Feeling Useless

[Tally]

I'm completely stuck at the moment.

 

I basically cannot cope on my own running my home.

 

I can cook and clean OK, but as soon as anything goes wrong I am stuck.

 

It took 4 weeks to arrange for someone to replace a light fitting.

 

It took a year to arrange a decorator to wallpaper my hall, and another year on I still haven't arranged the carpet fitter. I am so clumsy I have already damaged the wallpaper and need someone to replace the strips I damaged, but I don't see the point because I will only damage them again.

 

My kitchen sink has a hole in and after 2 months of trying, I still don't have anyone to replace it. I thought I had it all arranged for my colleague's husband to do it, but it hasn't worked out. I'm scared that if I get someone else to do it, my colleague's husband might say he will do it, and then I have to tell her that I got someone else to do it instead. I should never have involved a person I know. It seemed the easiest way, but it has turned out the most complicated.

 

I need to get someone to lay a patio in my garden but I don't even know where to start with that. I have a deadline of August and I've known about it since May and done absolutely NOTHING about getting it done. It is not realistically going to happen now because even if I do manage to ring someone, they will be booked up already. My grandparents wanted it to be my birthday present and now I have to thank them for their generous offer and explain that I couldn't be bothered after all. They are going to hate me.

 

I ask for support and all I get offered is a "befriender" who will come round for a coffee and a chat. That is no use to me. I don't even like coffee, and I'm not all that keen on chat either. What I need is someone who will co-ordinate these people, make the initial enquiries, pester them to actually complete the job, and be here to let them in and out.

[Enid]

Hi Tally, what you need is a handyman!!!! I find myself in your position loads of times and I am a lot older, with 4 kids, but these sort of jods I havnt the time or inclination for, people offer to do them and like you let me down or I feel awkward to remind them, then dont like to get someone else to do it in case I offend them! So I got a man from the local paper! its soo much easier, you dont know them, its not personal, you just ask them to do it, arrange a time, and pay them, simple! hope this helps <'> Enid

[Frangipani]

You're not alone there Tally, I think home maintenance is every female's pet hate. Its easy to put things like this is the too hard basket, then all of a sudden you look around and think oops, time for some tlc. Wait till you have kids

 

Also, the waiting for tradesmen to turn up, they will give you a morning or afternoon spot, but do they ever stick to it, nope.

 

One thing that saved my sanity is reading diy books, as I realise, some of the things are easy enough to do myself. Or I will watch the tradespeople, for a look and learn. I recently watched them do a concrete slab from start to finish, and I believe I could do one on my own if I wanted to now. The most important part is the strong supports around the slab, that are to be firmly in place, once filled with cement. They did all the mixing of the cement in a wheel barrow. You could get all that sort of stuff delivered. Our giant hardware supplier runs free diy courses, on many things too. If you are interested in these, maybe you have them over there. Electrical and plumbers unfortunately, you really have to search for a good one, and stick with them. Perhaps ask your neighbours.

 

But one thing I will say, that helps me, is I try and keep a maintenance diary, of things that need to be done, then set aside a whole week, for them all to be done within the same week I have off. Or better still, all on the same day. Once or twice a year.

 

Anyway, have some of these <'> <'> its a bit like housework, never ending.

 

x

[Mumble]

Our giant hardware supplier runs free diy courses, on many things too. If you are interested in these, maybe you have them over there.

Yep, the big DIY store that sounds like BBQ (without the middle 'B', although it does sell BBQs!) does them, including women's only ones. There are also loads of 'how to' books and info videos on the internet. I laid my own patio and the sense of achievement makes it seem so much better (plus you get the layout you want exactly - although get slabs etc delivered, the car doesn't really like going uphill with a pile of them in the boot/backseat/foot-wells/front passenger seat ). It's really not that hard, provided you make sure you prepare the base properly etc. and if it's touching your property be very aware of where the damp proof course is in relation to the extra height your patio will give and you can make sure you put a liner down to stop weeds coming up, which many tradespeople will skimp on.

[hev]

tally,i hate sorting out things like that as well and im quite a confident person so dont put yourself down,i look in local paper for tradesmen and get them round for some quotes though i understand that can be daunting

i very rarely ask friends to do diy jobs as it can be embaressing if it goes wrong

i would tell your friend that you no longer need her husband to do your job cos your mums taken over and arranged someone to do it,act a bit indignant then she will believe you,like your mums bossy or something!!then again,i spose im telling you to lie,but its only a little white lie and it gets you out of the situation!!

[chill2computer]

Hi Tally

 

I have the same problem. I don?t have wall paper in any rooms incase I damage it and this would drive me crazy. I found it easier to paint then I can touch it up or wipe it down when there are marks on the wall.

 

 

If you talk to your grandparents and let them know you will not be able to meet the dead line for August but it is on the list to organize it. I am sure they would understand.

 

Try setting a day aside and phone a few handy men to get some quotes and check what there diary is like for fitting you in.

 

I would not use friends as it complicates the situation. If friends offer to come around for a coffee you could say to them? thank you for the offer however would it be possible to help to organize some handy men instead because I am finding it difficult? They can only say no but you may be surprised that some of your friends would be happy to help.

 

Hope this helps you.

[Tally]

The problem is that no one ever seems to answer their phone, respond to messages, or come round when they say they will.

 

I work full time and "some time next week" isn't really precise enough. I hate staying in all day on my day off, but I am prepared to do it if it's the only way to get someone, but even a whole day is not enough time. Even if they do manage to get here, they don't tend to call back with a quote, and then I run into the same trouble when I try to call them to chase them up.

 

I had two new light fittings a few months ago. I had two weeks off work and I made several phone calls every day, and I was back at work by the time I actually got someone here to fit them. Three came to the house to give quotes and did not get back to me. One eventually did get back to me after two weeks and was very cross when I said I'd already had it done. It was a very simple job in the end. The one who actually did the job quoted on the spot because the parts were so common that he knew how much they would cost and already had them, so there was no need for them to take so long.

 

My parents do not live near to me, so they cannot help me arrange it. I don't have any friends locally I can ask either, so I really have to arrange it by myself.

 

My parents also do not understand the difficulty I am having. Where they live there are a large number of skilled tradesmen, but here there is a shortage. My mum only works part time and my dad was retired for a while.

[Bagpuss]

Tally <'>

 

I can understand how difficult it can be to even get a tradesman on the phone, never mind round your house....and as for actually getting them back again to do the work

 

Would the CAB be able to help? They may be able to point you in the direction of some local reliable tradesmen.

 

Try not to worry about your workmates husband. I'm sure he would not be upset if you were able to find someone who could do the work sooner than he could.

[Tally]

It all just seems completely insurmountable at the moment. I don't have a clue where to start.

 

I feel like I have been let down over the sink, but I won't say anything to my colleague because I don't want to fall out with her because she seems nice and she still has a book of mine and I want it back!

 

I tried to look at cars today. I wanted to test drive one but they were really evasive about the car and would not let me test drive it. I thought maybe they were trying to put me off because they had just sold it, but they were the same about another one, so I just gave up and went to another car dealer, but I couldn't find the parking there and they only seemed to have about 10 cars available anyway. Good news is that cars are cheaper than I realised, bad news is I am not going to find anyone willing to sell me one

[bid]

Tally, I think part of it is having AS and part of it is just working full-time

 

I face the same difficulties, although I do have my DH who will do things like phone calls (although again he works so that can cause problems).

 

I find I can only do one or two things in a day from my 'To Do' list...then I feel rubbish for not being more dynamic.

 

Today I rang work about something, took back a mobile phone to complain it had broken, did the washing and hung it up...the main thing was the complaint, and that seems to have sort of taken the wind out of me for doing much else. In fact, now I'm going to sleep for the next couple of hours!

 

So, don't be too hard on yourself...I think you should feel chuffed that you work full-time, own your own home and everything else! <'>

 

Bid (zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

[Sallya]

Tally <'>

I think also, that you are seeing everything in 'absolutes';

 

it would be ok to say to your friend,

 

' I need to get the sink sorted fairly quickly, is your husband still able to come and fix the sink, or would you prefer me to arrange someone else? '

 

then you know where you stand, and you won't offend her just asking.

 

I am hopeless dealing with stuff, especially after I've worked a night.

 

I don't know what was wrong with the car sales men, I would have thought they should be pleased to have someone interested in a car....go back and ask for someone else to serve you, [as those salesmen were unhelpful.]

 

 

If you have used one man for a job, and he has done it well, ring him again for any more jobs you need doing, or ask if he can recommend someone.

 

s

xxx <'>

[warrenpenalver]

Ive heard of such unreliability within the building/house repair/decorating industry off loads of friends with similar problems.

 

Do they want to go bust?? or is it a case they just arent interested in domestic work when theyd rather have industrial contracts?? there must be a reliable one somewhere!!

[warrenpenalver]

I tried to look at cars today. I wanted to test drive one but they were really evasive about the car and would not let me test drive it. I thought maybe they were trying to put me off because they had just sold it, but they were the same about another one, so I just gave up and went to another car dealer, but I couldn't find the parking there and they only seemed to have about 10 cars available anyway. Good news is that cars are cheaper than I realised, bad news is I am not going to find anyone willing to sell me one

you WILL find someone to sell you a car. Any dealer who wont treat you with respect or is evasive isnt worth bothering with. Did you ask why they wouldnt do a test drive??? What kind of dealership was it? (budget cars, manufacturers, independant) Some of the "budget" car dealers are not very friendly, especially the ones who cater for the "poor credit" market as they often know people cant afford to go else where (even if the finance is a rip-off). Also some dealers may need to book test drives for when they have available staff. Id advise buying a car "price guide" from your local magazine shop so you know your not buying an over-priced car. the budget car dealers are well known for over charging for thier cars.

[pearl]

So, don't be too hard on yourself...I think you should feel chuffed that you work full-time, own your own home and everything else!

 

Hear hear! I've been meaning to say that for a long time. If JP is half as sorted as you when he is your age I will be one happy

 

Are you a member of Freecycle Tally? I've just joined & our local group has a "cafe" section, bit like a forum, where you can recommend tradespeople etc. Might be worth a try.

 

*edited cos I b******d up the quote

Edited July 15, 2008 by pearl

[warrenpenalver]

Id agree with pearl here!! Your surviving independantly which is better than many. Im only just beginning independant living at 28 so your well ahead in that sense (although mine has been just as much due to my career than personal issues).

 

 

Freecycle is great!! YOu find all sorts of stuff on there!!