!

[chill2computer]

I have Aspergers so I can try and explain it from his point of view and I am hopping you can understand what is happing better.

If you have a bad day most neurotypicals (non autistic) get over it within a day or two, unfortunately this is not the case with your son and one incident could take weeks depending on what crisis and how big it is for him to cope with. With school he is experiencing a daily situation and he is not getting a chance to deal with it because the build up to summer it too intense for him.

This is why your son is becoming very hard to deal with at home, he knows he is different but cannot verbalise this, he wants to join in but does not know how he is frustrated and anxious and is also scared.

 

I noted that your son became aggressive when your daughters had pink bubble wand and your son had a different colour however your son feels its Miss injustice to be treated differently and is unable to express this feeling.

 

The school is doing there best but unfortunately your son is a problem to them as they have so many other children to manage and little time to give your son. This is injustice and if the school could give him a one to one and work with your son instead of ignoring your son?s problem he would be a lot happier. I do not believe a main stream school is going to ever be suitable for children on the high spectrum disorder and I am disgusted the LEA will not acknowledge this.

I have a son whom is also Aspergers and in one way he is lucky I am able so understand his behaviour.

You are doing such a good job with your son so don?t despair.

[bikemad]

My lad is the same the next few weeks will be hell bigtime-still got sports to get thru and the disco and school trip, moving up a year, yr 6 leaveing etc etc. Most nights he is in a stinking mood.

[pearl]

Brings back unhappy memories.

But thats what they are now - memories. I'm barely aware of term dates now.

Big hugs for you all <'>

This too will pass.

[Bard]

B is having to cope with several of his favourite teachers leaving, people who have helped and supported him.

 

Some of them won't even remember the kind word in the corridor, the breathing space that one gave him by saying 'Would you help me with this equipment?' or just the willingness they showed when he wanted to share something with them.

Tiny little kindnesses that have meant so much to him, and now these adults are moving on.

It's hard for him.

[jlp]

We're having a tough time too. Always do at this time of year, but this year we're having transition visits to G's new school (he's starting an ASD unit in September). His speech is really unclear, his stammer is back with a vengance and he's bursting into tears a lot.

 

Yesterday he and some others were throwing grass in their PE lesson and were told not to. Later 2 children (not G) started throwing grass again and were sent out of the lesson. G was absolutely hysterical and sobbing saying he'd been throwing it too and he should be punished too - he couldn't grasp that he wasn't in trouble.

[KarenT]

Aw, bless, poor G.

 

How are the transition visits going? And for L too?

 

K

x

[jlp]

Well! He didn't go last week, was hysterical that I wasn't there and refused to get in the car (EB was taking him and his support worker).

 

Turned out to be a misunderstanding (or in G's words 'you lied!') because I'd explained very exactly that I wouldn't be going to his open day because he'd be at his new school and he translated that into 'we'd' be at his new school.

 

Hopefully he'll be going next week, he says's he's fine without me as long as he knows in advance. Also now Leon has stayed on his own, G wants to go without his support worker (which isn't possible!)

 

L went on Wednesday, let us leave quite happily and was very social! Only one blip when he wasn't allowed a second biscuit so wouldn't join in The Farmer's in his Den, he was very huffed!

[jlp]

On the bright side there's an all day visit scheduled to the new school so we miss sports day

 

Unless it rains that day, fingers crossed for sunshine that day.

[lynne]

Christmas and the end of term is always difficult for my son.

 

Its at these times of year I use melatonin to help. We do not do discos, sports day he takes part but has plenty of breaks away from the children while they practice.

 

Also I believe it is at these times that our children just need a day off (I call it his autism day). This helps to diffuse alot of situations from building up.

 

My sons school is fantastic and if he needs a day off or half a day they are very happy for him to be away from school, as they know he will survive better in school for having a break.

[Sooze2]

I have Aspergers so I can try and explain it from his point of view and I am hopping you can understand what is happing better.

If you have a bad day most neurotypicals (non autistic) get over it within a day or two, unfortunately this is not the case with your son and one incident could take weeks depending on what crisis and how big it is for him to cope with. With school he is experiencing a daily situation and he is not getting a chance to deal with it because the build up to summer it too intense for him.

This is why your son is becoming very hard to deal with at home, he knows he is different but cannot verbalise this, he wants to join in but does not know how he is frustrated and anxious and is also scared.

 

I noted that your son became aggressive when your daughters had pink bubble wand and your son had a different colour however your son feels its Miss injustice to be treated differently and is unable to express this feeling.

 

The school is doing there best but unfortunately your son is a problem to them as they have so many other children to manage and little time to give your son. This is injustice and if the school could give him a one to one and work with your son instead of ignoring your son?s problem he would be a lot happier. I do not believe a main stream school is going to ever be suitable for children on the high spectrum disorder and I am disgusted the LEA will not acknowledge this.

I have a son whom is also Aspergers and in one way he is lucky I am able so understand his behaviour.

You are doing such a good job with your son so don?t despair.

 

Thankyou, his teacher has said that he finds the challenges of a primary class extremely hard - she is very understanding but with 36 children in the class there is only so much she can do.

 

He has had a good day today (saturday), we even played games while his sisters were at a party with no meltdowns!! Home is where he feels best. He's so different when he doesn't have to cope with the outside world.

 

I have been considering asking if I could just give him the day off for sports day, he has an appointment with the consultant that day anyway. He also has an appointment th eday before. I thought I could just give him a couple of days off to chill out and now Ive read that some of you do this I'm sure the school would agree the their benefit and his! What do you think?

 

Anyway. <'> to us all and thanks for replying. Its the first time for 8 years that I felt people understand and it means a lot.

[Sooze2]

Christmas and the end of term is always difficult for my son.

 

Its at these times of year I use melatonin to help. We do not do discos, sports day he takes part but has plenty of breaks away from the children while they practice.

 

Also I believe it is at these times that our children just need a day off (I call it his autism day). This helps to diffuse alot of situations from building up.

 

My sons school is fantastic and if he needs a day off or half a day they are very happy for him to be away from school, as they know he will survive better in school for having a break.

 

Christmas is very hard here too, in fact from September till the end of Xmas is upsetting for him.

 

I think I will Try for "Autism day" I'm sure all concerned are ready for it.

[Zosmum]

Same thing here. End of term fall-out. Just get over that and the new school year and BANG it's the X-mas fall-out.

All we can do is sit it out and hope for the best, although Z usually misses the final week of school-----Far too distressing

[JsMum]

Hi,

 

we too have end of term difficulties too, I think for J its the noise, the children are soo much louder and excited, many are talking about the big school, when they go up in september, many of the children in Js class have a lot of worries, thoughts, the biggest is

 

" Will I be bullied?

 

" will others like me?

 

" will I be able to do all the homework?

 

" will I like My Teachers?

 

and the most important to the children,

 

" Will my Teacher Like Me?

 

all these worries his peers can communicate, help you understand, I can listen and help them, but with J he cant verbalise his worries, doesnt have a clue whats going to hit him, but his peers do, they understand the expectations, the level of independance required, growing up.

 

many are also upset because some of there friends in Js class wont be going to the same schools so loosing friends, leaving teachers behind when they leave primary school, and I know that for some as exciting as it is there actually scared, worried, and there going to experience a lot of loss.

 

The behaviour for Js class is carrying a lot of emotions and effecting behaviour, I know lately that the Teachers have had to be pretty hard on the kids just to gain back control, if Js in a class of complete Kaos this increases Js anxieties, so it esculates, the stress hasnt really weakend this term with the sats, then performances, then the year 6 looking at there schools ready for secondary, and now sports days and many more unstructured lessons, which means increased social interaction, of which J struggles already with, longer periods makes this harder to cope, J at this point becomes withdrawn, and then at home really get wound up.

 

J struggles anyway with the beginning and especially at the end of sessions as the noise and crowds increase but at the end of term it sort of intensifies, everyone is full of anxiety, excitement, wonder, and many are sort of sad because for some its the end of a period of their childhood and for the Teachers leaving its a beginning to there journey to where there going wether its another job or even retiring, it takes a while for us to adjust to the changes, for a child with Autism/ADHD this intensifies because there difficulties with communication, expressing and socialising.

 

Its certainly effected us, all the way throw the years of primary school, but this year its been really hectic, the stress, the pressure at almost breaking point, some of me cant wait for the end, the 22nd July, for it to be all over, but then I have a total sence of loss as its the end of his young childhood and I dont really want to say goodbye to that just yet.

 

The main areas are Change, lack of structure, High intensity in other peoples Emotions, Increased amount of Noise and Crowds, spontanious ideas that mean no warnings for the children, lack of planning and organisation, overwelment.

 

2 weeks to go, then its over with and its this thought that esculates the overall atmosphere, making it very difficult to get to the very end.

 

JsMum

[allsetuk]

my son is just 6 and the loss of structure from school on a weekend never mind holidays is a problem.He is so hyper yet seems to want calm hiding in a blanket or a den.

 

He is already fixating on the timetables and structure and worrying about setting tv reminders as if to provide his own shedule,for the summer, i have drawn a huge HOME PLAN ...a guide to the day , where he can check what he can do, He seems to really like the idea. Ive allowed plenty of BLANKET TIME. . but im not sure how it will work, with most things he like them for a day or two then it evolves into something else. i have to be 20 paces ahead mentally all the time ...which i cant always do

Im dreading it

[bikemad]

allsetuk that sounds like my ds-he can barely cope with weekends off school im dreading the summer break!!!!!

[wafta]

I find this a difficult time of year because the schools seem to stop "working" and concentrate more on "playing". My HFA son is 13 and due to start studying for his GCSE's next year, a year early, so I know that from September he'll be loving it. BUT the bouts of depression definately get worse around now because the structure and routine is broken.

 

I had to take him out of primary school 3 weeks early because his school would not simply let him go to the library instead of going into the playground. He'd just sit alone outside, getting more and more depressed when this could quite easily have been resolved by sitting him in a room full of books instead. In the end, I said, well if you won't do that, then he's better off sitting in his own room full of books for the last 3 weeks. The tears after school every day were heartbreaking and completely unnecessary.

 

I had a meeting with the SENCO at his current school (which has a high Aspergers/Autism population) and brought up the issue of holiday clubs. It seems to me that this is really something that needs looking into, as most of these clubs are sports related. Would it really be that difficult to provide a study club or a book club or something along those lines for these kids that "need" constant brain stimulation?

 

Oh well, I don't think I'll have any success this year either, so I guess its down to WHSmith to buy more GCSE/KS3 test papers for him to do for "fun" during the holidays!

 

My sympathies go out to everyone who's experiencing this or any problem related to the summer holidays and the break in routine, its tough but you're not alone, there's a lot of us struggling to deal with it with you.