obsessed about death

[treetree]

my daughter is 5 years old and the latest obsession is about death and she keeps saying to me were not going to die mum are we ,when we go to jesus he mends us dosent he and then were better again arnt we ,has any anybody else been through this and any advice given is much apprieciated thanks

Teresa

[krystaltps]

Hi, sorry to hear you're going through the "death fixation". My son had an obsession about it for two years, after his first hamster died. It reached a climax when he was nearly 6 after he saw the news coverage about an explosion in Glasgow (we used to avoid news, and radio at all times, but this happened when he was at his Gran's). It got to the stage when he wouldn't sleep incase I died during the night. We dealt with it religiously, even though we are not religious. We drew pictures of heaven together, and angels, and souls leaving bodies - we discussed death openly - he had so many questions about funerals, etc. It was really quite a morbid thing to have to do with a 5 year old boy, but it helped. We now hide nothing from him. His hamster needed to be put down two weeks ago, so I made sure he was there to say goodbye (I could tell the vet didn't approve, but I wasn't going to go into details about why he was there). So far, there hasn't been a major "fall out" from this, so I think I can be safe to assume that I did the right thing. Hope this is of some use to you.....

[reuby2]

Hiya,

J is only just getting past this now, he was obsessed with death and very anxious about dying for about 3 years. I was at my wits end. What we did in the end was get a book about death from the library in the kids section and although I thought it was a bit morbid ( It was about the lifetime of different insects and animals right up to humans but set into a story) It really helped him to adjust to the fact that a person will die at the end of their lifetime. Once he accepted that, it was easier to come to terms with the fact that sometimes people get ill and die etc. My heart goes out to you because it broke my heart, It made me very anxious about how he would cope without us if anything happened, but touch wood, he is much, much more relaxed about it now.He still has extreme anxiety about things causing him harm but it isn't like it was .

Good luck

<'> <'>

Edited December 12, 2005 by reuby2

[laine]

Yeah we are just haveing this at the moment. C asked me the other night what will happen when you die mum.. Will you still be able to see me...will you remember me when i come to heaven.. what if i get beat up ny bullies.......these questions brought a lump to my throat i told C i would always be with him and i will always know him..and love him.

 

Ps i told him id sort them bullies out one way or another

 

Laine...

[ray]

hello. my son (17, AS) has been a bit obsessed with the whole death thing for quite a while now and whilst it seems to be ebbing from the real intense fear of a a couple of months ago, it still pops up every now and then. he's just got a work placement through college at sainsburys and we are all thrilled to bits for reasons I wont go into here, but a couple of nights ago he said it was great, as long as he lived that long! He is worried about going to sleep and not waking up, although there was an external push (an obsession with a pop singer who died of a brain tumour). He has been to see the doctor a couple of times, the college counselor, and been paralysed by fear over this. Anyway, all we can do is keep stressing how fit and healthy he is, how nothing ever happens without a reason (drugs, drink, accident etc etc) and eventually logic will win through. Bit diff for a 5 yr old I know. But when I came here for help on this a couple of months ago, the thing that came across was that this is extremely common.

 

ray

[oracle]

Both of my sons aged 18 and 8 re-visit this topic time and time again. I tried everything with Matthew and eventually followed the same route as Sheena. This has been the only thing that has ever helped Matthew to deal with his fears. However as David is a total non-believer it could not help him.

 

Matthew's fears exploded after a visit to the 'Life' Centre in Newcastle where they show a film about evolution. On the way home Matthew was so distressed we had to stop at a Cemetary where he wanted a grafic and detailed account about what happenes when you die. He was 5 at the time. He did not sleep for weeks after that visit.

 

David has just come through a period of being unable to sleep because of his fears. I am however very open about this. Have to be because my Dad died not to long ago. I don't know if it ever becomes any easier for them? I would like to think so.

 

Carole

[CarerQuie]

Rh has been through this one,too.He wasn't feeling well on Saturday and asked if he was about to die.I was able to tell him that,although he will one dya,that Saturday wasn't the day.xx

[~Jonathan~]

I spent 5 years going to church hoping that by a process of osmosis I would believe in the stories and take away my fear of death but with each question I received no adequate answers and yet more questions. I still fear total annihilation of self. It's coming and it's not pleasant so I just try and put it to the back of my mind but at bedtime it's worse, I tend to wake with a start fearing I won't wake up again. I have a devoutly Christian friend who spends hours every week in prayer and at church and he tells me that he doesn't believe he's done 'enough' and isn't sure whether he'll get to Heaven. He's on Prozac and his faith doesn't seem to help him as he lives a miserable life and fears death though from slightly different reasons from me, he fears going to the hot place. I couldn't live under that added fear.

[reuby2]

Hi Jonathon,

I used to be quite a fanatic christian and spent a lot of time at religious meetings. I didn't realise that I had become unbalanced.I don't go to church now or spend time praying and seeking gods direction.I still believe whole heartedly in Jesus and the message that he died so that we don't have to try to earn our way to heaven.However I also believe that we have been given our life to grow and experience life, find out who we are and to enjoy it.

As i said my son who is 7 (asd) gets upset at the thought of being harmed or dying and I remember I did too. Perhaps it's because it is something that can't be controlled?

I have a anxiety disorder and have spent so much time tied up with worry and fear, that now I am learning to let go of the things i can't control. Whether I am worried or not the only thing i change is my own emotions.

 

I also think that as a person gets older it becomes easier to adjust to life as a cycle.I hope that this issue becomes a little easier.

Just take one day at a time.

Take care,

<'> <'> <'> <'>

[mum22boys]

We too have this one. It was very intense several months ago but is now no more than a conversation about death and dying maybe once a day. Lately he has been going into deatail about the people that died in the war.

Also our dog had to be put to sleep on Saturday night which did tend to open up the whole death issue again. he was very confused though and kept asking are we happy or sad now!!!

I've adjusted to the fact that the death issue will always be there for M so you are not alone in going through this.

[lindy-lou]

aw so sorry to hear about your dog mum22boys most children do learn about death through a pet dying,it is awful for any child to become aware of there mortality and go through the pain of losing something or someone they love,it is a valuable lesson for them too though as they get to see that life goes on and the pain they feel gets less with time.

[~Jonathan~]

Thanks for the reply here reuby2 and thanks for replying to my PM thanking you for your reply here and your reply to that reply

[Tensing]

Henry's favoriate subject is death, has been for about two years.

 

He'll tell you all about "his past deaths" and sometimes lifes.

He loves asking qusetions about famous dead people, Nelson being his favoriate, Henrys wants to kill all the French and Spanish for killing Nelson (I mean it was only 200 years ago).

[ceecee]

I believe that people with A.S. like to control and can be fairly controlling especially in areas they find difficult.I know I can be like this.

 

death is something we have no contol over so i believe that some people with A.S. have a great fear of dying because it is not something they control.

 

I am terrified of dying and death

[neda]

This post reminded me of a letter my wee girl (NT, who was 7 at the time) gave me where she was telling me that she wanted to stay with me forever in my house and she would never leave, but if she died she wanted us to give her a proper funeral so we could always remember her. Trying not to show the tears when I was reading it, whilst reassuring her that she wasn't to worry was hard but it shows the things they think about.

[reuby2]

on the subject of staying with us. My son gets extremely upset if we say one day he'll get married and have his own house, so we now say that if he gets married they can live here and when he has kids we can all live together!!!!! I'll remind him of this when he's 18

[Hidden Gem]

Most control is routed in insecurity and or self esteem.

 

An sense of insecurity can lead to wanting to control things in order so that the person can feel secure.

 

It does not have much to do with AS - again it is a product of environment and self.

 

Although anyone with serioud AS - control must and most likely linked to that.

 

Happy to be proved worng, but can't think of anyone I have ever met who likes to be in control and underneath it is not insecure.

 

Again death, it is the unknown, something we can't control and if it happens that somehow we might just die and that will be it, well it is perhaps logical to think, what is my place in this crazy universe, which could make one insecure.

 

Having faced death head on, I can assure you it is nothing to be scared of, strnagely calming and far to inviting.