I think Matthew was bullied -Update

[oracle]

deleted

Edited November 3, 2006 by oracle

[curra]

Carole,

 

I would speak about it with the leader. Is he aware that your son is autistic? I imagine that they can make some changes if you explain the situation to them. They MUST do something because your poor son has been kicked and bullied ! The other boy also needs to be told that what he did is unacceptable.

 

I really feel for you and Mathew, having been through a similar experience at the cadets with my son. He simply refused to go all of a sudden just because of one boy who teased him, and it was such a shame because it was a good opportunity to socialize and have fun. In our case, the cadets did a lot for my son but he lost his initial interest and he chose not to go again.

 

Is there a support group for AS children in your area? My son goes to one and although he doesn't really socialize with the other boys, they have games and do things that are fun and he can spend some time with other children.

 

Hope that they can find a solution.

 

Curra <'>

[lil_me]

Carole I'd definately speak to the leader, this boy has picked on Matthew, but bullies like that will target someone else if he isn't there if not several children at one time and Matthew may not be the first or last he does this to. I know you've said he enjoys going and hope you manage to get things sorted so he can go again.

[pingu]

hi Carole,

 

I would go with the advice so far and talk to the leader. Its the first step to solving the problem.. I dont understand why kids and sometimes people can be like this to each other.. Its just plain nasty. I hope you are both ok, <'> <'>

shaz

x

[elaine1]

Carole, we had this problem when tom was in cubs. It was dealt with though. Can i ask what the leaders are doing when this is happenning?. Can they not see it?

 

I would have a word and then if its not sorted take him out. My son loved cubs but when it came to changing to scouts he didnt want to do it cos as u say they become more competitive, and very agressive. Its seen as boys will be boys behaviour, but our kids cant cope w ith it.

 

As you say so called 'normal' boys can be very nasty but if they are allowed to get away with it things will never change.

 

good luck <'>

[madmooch]

Poor Matthew, Here's lots of Huggs <'> <'>

 

Hope you get them sorted Carole

 

Clare

[Suze]

Completely agree with you Carole, pulled my son out of scouts for the exact same reason.

[oracle]

deleted

Edited November 3, 2006 by oracle

[lil_me]

Your secrets safe with us carole, have to do that regular myself

 

Hope you do get something sorted so that if he does feel comfortable to go back he can as it is a real shame for him to miss out on something he enjoys and is good at. Boys may be boys but bullies are also bullies and shouldn't be tolerated.

[justamom]

Carole, I am so sorry to hear that Matthew has been bullied, its awful, you said something which struck home to me " He may be autistic but not stupid" damn right and I am glad once he calmed down he told you about the incident.

 

I pulled my son out of Karate because he was a lot slower than the other children in getting his left and right and he found the kicks hard to do so the teacher once said to him "Put your hand up and say you're a buffoon" then he proceeded to kick his knee, which has arthritis (which he knew about) to make it bend so we had words - big time and I will be glad if I never see that man again in my life...

 

We are the voice for our children and if they can't protect themselves so we do it for them!!! You go girl

 

good luck

justamom

[DaisyProudfoot]

<'> <'> <'> Carole you must speak to the leader regarding this bullying ...... he must be made aware that this is going on ... and it needs to be him you speak to not the usual female leader because sometimes communication between leaders is not always perfect.

 

Remember if Boy's Brigade is beginning to fail him there are many, many other youth organisations out there -don't feel you have to stick with one.

 

Does Matthew have any interests?Can you find a group where he could develop them further.

 

...and congrats to both your boys on surviving the MetroCentre because I can't!!!

[oracle]

deleted

Edited November 3, 2006 by oracle

[Brook]

Carole,

 

What a shame this has happened, I hope you manage to sort it out and Matthew changes his mind about

going back.

Maybe the leader could keep Matthew and this boy seperate whilst there, or maybe you could ask to

observe from the sidelines one session, tell the leader that this was not just boys being boys, Matthew

was seriously upset by this, and it could have a very negative affect on his social interactions.

 

It really is SO difficult in these situations, and it makes me angry to think that Matthew had found a place

he enjoyed going to and it also helped with the socialising bit (especially home edding), I know that life

is not all roses and we do come across people we dont get along with, this is something I have always

been concerned about with my son, he cannot stick up for himself, and if he had been in Matthews position

he would have just started to scream and shout, not at the kid just into the air, but then again it would have got him noticed and maybe they would have seen what was going on.

 

This little bully you are talking about, cannot be allowed to get away with taking from Matthew something he

enjoys, also his right to attend this club and feel safe, he would also be taking away a couple of hours

break that you may have when Matthew is at the club. It all has a knock on affect, and all this because

of that child, I'm sure he'll carry on going and enjoying himself every week and if Matthew is not there

he'll probably move onto his next victim.

 

Hope you get it sorted out, and you dont all end up losing out because of this.

 

Brook <'>

[Malika]

Hi Carole, <'> <'> <'>

 

I read your post last night and felt it so upseting, I hope MattHew is better now but it is so difficult for them already to adjust in a complete NT programe so when something like this happens it really destroy their confidence so much , I hope this was a one off thing, what is really upseting is that Matthew asked not to go with that boy why wasn't he listen to?

This is what I found the worst bit I understand that some bully get away for sometimes because a leader would not realised what is going on but it is really worring that the leader did not even bother to keep an eye on Matthew after what he had told him...!!!

 

I think yes you have to take some pictures and complain to the leader it could happen to any one there but of course bullies will always pick up on the vulnerable this is what makes it so upseting , Brook is right is Matthew has to stop doing something he likes because of this is just too unfair.

 

I hope things can be sorted and Matthew will be abble to go back but I know from my son that once things have gone that far it is very difficult for them to get over it.

 

All the best to all of you. <'>

 

Malika.

[lil_me]

I would say something aswell Carole regardless if Matthew wants to go again or not aswell. With bullies like that there could be several other children he targets aswell, and other children who have stopped going because of this one child. I used to do anti bullying work when I was in senior school, we kind of took over the police role doing talks but with their supervision and most bullies would target several people not just one. I'll be honest it used to scare me going in to do the talks and help groups as some of the stories on what bullies had done to other children were awful.

Edited February 26, 2006 by lil_me

[Lucas]

Mu view: The Autistic perspective of what happened is ALWAYS the most accurate one, unless rarely contradicted by another Autistic or features mythical creatures with the exception of Dwarves, Giants and Norse gods(which are real).

[oracle]

deleted

Edited November 3, 2006 by oracle

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Carole,

 

Sorry abit late to this post, but what you said here

 

Now I am fully aware that Matthew's version of events can sometimes be very different to other peoples but I could already see that his knees were going to bruise and also his toes Matthew said that he knew that this boy picked him so that he could be nasty to him. I think that Matthew is correct. He may be autistic but he's not stupid. He may also be explosive but never while he is attending a group. He has a clear understanding of what is acceptable in these situations. For weeks he has felt that some of the others boys should be kicked out because they act stupidly

 

Surely the team leader can't come back with a boys will be boys attitude.....like a lot of the others have said; if the team leader doesn't set some boundaries on this type of behaviour, they will keep on doing it.

 

I agree boys can be competitive, but I wouldn't pull Matthew out yet, even if he isn't as successful, he will still love that interacting.

 

I know when B. had trouble with Basketball it broke my heart as the coach pulled me aside and showed me how B. just ran up and down the side line but wouldn't run in to catch the ball, I was so upset I stopped taking B. in the end I knew B love Basketball so much that I looked around for a team that wasn't so competitive, and he improved and enjoyed this for a few years.

 

Perhaps if worst comes to worst, another club, a fresh start might be the answer.....just wondering...being the new kid on the block the kids treat you much nicer, from B's experience, putting the past behind him.

 

Hailey

<'>

Edited February 28, 2006 by hallyscomet

[oracle]

deleted

Edited November 3, 2006 by oracle

[CarerQuie]

It is good when people will go that extra mile.Rh went to Cubs yesterday for the first time.It seemed to go OK,too.xx

Edited March 11, 2006 by CarerQuie

[Malika]

Hi Carole, <'>

 

it is nice to hear good news and yes all is not lost, with good will and help from the female leader Matthew will probably able to go back to the boys brigade.

Best wishes and keep us posted.

 

Malika.