Emotions - Is this right?

[mattblack_uk]

I've been officially diagnosed with Aspergers for 5 years, although obviously I've been living with it my whole life (I was just 'weird' before diagnosis). My brother also has Aspergers although he was diagnosed at an early age. I think I was missed as I was generally performing well academically, whereas my brother had clear problems.

 

Anyway, I will get to the point. Emotions. Now from what I've read, a lack of apparent empathy is normal, and so is the inability to outwardly express some emotions. But what if those emotions appear to be missing completely?

 

The last time I remember feeling joy was age 11 on Christmas day. And I'm not even sure whether that's just an exaggerated memory. I do not get excited about anything. I do not feel 'fun'. I do not feel anything for the tragedies that others have. Off the top of my head, this is a quick list of events that I have shown - and felt - no emotion about.

 

My wedding.

The birth of my children.

My wife having miscarriages.

My grandparents dying.

My baby son being in hospital for a week after being close to death from a bad infection. (I went to work as normal whilst my wife was at the hospital).

Any great news another person has

Any tragedy another person tells me about

Leaving my wife

Seeing my kids (I see them every 2 weeks. I don't look forward to it. I don't dread it either. Just indifferent. I don't miss them when I'm gone again)

Borrowing £800 from a very generous friend, and then cutting him off - I haven't paid him a penny back since. And I feel no shame, or guilt.

 

Now reading this back to myself - I sound like a cold one, possibly even depressed. But I don't feel depressed, there's just a void there. I am aware how I should be acting and I want people to think I'm good so I fake things the best I can. I try and do 'nice' things as much as I can so people think I'm a good person. It seems to be important to me that people think I'm a good person.

 

And now I am simply asking myself - is this really aspergers, or has it evolved into something worse?. Have I developed something worse?. Because from what I can see on other forums, and blogs, those fellow aspies out there experience joy and excitement, and feelings. Its just the expressing of them they have trouble with.

 

Other traits are similar, I lack empathy - if someone is crying I quickly aim to have them bury their head on my shoulder or chest whilst they cry - so they can't see my face devoid of emotion. I find social events bemusing. A group of colleagues could be laughing, shouting, joking, and I just sit there and think 'why are you behaving like this? it's not even funny.'. The background noise becomes unbearable eventually too - can't filter out other noises. Mating rituals bemuse me too. And dancing? what the hell is that! I spend most nights alone though choice. Its the only time I get some mental peace. Can't do smalltalk either - which is fine as from what I've managed to figure out, it consists of people stating the obvious. 'Its raining again I see'. 'Yes I know, I can see too'.

 

What I do feel... self pity. I can do that just fine. If its aimed inwardly, I can feel the despair. I just can't find it for anybody else. I can chuckle at something I say. I don't laugh at anybody elses jokes.

 

And I'm sure I never used to be this bad. Not when I was in my 20's. It seems to be a deterioration of emotional capability - and no I'm not a drug user. And I guess I'm having a bit of an identity crisis. Who am I?. What am I?

 

I'm not even sure what kind of answer I expect or want.

[Mike_GX101]

Sorry but it gives me the creeps just reading what you've typed.

 

Are you on any sort of medication?

[Special_talent123]

alot of people say we dont have emotions, we actually do feel something we just find it difficult to express our inner thoughts. i have difficulty understand the concept of emotions and the state of an feeling. i was told feeling panicky is not an emotion, to get panicky they emotion people get usually is scared/frightened... but i have trouble understanding the concept

[Mike_GX101]

In my opinion you should only ever offer your shoulder if you're going to be supportive.

 

If you cannot do this and cannot comfort them, then the kindest thing to do would be to avoid the shoulder-thing entirely.

 

Imagine how they might feel if they saw your stone-cold reaction in a reflection somewhere?!?

[mattblack_uk]

How about if it was a wife? or a partner? What would they think if I offered them nothing? And no, I'm on no medication - I get by in life just fine. I have a normal well paid job, hobbies (solo), and I can talk to people so long as it's actually about something. My problem is that I think too deeply, too intensly, and too analytically about things. All the time.

 

And strangely enough, I do make a good boyfriend - possibly because I try so hard to do the right things. And though I have quite a solitary nature, I do like to have a partner. And I'm pretty sure I can love them intensely. Having a partner is one of the few things that makes me feel...... like a normal person? I'm starting to sound like an alien - I'm sure I'd come across better in real life, I have a rather morose way of writing.

 

I guess I was just wondering if it was just me that had this void when it came to certain emotions.

[Mike_GX101]

Interesting thing you've done with your avatar there - you had a photo when I answered you before and now you've replaced it with 4 squares in a larger square. Why is that? Is that a sudden attempt at distancing yourself from feeling anything I wonder??

[mattblack_uk]

No it's not - Sent you a private message.

 

I'm getting the impression I may not have got off to the best of starts. Apologies if so - this is not something I've freely admitted to anybody ever. And reading it back now... doesn't sound too great does it.

[darkshine]

Hi,

 

What you have said does not freak me out at all.

 

I've experienced this - not quite so continuously but I have experienced it...

 

The fact you are aware of it, see it as unusual, and have some concern over it suggests that there's something there somewhere...

 

The examples you gave were all highly emotive ones so you obviously recognise when you "should" feel things...

 

Do you feel like you've closed yourself off and then shut down so much that it's just took everything away? Do you feel there's a reason behind this? Do you feel contempt for people who do show emotion? Do you have beliefs that you have to be this way for some reason?

 

You don't have to answer any of those questions - but I think you should think them over and see if there is a possible cause or reason for this - the fact you did feel emotions as a child and don't now shows that they are there somewhere.

 

Oh and according to a brilliant book I read about how to spot a psychopath (the psychopath test by Jon Ronson) says that your awareness is very key to not being a psychopath (yes I was that worried over my own lack of feelings that I have an interest in it and have researched this kinda stuff)

[mattblack_uk]

I know I'm not a sociopath! No doubts there. Although I do find myself relating to Dexter an awful lot (apart from the killing people obviously). His narrated thoughts are more often than not similar to my own. But then again - I don't actually think he's a true sociopath either. Anyway I digress....

 

Of course I know when I should feel things. People are demonstrating it all around me everyday. I would have to be blind not to notice. And yes I'm aware of it, and do see it as unusual, but... not so sure that concern is the word. More like curiosity.

 

I am struggling with answers to your questions. I don't feel contempt for people who show emotions. I sometimes wish I could be a part of the joy, or feel happy for someone else. I often daydream about being a normal person full of emotions. But that's all it is. A daydream. I don't have beliefs I am like this for any reason. Certainly nothing out of the ordinary happened in childhood. All very very normal. Wasn't really exposed to anything bad at all.

 

All I want is for somebody to identify - is this a broken me? that can be mended? Or is this real me, like it or lump it? If its the latter then I'm perfectly fine with that. If that's who I am then I will have to accept it, embrace it, and move on.

[A-S warrior]

im a cyberdyne systems model 101.

[mattblack_uk]

I tried but.... that went straight over my head. You're a what?

[A-S warrior]

sarah connor?

[darkshine]

I have a really bad habit for diving way too deep into things at times - and for inappropriate humour

 

The questions weren't supposed to be easy - but the first thing that springs to mind is that at some point there was a reason that things changed - that could have been anything and its impossible to even hazard a guess there... I really meant them for you to personally think it through to see if anything came to mind.

 

Best

 

Darkshine

[A-S warrior]

and for inappropriate humour

 

 

i think this topic could get super cereal, im out of here

[darkshine]

What is super cereal?

[A-S warrior]

What is super cereal?

 

super serious. its a south park way of sayin it.

[A-S warrior]

ok i,ll attempt a serious awnser, i was joking because i was i so impressed with your post i felt a touch intimidated. you seem almost terminator like, and that was what i was getting at with my jokes. im not sure if your for real, and you are this machine you make yourself out to be, or, you live in denial and ignore anything in your life that upsets you, or even makes you happy. like your scared of showing your true self, and you put the barriers up whenever something of emotion happens, either way this is aspergers at its finest, and i am i awe of your post, thats all i can say....

[Mike_GX101]

No it's not - Sent you a private message.

 

I'm getting the impression I may not have got off to the best of starts. Apologies if so - this is not something I've freely admitted to anybody ever. And reading it back now... doesn't sound too great does it.

 

Don't worry about it Matt!

[Fozz]

I relate to this a lot, and being female (we are supposed to be the "emotional" ones!! ) feel really bad about it too. Like you I have been through some emotional events and felt quite distanced from them, knowing that I should be feeling strong emotion and can't.

I've also wondered many times whether it's something worse and done various quizzes to do with sociopathy etc, but I know that I couldn't deliberately hurt another person, and I do feel guilty about things, so guess I'm not really a psychopath - although like you I do identify with Dexter more than I'd like to!

Perhaps like the autistic spectrum there is an emotional spectrum, and we just happen to be on the wrong end of it. The main thing is that we are aware of it and we are not hurting people, in fact probably the opposite - I know some very "emotional" people who cause no end of problems and upset for others! We are only upsetting ourselves in the end.

I just now accept that I feel this way, and yes we do have to fake a bit to fit in, but most "normal" people tell white lies and fake all the time - they just don't worry about it as much as us.

Edited July 19, 2012 by Fozz

[Isobel]

I experience this too. Sometimes I smile even when being reprimanded about something and they think I'm being funny but I'm not, I just don't know how to express it. I understand some funny jokes and can and will laugh at appropriate times along with my colleagues. I know I do lack some empathy, sometimes I struggle to think outside my own box and don't realise how my own actions will affect others. I was more upset over my first dog dying than my grandma dying, but I knew she was going downhill for quite a while, so it wasn't as much of a shock.

[Mike_GX101]

Isobel - I like the dog in your picture. Does he/she have a name? Your dog looks really happy in that picture and it's clear from what you've said that you're really fond of dogs too. And yet you say you don't have the same level of connection with many people.

 

That leads me on to ask:

 

What quality does a dog (or a cat) have that can reach out and be a friend to those who cannot friend so well with other people? And what can we learn from that?

Edited July 20, 2012 by Mike_GX101

[indiscreet]

What quality does a dog (or a cat) have that can reach out and be a friend to those who cannot friend so well with other people? And what can we learn from that?

 

I've often wondered about this. I think it's because I can show affection to an animal without the underlying fear that I'm gving too much away. With humans there's always the possibility - likelihood in fact - that they'll take advantage of my feelings. Humans don't necessarily say "If you loved me you'd do/wouldn't do X" but often I'm aware that it's hanging there unsaid. That my affection is a chink in my armour. It's not like that with animals.

[Sa Skimrande]

Does anyone think humanity is narrow minded, narrow minded in that what the majority experience is the whole of it ? Is society democratic in it's interpretation of thought ? I often think society is lead, there being the vocal minority and a lot of followers, the sheep. Maybe what that is thought that is is not the whole of reality, because the majority, the vocal and the lead are not the whole of it, because the minority with their thoughts are often over ruled because they are a minority where often labels are applied to make that minority worthless in thought.

 

Emotion, I don't believe emotion is a set principle as everyone is capable of it, but what everyone experiences is different, so I understand emotion is a teaching tool, a tool to teach us to be human and the last time I noticed, aspies are human, so therefore they are capable of emotion, but where I believe many might fall down on the emotion front, is the showing of it.

[darkshine]

Does anyone think humanity is narrow minded, narrow minded in that what the majority experience is the whole of it ? Is society democratic in it's interpretation of thought ? I often think society is lead, there being the vocal minority and a lot of followers, the sheep. Maybe what that is thought that is is not the whole of reality, because the majority, the vocal and the lead are not the whole of it, because the minority with their thoughts are often over ruled because they are a minority where often labels are applied to make that minority worthless in thought.

 

I've been thinking this for a while and as it stands right now I'm not sure exactly what I think - because humanity as a whole is different to more individual parts of humanity ... With humanity as a whole I am inclined to agree with your points... I guess it's because occasionally some people crop up who are different...

 

But this is really the minority and also I find that in real time situations I often get shouted down by the majority if I express a different opinion to the norm - I find it annoying to even try and have an opinion with some people - it's like they can't consider alternatives to anything....

[mattblack_uk]

See this is what I've heard so much... the idea that we feel all the emotion inside, but we just don't know how to express it. Well I believe that I'm genuinely not feeling it inside. I'm not saying that this applies to all emotions. I certainly have no emotion when it comes to other peoples tragedies. Thats not to say I'm heartless about it. I have an idea of the things I'm supposed to say and I try my best with it. I don't feel intense emotions like joy or excitement, or anger. I perhaps feel content, or I may be looking forward to something a bit, or I may feel a bit down, or slightly annoyed. Just mild variances off the norm. But with tragic things, all I feel is a bit blank and a little awkward as I'm struggling to think of a good response.

[Sa Skimrande]

Society is rams and sheep, the leaders and the followers, the followers exist to support the leaders and the leaders exist to support the followers it is a sympathetic model. Now aspies tend to be loners, we are on our own mostly socially and so what we discern we battle with ourselves to find our own truth and this is my depressive issue, because I am not taking others opinions I am working what out for myself, my parameters being my understanding and hopefully at some point my teaching.

 

Of crowd situations I always stay schtum, even when I know a method designed by a committee will fail as when it fails often that is when I intervene, when everything is in pieces and people are lost and that is where what I worked out before comes to work and I sort things out via others. I am not a leader, nor am I follower, I see my place as an adviser, I can shine through others and public recognition is not my interest, my delight is seeing my methods work and when they work, that is me. Others can take credit if they wish, but I know the truth of that, but my interest is making broken things work, it is my saviour, belief in myself.

 

Difference is to be celebrated, because sameness is not only boring, but narrow minded.

 

I see aspies exist as advisors and even innovators, but aspies rarely shine as aspies, but we can be the strength in the wall, because without us the wall may crumble.

 

We are unique, perhaps we best celebrate our difference as being very useful to society if we act through others.

[Sa Skimrande]

See this is what I've heard so much... the idea that we feel all the emotion inside, but we just don't know how to express it. Well I believe that I'm genuinely not feeling it inside. I'm not saying that this applies to all emotions. I certainly have no emotion when it comes to other peoples tragedies. Thats not to say I'm heartless about it. I have an idea of the things I'm supposed to say and I try my best with it. I don't feel intense emotions like joy or excitement, or anger. I perhaps feel content, or I may be looking forward to something a bit, or I may feel a bit down, or slightly annoyed. Just mild variances off the norm. But with tragic things, all I feel is a bit blank and a little awkward as I'm struggling to think of a good response.

 

Does sound like depression to me and I know it, as I have depression, but know it, depression can take on many forms and aspies are somewhat prone to it.

 

Don't put yourself down by what you are feeling or not feeling, I can relate a hell of a lot to what you have been saying, you are not alone in that, but I am on the 'happy pills' though they do not create emotion, they make life a lot better.

 

But feeling nothing is a sure sign of depression, my advice, research depression and understand what you are not feeling is recognised.

[Mike_GX101]

Society is rams and sheep, the leaders and the followers, the followers exist to support the leaders and the leaders exist to support the followers it is a sympathetic model. Now aspies tend to be loners, we are on our own mostly socially and so what we discern we battle with ourselves to find our own truth and this is my depressive issue, because I am not taking others opinions I am working what out for myself, my parameters being my understanding and hopefully at some point my teaching.

 

Of crowd situations I always stay schtum, even when I know a method designed by a committee will fail as when it fails often that is when I intervene, when everything is in pieces and people are lost and that is where what I worked out before comes to work and I sort things out via others. I am not a leader, nor am I follower, I see my place as an adviser, I can shine through others and public recognition is not my interest, my delight is seeing my methods work and when they work, that is me. Others can take credit if they wish, but I know the truth of that, but my interest is making broken things work, it is my saviour, belief in myself.

 

Difference is to be celebrated, because sameness is not only boring, but narrow minded.

 

I see aspies exist as advisors and even innovators, but aspies rarely shine as aspies, but we can be the strength in the wall, because without us the wall may crumble.

 

We are unique, perhaps we best celebrate our difference as being very useful to society if we act through others.

 

Even advisors fall into the supportive ranks of the leaders; they just fit into another chink in the armour, so to speak.

 

The trouble with society today is that everything has a big Degree attached to it and unless you've known from day 1 what you wanted to do you're unlikely to succeed given time is always against you - for example if a 45 year old suddenly realised they always wanted to be a surgeon but they're a data analyst, then the opportunities to re-route to that career are sternly against them whether they have a Degree already or not in another field. People get trapped easily into careers they chose (or didn't choose) early on and pay the consequences as a result.

 

Then there is the hope of becoming promoted but many companies these days offer a contract and minimal opportunity to work upwards in very static, undynamic hierarchies that only seem to work against the individual by grinding them down every which way until they can no longer perform. In my experience I have come to realise that asperger-like traits are actually perceived as covert digs against those in charge and that can work against the individual and can even lead to ostracization.

 

For example - things such as being too "bright" or "clever" can actually work against the individual coming up with fresh ideas, etc especially when they're managed by people who are challenged intellectually. This seems to happen a lot and it's sad to see. I know people with autism who have lost their jobs because they came across as "too clever" and that actually made them targets by managerial tyrants.

Edited July 21, 2012 by Mike_GX101

[mattblack_uk]

Does sound like depression to me and I know it, as I have depression, but know it, depression can take on many forms and aspies are somewhat prone to it.

 

Don't put yourself down by what you are feeling or not feeling, I can relate a hell of a lot to what you have been saying, you are not alone in that, but I am on the 'happy pills' though they do not create emotion, they make life a lot better.

 

But feeling nothing is a sure sign of depression, my advice, research depression and understand what you are not feeling is recognised.

 

Is it possible that I've been depressed for the whole of my adult life? I mean it's not like I actually feel down much.... I'm quite happy to be just sat in my own little world away from people. The more that's going on, and the more people that are around me, the more unhappy and stressed I get, and the more headaches I get. Solitude is what I dream of. There's barely enough room in my head for my own thoughts, nevermind having to think about other peoples too.

 

I wonder sometimes whether I do have aspergers, or whether I'm just extremely introverted. Or maybe both?

[Sa Skimrande]

Even advisors fall into the supportive ranks of the leaders; they just fit into another chink in the armour, so to speak.

 

The trouble with society today is that everything has a big Degree attached to it and unless you've known from day 1 what you wanted to do you're unlikely to succeed given time is always against you - for example if a 45 year old suddenly realised they always wanted to be a surgeon but they're a data analyst, then the opportunities to re-route to that career are sternly against them whether they have a Degree already or not in another field. People get trapped easily into careers they chose (or didn't choose) early on and pay the consequences as a result.

 

Then there is the hope of becoming promoted but many companies these days offer a contract and minimal opportunity to work upwards in very static, undynamic hierarchies that only seem to work against the individual by grinding them down every which way until they can no longer perform. In my experience I have come to realise that asperger-like traits are actually perceived as covert digs against those in charge and that can work against the individual and can even lead to ostracization.

 

For example - things such as being too "bright" or "clever" can actually work against the individual coming up with fresh ideas, etc especially when they're managed by people who are challenged intellectually. This seems to happen a lot and it's sad to see. I know people with autism who have lost their jobs because they came across as "too clever" and that actually made them targets by managerial tyrants.

 

I personally believe Britain is still locked into it's age old class system and that adequately displayed by from what ranks of society doctors come from, where I do understand in other countries anyone can be what they want to be, Sweden for example, my step mother comes from a poor background and so became a nurse but she set her sights higher and wanted to become a doctor which in that society anyone can provided they put in the study, so interspersed with working in various medical roles in Africa, the Middle East and Asia where injuries include major diseases, malnutrition and war, she has studied and is now currently in her final examination year to at last become a doctor, but is now in a position in the Swedish medical system where she can prescribe medications. It has taken her a decade of study, but their system is far superior to ours in that work entitles one to study, work for a while to gain enough credits then study full time at college, then work for a bit again then study until one has effectively retrained themselves. Fat chance in this country which is pretty backward in a lot of respects, it is why politically I favour this country going full into Europe, as Europe will stamp out the last remnants of that evil called class.

 

Me, I have worked in a managerial role and I was a bit of a tyrant in that I did not see people, I saw switches, people if they did their job was an 'on' switch, people who didn't do their job were and 'off' switch but it was those in the indeterminate position of under performing that I was particularly tyrannical with and it wasn't liked, but with me I see every business as a machine and as a machine it functions and people under performing , well I am a mechanic, I focus attention on under performance and just like a machine I will try all sorts to make a part work better before replacing it. You see this autistic lack of people awareness thing can be put to good use in business, especially today's business where everything is being pushed to the maximum.

 

But I still do it, I go into businesses, pubs mainly and I see machines not working and lately a friend who has a pub, I did say to him his bar is the most important facility as that is where the money comes in, make sure it is never left unattended and customers waiting, if the bar employee is elsewhere attending to other stuff like changing a barrel, then someone else must step in as to leave customers waiting makes for customers that might not come back.

 

But a friend also aspergers has made a name for himself and now commands a wage of 50k because he fixes people systems in organisations as guess what, he also treats the people systems as machines, but he has more people skills than me, so does not grate up against many.

 

Oh and degrees are worthless, as all they show is someone has studied to a certain level, it does not mean they are clever, nor does it mean they are the best person for the job in hand as many businesses are now starting to understand.

 

The best way for business, is to put potential applicants through in house testing and there find the employees it needs, just like the military do with their applicant testing to ascertain what jobs one might be suitable for. I went into such a process with the military possessing a few cse's and lo and behold my aptitude displayed I was capable of the most technical trade groups as a technician, not a mechanic thus indicating the ability to pass exams is not the whole of it, many suck with exams despite being highly intelligent.

[Sa Skimrande]

Is it possible that I've been depressed for the whole of my adult life? I mean it's not like I actually feel down much.... I'm quite happy to be just sat in my own little world away from people. The more that's going on, and the more people that are around me, the more unhappy and stressed I get, and the more headaches I get. Solitude is what I dream of. There's barely enough room in my head for my own thoughts, nevermind having to think about other peoples too.

 

I wonder sometimes whether I do have aspergers, or whether I'm just extremely introverted. Or maybe both?

 

Yes, it is possible to be depressed one's whole life, as I have been depressed for well 22 years now definitely, but thinking on it, it is more than that for I remember the low mood way back in the mid eighties and it was to do with not fitting in, but I am at last starting to work my way through it, the AS diagnosis was one brick removed and I have other stuff I am working on, questions I need answers to.

 

But potential AS you do not know or not, well try this ;

 

http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

 

Solitude, I once sought that, but then learned it was because I failed to understand people, now it is compromise I seek, as solitude is too destructive, yet I am not a party animal.

Edited July 21, 2012 by Sa Skimrande

[Sally44]

There was another similar post to this some time back.

Obviously you say you don't feel emotions. But from your OP it appears that you do tend to feel them from yourself [your experiences, your jokes] and that you find it much harder to plug in and replicate how another person maybe feeling. So you act it out so as not to appear weird, cold and heartless.

 

I know my son struggles to 'experience' and 'process' emotions. He has alot of sensory processing difficulties, and sometimes I wonder if it is because he often does not process things in real time, or integrate sensory inputs that are the cause of it. Because surely 'emotions' and really a chemical reaction to sensory stimulus???

 

And does imagination and theory of mind come into it at all??

 

How do you decide what to do each day. I presume you can decide which things to do that you like, as opposed to things you do not like. So you must have processed 'experience' and connected it with an 'enjoyable emotion' in some way on that level otherwise you would eat onions and sit in the cold and not feel any differently to eating cake and lying in a warm bath.

 

You could always go to your GP and tell him how you are feeling and ask for a referal to a Clinical Psychologist for assessment. Clinical Psychologists tend to work with the individual. Whereas psychiatrists tend to give out medication. Probably not as simple as that, but I think Clinical Psychology, with experience of adults with ASD maybe a good place to start. You maybe depressed, or there maybe a way that they could help you with this. Either to improve it, or come to terms with it and have reassurance that you are 'normal' for you.

 

Out of all the things you posted, the one that concerned me most was borrowing the money and not attempting to pay it back. That indicates that you can use people to get what you want and use them as objects to obtain what you want. That is not healthy and maybe needs exploring more? But having said that, there are lots of NT people out there that are just as capable of doing that.

Edited July 21, 2012 by Sally44

[mattblack_uk]

Sorry, I should have made myself clear - I have already been formally 'diagnosed' with aspergers. I'm just questioning it now and wondering whether a second opinion is in order. I have just had myself referred to the adults with aspergers team in Nottingham so I guess these are all questions I can ask soon enough. You found solitude destructive? I don't find that at all.... I find it energising.

[Sally44]

Yes I understand you already have a diagnosis of Aspergers. And what you have described I have heard before on other posts on this same topic some months ago.

 

And my son also finds it hard to 'feel' emotions.

 

But I think it maybe worth asking for a referal to Clinical psychology just to make sure you are not depressed, and to make sure you don't have any other condition or disorder. They may also be able to help you with this problem, or at least explain it to you so that you can understand how and why it is happening. It is obviously something that bothers you and therefore I think you should seek some answers to your questions.

I think that alot of people on the spectrum do 'act' as they think is appropriate rather than feel it. Or for those that do 'feel' it, they don't have the language, facial expression or voice tone and gestures to accurately convey it, and so give a double message ie. saying and or doing the right thing, but in a way that looks fake [simply because the facial expression, voice tone, body gestures etc all have to tie up for it to look and feel completely right].

So I don't think your experience is way off from others. As others have posted saying they have similar experiences.

But what concerned me most about your post was not that you struggled with these emotions, it was the fact that you could cause problems [financial or maybe emotional] to another person and not feel guilt about it and not try sort it out. That is using other people as objects. And many people have probably done something like that once or twice, it is a very selfish and self centered way of working. Only you know the extent to which you do use other people. But it is a very unhealthy habit. And for some people it is a permanent disorder - which I don't think is necessarily the case for you. But as you have all these questions, and feel uncomfortable in yourself, I think it would be useful to get some professional advice on it.

[Sally44]

This is the link to this topic being discussed some time ago.

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?/topic/26415-can-you-feel-and-recognise-your-emotions/page__hl__emotions

[mattblack_uk]

Well... almost 1 year on and I thought I'd update my old post. Started seeing someone shortly after posting my last response, and moved in with her 6 months later - and on top of that got a promotion at work. I've explained my situation to her and she's' understanding. Still having issues with the emotional dullness and zero empathy and I'm getting a little OCD about tidyness around the house which I know irritates her. Spend most of my spare time either researching on the internet, or reading, or hiking/mountain scrambling (on my own). She's going on holiday in a few weeks to Italy with her friend and I've opted to stay at home for a week of nice quietness. Starting to wonder whether I may have a touch of schizoid about me! Had a work colleague who I sat next to for the last 4 years, and chatted to a lot, every day. He died recently and I feel bad about feeling nothing when I heard. I should have been the most upset out of anyone here. I went to the funeral with a few other colleagues but to be honest I only went because I knew it would look bad if I didn't. I knew my face would just look blank throughout and didn't really want anyone to see that. So thats been bothering me since as I know its not right.

 

Does anybody else feel really envious when they see others display the emotional intensity that you can't manage? Like joy and excessive laughter, anger and shouting, grief and crying? I get quite bitter sometimes knowing that I can't reach those emotional heights!

 

Anyway.... apart from the still consistent emotional issues - lifes going quite well!.

[Shnoing]

You might be - due to bad experiences in your past - shutting your emotions away so efficiently that you don't feel them anymore, this might be out of fear of being overwhelmed.

I have had both experiences in the past (being overwhelmed, but also feeling nothing).