Tylers-mum Report post Posted October 30, 2005 (edited) No he's fri**in NOT!!!! Went to my sister's earlier and Tyler was throwing a fit and crying b/c he took a playstation game over and wanted to play it with my nephew but my nephew has today bought a new game and was playing that. I explained to T about this and basically, he went off on one! My sis then pipes up 'Oh, he's an only child so he's used to getting his own way, he's just spoilt'! Yes, my son is an only child but no way in hell is he spoilt! (You should see what her kids have!) The sooner I get the results of his ASD assessment the better, and then I'm gonna go over there and ram it down her throat! Vent over! Sorry but had to get that out! Edited October 30, 2005 by Tylers-mum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted October 30, 2005 i know exactly what you mean,steve has been diagnosed with asp/adhd but my sister said yesterday hes as good as gold for her and theres nothing wrong with him!!as if i would make it up.she had him for a day,i was so annoyed,so yes i know EXACTLY what you mean!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mel_jayne Report post Posted October 30, 2005 You have every right to be i've had a few moments with a few of my neighbours.I hold my head up high ,cause i know my kids(4),aren't spoilt.The only thing there spoilt with is love.sending you a <'> and you know he's not. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted October 30, 2005 Two very good friends said something similar to me last night. I was having a whinge after spending 6 hours on a train (confined space) with my kids and I felt a tad stressed They pointed out that my AS son 'plays' on his dx and that all he needs is a bit of firm discipline and he'd be fine Lauren Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tylers-mum Report post Posted October 30, 2005 Sorry!! Thought it was a typing mistake! Oops!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tylers-mum Report post Posted October 30, 2005 Thanks for all your replies. It is soooo annoying though but I'm glad I an't alone (in a nice sense! ) I just feel so irate about it. Yes he was playing up but to add salt to the wound just did not help! I'm still ticked about it now! Maybe a nice glass of wine later maybe! Anyone care to share?? Oh, and bring a bottle cuz I an't got any! LOL Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisann Report post Posted October 30, 2005 Yep I get this from my sister when char throws one or won't share it's not because he doesn't want to he just can't.If anything my sisters little boy is the spoilt brat not char. I throw the ASD down her throat when she starts and reel off the fact and ASD traits !!!!! Lisa x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tylers-mum Report post Posted October 30, 2005 (edited) Yep, sharing is another thing that was mentioned by my sister 'He's not used to sharing!' was the exact phrase! Edited October 30, 2005 by Tylers-mum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted October 31, 2005 My sons not an only child but acts like a spoilt brat as some might call it 99% of the time, there is only 2 years between my 2 so there is no way its just being spoilt he just has no empathy in how others feel and dislkies sharing with a passion. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lucas Report post Posted October 31, 2005 My own experience has taught me that if I give anyone anything, I won't get it back. It doesn't help that I'm the one being called selfish for not giving something up when I know 100% for certain that the other person won't return it, yet they will not be treated with anywhere near the same as me. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted October 31, 2005 Lucas you just described my sons fears with sharing to a T. So many people don't understand why he feels that way which makes it realy hard when trying to explain to another child that he can't even stand them touching something he has, or even looking at it as he thinks they might take it, his fear is he won't get it back and it is not very often you can reason with him. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
alibaly Report post Posted October 31, 2005 (edited) My sister ( and her children ) were sent back to NZ only 9 days into a 4 week long visit becasue of the 'spoilt brat and not sharing' attitude. I can take a lot from strangers but from family, no way, it's the ultimate betrayal!!!!!!!!!! After that experience I now find a way to tell people nicely that when they're in my home they accept that I'm the one in the know about autism and they listen to me, it's harsh but true. Truth be told it doesn't really need saying, my sister and neice were a 'one off' but after last year I'm taking no chances. It's exhausting trying to get people packed and out of your house in about 5 hours and especially so after a huge barny. I still can't get over the ###### cheek of her, her 19 year old, and the pain they caused, Her two wee ones were just being childen and with the right explanations they would have been Ok but they didn't get the guidance, weren't going to get it, and it was shameful. I stuck books on autism into my neice and sisters hand luggage, I hope they enjoyed the read. Edited October 31, 2005 by alibaly Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MumTee Report post Posted October 31, 2005 Isn't it amazing how people can walk into your life and after just 5 minutes think they know the answer to everything!!! We get all sorts of 'helpful' advice. What's harder for me I think, is that before I had an ASD child, I probably would have been the same - so I feel red hot anger, followed later by a flush of shame!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jadensmum Report post Posted October 31, 2005 I get this all of the time from my own family - more than friends / strangers Jaden has been called "lazy" - he has severe developmental delay - "ignorant" - if he won't respond to his name being called or look at someone when they are talking to him - "difficult" - as he doesn't sleep......the list goes on!!!! I even had my brothers girlfriend come into my house and tell me that her friends son had Autism and wait for it......... HE 'S OK NOW BECAUSE HE GREW OUT OF IT I took great pleasure in telling her she didn't know what she was talking about and as for the others, sometimes I put them straight, sometimes I can't be bothered - as THEY are the ones that are ignorant but it really does annoy me when I spend time trying to inform my family on what's going on with Jaden. So yes, know how you feel!!! Denisex Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Zemanski Report post Posted October 31, 2005 I have this problem with my father - the ' if I'd got him I'd soon sort him out' attitude. but I also have the opposite problem with my SIL. She's romanian and in her culture they really spoil first- born sons and her son is incredibly spoilt. That's her business but it is very sad to see him turning into a real thug, he's becoming a bully. The problem is that because M is developing behaviour problems in school she thinks there must be something wrong with him, just like Com and expects my sympathy and support - no way, this kid is NT through and through and she's making her own bed! If she was firm and consistent with him the way she is with her daughter (and the way I am with Com) then she would probably have 2 lovely kids instead of just one - so frustrating. I've told her to get a referral to CAMHS if she's that worried - they'd soon put her straight - but she won't because I think she knows really. Zemanski Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mandyque Report post Posted October 31, 2005 I'm feeling a bit guilty now for getting pi**ed off at my friends lad for going off one one the other day. The thing was, he was winding my dd up by waving a toy in her face so she would want it. Then when she wanted to play with it, he screamed and screamed and screamed that she couldn't and he wouldn't share etc. Which I understand it is an autistic trait, but he is quite high functioning and knows about sharing, he expects everyone else to share with him but this time he had wound my dd up then started screaming when he got the reaction he had been 'asking' for. The thing that got my goat was the fact that his mother sat there and virtually ignored the whole scene while I tried to keep my dd from killing him, she never once tried to talk to him or reason with him at all, or at least help me to calm the situation. He called my dd a b**ch and kept shouting 'I don't like you because you can't talk' and still she never did anything. Now I KNOW that this is all to do with his autism, but if she just sits there and does nothing he will never learn, we can at least make an effort with them, they have to learn as much as they can, another friends son can be extremely rude and aggressive but his mum tells him right from wrong and he is learning and because of that, I love him to bits, he's a great kid and I can easily forgive his cheek. Not sure if this rant makes sense, I hope so in essence it's the mothers behaviour rather than the childs that annoyed me the most. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
madmooch Report post Posted October 31, 2005 My little one doesn't understand sharing but when i ask him to give his sister her lolly,biscuit back, he takes a great big bite and hands it back to her Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted October 31, 2005 The ignorance of some people is astonishing. When M was first diagnosed i had all sorts of 'it's because he's an only child'...'he'll grow out of it'.... blah, blah, .. and this was from family . I didn't get angry (to thier face ) i took it as an opportunity to explain Aspergers to them. I took over books, dvd's, leaflets...!! Gentle persuasion If anything crops up now - i talk my way through it with them....and talk, and talk, and talk.... I refuse to let then treat M that way...i can be increadibly subborn! They've got the message now - and often will ask me things about Aspergers, which is an improvement I try to do the same when we're out and about. I have the 'This child has Aspergers' cards from the NAS. If something happens, i had it over, more often that not, the person wants to know more. Awareness is a good thing Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
puffin Report post Posted October 31, 2005 gggrrrrrrrr This really makes me mad - especially when some people honestly believe that their own children are perfect angels. I had a friend (now moved away from the area) who believed her son was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO perfect and that M was just a terrible child and would never make any allowances for her- her attitude made it hard to socialise: We were over one afternoon and M and her son B had an altercation over a toy (both as bad as each other) -she pipes up with " I'm so glad I got B into the Montessori nursery as they teach children never to snatch like that - they work on everyone sharing" implictely refering to M. She tu tutted when M got hyper and told M of for forgetting that the living room was toy-free Then 5 minutes later B walks over to M's baby sister aged one - gives her a push and snatches her toy - and the other mum doesn't tell him off for snatching but says smiling indulgently " Ahh B wants to show the baby how to play with the toy" Her husband was worse - when M and B were babies (aged 2 and 1) and playing together quite happily on the carpet - he once walked up and snatched a toy away from M to give it B - in a very nasty way making her cry - as it was "B's favourite" Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bid Report post Posted October 31, 2005 And she was your 'friend'?? Bid Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted November 1, 2005 Yeah, I can relate to all this. My dad says: "he never does that at our home." all the time! No, dad he doesn't - he is 9 years old and does have some knowledge of how to conform out of his own "safe" situation. So out came good old Mr Attwood's book AGAIN and I read my mum and dad the piece about Jeckyll and Hyde AGAIN. Isn't it all so infuriating Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted November 1, 2005 Lovely teacher at school once shouted to my son.....there,s nothing wrong with you, you,re just spoilt. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ray Report post Posted November 1, 2005 When he was about 9 Alex was having some problems at school socialising, and was bullied badly - one little monster (who I'm sure is now a well adjusted and charming young adult) bent his fingers back so badly he had to go to hospital and his hand turned black and blue. Anyway, went to the school to try and sort things out and was told by his teacher that there was 'no such thing as aspergers, or autism' and that he was just badly behaved and bad parenting was to blame! ray Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Helen Report post Posted November 1, 2005 Anyway, went to the school to try and sort things out and was told by his teacher that there was 'no such thing as aspergers, or autism' and that he was just badly behaved and bad parenting was to blame! Grrrrrrrrrrr! ... nearly forgot, welcome to Krism Ray Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mandyque Report post Posted November 1, 2005 Anyway, went to the school to try and sort things out and was told by his teacher that there was 'no such thing as aspergers, or autism' and that he was just badly behaved and bad parenting was to blame! ray Stupid ***** should spend a few hours in a NAS school and see if they believe in autism then! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
reuby2 Report post Posted November 2, 2005 Hiya, I have been so angry with my family , my brother and his wife, as they have always thought my son was a spoilt brat.So much so that they never come to see their only nephew and have been really pretty unkind really> I have been really upset as he is my only sibling and my son is the only child in the family.I decided to wash my hands of them ( they always talked about us behind our back and critisized us even though they don't have any kids at all!!!).However now that we have been told my son may have autism, the next day they wanted to come round...but i don't want them to.i think the only reason they are bothered now is because they feel guilty at their attitudes and i think.. good let them feel guilty .My Mum says that My son has given the impression of being spoilt, even though he never asks for anything material.Chin up eh, I know exactly how you feel !!!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
katysmum Report post Posted November 2, 2005 hi all gosh it is so annoying- other peoples ignorance. I had the old classic today when I told another parent at school that katy had as- " no you're joking. she looks okay" God i could scream!! why would I be joking and what do you want her to look like???Then there's the " do you not think she's just playing you up?" or " can't you get her any tranquilisers"- katy is 5 and my mum said that!!! you just have to laugh!!! Life's tough enough without these little nuggets of wisdom from people that think they know best! anyway rant over ( its been a bad day!) sharon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elaine1 Report post Posted November 3, 2005 think we've all had that. thank goodness we have this room to vent in lol Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
