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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

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A-S warrior

Town centres

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Does anybody else find town centres too much? All i ever seem to see, when walking through town is a blurry mix of coulors. I can't focus on what i want to buy, and all the shops look the same. some shops look totally pointless. And then there's the people that ambush you in the street with flyers.

 

Give me a quite little row of village shops anyday. At least then i can see the wood through the trees.

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Nesf   

Shopping malls are a lot worse than town centres. I'm a bit claustraphobic too and I hate crowds. This Christmas I did a lot of shopping online and avoided the crowds.

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Hate them and don't go to town if I can help it and when I am forced, it's head phones in and defocus my eyes to be unaware of detail where I can see perfectly well but I cannot define detail and colours reduce to tones- (something I learned through doing zone system monochromatic photography)

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oakers   

I don't really like town centres, or shopping malls but to be honest, as much as malls annoy me I prefer them to going in and out of shops if it's really hot or wet outside.

 

What really irritates me is when people are either constantly pushing you or the people that stop dead in front of you. The best are those that are operating prams and end up driving them up your leg and saying 'oh sorry, I didn't see you there'. Hmm, do you not care enough about your offspring to watch where you're pushing them!?

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Depends on my mood, my purpose and the town centre concerned.

 

For example, I no longer go into my local town centre a few miles away as it has gone downhill and I don't like the people.

 

There is a shopping mall about 10 miles away which is great as it has everything under one roof and most importantly (for me), free parking. I can park, use the free facilities, have a coffee and either wander and let the world go by. It also gives me good practice to wander aimlessly, look at and learn people's body language.

 

Rather at odds though, I hate crowds and queuing, especially if there are staff standing around doing nothing. But somewhere I read about how to cope with crowds and to see people as "nonpersons" (although I think this is rather derogatory) in the sense that I can just ignore them and not interact. But if a shop is too crowded, I tend to avoid unless I really have to.

 

Although I miss the traditional High Street, I am not the sort of person to stand and banter to the greengrocer, fishmonger, newsagent etc. And I hate sales staff coming up to you every 5 minutes saying "can I help you?"

 

Perhaps I'm just a miserable old humbug..

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. And I hate sales staff coming up to you every 5 minutes saying "can I help you?"

 

Perhaps I'm just a miserable old humbug..

 

No i also hate that. If i wanted help i'd ask for it, lol.

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Lyndalou   

I've been thinking recently that I should have been born in a different time. I think in general that a lot of us wouldn't have nearly the amount of problems we have if we only had a village store and a butchers to choose from like a century ago, we lived with the same people all our lives who put up with our quirks and perhaps valued our forthrightness, we were not expected to be able to drive, work a hundred different gadgets and study a huge variety of subjects all at one time and we had to work hard just to have a simple diet and clothe ourselves with a very small selection of clothes.

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aspieman   

I have severe social phobia and claustrophobia. I have struggled with crowds since I was at school. I have not been out of the house on my own for over 8 years but I do get out with my support workers and other members of my family who I live with.

 

I can't stand town centres, The noise, Crowds, Closeness, Public transport, The lighting. I struggle with it all and it just becomes a blur and I get really stressed even if I don't show it, I get frightened and feel very anxious in these situations. In my comfort zone I prefer to visit town centres with others in the family car as I often sit in the car when I'm having a meltdown and will let the others go off on their own or I know that I can return to the car if it gets too much for me.

 

My social phobia has not always been this severe as I used to work a long time a go but after being wrongly diagnosed, over medicated and my mental health has deteriorated over the years because of ill physical health and me being a victim from health professional's mistakes. I find it very hard to trust people now.

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Sometimes if im in a noisy crowded place the noise level suddenly hits me and everything suddenly becomes extra loud and i have to get out of there ASAP.... Is it just me this happens to? My partner gets really annoyed with me when this happens because we could be half way through a shopping list and i will just give up and leave, or sometimes i manage to go to the till with half the shopping list in the trolly. It doesnt always happen though, only sometimes! Its weird!!

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Although I miss the traditional High Street, I am not the sort of person to stand and banter to the greengrocer, fishmonger, newsagent etc. And I hate sales staff coming up to you every 5 minutes saying "can I help you?"

 

 

 

This concerned me so much I asked a friend who works in a shop why this is done and I was given two reasons, one of which was the goal of a shop is to get someone in there part with their cash and get them out, the other is browsers come across as potential thieves in that by browsing shop keepers get use to them being there and so lose notice and that is the shop lifters time of opportunity. So shop assistants and their persistent pestering is designed to make you hurry up and buy or get out as a shop is not a show case.

 

I get pestered after having said I do not want assistance I walk out and I will buy elsewhere, because I don't like aggressive sales techniques or the feeling I am suspected of being a potential thief.

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Nesf   

This concerned me so much I asked a friend who works in a shop why this is done and I was given two reasons, one of which was the goal of a shop is to get someone in there part with their cash and get them out, the other is browsers come across as potential thieves in that by browsing shop keepers get use to them being there and so lose notice and that is the shop lifters time of opportunity. So shop assistants and their persistent pestering is designed to make you hurry up and buy or get out as a shop is not a show case.

 

I get pestered after having said I do not want assistance I walk out and I will buy elsewhere, because I don't like aggressive sales techniques or the feeling I am suspected of being a potential thief.

 

Yes - I hate this too - I find it very intrusive and if this happens I leave the shop without buying anything. It puts me off going into small shops, I feel really uncomfortable. I also hate hate being watched and scrutinised, it often takes me a while to decide what I want and I dislike being hurried. I think the sepermarket is the less of two evils.

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Nesf   

I am always with music on all the time when in town

 

Yes, I do this too, it certainly helps.

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Linnet   

Sometimes if im in a noisy crowded place the noise level suddenly hits me and everything suddenly becomes extra loud and i have to get out of there ASAP.... Is it just me this happens to? My partner gets really annoyed with me when this happens because we could be half way through a shopping list and i will just give up and leave, or sometimes i manage to go to the till with half the shopping list in the trolly. It doesnt always happen though, only sometimes! Its weird!!

 

This happens to me too. Supermarkets affect me in this way and I have been known to abandon my shopping trolley full of shopping in my rush to get out.

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Glad i'm not alone. i wonder if this is soley an asperger thing? Alot of your responses sound very simular to me.

 

Crowds, noise, colours, shapes, stress, chaos - take your pick, all suggested ASD irritants, but that goes for a lot of the undiagnosed as well.

 

I make a list of what I want, think where I would get what I want with alternative locations, just in case and work out a route and picture it in my mind, get there and hit the route deviating for nothing, get what I need and get out of the shops as soon as possible and no browsing allowed, then home. If I have to go to town I can usually do what I need to do in less than an hour, tis just a pity it takes 45 minutes to get there on the bus, a distance of 8 miles, but when the car is running, ten minutes each way and I park at the edge of town where it's free and power walk in.

 

Food shopping, wherever is cheapest and I will choose several shops over one shop and dart back and forth to find the best price, but I also tend to shop where the immigrants shop through them knowing where the best deals are. My weekly food bill is £7

Edited by Sa Skimrande

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Some have fantastic architecture and brilliant uses of space - town centres aren't just places for a load of shops and crowds of people....

 

Yeah I know and there I was photographing the architecture reflected in the marble floor until I got threatened with the police, kicked out and banned from going back in the shopping centre as what was public land is now private.

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I was walking in the rain last night, the town near me doesn't massively appeal in certain ways - but the slabs on the floor were the kind that shone like a sort of mirror in the rain, reflecting lights and colours, I wished I'd had my camera although it would have got wet.

 

Even when there are douches people in the world who control and dominate - we still have our senses and minds - yes photography can produce some brilliant fixed images - but our mind is better than a camera sometimes and there are other ways of getting things out of it.

 

I didn't have my camera last night, but those reflections are in my memory and I can still see them.

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The annoying thing was about that shopping centre, I was instrumental in it's construction as I was always up on the roof servicing and repairing diesel welders, the steelwork I spent so much time close to I was trying to photograph with the job completed.

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Mannify   

Architecture is fascinating. It bugs me the way some people automatically hate modern architecture, for example, when sometimes it is astoundingly well-conceived (I don't like pastiche architecture though, much). Obviously, not all modern architecture is great, anymore than all older architecture is, but what is interesting about town centres is the juxtaposition of old and new; in some town centres, the concentration of great architecture, whether old or new, is high. There are a few areas like that locally. That said, fill it up with people and sales, and I really would just rather be home, lol.

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The annoying thing was about that shopping centre, I was instrumental in it's construction as I was always up on the roof servicing and repairing diesel welders, the steelwork I spent so much time close to I was trying to photograph with the job completed.

 

We all take personal meaning in things - and I have experienced such things where I have been shut down by people for ridiculous reasons - it stings with the injustice when these things happen and when the people doing the ignorant and bullying things are being narrow minded and thoughtless, especially when there is personal meaning and connections that are being prevented or attacked.

 

If it were me, and I really wanted a photograph and couldn't get one, I'd either create something else - you work with metal and glazes on types of (I'm going to say 'pottery' but I don't know if that is the right word) don't you? You could create your own photograph in your own way - certain glazes could be like a reflection, certain metalwork incorporated could be like the steelwork - just an example, you don't need me to tell you how to be creative.

 

Alternatively you could get someone you respect to get the images for you - I know your rights were infringed on with what happened there, and that is unfortunate as I do not think you were breaking any laws - but there are other ways to get what you want out of things - the fact is these types of people may lock us down or throw us out, or ban us or prevent our freedom, but they cannot do that to our minds and we have choices, it might mean finding different ways of going about things - but they cannot cage your mind Sa Skimrande.

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Yeah I know and there I was photographing the architecture reflected in the marble floor until I got threatened with the police, kicked out and banned from going back in the shopping centre as what was public land is now private.

 

They misunderstood your intentions and you got kicked out, they didn't psychically know about your involvement in the building and of course, you contacted someone in charge to see if you could get permission with your explanation of why you wanted to do so didn't you?

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Nope, I did say I helped build this thing and was marvelling at the finished design and being a LRPS qualified photographer I am capturing the art in the structure and this is public land where I have the right to photograph what I want in public as I am well versed in the law as it pertains to photographers and there are no signs on the doors of this building prohibiting photography.

 

First they went on about industrial espionage to which I said, what, with a DSLR ( and a big one at that),and telephoto attached where is the espionage in that when a simple cell phone can do better and transmit the information to wherever in seconds and if you hadn't noticed the sheer number of people here photographing each other in the atrium with cell phones where is what I am doing is problem. As to the suggestion of such it is not the business of security guards as the shops which might be concerned don't pay the security guards for that, in fact they don't pay them, that is the responsibility of the management.

 

I said it was public land were they said it was private I have since found out the land is public as a right of way exists from antiquity, but the council is allowing the model shopping centre to impose it's own rules because they are promoting it as a tourist/ shopping experience and have even remodelled the roads to give better access to the monstrosity as what was a innovative external appearance quickly wore off with those that live here.

 

But no problems to me really I don't use the shopping centre for anything and that translates as loss of business to the shops there within.

 

Oh and I did consult a copper regards what had happened as I was pretty shook up by the experience and the copper told me they had no right to stop me doing what I was doing as far as he was aware, it was public land and suggested I had just been a victim of over zealous security guards that are most likely bored and being different in my appearance I most likely attracted their attention.

 

But damage done, business is lost and so now I buy my Lush products online.

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Oh and I did consult a copper regards what had happened as I was pretty shook up by the experience and the copper told me they had no right to stop me doing what I was doing as far as he was aware, it was public land and suggested I had just been a victim of over zealous security guards that are most likely bored and being different in my appearance I most likely attracted their attention.

 

From everything you say it certainly sounds like the copper is right.

 

My previous post here about permission was an afterthought, I know you are 'on it' regarding the law so I assumed that you were within your rights, but thought I'd check rather than just assuming.

 

But damage done, business is lost and so now I buy my Lush products online.

 

Their loss, online shopping has many plus points, although it is good to get out too :lol: (which I know you do)

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Reading through this thread reminds me that online shopping has been a real step forward for people with Autism and their families. :)

 

Simon

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