Adult ASDs?

[TheNeil]

Just out of interest, how many over 25s are there on the forum who have an ASD (diagnosed or otherwise)?

 

Edit: Sorry, this was supposed to have a Poll attached to it but I obviously didn't set it up properly - grr

Edited May 2, 2006 by TheNeil

[Bullet]

I'm pretty sure I do.

[DaisyProudfoot]

Me too.

 

Apparently it's not unusual to end up having a dx following one for your child. It would explain my difficult childhood and the fact my mum always said I went around with my own personal black cloud over my head......and that was well before the teen years!

 

It also explains a lot of my adult problems as well. I believe girls in particular get missed because of their ability to conform easier although I would probably be shot down in flames for that remark.

[bid]

I've been referred to see if I have AS.

 

My dad had a dx of (grrrr) 'mild' autism last year, and my son (16) was diagnosed with AS when he was 7.

 

I think many women on the spectrum internalise and suppress their autism, 'pretending to be normal', to sort of quote Lianne Holliday-Willey.

 

Bid

[Canopus]

I'm a self diagnosed 28 year old who first found out about AS in early 2005. I have never been officially diagnosed but I have discussed things with a few people who are knowledgeable about AS and work with SEN children, and they are convinced that I have AS. I have read Tony Attwood's book and fit most of the criteria.

[TheNeil]

Phew - I was starting to think that I was on my own

[florrie]

I have a dx of asd and hyperlexia and I had to go privately to get it though, my son was dx with aspergers when he was 9 but I think ihe is autistic or high functioning autistic as he didn't speak until 5 and I thought it was aspergers when there was not a speech delay, and autism or high functioning autism when it was, there is no one to see who understands any of it where I live so it doesn't really matter

[Tally]

I'm nearly 25, and have AS.

 

I don't have any children, but I do have 2 cats, and all cats are autistic.

[Flora]

I'm pretty sure I do.

 

I have been talking with a well known asd research professor who is going to arrange for me to be assessed at a university. It's difficult for adults to get referred, assessed and diagnosed. Hopefully that will change some time soon.

 

Lauren

[justamom]

I must admit that i think all of you are wonderful at admitting that you are on the spectrum..

 

Its not so easy in our house. Dh and i have had this converstation time and time again and I say he is on the spectrum but he wont admit it. I think its because if he does admit it then he feels "He is the cause of the AS its come from him" IUKWIM and he does not want that... Not that i will throw it up in his face or anything but because our son has Ulcerative Colitis and so does hubby he already feels like he has given him a "dodge gene", but its nobody's fault... Hope this makes sense.

 

Justamom

[yoyo]

I am 46 and discovered AS a year ago after being reunited (unsuccessfully) with my natural father, who has AS, his son and granddaughter also. My adoptive mother, who abused me, thought I was 'not right in the head, not normal, physcopathic etc because of my tantrums. I still cannot socialise and I fit much of Tony Attwood's descriptions and can identify with numerous problems described here, particularly in the anxiety, hyperlexic, nightmares, depression and difficulty coping without routine areas. As many of you say, I fit the female trait of attempting to fit in and certainly make a good attempt at pretending to be normal. At work the greatest features people would notice is my phenomenal (their description) memory, sheer concentration and anxiety; they would not describe me as abnormal but my husband and children are certain of my possible condition. I would love to be in Lauren's position regarding a possible diagnosis as I am certain the NHS will not be too keen. After years of wondering why I seemed so different to others, i is good to know what might possibly be the problem.

 

Yoyo

[bid]

Glad you've found us, Gill <'>

 

Bid

[lisa]

I'm sure I am too. I have 2 AS kids and now knowing about ASD, it explains a lot of my life!!!

 

Lisa

[TheNeil]

I've been PM'ed about this topic and it seems that not everyone is happy with the fact that I seem to define 'adult' as being 25 or over

 

Apologies to anyone who this has upset but what I was trying to work out was whether there was anyone else in a similar situation to me, maybe as a way of finding out how they cope in day to day situations, whether they've ever received support etc. I might have the situation wrong but ASD support is limited enough in this country even for kids but for adults the situation seems to be even worse

 

Thing is, I'm having a tough time of it at the moment as I'm in a major depression cycle. I'm getting no support from work (despite having sent an email to everyone in my department explaining the situation and openly asking them to talk to me), my mother still refuses to acknowledge what I am, and my whole little world seems to be steadily crumbling down around me. I was hoping that I might be able to find someone in a similar situation who might understand what it's like to be stuck with an ASD head in a non-ASD world

 

Note: Sorry, didn't want to imply that my problems are more important than anyone else's as, having roamed the forum, you lot seem to deal with a hell of a lot - all credit to you

Edited May 3, 2006 by TheNeil

[zaman]

Hi The Neil, I don't know what people said when they PM'd you, but I'm sure that no offence was intended, I think that email is a particularly poor form of communication. I have read a lot of your posts and I can say that you are doing all the right things, and I am impressed by the way that you are getting your head round the dx (I hope that doesn't come across as patronising), but perhaps you need to give yourself a bit of a break as even if it was expected, it is a lot to deal with, and you're not going to be able to do everything at once.

 

For what it is worth, what you are going through as a recently diagnosed adult is not dissimilar to what I (and I'm sure many other parents) are going through as parents of a AS child, but that doesn't take away your right to feel things as an adult. I think that us Brits generally are pretty poor at talking about the big stuff, so when something like this comes up in a family or work environment, you can pretty much guarantee that most people will just pretend it hasn't happened! My mum refuses to talk to me about my son's autism - she just says he is 'slow' (which he isn't). And that hurts me a lot as I don't feel that I have the support that I would like. I'm sure that the people you emailed at work haven't got a clue about how to deal with your email. Have you discussed how you would like to take it forward with your boss ? Perhaps you could do a 5 minute presentation at a team meeting (you may recoil at that - but it's an option).

 

But don't get locked into depression - it is not a good place to go. Keep posting.

[Suze]

Hi Neil........I understand where your coming from <'> ...........please don,t be over anxious as regards recieving a pm............it seems you had the best of intentions and were just trying to gather a little support from someone in a similar situation.When your feeling down things like this can make you feel really bad , like zaman says e-mails etc can seem really impersonal ............the written word can sometimes come across as cold when that was,nt the intention.Take care suze <'>

[Bullet]

I can see where TheNeil is coming from as Aspergers wasn't recognised in the mainstream until the early 1990's. So for those of us in our late twenties and above, we'd spent our childhoods growing up knowing we didn't quite fit in, but not knowing why.

[TheNeil]

Hi The Neil, I don't know what people said when they PM'd you, but I'm sure that no offence was intended, I think that email is a particularly poor form of communication. I have read a lot of your posts and I can say that you are doing all the right things, and I am impressed by the way that you are getting your head round the dx (I hope that doesn't come across as patronising), but perhaps you need to give yourself a bit of a break as even if it was expected, it is a lot to deal with, and you're not going to be able to do everything at once.

 

For what it is worth, what you are going through as a recently diagnosed adult is not dissimilar to what I (and I'm sure many other parents) are going through as parents of a AS child, but that doesn't take away your right to feel things as an adult. I think that us Brits generally are pretty poor at talking about the big stuff, so when something like this comes up in a family or work environment, you can pretty much guarantee that most people will just pretend it hasn't happened! My mum refuses to talk to me about my son's autism - she just says he is 'slow' (which he isn't). And that hurts me a lot as I don't feel that I have the support that I would like. I'm sure that the people you emailed at work haven't got a clue about how to deal with your email. Have you discussed how you would like to take it forward with your boss ? Perhaps you could do a 5 minute presentation at a team meeting (you may recoil at that - but it's an option).

 

But don't get locked into depression - it is not a good place to go. Keep posting.

 

Easier said than done when it comes to depression but I hear exactly what you're saying about email not necessarily being the best method of communication and it is very easy to get the wrong impression/meaning...especially when that's one of the things that doesn't 'work properly' (and you know how it is, if you're already in a low mood then everything is wrong and negative). Similarly the 'taking a break' option isn't really practical either - it's there in my head and, as I'm prone to do, need it sorting out NOW! It's precisely this kind of insane focus that sees me up at 3am writing software, getting 2 hours sleep and then going to work

 

The work situation is a bit of a nasty one as it was one of the major reasons for getting a dx as I was hoping that it might explain to people why I'm so quiet, bizarre (in their eyes) etc. I'd discussed it with my boss and he had left the decision up to me as to what to do and how to do it. Standing up in front of everyone and announcing it would have been my idea of hell which is why I went for the email option (I explained what I'd been diagnosed with and what it meant using a 12 point ligthearted checklist (e.g. I will avoid eye contact at all costs but I'll know precisely what shoes you're wearing and which wrist you wear your watch on) and actively encouraged people to ask me questions). The results though have actually been worse than if I hadn't bothered as I now seem to be totally shunned and excluded (I think I said precisely 3 words yesterday at work - 'morning', 'Ok' (in response to being asked if I could set some PCs up) and 'goodbye').

 

I know that they don't understand but, coupled with my mother's reaction (which I will get used to) I was starting to feel very lonely and isolated and my boss seems to have done precisely the wrong thing and tried to lighten my work load (leaving me frustrated and, basically, bored - always a great way to get me down). I now know that depression kind of goes with the territory with AS (I'd always just assumed that I was a miserable and 'over sensitive' type) and I will get over it in time but this isolation really has been the biggest hurdle for me. I was hoping that I wasn't alone and that maybe there might be someone else out there who's in a similar situation and might be able to just provide a shoulder to cry on (Note: That may very well be the most un-bloke like sentence I have ever typed).

 

From what I can understand, everyone (wife and brother excluded) who I have to deal with is either totally ignorant of ASDs or seems to think that, because I'm an adult functioning in the NT world, it's not a problem for me (one of the little things that really upset me was my mum no longer trying to hug me. Yes she knows that I stiffen up whenever she does it (i.e. I find it uncomfortable) but that doesn't mean that I don't need it - kind of feels like being rejected). I'm now starting to realise that a lot of things that I simply took as being 'normal' are in fact 'not' and NTs don't struggle with anxiety and problems like I have to (I don't want to come across as a victim or looking for sympathy but I can't come up with a better way to explain it - I know that a lot of people on the forums have life a lot harder than I do). I think that now I'm becoming aware of this I'm finding it frustrating that 1) I have to jump through so many hoops just to fit into their world and 2) Most ('normal') people couldn't give a toss about what it's like to live in my world (I use the term 'my world' but I probably mean 'the ASD world'). Yes the company knows the situationand it's gone through the HR department and even the Health and Safety department (why, I don't know - do they think that all of a sudden I won't know how to use a door in case of a fire?) but never once has anyone asked me a single question about it, how it affects me, what they could do to help/make life easier etc. (I even offered to have a meeting with the head of our department to explain it all and the response was 'well, only if he feels he wants to' - the 'he' being me)

 

I think I'm going to have to admit defeat and go and see my GP- maybe she knows of something in the local area that can help me out

 

BTW I didn't think you came across as patronising...and I hope I haven't waffled on too much

[TheNeil]

I can see where TheNeil is coming from as Aspergers wasn't recognised in the mainstream until the early 1990's. So for those of us in our late twenties and above, we'd spent our childhoods growing up knowing we didn't quite fit in, but not knowing why.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself...I just wish I'd said that in the first place - curse my inability to express myself properly!

[Canopus]

I can see where TheNeil is coming from as Aspergers wasn't recognised in the mainstream until the early 1990's. So for those of us in our late twenties and above, we'd spent our childhoods growing up knowing we didn't quite fit in, but not knowing why.

 

Between the ages of 10 and 12 I used to regulary say that my AS problems were caused by a medical condition that was yet to be discovered. This didn't impress my parents or EP in the slightest and interpreted it as an excuse for bad behaviour and poor social skills. My reply to this was that new scientific and medical discoveries were being made every day and it is totally crass and stupid to think that everything is already know about medicine. The doctors and psychologists claimed there was nothing wrong with me because they are going by their books rather than judgement and common sense. Now that AS is a real condition confirms that I was right all along.

[yoyo]

Hi TheNeil!

 

I am so glad that you introduced this topic as it has helped me as an adult with possible AS. Thank you for what you have done and I am so sorry you have been upset. I identify with a lot of what you are going through and am sad to note your work colleagues' reaction, but it is probably bacause they don't quite know what to say. I also struggle with anxiety, sensitivity (paranoia in my case!!)and need to be busy at work- unfortunately this seems to be part of the territory for AS. I do hope you can find things to make you busy as it does help with the depression and helps give structure and routine. Recently I have tried gluten free food and avoided sweet things (probably not for long as I am chocoholic) and I haven't felt as lethargic or fussy headed. Hope I haven't rambled too much and that you find support and information here.

 

Yoyo

[Jill]

I know cyber hugs aren't the same as real ones, but I am sending you some anyway <'> <'>

 

I'm so sorry your work colleagues are responding like they are. Sometimes it is the little things - like a "good morning" or quick chat over a lunchtime sandwich - that make going to work more enjoyable.

 

Unfortunately people can be cruel and thoughtless. I wonder if they realise how they are making you feel?

 

Autism isn't well understood & I know people often incorrectly assume that people on the spectrum do not want / need affection or interaction. Quite often people ask me how I cope with a son who doesn't show his love. I have to laugh or I'd cry at this perception - if they saw my son cuddling up to me on the settee and asking for a kiss, they'd realise how wholly inaccurate this perception is.

 

Sorry for waffling on. I guess what I am trying to say is that you may not be understood at work, but we would like to be your friends on here. Do you have the option of logging in at lunch time and coming to this site whilst you eat your sandwich at your desk (it's what I do each day)? That way, at least you can "share" your lunch with friends.

[Guest hallyscomet]

It not in me or my siblings it seemed to skip a generation, its in my mother and my ex.

 

Learning about my son I discovered it in my mother.

 

She has trouble processing some conversations. All the same my mother is very social and loving. Every now and then something happens, like if she gets excited about something, she will almost leap out of her skin with excitement and scare the hell out of us as we weren't expecting it, but I love that about her and she does make me laugh.

 

I think I am a boring NT, I think Aspie people are loving and the most genuine people in the world. Very honest and reliable, no premeditated nasty stuff, they just are not tarred with that brush.

 

My ex is on the spectrum also but comments I would make about him might be negative, however, it has taught my daughter and I to have more empathy for him.

 

He however has not let him stop having a go, and quite successful.

 

H.

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My uncle has Tourette's which I understand is an ASD. He's 40 now. He wasn't diagnosed until he was in his twenties. I find it incredible that lots of people don't get diagnosed as soon as they should be. I guess a lot of it is to do with knowledge! In my uncle's case, going back 20 years ago Tourette's was unheard of. I guess now, we've got access to the internet and can access information at our fingertips easily hence the reason ASD appear to be on the increase in general. It would also explain why lots of adults are undiagnosed or have slipped through the net, so to speak. Just a thought.

 

C.

[TheNeil]

Just as way of an update, I've been to see my GP today (or rather, I went to see the stand-in GP - mine is off having a baby (as is my dentist - I'm sure that there's something in the water here)) and I'm now off 'sick' for a week. We talked it through and he actually seemed quite knowledgeable about AS (eek) and he seemed happy to give me a sick note (I was also on top form according to Mrs TheNeil - my leg was tapping madly, my eyes were everywhere and my hands were waving about like flags )

 

The work situation is more problematic (and is what, I think, made me depressed). There are four programmers in our department (of which I'm one) and the other three had all been with the company for about 5 years before I joined (and they were all fresh out of university which doesn't help - I might expand on that later). I'd worked in a variety of different places as a coder and I've now been part of their 'team' for about 18 months now. They don't talk much anyway but I'm simply ignored unless it's work related and there's no alternative (I've even been emailed by the guy who sits four feet away from me). I've always tried to be pleasant, said 'morning' (in the morning - shock) and 'bye' on a night. My work has been criticised (unfairly in my mind - it supposedly doesn't meet company standards excpet...there aren't any company standards and my boss and department head are just as dumbfounded as I am whenever this gets mentioned), my ideas for improving things ignored (despite everything, I do have 9 years worth of industry experience in my chosen field so I think I've picked somethings up in that time), they're always sniping at each other and trying to score points (they haven't worked in the 'real world' and still think that they know everything and that they're always right all of the time - I have worked in the 'real world' and know that there's always someone who knows more, has a different idea or solution etc.), and it's just a very stressful environment to work for someone like me (I've worked in some really stressful places (because of the work rather than the people) and always been able to cope and people always managed to be chatty and just accept me - even though no one knew about the AS!)

 

That's why I thought a diagnosis might help people to understand but, if anything, it seems to have had the opposite effect and now I don't even get acknowledged at the start and end of each day (save for one bloke - he knows someone who works with autistic kids and he was the only one who emailed me back saying that if he ever 'does my head in' I should let him know and he'll try to stop...and I actually really appreciated that and it's a bit of a shame that he'son holiday for three weeks)

 

My immediate boss has been really good about it all (he's confided in me that he's had mental health problems in the past) and the original head of department (he got moved about a month ago) has always tried to bring me into the group (you can tell that he doesn't really 'get' the ASD world though - when I explained my most obvious traits he responded with 'Well, everybody's a bit like that' (that really gets me annoyed as it belittles ASDs in my mind). I appreciate the concern though and he has tried so full credit to him). The new head of department is a manager of the sitcom kind and seems to favour meetings, targets and schedules - he's not got an IT background so understands b*gger all about what we do and how we do it, and seems intent on rubbing everyone up the wrong way. When I announced my AS diagnosis he was the one who didn't feel having a meeting about it was necessary (even though I was actually happy to discuss it and come up with a plan to move forward) - in fact he's never actually said more than about 5 words to me ever (and that was to tell me that I didn't warrant a pay rise this year but that's a whinge for another day). Then there's the HR and Health and Safety departments (who have both been informed) - neither have asked me a single question, asked what stresses me, what they could do to help etc.

 

Having thought about it, discussed it with Mrs TheNeil and the doctor, I know that I can't make people understand (it's got to come from them) but I feel as though my (so called) colleagues are almost being deliberately nasty. Maybe it's because they're unsure as to what to do, maybe they don't want to 'make a fuss' (admittedly this option is quite low on my list of valid reasons), maybe they're scared of the unknown (it could happen). Whatever the reason though, the end result is I'm not happy with it and it feels wrong to keep burdening my boss with it, I know it's his job but... (besides which, he can't make people talk to me - I'm pretty certain that that would be a guaranteed way to make things even worse). You could argue that maybe they don't know how they're making me feel (valid point) but when someone tells you that you can't initiate conversation but you will talk to them (for example) you'd think that it might be enough for them to give it a try

 

What Jill says is spot on - just because ASD people can't, for example, initiate a conversation, doesn't mean that they don't need conversation. In my case, as way of an example, my mother has stopped trying to hug me as she knows that I stiffen up (if I've mentioned this before then apologies) but I now feel rejected - I might find it uncomfortable but it doesn't mean that I don't still need it

 

So I've got a week to get my head sorted out, calm myself down and decide where to go next...I just hope it's enough time

[DaisyProudfoot]

Hi TheNeil,

 

I've been following this thread and what you say about work colleagues is probably the normal reaction everyone has to being suddenly informed of a disability. A couple of years ago I was really ill with my Lupus, my joints were stiffening up, I wore wrist splints, had a walking stick and Access to Work had to come in to my office to recommend various adaptations needed to help ease my disability during the working day. Following their visit I experienced a very different approach from my colleagues, they became over cautious, afraid to say anything to the "disabled" colleague, they stopped me from moving items I had previously moved, wouldn't let me lift the kettle in case I scalded myself and generally got on my nerves. Why was I suddenly so different to what I had been, I knew my limitations and would ask for help if I needed it.

 

Two years down the line nobody's bothered any more. If I can't open my tin of beans at lunchtime I thrust the can and the opener into a colleague's hands and they open it, if I can't manage something I ask and they do. No more do they jump to lift a file for me or grumble at the fact that my office chair cost over ?800 or I have a headset, or a special foot rest. They're just not bothered any more, in fact a new girl didn't even know I was disabled - I explained that it because I've adjusted to my disability and no one notices any more. I don't need the wrist splints or the walking stick as much these days.

 

All I'm saying is give your colleagues time, don't look as if you want to be treated any differently to the way you were before you revealed your AS. Likelihood is the second you told them they'd be on the internet looking up AS symptoms and coming to all the wrong conclusions. It is depressing feeling like they're suddenly treating you differently - give them time, they'll soon adjust. <'>

[zaman]

I know that I probably came across as trite when I responded to you before, but I'm going to try again! It feels to me like you are taking on a huge amount in a really short space of time. Try and spend your week doing feelgood things, and lining up your allies.

 

I'm not going to try to be an apologist for other people's reactions, but in your mum's case, it may just mean that she can't understand what it all means, or perhaps thinks it is something that she did (I know that will sound rude, and I apologise). Perhaps you could get together again with her and tell her that she doesn't need to stop hugging you - and what it all means for you. You've had a really good reaction from your brother - could he speak to your mum as well? It may take a while for it to sink in for her, or it may never sink in if she is anything like my mum.

 

The people in your team at work sound like they have a lot of issues on a lot of levels. Do you like or respect them? One of the hardest things for me since my son's diagnosis was letting go of some people becuase of their reactions. but the plus side is that I have made some really solid friends as a consequence.

 

I used to be a senior manager for a social care charity (ironically), and when my son was diagnosed I asked for time off. I didn't get it. I asked for unpaid leave. I didn't get it. Many people spoke to me as if the whole thing was rather unpleasant for them. I can only hope that I was as rude to them then as I would be now. But then I've always found being nice to be overrated.

[shortie]

my DD's dad was adopted and he never likes talkind abt his childhood,all i knew was that he was dyslexic and had behaviour problems when he was young.when i knew dd was possibly asd his adopted mum told me doctors thought he might have autism but said he was borderline and never gave them a definate dx!but then it started to fit into place how he struggled in alot of areaseg didnt look at people he didnt really know,emotionally detached,found it hard to understand things sometimes and the more i read abt asd the more convinced me and his mum were.

[TheNeil]

I know that I probably came across as trite when I responded to you before, but I'm going to try again! It feels to me like you are taking on a huge amount in a really short space of time. Try and spend your week doing feelgood things, and lining up your allies.

 

Even though I might not sound like it at times (or seem to heed it), I do value advice so no need to worry or get annoyed

 

Part of what makes me what I am is that I want things to be sorted out 'now' and I get upset if things don't go how I imagined that they would so this has been a very frustrating time for me in general. I'm hoping that I've done the right thing in getting a week off work so that, hopefully, I can calm down, de-stress and get my mind back into some semblance of normality (well, as normal as it ever can be) - as you say, do some feel good things and get my allies ready

 

Being brutally honest, the fact that the GP was understanding gave me a big boost and I immediately felt as though I'd made progress just by talking to him

 

It looks sunny outside (at the moment) so I think me and a book might spend today in the garden

[mossgrove]

I have wprked in IT for 16 years, and I do not have Aspergers, but I do have distinct Aspie Traits and two Autistic Children (out of 4)

 

One thing I would say is that you shouldn't assume that everything that is going on is down to you. I have worked in environments where everyone is friendly and chatty I have worked in environments where hardly a word gets spoken. I have to say that overall, IT has more than it's fair share of 'socially withdrawn' people. Are the others more socially active woth each other? From what you have said I don't think it's a case of being deliberately nasty, it sounds more like a case of not knowing what to say, so responding by saying nothing.

 

Depending on the job you do it may just be better to invest in a good set of headphones and an MP3 player, plug yourself in and let it all wash over you. Easier said than done sometimes, but it works for me. Remember the fact that your colleagues choose not to socialise with you says more about them than it does about you. Strange as it sounds it may make socialising easier at breaks etc. when there is not ressure to communicate for the rest of the time.

 

Feel free to PM me if you want to compare experiences etc.

 

Simon

[Jill]

I'm glad you've got a bit of time off work - and it sounds like you are using it wisely! Oh, I'd love to join you in the garden with a book - esp at the moment in this lovely weather. I hope this week helps you to take stock.

 

Mossgrove is right, sometimes people don't talk at work (I've moved myself to a different office in my company cos the last office was staffed by a right miserable bunch of gits). I'm lucky to have this option tho & I am naturally quite garrulous so it's easy for me to initiate conversation, which I realise is not always as easy for you.

 

I have to say tho (and please don't take this the wrong way) I work for an IT company & programmers do tend to be an introverted lot. Mossgrove's idea of an MP3 sounds good (if you're allowed to do this.)

 

Take care mate. Have a good rest. Try to remember - it's THEIR loss that they're not getting to know you better, you come across as a really interesting bloke I reckon.

[DaisyProudfoot]

Depending on the job you do it may just be better to invest in a good set of headphones and an MP3 player, plug yourself in and let it all wash over you. Simon

 

 

Or......you could do what my husband and his pal used to do when they worked in the IT dept. Open all the windows in their office so people from other departments didn't feel obliged to stay and be friendly to the "poor IT lads who no one talks to!"

 

They prefered their office just as it was with broken computers in bits all over the place, Lara Croft posters on the wall and a nice unfriendly draught wafting through it!

Edited May 5, 2006 by DaisyProudfoot

[payem]

Hi

I'm 58yr old female and dx with ASD ADHD Anxiety and Depression 2 yrs ago. I have 'flaked out' of work in 2004 which led to my dx. I was experiencing similar problems to you when at work (in an NHS 'stomach bug' lab.) and am now on Incapacity Benefit. The thing is, that your workplace may be contravening the Disability Discrimination Act if they do not properly adjust working life for you. I particularly sympathise with 'the lighter - more boring - workload strategy' you mention as I was offered a lower level replacement job of really boring routine after notifying my employer of my dx. I refused it.

 

This is probably known to you, but the PROSPECTS government run 'employment agency' for high functioning ASD people can also intervene with your employer. Many Aspergers seem to like boring routine so it could be that the boss thinks he is doing the right thing and you need to explain that this is not true for you. Also I've found that if you can get into postgrad or research environments then people are much more friendly and understanding. Could you try and get the message through to workmates that you are in need of some social/emotional support? If you trust your boss explain that you seem to have been 'coldshouldered' by workmates since sending your email and ask if he can help. My guess would be that they are all highly embarrassed and not sure how to respond. It is also possible that because the situation has deteriorated and you are now feeling MORE stressed and vulnerable, that you are unwittingly giving off the wrong signals: 'I'm in trouble - keep away!' Find the most easily approachable one and when alone try and ask 'what did I do wrong in sending my email? I feel that everyone is being so cold and unfriendly now. Please try and talk to me more and tell the others for me.'

 

Anyway, best of luck. And TELL your Mum how you are having problems at work and feel socially isolated and in need of human contact and would really love some cuddles!

[TheNeil]

This is probably known to you, but the PROSPECTS government run 'employment agency' for high functioning ASD people can also intervene with your employer

 

I'm a total newbie to the ASD world so this is a new one on me - might give them a try

 

Having listened to what everyone has said and suggested (and now that I'm starting to get my head back in order) I think that my current bunch of colleagues are just generally the anti-social type. I've worked in several programming teams and this is only the second time that I've hit this kind of cold-shouldering (the first time was in a medical testing centre and they were all <insert rude word here>). Indeed at the last place I worked at I got on great with everyone - yes it took a while to feel comfortable with them but they accepted me and just got on with it...and I hadn't even considered AS at the time (BTW that company was bought by an American firm who promptly started laying people off so I jumped before I was pushed - not a cat in hell's chance of going back to it )

 

Getting back to my current situation, even between themselves there's not exactly a friendly environment and I think I'm just going to have to put it down to it being their problem not mine. I've always tried to be open and helpful (that's why I announced the AS to the department as soon as I knew), people from outside of our department acknowledge me (despite being unaware of my AS) and know that they can come and ask me for tech support (and that I'll do my best to help them). This is in seemingly stark contrast to my boss who has bent over backwards to help and said that however I want to play it, he'll do whatever I need, he's happy to talk about it whenever etc. Even if I take the AS out of the equation, I think what the other coders need is a good hard kick up the <insert appropriate body part here>

 

After having been away from it for 4 days now, I'm starting to feel a lot better about it all. I've also spoken to my mum and, although she's still a bit dismissive, she does seem to be getting to grips with it a bit better and I think having been signed off for a week has kind of brought it home to her just how down and miserable I was getting (note: Getting signed off sick is tantamount to treason in her eyes - you only get signed off sick if you're about to die, have just lost a leg, or have been told you've only got 6 months to live). My brother and his wife continue to amaze me (my sister in law is apparently beside herself about all of the things she's called me over the years (behind my back) - she now knows that my 'arrogance' is in fact not deliberate) and have now decided to offload their five year son onto us next weekend (<sarcasm>oh, the joy</sarcasm>) - this is in addition to getting me a pair of built-up shoes and arranging to have all of the cutlery removed from the house lest I hurt myself (note: this is his idea of a joke...and I actually found it pretty funny too. The fact that he's that comfortable with it all is, for me, a real positive)

[Stephanie]

Ask your Mum for a cuddle - I bet she would so love to hug you, she is probably just scared to and I think she would love you to ask her <'>

[nellie]

Hi Neil,

 

Berkshire Autistic Society funded a Support into Employment Project. Three Guidance Documents have been produced which provide advice on employment issues. I thought it might be useful for you and your employer.

 

Helping Someone with Asperger Syndrome to Find Employment

Finding and Sustaining Employment

A Guide to Supporting Employees with Asperger Syndrome

 

http://www.autismberkshire.org.uk/BlueTrim.../employment.htm

 

Nellie xx

[Zemanski]

There is a prospects place in Leeds, in the process of being set up I think - M will know, ask tomorrow evening

 

Z