Withdrawing a child from school on health grounds

[Tez]

We need to make some decisions about our son's future. He is not coping and I don't think medication is the way forward. School is the problem, when he is at home for an extended period his mental health improves, but as time goes on the period of absence that he requires to recover grows longer and longer. He is going through a very difficult phase. Communication is limited because when he is under pressure he refuses to speak English at home and uses a language he has made up. He has been going through periods of self harm, isn't sleeping and is constantly complaining of being ill although all the medical tests are coming back negative.

 

I know that a number of parents have withdrawn their teenage children from school on health grounds, would anyone be prepared to tell me what made them decide that they could no longer send their child to school and whether it was ultimately their decision or a doctors? Did the absence from school improve matters? Has anyone any experience of a child being successfully reintegrated back into mainstream school after an extended absence.

[denise2]

Hi Tez, I will happily tell our story. We have a 10 year old son diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome. He is very bright but has many social and sensory impairments. By January this year our paediatrician diagnosed our son with school phobia due to his condition and school and he was also becoming incontinent for which the paediatrician prescribed 2 different drugs. We then had a copy of a letter from his school complaining about everything under the son about our child showing a complete lack of understanding of him. The letter had gone to a psychologist who, we told them, he was no longer with and was asking for any ideas. We then spoke to friends, the parent partnership and read a lot on the forums to try and predict his future in the mainstream school. We deregistered him the next week. I can't believe it is the same child. We saw the paediatrican 2 months later who quoted in her letter that our son had had a remarkable improvement in his health due to being home educated. They wished to see him again in 6 months just to check up on him. Our son never started taking the drugs for continence and we are slowly starting to help him recognise his body signals again. Something he had lost the ability to do due to severe anxiety. As for the incontinence we have been advised the stage he is at has been caused by at least 2 years of stress ( using school toilets) and is likely to take as long to correct.

 

Home education so far has been a fantastic experience for us and we are gradually regaining our son back. He communicates better and has started learning again, something he had stopped doing. It is very tiring and time consuming especially as our son has decided at the moment that he doesn't need much sleep but our only regret is that we didn't do it sooner.

 

Our son has the opportunity to go back to mainstream school if he wishes, but when I ask he looks at me as if I'm mad.

 

For more general help an excellent source of information is www.educationotherwise.org.uk

 

Good Luck for the future

 

Denise 2

[Kathryn]

Hi Tez,

 

Sorry to hear that your son is going through a tough time, and it must be stressful for you too. my daughter has displayed all the behaviours you describe in your son, so I know something of what you're going through.

 

We decided after October half term that L was no longer able to cope with school, even after half a term of a very part time timetable. It was our decision, although the Senco, with whom we had a good relationship, was in agreement that this was the right thing to do. No doctors were involved in this particular decision, although I subsequently asked our GP to write a letter to home and hospital education stating that L had a medical condition (ie depression).

 

I posted a lot on this forum when we were going through all the school stress and if you look back to the threads in Education around September - October you can see how things unfolded.

 

It was fairly obvious L would not cope right from the beginning of year 11. What clinched it finally was a really distressing day for L when she found herself alone and was harrassed by a group of children. I came home and had to step over her in the hallway - she was lying there in a state of shock. I wasn't prepared to put her through that stress again - not to mention the effect on my son. It was clear the school, could not provide the 1-1 support she needed and without it there was no guarantee such an incident would not happen again.

 

Like your son I noticed how L's stress levels went down when she was out of school and that decided us. I'd be lying though if I said she's been wonderfully happy since. We reached a low point around Christmas where her language and coordination deteriorated and she was very dependent. Only now is the depression starting to lift: she's starting to take an interest in life again but she's still battling the past negative experiences.

 

It's a really difficult position to be in and I really do sympathise. I hope you find the best way forward for your son.

 

K

[hev]

hello tez

 

i took steve out of school at year 6 in primary school,i wish i had done it a long time before that but i believed the school knew best,i realise now no one knows steve better than me,he has asp/adhd and he never got 1;1 help and in the end it got too much for him,looking back i should have got a docs letter to say he was suffering from stress but i never sent him back when the teachers started bringing him home for his own safety. it hasent been an easy 11 months having him home all the time,its been terrible some days but im still glad i took him out of mainstream,i know what a dillema it is to know what to do for the best,i really feel for you as its awful isent it,they are our babies really arent they,steve should be starting at a school for asp children soon hopefully,whatever you decide i am thinking of you as its all a worry.

take care love hev x

[oracle]

We did not realise that David had AS when he was first hit by a car while going to school while in a very high state of anxiety, which was followed by a complete breakdown. But I did realise that every attempt we made to get him back made him slip deeper and deeper into the depth of depression and aggression.

 

David stopped talking to us and communicated by scratching messages of pure hatred onto the walls of his room with a knife. We had to hide every knife and sharp thing in the house. At other times he spent hours just staring at the walls of his bedroom. It was only when school was taken from the agenda altogether that David began the slow road to recovery. It took three years before he was anywhere near himself but it did happen eventually.

 

David had almost every illness ever invented - well at least he thought he did - and all of his tests came back negative. It was only when he was convinced that he had anthrax that I realised that most of it was in his head. BUT it was having a very real effect on him physically.

 

David is happier now than he has been for years - but that does not mean that he does not have down days and weeks even. His AS means that he will probably always be prone to depression and I think that even David knows that now. But he can also work at it himself now.

 

Home Ed was a life saver for David and I truly believe that. We have been on suicide watch with David and I vowed that I would never let that happen again if there was anything that I could do to stop it. Telling David that he never had to go back stopped it.

 

I now know that David has the ability to be a really nice and caring person. He can now make small talk and join in conversations. He now feels like one of the family, his words, and that is something he did not feel for a very long time.

 

I am the wrong person to ask to be honest with you. I am VERY pro HE and that is why we took Matthew out as soon as the cracks began to show. I want my children to be happy and remember their childhood with good memories. School was stopping that from happening.

 

Carole

[hev]

i totally agree with carole,that brought a lump to my throat because thats exactly how i feel.

[bid]

Hi Tez <'>

 

From Year 9 things started to really deteriorate with my son, as the expectations and academic work changed within school.

 

Around this time his self-harm really exploded, as did his vocal and motor tics (to such a degree that his specialist felt he also had borderline Tourettes too).

 

The only solution we were offered was Sertraline, which in desperation we accepted. It briefly improved things, but very quickly made little difference. Again we were just told to increase the dose.

 

My son was constantly having time off school with genuine headaches, nausea and dizzy spells. His challenging behaviour at home, especially towards his sisters, exploded out of control.

 

In May last year, Year 10, I found he had slashed his legs with a craft knife. He never went back to his school. I took him to the GP the following day, who in conjunction with his two consultants signed him off school on mental health grounds. He had a complete breakdown, regressed emotionally and deteriorated physically.

 

He didn't have a Statement, but with the support and advice of this wonderful forum I ignored all the LEA people who told me it was too late, and managed to get a Statement when he was just 15.

 

Slowly over the summer he started to improve, and we decided to take him off all medication. Again the only help we were offered was Risperidrone in addition to Sertraline. When he stopped taking the meds there were no ill-effects at all.

 

In November he was lucky enough to start at a wonderful residential school for AS. He hasn't looked back! He no longer self-harms, his out of control challenging behaviour has stopped, and he is confident and loving his life at school. He still has his moments, of course, but we feel he has got his future back.

 

I wish I'd had the confidence to take him out of school earlier than I did, as I knew in my heart that it was the right thing to do. Looking back I feel very strongly that mainstream school destroyed the happy little boy I had before he went there. We feel so strongly about this that we're considering HE for our youngest (4), who is in the middle of assessments.

 

Trust your instincts, Tez.

 

Bid <'> <'>

 

From the age of 6 my son began to say he hated himself and that he wished he was dead On the journey home from his initial visit to his AS school, for the first time since that age, he said 'Mum, I do love me' . I knew then that this school was the right place for him.

Edited April 26, 2005 by bid

[asereht]

HI all, going through this school thing at the moment.

 

Reading your posts brought tears to my eyes for what these poor children went through because of school. Glad for those of you who managed to get things sorted, hopefully we will too. <'> <'> to all of you andyour children.

 

Theresa

[Corcaigh]

Some of the posts in this topic really got to my hearth . I keep writing in such a repetitive way (hey, maybe I have some AS traits ) that schools are doing such a damage to our kids.

All of you who posted your stories, my hearth is with you. School is causing serious depression to my son, that's why we are looking for a different alternative from September.

Sometimes I really wonder, schools are supposed to be for kids, right? So, why do they make kids suffer?

 

I am getting really militant on this front, I am just so fed up to see our children's problems worsened by badly trained "so called" educators....

 

And we all know, our children have so much to give, if only they were given a chance....

<'>

 

Martina

[annie]

Tez,

 

I don't know if you've read my posts, but we've through a terrible time with the dreaded word - school.

 

My son is 15 (16 in Sept) and has depression. We finally got our GP to sign him off school back in Nov/Dec last year as things got too bad. If Alex wasn't at home because of suspensions (no understanding from school) he was sent home because he was too stressed to cope. He also tried to commit suicide.

 

We finally got the LEA to agree yesterday (re: Good News) to Alex attending Education Other Than At School. He did this 3 years ago and it worked really well. At the time he was only receiving 4-6 hours home tuition a week, but was at an internet cafe with the group 2 hours twice a week and also was in another group where they learnt life skills. In the life skills group one week they had to make an apple pie each but they had to find out what they needed to make one and go and buy all the ingredients themselves down the local shops. Alex was so proud of himself and insisted that we all had the pie after dinner that night

 

Because of Alex's age now, the LEA are going to put in place a lot more hours than before so that he can achieve his own target of getting 5 GCSE's.

 

I thought about home-ed but personally didn't think I would be able to do it plus Alex wanted to be around people of his own age and not with 'Mum'.

 

It might be worth speaking to the LEA or Parent Partnership to see what they think.

Just another idea to consider.

 

Annie

Edited April 27, 2005 by annie

[jan]

Hi Tez,

 

We took our son out of school last week. He was in Yr 6 and due to take sats tests in a couple of weeks. We decided to do this because his stress levels were going through the roof and we felt if we did not act now we would be picking up the pieces forevermore! We had experienced loads of problems with school! Enough to write a book! They were causing some serious emotional damage to our child! I really felt that if we did not act then our next stop was medication for depression!

 

We had been considering taking him out for sometime and I had done loads of reasearch, in the end we just kept him home and sent a letter to school asking them to take his name off the role!

 

We are still in the honeymoon period, but the change has been amazing! He has started smiling lots, something we have not seen in ages. He is calmer and seem to fly off into a rage less readily. He is keen to work and has designed his own time table of things we do during our school day! (he wants structure in his day so he knows where he is).

 

He very much wants to start secondary school in September. So I am doing lots of life skills bits and bobs to try and undo some of the damage done by his last school. We are also hoping to work closely with secondary school on visits etc. and I am meeting with them tomorrow. I don't know how things will go, but I have certainly learned a lot from our recent experiences and no way will I be sitting back quietly if there seems to be a problem.

 

No one can tell you what to do, you need to do whatever is best for you and your family. It is hard, there is no getting away from that, but hopefully for us we will have given him a better chance of being able to cope in the future!

 

Good luck with whatever you decide

 

jan

[denise2]

Hi Jan, I'm glad to hear it's going so well. If only we had a crystal ball I think we would not have worried so much about the dilemma.

 

I am very grateful to everybody who share their experiences with regards to education on this forum. If it had not been for this I am sure my son would still be in mainstream and suffering still.

 

Denise 2

[jan]

Thanks Denise,

 

And thank you for your advice and support you've been great! I shall talk to you soon.

 

I agree, if it had not been for some of the posts and the support from the forum we would probably still be messing around not sure what to do! Thanks to everyone who responded to my previous posts I only wish we had made the decision sooner, we sweated blood over what was happening We still have a long way to go, but at least now it looks as if someone has switched on the light at the end of the tunnel!

 

jan

Edited April 27, 2005 by jan

[big mamma]

Can I ask just a quick question re home educating ?

 

Are you given a curriculum to follow and do any teachers come out to the house for assessment etc ?

 

thanks

[oracle]

Can I ask just a quick question re home educating ?

 

Are you given a curriculum to follow and do any teachers come out to the house for assessment etc ?

 

 

The answer to your question is no you are not given a curriculum and you do not have to follow the national curriculum either. You do have to satisfy the LEA that you are providing an education that meets the needs of the child. It's not difficult as many of our children are most certainly NOT having their needs met at school. The way we work is nothing at all like school, although some of our children do need the structure and routine. We started off like that and then found that the boys were much more flexible when the pressure was taken from them. So now we pretty much do what we like when we like. We certainly follow a hands on approach to learning and so have many field trips.

 

You eventually have to provide an educational philosophy, which may sound scary, but there are so many home ed sites now that you can find them on line and adapt one to your own needs.

 

So far I have been seen twive since we took Matthew out and I was NEVER seen at all with David. You do not have to have the LEA in your house you can chose where you wish to meet with them.

 

Carole

[Tez]

Thanks for all the replies. Since posting this my son has been out of school since I saw little point in sending him only to have the school phone me an hour later to pick him up. He went to school yesterday because he wanted to try and do his SATS but he is not up to going in today to take his Maths SAT. Have an appointment at CAMHS on Monday and will ask the Psychiatrist if she is willing to back an absence from school until September due to his anxieties. If she is agreeable this will hopefully give him some time to recover and us some time to try and sort things out, since he wants to continue going to his existing school if at all possible.

[jan]

Hi Tez

 

good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

 

jan