An audiologist nurse yelled at T today.

[Tylers-mum]

I have had a REALLY bad week this week (it's been half term here in Wales and he goes back Monday! WooHooo!!) My brithday was cr*p and spent most of the day crying and depressed. Then T's hearing aid broke so I had to cart him off to the hospital to get it fixed. Get there and this lady whom I've seen on many occasions before and has been ok-ish, invites us into her room. Bare in mind, this is a 'children's ENT clinic so every patient is a child!. T goes in and sits down at the table, has a lil moan b/c he wanted a hearing test (which is normally what happens when he goes in that very room) but he didn't flip and stayed calm. Anyway, I was chatting to the nurse about why I was there and T was playing with a boat on the table, just rolling it to and forth. Totally out of the blue, the nurse turned to T and yelled quite loudly 'For goodness sake T, quieten down, you are too noisy and I can't hear myself think'. She was really angry and it showed!. T just looked at her in shock, I sat there in shock, not believing what had just happened. I wanted to punch her one, i wanted to say something to her and I wanted to walk out the room but I was just literally frozen to the seat in shock!

 

I think she could see that she had totally pi**ed me off b/c this once talkative lady was not so talkative anymore. We were in that room for another 30mins with her trying to tune a new digital hearing aid in for T which T sat there sooo patiently and tolerated. He was a true gem and I must say that the nurse was EXTRA EXTRA nice to him, talking to him and generally, in my view, going over the top to be nice. Guess she felt guilty huh but although I have calmed down now, I still cannot believe she did this to him.

 

He was only playing with a darn boat!

 

I dunno if to complain or not. I really want too and yes, she could have been having an off day but as someone who used to work with kids myself, you cannot have off days with kids and if you have off days at home, you do not bring them into work with you!

Would you complain??? (Yes, I looked at her name badge and memorized it!).

Edited February 25, 2006 by Tylers-mum

[Malika]

Hi Tyler -mum <'> <'>

 

Poor you things are not very easy for you at the moment, respective to the incident I would say if that nurse has always been OK with you and Tyler so far It may not be a good idea to complain as it was obviously a reaction she regreted and try to compensate for, yes it was a lack of patience but may be she was very tired herself or couldn't really work out why your son hearing aid was not working and this was the reason she got "snappy".

If you complain you will put an extra laod on yourself and the nurse may feel victimised and loose interest in Tyler of course it was not nice and I understand your feeling but I am not sure that a complain would avail to something good. How is Tyler now is he all right or is he still upset about it?

Does he like that nurse is she usualy patient and understanding with him?

 

You are the only one who can answer those questions but may be it is better to try to keep your energy for more essential battles if you see what I mean and put things in perspective as we all know we can get quite snappy with our kids sometimes and not always at the best moment.

I think you feel bad because you could see that Tyler was really behaving nicely and the nurse did not realised how much effort he put into it may be next time you see her you could have a word with her ( without Tyler) and explain how it is difficult for him to keep still and that you feel she was over the top.

 

Well I am not sure this is the right answer just some thought.

 

I hope you are feeling better now.

 

Take care. <'> <'> <'>

 

Malika.

[lindy-lou]

aw poor T <'> if the lady is normally nice and ok with you then maybe she was just having a bad day,im not saying it was right of her to shout at him but sometimes we dont know whats going on in someones life and something very simple can tip them over the edge must say though that when i took india to the audiology department,the nurse there called india a liar!!she's only 3!!

[pingu]

Hi T.M

I am sorry to hear you went through that. With my recent nightmare doctors appointment still fresh in my mind, you have my full symapthies. I cant say weather you should complain or not, as that is your own personal decision. but i just wanted to let you know that i am thinking about you.

 

take care.

Shaz <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

[elaine1]

Complain right away, we all have good and bad days but she is a professional and her life should stay at home not in the workplace. Poor chap. <'>

[redberry]

I have to agree with elaine 1.

I have worked with children for over twenty years and no matter how off/stressed/low I felt I have never shouted or been abusive to a child.

 

I am not a saint, I have friends who share my view of repect and consideration towards young people.

 

However I must confess that years ago I went into work after my 21st boozy bash I told all the children if they whispered they could have extra juice and biscuits !!

 

Maybe you could write Her a note, you have her name, just say how you felt and that may be enough to sort out the problem.?

 

redberry

[Tylers-mum]

Thanks everyone. To be honest, I am still in 2 minds over whether to complain or not, maybe I'll do as redberry suggested and write her a note or call her even.

In my mind, she is a professional and off day or not, she should not have yelled at T the way she did. I know it come across as lightly in my original post but it was far from that. This woman was angry and you could see it. If T had been going over the top then I would have stopped him but the poor kid was just sat there at the table quite happily and rolling a boat back and forth the table. Yes it made some noise b/c the boat is wooden but the way she swung round in her chair and let rip at a 6yr old lil boy really ticked me off. I wish I had said something there and then but I was just frozen to the spot.

It's just still raw in my mind right now. Guess I'll give myself sometime to think and calm down and then consider whether to press on with a complaint or a letter to her expressing my disapproval.

 

Thanks again all.

[jen]

I would speak to the nurse yourself and say that it was not acceptable for her to shout at your child. The nurse knows she over reacted because you said she tried to be extract nice. This is a department you have to visit regularly so if you are not comfortable to visit it is going to difficult for you. Saying that some children are awful at the hospital and there parents do nothing about them. This is not special needs we are talking about.

 

Do what ever you feel comfortable doing.

 

Jen

[Malika]

Hi Tyler Mum <'>

 

is that nurse is trained not only as auditory but as well as paediatric nurse she should have known better, Well I just talk to one of my friend who is a paediatric nurse and she thinks that it is not acceptable to yelled at any child in care even worst one who not only has SN but is as well only 6 years old. Now from there may be if you feel that her anger took her so much that she lost controle of herself it may be that you should complain in a way or another. My worry is that it may take a lot of your energy it is up to you really yes may be a note would be a good idea.

 

I was thinking that it may be better to take action because it may stay with you and upset you for long time.

 

All the best.

 

Malika.

[Tylers-mum]

I spoke to someone from PALS (Patient Advise and Liason Office) just now at the hospital where this happened and the only way I can deal with this is 2 ways, an informal complaint in which they speak to the person involoved but I won't know the outcome, nor will I get an apology from this woman. (I did get an apology on the phone from the person I just spoke with though but it an't the same!). Or I can go formal and in which case, the complaints council will be involved and that way I will get an apology or letter from the person involved but then that's held on file against her and like others have said, she could then turn the whole department against me.

 

I told him I had to think about it. I have his number. This is sooo unfair!

[pumpkinpie]

I would make an informal complaint. I am fed up with professionals cr*p attitude to our kids, we all have off days but I have never shouted at anyone at work, its called control!

[Malika]

Hi Tyler-Mum <'> <'> <'>

 

 

Would tend to agree with making an informal complain

 

1) because the nurse will be told that you were not happy with her shouting at your son. I think she needs to be told.

 

2)It is like a warning to her that next time come the strike as you took the time to call about the incident I suppose she will be smart enough to controle herself next time.

 

You could eventualy ask the people involve to tell the nurse that next time you will make a formal complain but this time you just want her to reflect about her attitude, beside this road is easier for you, and you still take some action that the nurse will know about.

 

Take care.

 

Malika.

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Tylers-Mum <'> <'>

 

Its really awful when this happens, I agree, make it known. This affects your child wanting to go there if they get treated like this you don't want that, I would explain to your child as well.

 

All the best

Hailey

x

[Flora]

TM, I am a trained nurse and it's my guess that if she's like that with patients, she's probably just as awful to the people she works with. The point I'm making is that her colleagues would probably welcome (or at least not be surprised at) a complaint from a member of the public. In my experience health professionals who are rude to patients are almost always just as rude to their colleagues. In all the years I worked as a nurse it didn't matter what was going on with your personal life or behind the scenes, when dealing with a patient you treated them with respect, kindeness and compassion. I worked with some fairly horrible people who got away with all sorts, but most good nurses will not stand back and allow a colleague to get away with being rude to a patient, the fact that she did it in a treatment room, out of site of other people, doesn't mean that you won't have back up from other members of staff. If you feel strongly that she was out of order then you really should complain. No matter what the staff think of that complaint, at the end of the day they are providing YOU with a service that they are paid for.

 

Lauren

[Tylers-mum]

Thanks you for all your replies and I have read and considered them all.

 

I have decided to make a 'formal' complaint. What this nurse did was WRONG! The more I think about it, the more angrier I become. Yes, VERY angry at the nurse for what she did and also angry with myself for not defending my son at the time.

 

I want an apology and if the department goes against me, tough! I only visit once every six months or once a year so I don't care. This nurse needs to know what she did was wrong, that I am not happy with it and nor will I tolerate it and moreso, I want an apology. She can't be doing this to other patients and if I can save one other child from experiencing what we did, then it'll be well worth it.

You had to have been there to see how angry she was and it wasn't my son's fault. She is WRONG!!

 

I'm soooo angry even as I type this. I know that some of you won't angree with me making a formal complaint but I feel it's the best thing in this situation. She was wrong for what she did and she needs to know about it. She cannot get away with it with just a lil slap on the wrist. I'm sorry!

[Flora]

TM, for what it's worth, I think you're absolutely right to make a complaint, I'm glad to hear that you are.

 

Lauren

[justamom]

Maybe if you complain she will not even think about reacting to a child like that again. Perhaps she has done this kinda thing before (to other people) and nobody has said anything.

 

Don't be angry with yourself for not saying something at the time, I do that all the time do not speak up in case of making a scene - but we do have to stick up for our kids they are not able to do so,so we are their voices.....

[Malika]

Hi Tyler-mum, <'> <'> <'>

 

Do not forget that what ever you feel to do is right, as it was you who was there with your child, if you feel strongly that it was unacceptable not just a raised tone of voice but a yelling of anger then this is it go for a formal complain, you see the main purpose in asking for advice is to help you determin what you really feel like doing....

 

Let us know how things are going and don't worry Mummy knows best!

 

Take care. <'>

 

Malika.

[jen]

Complaining will not put the whole department agiainst you so do not worry on that account. You and you child need to be comfortable within that department. What the nurse did is wrong.

So be polite in you complaint and they will take it from there.

 

Jen

[smiley]

Hiya TY,

 

Bit late to this thread - but just wanted to say i agree with Lauren and your decision to complain.

 

The nurse may well have been having an off day - but that's absolutely no excuse. I've had days (weeks... months!! ) from hell at home, but i never bring that to work with me.

 

<'>

[redberry]

<'> just sending my support too

 

redberry

[Guest hallyscomet]

Good for you Tylers Mum, I bet your angry, put that into words give it to her.

 

I worked for a Private Hospital and many professional organisations - you simply do not talk to patients or customers like that. If she has problems., she need to leave her problems at home and not take it out on others.

 

You are doing her a favour, she probably has got into this habit and unless someone tells her it is not acceptable, she will just keep doing it, and possibly to someone a lot more fragile could be devastating, we all know how some mums can be when our children are sick or newly diagnosed with Autism, I wouldn't take to that very kindly at all.

 

Hailey.

x

[pumpkinpie]

Good for you. I dont think it is acceptable behaviour for anyone in a position of trust to behave like this, and having a bad day is just not an excuse.

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

[Strange girl]

Sometimes I snap at my son when he is not being that bad, but perhaps I have just come off the phone with a debt collector, I've stubbed my toe on a toy my son has left out, and etc (insert other fabricated examples of budding irritations for the purpose of dramatic reconstruction) and boom, I snap at him for something minor. But then I would think how I had reacted OTT and apologise to my son and say 'sorry, didn't mean to snap, but my toe hurts.. blah.. blah.. blah.' I wouldn't dare to do it with someone elses child in the first place, but if I had I would hope I would have apologised in the same way as a matter of course. But for the nurse it might be viewed as an admission of guilt in bahaving in an innappropriate manner and accepting responsibily or blame for some people is excruciatingly painful. To avoid consequence the nurse would have gone into denial. She would have realised she'd lost it in front of you and hoped that if she over compensated for the rest of the time that you would overlook the earlier sharp-tongued episode.

 

Personally I would not get a job where I had to work with people because I would make social faux pas and similar blunders inherent to my nature. I'd expect complaints to then be made by infallible or socially adequate people who would not make the same mistakes I would. So likewise, if other people choose to have a job or profession working with humans, they must be made accountable. Otherwise people like me ( with uneven temperments and social defecits) would have no barriers to employment in the public sector and the quality of care would disintigrate over night. To maintain performance standards those who are supposedly capable of working with people need to be monitored and called up on their conduct when dealing with those entrusted to their care. If you have made a formal complaint she will be able to adjust her attitude or risk losing her job. She will be better in future to patients because of it. If she can't exhibit patience with her patients, or she can't control her angry outbursts, even after a warning, then she has no more right to be employed in a job working with people than I do.

[Malika]

Strange girl.... <'>

 

However by the fact that you are not feeling able to work with people we people may miss something very important accepting this world diversity, this does not mean this nurse was right as she is very likely not to have "social deficit"

 

 

Malika.