elaine1 Report post Posted January 5, 2006 got aphone call from my brother today to say my dad has colon cancer, we dont speak (long story), but im very sad for him but numb at the same time. Dont know how to feel really, wierd situation Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DAS999 Report post Posted January 5, 2006 My thought are with you at this hard time. I hope a <'> helps a little. Best wishes and support. DAS Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy-lou Report post Posted January 5, 2006 sorry to here that elaine <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sallya Report post Posted January 5, 2006 Sorry to hear that, are you going to call your dad? Must be difficult to know what to do. s xxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted January 5, 2006 sorry about the bad news do u think you can make peace with him? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UltraMum Report post Posted January 5, 2006 Sorry to hear that - would it be a good time to try to renew the relationship? I know how difficult this can be... I traced my father this year - he walked out on my mother when I was 18 months old so it was over 40 years - unfortunately he didn't want contact but i did manage to find a brother in the process and we are now keeping in touch. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
annie Report post Posted January 5, 2006 Sending you some <'> <'> Elaine. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phasmid Report post Posted January 5, 2006 Been in a similar situation (though the illness wasn't as bad as your dad's) with my mum. We once went 18 months not speaking. A neighbour rang to tell me that she had been taken into hospital in London. We went straight sown to see her that weekend. Talked through the problems and sorted it out. If that is what you want, now would be a good time to test the reaction, perhaps a card to start with if you don't fancy talking directly to begin with. HTH Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pumpkinpie Report post Posted January 6, 2006 It is a hard situation and I really think you must go with what your heart tells you. If thats to ring him doit . if its to send a card do that. Even if he doesnt reply you know you did the right thing. I dont think somepople from the older generation have the emotional capacity to verbalise their feelings because its the way they were brought up. You do what you feel is right remember its your father who made the decision to go and therefore so long as you are true to your heart and go with your gut feeling you will have nothing to reproach your self with. I have a similar situation in my family and now how damaging it can be. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted January 6, 2006 <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> xxxxxxx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nikrix Report post Posted January 6, 2006 Maybe it is time to make peace, only you will know that. Don't leave it, if you think you may regret it later. My thought are with you, I know how hard it can be. <'> <'> <'> Nikrix Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elaine1 Report post Posted January 6, 2006 Thank you, i will try to ring him I think. will let u know how it went Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted January 6, 2006 Can;t even imagine what it must be like for you at the moment, I hope whatever you do helps you through this time, and don't forget we're all here if you need us <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
katkin Report post Posted January 6, 2006 Elaine1, does he have an email address you could get from another family member? My family is very dysfunctional (another long story) and I have not seen my father for 5 years. But over the last year we have talked more by email. Better than a phone call as there can be no long silences but almost as personal. But without the forced intimacy of a visit. It has worked for us and maybe, just maybe, I will go to see him this summer. he too is ill and I am aware that there may be time constraints too. Hope it goes well for you. Love kat Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
annie Report post Posted January 6, 2006 Hope everything goes well for you Elaine <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ceecee Report post Posted January 6, 2006 I have not seen my father for thirty years.He has many problems and in some ways it is best left that way .Not sure what i would do in your circumstances though. Sending some of these to you <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
barefoot wend Report post Posted January 6, 2006 Elaine Good luck. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
elaine1 Report post Posted January 8, 2006 thanks for all your replies , I think I will write rather than ring, that will give him the option of answering or not. glad ive got u lot to talk to! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kirstie Report post Posted January 8, 2006 Always! <'> I'm so sorry Elaine, writing a letter is a good idea, you then have a captive audience! I hope you can manage to sort something out! Sending you huge <'> and Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Malika Report post Posted January 9, 2006 Hi Elaine, <'> <'> <'> Hope that you will find a way to make peace with your Dad. When mine died 24 years ago I had not seen him for nearly 8 months because of some disagreement, I had spoken to him but refused to travel to see him just few months before, my rush to cross France From Britany (where I was working a the time) to Paris and from Paris to Perpignan were he was on Holiday and had an accident did not allow me to see him before he passed away, it took me years to get over it, as no matter how wrong he was I felt horribly upset , I am telling you this because I feel that if your father is suffering or even pass away, it is something which may upset you for very long time, if you do not try to make peace if it is his choice then you cannot force him. I Hope not to upset you with this post but really sometimes it is not worse keeping old upsetting and even when people are wrong especially our parents we should try to smooth things out for every body sake. Take care. <'> <'> <'> Malika. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hallyscomet Report post Posted January 10, 2006 Hi Elaine, Our prayers are with you, <'> <'> <'> <'> <'> hope you are okay, be gentle with yourself. Regards Hailey xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
