Could I be any more pi$$ed - Heck No!

[Tylers-mum]

I am in tears! Why do I let it get to me??

 

My sister (Yes, that one again!) was going up the shops so I went with her in her car to pick up a few things. Told T earlier that we were going but he must've forgot b/c when they arrived (sister and my nephew (13y/o), T started kicking off that I never told him we were going and was being a right pain, not wanting to put his shoes and coat on and running upstairs to hide and whinging. I usually count to 3 out loud and that normally gets him moving in the right direction. Nope! He refused. My sister than pipes up about watching Jeremy Kyle on TV this morning and said there were parents on there with a teenager with 'borderline' ASD and ADHD and that Jeremy told them that they let their child get away with too much, blaming it on his conditions and that they shouldn't, even told me that a psychologist was on there and blamed the parents for the way their child behaved. I didn't watch it so dunno if this is true or not. I never say 'it's b/c of his condition' b/c I dunno, I just don't feel comfortable with saying it!. She then went on to say, you let him get away with not putting his coat etc on fast enough. I told her that he reacts badly to 'change' and yes, he is Autistic! To which she replied, but if you didn't warn him before hand and just told him 'Come on T, we're going out, then he'd just 'have' to get used to it wouldn't he!' 'Umm, no K, he's Autistic, you can't change that about him, it's who he is and it's part of the issues he has'. To which, she left it at that. She's basically implying that I spoil him and let him get away with murder. Heck no I do not. Believe me, I am very strict with him, sometime too strict and he does not get away with murder! He was well behaved up until they called!.

Then to top it all off, I was later at the tills paying for something and T asked for a bar of chocolate, I had said No but then realised that I had said he could have one earlier in the morning so I took it from him and paid. My fault for forgetting! My sister was next to me and said out loud (so everyone in the bl**dy shop could hear, 'Ah look, you did it again, you're spoiling him!' 'No I said, I promised him one earlier and had forgotten'. 'Yeah right' she said, come on N (nephrew), we'll go to the the car b/c he's spoilt and I don't want to be around a spoilt boy'. My nephew was smirking.

At this stage everyone is laughing in the shop and I have totally lost my temper! Who the **** does she think she is!! I got in the car and told her I was not happy, an arguement persude and I refused to talk to her after that. She argues that she was 'only joking' and all the people in the shop were laughing b/c they could see it was a joke and I'm the only one who didn't!

 

Why??????

Edited April 13, 2006 by Tylers-mum

[LKS]

TM <'> The people we always expect to be on our side just don't get it do they. My sister also thought I let my dd get away with murder and also thought if you just said you were going out then they would have to get used to it So once I let her take over She offered bribes (big ones ) threats, and so called encouragement. So I think she got the picture, exactly how it is for me sometimes. Because if she would have offered those sort of bribes to a NT kid you wouldn't have seen them for dust.

[jb1964]

Hi TM,

 

Feel so sorry that your sister keeps subjecting both you and your son to this kind of behaviour - it's embarassing and almost childish.

 

She's not doing your son any kind of favours at all. I know what it's like to forget something and then suddenly they kick off because you said no when earlier you'd said yes - it's complicating for them to understand.

 

I really don't know what to say to help - my brother has a daughter the same age as my daughter and we fell out over him questioning my daughters behaviour about 18months ago (he basically thinks she's badly behaved and their daughter is always so perfect that it stands out a mile) - I don't see them at all now and this makes me very sad - I wouldn't want this kind of thing to happen to you - but it's so hard when they keep hurting you like this.

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited April 13, 2006 by jb1964

[darky]

yes i saw this jeremy kyle and yes that was what happened. the thing jeremy kyle had an issue with was that the dx being "borderline" either you are or your not, its like saying borderline diabetic. the problem with these parents and this boy was that they were "hiding" behind a pointless diagnosis and always using it as an excuse for their son joy riding, smoking, stealing, smoking weed. they were not taking him to task "because hes borderline adhd and asd" the phscologist on the show said the boy was articulate and sociable and knew exactly why he was behaving this way, bordem and not being listened too.

 

this show did pee me off but only beause of the attitude of people like your sister, who see what they want to see. unfortunately its a sad fact of life that there will be those that will watch something like this and think it applies to all dx. well they are very sad and mis informed people.

my opinion?? talk to your sis and tell her either she accepts things the way they are and butts out or she can stay away. you really dont need this hassle.

[Paula]

<'> <'> <'> ###### family hey.

 

I saw the jeremy kyle show this morning also.And was absolute outraged at the fact the son who had autism and boardeline personality disorder was basically told by lets face it a jumped up tv presenter that the diagnosis was wrong and the parents were to blame So ###### angry at this Prime time tv and this is the stupid message given out by this man that kids with these disorders come from families where parents havent a clue.

 

 

 

My sister is the same.She once said all my s0on needed was a good smack around the ear hole,or why didnt i just leave him to sit in pooed up pants hed soon learn she once even said he was the devil child and she was scared of him at the time he was 2 and couldnt hardly walk about speak let alone do anything else.

 

 

<'> <'> have some

 

 

more of these and take it from me i gave up bloomeing years ago trying to get through my thick ar*e families skulls that our son was like this not because of us not because he fealt like it or wanted to be Asperger but just because he was.The arguments ive had and the tears ive silently shed.Ive no support from my family or understanding.Youre not alone in this kinda family attitude i wish you were.

 

###### to youre sisiter i stopped spending time with my sister on a regular basis long ago.

[rainbow queen]

yes i watched it too

i also had my sis on phone going on about nanny 911-bullshit !!!!!!!!! and telling me not to shout at them cause thats why they shouting back

hence put me in foul mood rest of day -id like to see her have them for 2 weeks hol-in fact she never offers to have just one for the afternoon to give me a break-dont it make yer sick

 

how folk judge

[Paula]

My bloomeing paine of a sister is a so called career woman who shoves both her kids into child care from dawn till dusk as done since they were babies.

 

But hell no she critisises me when i loose me rag get fed up and yea i swear at times.But ive been a stay at home mum for 14 years now.Every single bloomeing day.Every school holiday ive been here.

 

When my sister daughter was 5 years old they went on a two week holiday and my sister admitted that it was the first time theyd have spent more than the weekend with her in one go since she was born.Unbeleivable.

 

My sister also does star charts and naughty steps.Everything is so so rosey in her bloomeing wolrd.

 

Im sounding bitter and twisted i know maybe i am.But id just love it to go t!ts up for her just once.

 

My rant is over.And boy do i feal a bit better.

 

<'> <'> For all with perfect !!!!!!!!!!! reletives.

[stressedmumto2]

I think the best thing to do is accept that some people will never understand it.

 

They will never understand our children or how we try to do things, my god I know I am alot more patient than that of some friends who hane normal children and they too will say it, lol.

 

I think for me it is time to give up trying to get people too understand, unless you live with it or know someone who struggles with it or have a strong interest in it you will never understand and alot of people wont want to because most of all they will always try and compare their perfect lives.

 

I am so sorry you've had to deal with this.

 

Sending you a hug and hope you feel better soon <'>

[Paula]

The best thing about this forum and about anyone with a child whatever there special need is theres no need to explaine realy is there.............

 

 

When someone says there autistic or theyve been diagnosed Aspergers we just know ..........

 

Yesterday i was doing my supermarket shopping.I was there fussing with my son and he was playing up and im grinning and bearing it and being so so patient ect ect and suddenly i saw another mum with her child doing exactly the same thing we both looked at each other gave a knowing smile and connected for a split second both knowing what the other was going through both fully undertsnding that moment.Then we carried on as normal.No words spoken because theres no need.

[lynyona]

The times i have heard the "its your fault youve let him get away with to much, should have given him a good slapping"" and that is from my own ds.But again all he see s is the way kieran carries on and to be honest none of them want to see the bigger picture he is just a spoilt 19 year old who always gets his own way.Yes maybe guilty as charged in some respect but as we know sometimes it is a jsutiable measure withtin reason i may add.

 

 

lynn

[Bullet]

It's down to sheer ignorance with a lot of people, I'm afraid. I've had people declare that Ds1 is fine after seeing him for just a couple of minutes. One of these days I'll tell them his second head and horns only come out when he's really kicking off

He's actually really well behaved most of the time, though we have noticed he gets a lot more irritable and takes longer to settle if something out of the ordinary happens during the day and of course he goes ballistic if his routines are disrupted.

Edited April 13, 2006 by Bullet

[Tylers-mum]

Thanks for all your replies. As usualy, my sister has not rung to apologise and neither have I called her for any reason!

 

I've just emailed ITV regarding the Jeremy Kyle show to give him my views on his stupid comments!

[butterflycake]

I watched a few minutes of the jeremy kyle show, the guys a ######. He doesnt know what hes talking about.

[asereht]

I've only seen the jeremy kyle show once or twice and only bits of it but he seems like a right idiot.

 

Your sister should know better .Families eh...

Edited April 13, 2006 by asereht

[hev]

i also watched the show,i thought it was disgusting blaming the mum and dad like that,yeah ive probably been to soft in my time with steven,i expect jeremy would think i caused him to have aspergers,ignorant people like that who spout their mouths off when they havent got a clue how hard it is for our kids and us as parents make me sick,one of my sisters who sees steven about once every 2 years always says well hes as good as gold for me,meaning her,shes never had him so whats she on about

 

oh well,we all understand on here,the others who dont can get lost as far as im concerned,i used to get very upset but as the years go on ive got a bit thicker skin,their comments do upset me but not as much now

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Tylers Mum

 

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> Take a deep breath........ people are human and often make mistakes. I know it is hard for you......

 

Good time to take some time out for yourself, need to give yourself some TLC. If only they knew what it was really like, "if they walked in your shoes 24/7" but they never will, and will never totally understand.

 

You just look after you, I have learned to wear a thicker skin, and not let these comments even touch the surface. The amount of times I could have imploded I and everyone else on here knows how you feel. Thank god we found this forum and each other, as we understand totally,...... our families never will.

 

Don't expect them ever to either TM this will save you a lot of grief....... just look after you. <'> <'> <'>

 

Hailey

[OPooh]

<'> <'>

No help I know but maybe a mix of her ignorance and wanting him not to have asd. I know exactly how you feel. And grrr at Jeremy Kyle.

[elaine1]

wow quite honestly id tell her to stay away if she cant respect the way you bring up YOUR child. She was being rude and offensive in the shop and i would have told her so in front of everyone, very loudly.

dont stand for this behaviour its not on. <'> <'>

[Tylers-mum]

Thanks all.

 

She has called and asked if I was still 'grumpy' and 'in a huff'! Darn right I am!! She is away now but back either tomorrow or Monday, still an't had an apology and knowing her, I'm very unlikely to get one either! She thinks she is always in the right and everyone else isn't!. I'm sorry, but yes, I am still peed and very angry. She overstepped the mark this time!!

Spoke to SIL earlier today and my sister (K) has done the same to her which my brother confronted her over. She opens her mouth before she thinks and doesn't realise that she is not always in the right! Grrr!!!

 

I will have it out with her though!!

Edited April 15, 2006 by Tylers-mum