board Report post Posted January 24, 2006 hello was just wondering do your children hit you my little girl age 6 hits me al the time but is allso very loveing will get up in middle of night to say she loves me will kiss my hand and tell me she loves me all the time i have 5 children 4 boys 24 21 17 10 and girl 6 but none of them done that or is it an AS thing or a thing girls do girls are new to me so dont know its becouse she got AS OR BECOUSE SHES A GIRL thank you jil Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted January 24, 2006 Hi Jill, I don't think it's particularly a girl thing, I think boys can be equally aggressive, but it may be something to do with AS. My daughter went through a phase of hitting people when she was finding it difficult to communicate. She just became extremely frustrated with not being able to express herself, I think. Could your daughter be frustrated or stressed about something that is happening at school, perhaps? K Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
microsoft_admin Report post Posted January 24, 2006 when i was younger i used to do that to my mum a lot right up till i was 15 i did it quite often nowa days i only end up doing that when we having argument or when i am really really angry at something Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
madmooch Report post Posted January 24, 2006 Well my 2yr old daughter is NT and the abuse i get off her is unbelievable, she hits, pulls hair, nips and bites Well were not sure if she's NT Clare Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Viper Report post Posted January 24, 2006 Your daughter sounds like my son. He is 5 and hits me and his sisters all the time. If I tell him to stop he does it more and shouts "shut up". Then in the next breath he is kissing my hand and saying how much he loves me. I put it down to his ODD. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jannyk Report post Posted January 24, 2006 my son asd age 14 will tap me quite a lot and it can hurt he has really big hands is over 6ft weighs about 11 stone but then he will want lots of kisses and cuddles and likes to pick me up .He tell everybody to shut up especially me . and he will say do you love me do you really love me are you sure . x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted January 25, 2006 My son when younger and he found it harder to communicate would hit me realy hard all the time.Hed use the candle sticks and beat me over the head with them id be cowering on the floor.Hed also bite punch and nip whilst screaming. Thankgod as he got older and his speech more normal and he could make himself understood the abuse stopped. he now takes out any frustrations on slamming his bedroom door or punching a much abused teddy bear. Im realy glad because hes a big strong lad as big as me and hes only 12. We have to be understanding though.It must be awfull not being able to communicate correctly yet knowing what it is you want.I think id lash out too. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
illy Report post Posted January 25, 2006 Hi my son hits me all the time and his older brother and younger sister, he isnt very cuddly either, and allthought his coordination isnt that good, he is quite strong when in a temper. Hugs illy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy-lou Report post Posted January 25, 2006 india can be aggressive with me if shes in meltdown mode, ive ended up in casualty with a bleeding eyeball before now ,but at other times if she doesnt want to do what ive asked or doesnt want me to talk,she spits at me,not so saliva actually comes out but more like a cat spitting,but on the other hand she is very loving and loves cuddles to the point of strangling me,shes only afectionate with me though and her dad has a battle to get a hug off her Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
neda Report post Posted January 25, 2006 My little one lashes out too but it tends only to be to me and his sisters, occasionally his dad. He once hit my NT girl with his robot square on the nose and her nose was bleeding. It always seems to be in frustration he lashes out. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KarenT Report post Posted January 25, 2006 It always seems to be in frustration he lashes out. Snap. J's a pleasure to be with if things are kept calm but if he's irritated or upset by anything he hits out, kicks, strikes with objects etc. He's always challenged on it and we have 'the talk' afterwards to explain why it's not appropriate to hit, and he understands this fully but the next time he's hyper it all falls out of his head and he forgets the proper way to behave. This links in with the discipline thread running at the moment - you have to be able to differentiate between what's deliberate and what's not and tackle accordingly. If your child is lashing out because of frustrations from ASD then it's hard to know how to punish. They have to learn that it's not OK to hurt another person but the usual means that you'd use for a NT child are unlikely to have an effect. Karen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OPooh Report post Posted January 25, 2006 My ds hits a lot less since his language improved....he does do it when he can't understand and gets frustrated that the kids are being mean and not sticking to the rules etc.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
board Report post Posted January 25, 2006 just like to say thank you to all of you and hope you all have a nice day all the best jill Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyProudfoot Report post Posted January 25, 2006 Martin - very aggressive. Hits, kicks, punches, screams, shouts, very hard work and takes a lot of restraining at times (he's 9). He's undergoing behavioural therapy to control his anger and I must admit things are beginning to improve a teensy bit. Daisy Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted January 25, 2006 As a pre-schooler my son was awful,biting kicking other kids strangers and the family.He,s now 10 and hits out but usually indirectly, by throwing things at me or hitting me with a stick. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jill Report post Posted January 25, 2006 The Boy used to hit me a lot. There were two reasons for the hitting: 1) Because he wanted my attention and didn't know how to get it in an appropriate manner 2) Because he was angry or frustrated or "paddying". We tried the following & they have been successful for us. 1) This was about moulding his behaviour so that he would attract our attention in a more appropriate manner. If he came and hit me, I would take hold of his hands and turn my face away from him. I then used his hands to gently tap me on my shoulder - at that point I immediately turned around, gave him a big smile and stood up / gave him my full attention. This was my attempt to show him that if he hit me I turned away. If he tapped me he got 100% of my interest. 2) We bought him a tae kwon do punchbag. If he is paddying and lashing out we move him towards this & try to get him to take out his anger on that rather than us. The first intervention has been a huge success. He rarely now hits me for attention - he is much more likely now to come and tap me, take my hand or climb onto my knee and give me a kiss. Every time he does it I "reward" him by doing whatever it is that he indicates he wants. The second intervention is not so successful, but we are persevering. I think a lot of it is frustration & they need to get it out somehow - just preferably not on another person! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted January 25, 2006 my son asd age 14 will tap me quite a lot and it can hurt he has really big hands is over 6ft weighs about 11 stone but then he will want lots of kisses and cuddles and likes to pick me up .He tell everybody to shut up especially me . and he will say do you love me do you really love me are you sure . x My daughter (AS-12yrs) is very much like that. When she's getting upset (usually not understanding something) she starts off tapping me and unless she calms down it progresses to trying to grab hold of my arms to stop me walking away and then to digging her nails/or scramming my hands and arms which although she's very slight to get her off me is really hard work - she's like a very fast spider with 8 legs and extremely strong. This happens usually if I've said the wrong word or phrase or I can't explain myself fully enough for her to understand - although once there's any inkling that she can't understand you she isn't really listening anyway. If it's something she can't understand herself - say off the tv or something she's read however, she'll do pretty much the same thing to herself and the chair - with it ultimately ending up in her pulling her hair out and scramming her face. Afterwards though - she can't remember that she's hurt me or herself - and she won't talk about it - and if I try will tell me to stop talking about it. And then we go into I wish I was dead, do you love me, are you just saying that etc.etc. Then later its can she have hug after hug after hug. We tried the punchpad thing from karate type lessons - didn't really work though - usually by the time she's in that state you can't get her to listen to you to do anything. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sue45 Report post Posted January 25, 2006 jb 1964 - Your daughter sounds very much like mine - she will lash out at me again and again and I used to stand and take it, or try to get hold of her hands to stop her but she is so strong and it goes on for such a long time that I can't hold her - she would be screaming and shoutiong that I was hurting her and quite often she would shout Help me Help toward the window as if I was tyhe one hitting her. The last three times I tackled her to the ground trying not to hurt her and held her down - that's much more effective at keeping us both safe as I don't get quite so exhausted and I'm in control where being hit over and over again used to cause a sitation where I was in danger of lashing out back at her. There have been times when i've had so many bruises on my arms I've had to keep them covered up. My daughter will also scrawk her own arms in frustration or,like you said, the chair she's sitting in. Afterwards she will say things like she wishes she was dead and she'll need lots and lots of reasurance that I love her. Suexx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jb1964 Report post Posted January 26, 2006 (edited) sue45 Yes my daughter is the same - sometimes the marks on my wrist and hand where she has completely ripped my skin apart is so hard to cover up - and even though she's so slight (she's only 5 stone) she has the strength of an ox when she's in a rage (although any other time she's as weak as a kitten - to carry something - her bag at school etc!!!!). She also screams that I'm hurting her or trying to kill her if I try to grab hold of her - I really don't know what our neighbours think of all the screaming - I'm sure they think I really do beat her black and blue!!!! When she was little they told me to place her back into my front - place her arms down and wrap my arms tight around her - sitting on the floor preferably and gently rock her back and forth (I used to sing a favourite song as well - although my singing probably did more harm than good!!!!) - although I have to say this really did help - but of course the older and bigger they get it's impossible to do. The CPN has even been at the house when I was sat in the chair and she started going off on one and did the norm with the scramming etc - the CPN didn't know what to do - she kept quietly suggesting to me to try things but nothing worked - she doesn't even listen - it's like she had to get it out of her system and then she's exhausted and just cries - unless of course she's distracted and it's like it's never happened. The CPN said after that although they have training in it and go through all the advice to try and calm them down - she'd never actually seen one quite like that and admitted that she felt helpless as everything she had been trained in just didn't work. Of course we get the same after with the reassurance thing. Saying things like 'She wishes she was dead' or 'Can't I just kill her and put her out of her misery' or 'She's good for nothing and she's a complete waste of skin (she doesn't say space!!)' - the night before last after she'd hurt me she was so sad - she just couldn't stop her tears - it broke my heart when she said 'she was so worried that when she dies no one will ever visit her gravestone - that it will be all unkempt and grown over with no flowers and no visitors - and when people ask me about her I would deny I'd ever had two daughters - that I just had one - her sister,' - it was so upsetting. Sometimes it's so hard to remain calm when she can be so hurtful - although afterwards I really do try to remember that no matter how much she hurts me - she's hurting so much more inside when she can't understand things that I take for granted as being obvious. Edited January 26, 2006 by jb1964 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
microsoft_admin Report post Posted January 27, 2006 not fan of it but still do it when i get angry Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
