Could I cry anymore?

[blue]

Hi,

 

I posted a thread a while ago regarding diagnosis from a pedeatrician.

 

Joe has been diagnosed with juvinile depression...Aspergers....ADHD and what I THOUGHT was attraction deficit disorder.

 

I had my letter of confirmation through today....and I had misheard him when he said attraction disorder at the appointment......it was attachment disorder!

 

I have just looked this up.....and cannot feel more down than I do now. It is caused by neglect and mistreatment in the first three years of life.

 

I cannot beleive this.....I have NEVER EVER neglected Joseph...never never never. I love my children so much.....and would never hurt them in any way...ever.

How could they say this?

 

I feel like throwing in the towel now........I cannot continue this...it's torture!

 

How can they be so wrong? What can I say that will prove that they are wrong? It's bad enough with the other diagnosis's.....I feel for Joe so much that I ache inside....but to think that I have contributed to his sadness is hurting me so bad....because I have done nothing but love my kids...and if I cant do that right...well whats the point?

[mom on a mission]

blue,

First of all YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG often these assumptions are very outdated my son was diagnosed with asd and selective mutism which is a refusle to talk to anybody other than his imediate family if you look up selective mutism most information would suggest that it is caused by abuse or emotional truama this is not the case atall my son has never suffered any abuse or emotional truama although his ed pysc implied that he must have done, what i said was well if i had abused him then wouldnt he be afraid of me rather than being over attched she didnt have an answer i have reseached selective mutism alot now and understand that it is caused by severe anxiety and nothing to do with abuse and surprise surprise where does the anxiety araise from high functioning autism at the moment selective mutism is not part of the autistic spectrum although there are arguments to say it should and i agree that it is very much part of my sons autism and I CAN TELL YOU NOW THAT ATTACHMENT DISSORDER IS CAUSED BY SERVERE ANXIETY which can be caused by the ASD creating a fear of being seperated from the person who understands there difficulties and makes them feel safe and secure i know this because through all my research on selective mutism i have come across attachment dissorder many times and the view that it is caused by neglect is outdated and wrong although like selective mutism some proffessionals may take the out dated view but those proffessionals that do arnt doing there job correctly because they couldnt be further from the truth you hang in there you know the truth whigh is you have done nothing but the best for your son so who can blame him if he feels overly attached to you after all for kids with ASD the world is a scary and confusing place and if in that world they find one person who makes that bearable then why shouldnt they grab a hold of that person and not let go. chin up look at it like i do you must be doing the best you can and succeding or your son wouldnt want to be attached to you . <'> <'> <'> <'>

[oracle]

Totally agree with mom on a mission. I hate it when professionals use these terms which imply bad parenting. The classic one is anxiety seperation disorder but again kids with AS will suffer from this because they need to be with people that understand them or they do become very anxious.

 

I know you feel dreadful at the moment with good rights. My son was diagnosed with an Edipus complex, which meant that I was to blame for everything that was wrong in his life. It means that a person is totally tied to their mother and some case this means sexually. At this point they missed the AS altogether.

 

I did receover and came out fighting but it's something we should not have to endure full stop.

 

Carole

Edited August 11, 2005 by carole

[Suze]

Blue please don,t feel too down it,s tough at the moment but MOM, and Carole are right it,s a very woolly term that in no way should imply you are a bad mum and responsible.Could you phone regarding the dx and ask to speak to said expert and try and clarify this dx. In his mind the dx given probably doesnt match the meaning you researched.(did that make sense ).Big hugs <'> <'> <'> , and Blue, don,t be Blue...thats an order.

[bluejean-genie]

Hi Blue,

just wanted to send you some hugs <'> <'> <'> <'> please keep your chin up.

[Carol]

just wanted to add some hugs - Carole is spot on - I was told that they thought it was anxiety seperation disorder and I was just so upset, then I got angry & posted on here & got some good feedback, then spoke to my 2 closest friends and they were outraged too - now I am back on track and fighting again.

 

These sort of statements are so frustrating as they show such a complete lack of understanding and blue - you are doing right - they are just applying the same broad brush that they apply when they don't graps the nature of living on the spectrum and look for the same old pat explanation that have been around since freud was around.

 

give yourself some time to let the rest of the dx sink in - it is always a shock to get the dx no matter how much you have been pushing for it - so allow yourself time to adjust and then all you have to do is remember and realise that you ARE a fantastic parent who has done nothing wrong and kep on going.

 

((((hugs))))

 

Carol

[supersec]

lots of big <'> <'> to you and a to the professional (and i use the term loosely) who has made you feel like pants. You have done nothing wrong - unless you count loving your children beyond all reason as a wrong.

 

Caroline

[barefoot wend]

Blue

 

Please do not take any notice of this sheer rubbish! You are the same brilliant Mum you were yesterday, the day before and when Joe was a baby and do not let anyone put any doubt about this in your mind. Certainly don't let it influence your future relationship with Joe.

 

Barefoot

[helenl53]

Blue - these people need to go to charm school!

 

Everyone who has posted is right - and they have been there and got the straightjacket.

 

You are going to be going through so many emotions at the moment but yesterday, you were still the same caring mum and yesterday you boy was still the same lovely lad - so today nothing has changed - just some crass individual with no social skills whatsover has given you some labels to stick on.

 

Big big hugs <'> <'> <'>

 

HelenL

[Box-Of-Frogs]

Blue

 

I can't add anymore than has been said already so thounght I'd send you this instead -

 

Take care!

[Brook]

Blue, your post has really choked me up, <'> <'> <'>

 

My son suffers very high anxiety levels, and is very very attached to me, and as the others have said, its actually a case of the child feeling safe and secure in the knowledge that someone understands them so well.

 

I think these people need a ###### big kick up the backside

 

Take care,

 

Brook <'> <'>

[bid]

Sending loads of <'> to you and your family, Blue.

 

Try not to take this too much to heart...some professionals still use out-dated terms, or fail to explain to parents that definitions have moved on.

 

You could try phoning the consultant's secretary and explaining how this letter has left you upset and confused. Consultants can sometimes be happy to ring parents back and explain things further (this has certainly happened to us with all three of Auriel's consultants).

 

If you are pro-active about this you will feel better than if you just accept it and continue to worry.

 

Bid <'>

[lorryw]

Blue,

Totally agree with everything everyone has said. My son is now 20 and I have lost count of the completely stupid and irrelevant nonsense I have been told over the years by so called professionals.

To be honest I think diagnosis is a waste of time. You sit and listen to what they decide is wrong but unless they come up with stategies and help in finding appropriate education etc what is achieved? Simply lots of heart ache and self doubt and a child who still needs help.

I have been involved with a diagnosis procedure. My SENCO asked me to go through an ASD checklist with her for a particular student. One of the questions was.....does the child have an unusual hairstyle? After we had finished falling around laughing at the stupidity of the question we did question the validity of any diagnosis using these questions.

Dig deep Blue and dont let the b****** get you down

Lots of love, Loraine

[smiley]

<'> <'> big hugs for you Blue <'> <'>

 

I am constantly amazed that these people can get away with this, they seem to forget that real people are involved. This seems to happen throughout the medical profession - absolutely no bedside manner. The last thing you need is to feel guilty. You have done NOTHING wrong. You should contact them as bid suggested -a decent expanation is the least you deserve, and with any luck, telling them how upset it has made you will help them think about how they approach parents in the future.

 

Mary x

[baddad]

Hi Blue -

bit pushed for time tonight (off on hols tomorrow), so haven't read the whole thread... If i'm repeating anyone elses comments - forgive...

Attachment disorder -

this is, as someone already said, very outdated terminology, and it does tie in to a degree with that old 'refrigerator mother' nonsense they used to talk about. That said, it can also mean that the child doesn't form an attachment with the mother, which is a completely different thing. the bonding process in ASD kids IS often compromised, but as a side issue of the condition, rather than because of any external factor. There's nothing anyone could have done differently that would have made that process any easier or faster for the infant, because the infant didn't have the 'mechanism' required for bonding at the outset.

I hope that makes some sense, and i hope it is a little reassuring. I WOULD strongly urge you to give this guy a swift kick to the k*****s the next time you see him - bring some tears to HIS eyes, yes?

L&P& <'>

BD

[Flora]

Hello blue. What an appalling thing for you to deal with. I know as parents we already feel guilty that there is something different about our children, without having bog like that thrown at you.

 

Can't really say more than has already been posted, other than I know that my youngest child's head teacher once said that he was suffering from 'learned helplessness syndrome', and I was really offended. I felt like she was implying that I'd taught him to be helpless, ie that I hadn't taught him how to dress etc. It's not on the same scale as you're dealing with, but just know you're not alone and feel proud that you are being the best you can possibly be for your child.

 

Lauren

[TylersMum]

Blue,

 

My heart goes out to you. Some of these so-called 'professionals'....

 

I wrote a letter of complaint to the hospital this week at the way one of their doctors treated my ASD son. He was checking his vision, which is very poor, and because Tyler got stressed out because he hadn't been in that consultation room before, or seen that doctor before, this consultant felt he could grip Tylers chin (quite hard) and shout at him to open his eyes.

 

I had already told him Tylers has ASD but this guy was stone cold, nothing wamr about him at all. I had to do something, and writing a very strongly worded complaint made me feel better.

 

Even if you complain about the insinuation, you might feel better for taking some action? If you don't want to do that, put the stupid sods comments out of your mind. The very fact that you are so upset demonstrates how much you love your son - they don't know YOU, or your son.

 

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[forbsay]

Hello

 

My son had to go into hospital to get 11 teeth removed. He has a reflux habit and this has erroded his teeth. By the way - does anyone elses children do that?????????

 

It was the same hosp as the one that he got diagnosed with autism. Student nurse was taking notes on him - she sort of assumed that he was toilet trained. I said - he is still in nappies. I then said he has got autism and i got no reaction from her. She then asked more questions and again i said he has got autism. She said em what is that? so I explained to her. Unbelievable - you would have though that they could have read his hosp notes before hand. ........................

 

 

Elaine

[Kazzen161]

Try looking up "info sheets" on www.oaasis.co.uk, and look under attachment disorder.

 

 

I haven't been able to read it myself, as my adobe reader is playing up, but oaasis are usually pretty good.

 

Karen

[Fagsandbooze]

A couple of years ago the clinical psychologist at cahms did an assessment on my son and in her report she said J's problems could be due to asd or because he had had an eventful life!!!!!!! what a load of b******s!!

Don't let them get you down, they don't know what they're talking about, if it's not in a text book they don't get it and don't seem to have any understanding of the implications when they spout off like this.

Power to the parents!!! We are the experts and we didn't need an open university degree to get where we are, we had hands on experience!

Here's a hug for you <'> <'> <'>

[blue]

Hi everyone,

 

Just like to thank you all for your kind responces!

 

After a day of crying and feeling sorry for myself yesterday......I'm glad to say....I have put it into perspective now.

 

I know I havent done anything wrong....Joe knows this also! Who cares what they think.....just shows them for the incompetant numpties they are!

 

I'm going to pull my appointment forward and ask him to point out why he thinks that...and provide me with the evidence to back it up...see what he say's then.

 

It's also saddening to see so many replies who have gone through the same thing...it made me realise....it's not just me and Joe....what a mess eh?

 

I dont think now is the time to complain...I shall wait till after the appointment...and if he cant back up his bull...then kick a** big time

 

Love to you all!

 

Lisa x x x

[mom on a mission]

lisa

glad your not so blue now and youve got your fighting spirt you show em girl as long as you and your boy know the truth they cant get you down you just keep on being the best mum you can its the best revenge stay strong and take one of these <'> just in case and when you get to your appintment sit like this and then give em some of this i know that all the while you will probebly be feeling like this . these smiles are cheer you up dont they , great invention. chin up it will get easier just have to learn to keep your head held high. <'> <'> <'>