So pi**ed off at myself for not dealing with diagnosis.

[butterflycake]

Thats it really, im finding it hard to come to terms with ds2 diagosis of autism. i didnt take it a quarter as bad with ds1 diagnosis of adhd cos i had a good idea it was. i dont know if i was in denial with ds2 but its just knocked me for six. Whenever i talk to people about it i end up crying. How can i be stronger about this, i need to grow a thicker skin or im going to end up a bag of nerves. I need to be mentally strong for my kids but im finding it hard. Its been 2 months now, i was in shock at first but once it hit me i cant deal with it. Sorry for the rant but its helping just to put the words down.

[Paula]

<'>

 

We all go through what youre going through.

 

I compared it to a kind of mourning period to looseing the child i thought i had and being able to enjoy the one i now had.

 

It does get easier.And the skin does grow thicker.

 

take care

[Flora]

butterfly <'> 2 months is a very short time. It can take so much longer than that. I was totally expecting William's dx, but for over a year I would do things like go through the list of dx criteria in the hope that evenutally William wouldn't meet enough or any of the required areas for dx. A bit like watching titanic in the hope that the ship won't sink!

 

After 3 years I would say that I've now totally embrased and come to terms with it all. I enjoy them the way they are, if only I could change the world!

 

Don't expect so much from yourself. You are a mother with all the normal dreams and aspirations for your children, it takes a while for you to drop the old dreams and make new ones.

 

Take care

Lauren

[butterflycake]

Thanks for the replies. In my head i feel like i should have been dealing with this quicker as my dh seems to be dealing with it better or maybe its because women cry more than men it seems like men deal with things better or something. I just want something to click in my head to make me accept whats wrong with ds2 but probably like you said the only thing is time.

[carrieq]

Hi,

I am sort of in the same boat as you but the opposite!! Ds dx with ADHD last year informally dx ASD in March but the findings from tests formally confirmed it this week. I keep catching myself thinking how devestated I am but just can't at the moment bring myself to cry as I feel if I do I will come off the track and not be able to go forward if you know what I mean!!

It is good to hear that it becomes easier to come to terms with and feeling a sense of grief is part of the course. We are lucky to have found this group!!

Thinking of you

Carrie

[Bagpuss]

Butterflycake,

 

I think what's already been said is such great advice, and have to agree wholeheartedly. Give yourself time. We all have certain hopes and dreams for our children, and to have to re-evaluate them is hard. Also as Paula rightly points out, its similar to a grieving process. Take each day as it comes. Don't push yourself. Your husband may be unable to express how he REALLY feels, I know mine did. I felt he was dealing with everything alot better than me, and he had a stressful job on top, yet one day he just broke down in tears. Made me realise he was finding it just as hard as me. Men don't tend to talk about their feelings to friends etc, yet women will. My youngest daughter was diagnosed with MD at 3. Horrendous implications, including shortened life expectancy. Took me a good 2 years not to wake up feeling broken heartened. When the autism diagnosis came it was expected and she had been assessed for years, because our older daughter had been misdiagnosed at 2 with autism. This had later been reversed when she was 4. By the time the decision day came with our youngest we knew, and had time, to come to terms with it. Felt great relief that it had finally been diagnosed to be honest. Take care of yourself <'> <'> <'>

 

Debs

[lizzie]

HI Butterfly, you are not alone on this one, I remember back to when K was DX , It really is like being bereaved, you will come through this smiling and stronger, hang on in there <'> sorry Im not much help, Im on an emotional roller coaster myself just now.... I hope things get better for you soon.xx

[butterflycake]

Im so glad theres such a thing as these forums to talk about things Its feels weird you all know how im feeling as you all are going through the same thing and i dont know any other autistic kids in rl. It certainly is an emotional rollercoaster thats a good way of describing it. Thank you everyone for your replies.

[jen]

Butterfly our son has been diagnosed for 3 years and my husband is only just coming to terms with it. Take it has it come some days are better than others. Once you have accepted the diagnosis you still have good and bad days for your emotions.

 

Using a forum like this give you knowledge. Knowledge gives you power to handle the situations you are faced with

 

Jen

[shortie]

butterfly,i know exactely how u feel my DD was only dx less than a month ago,even tho i was expecting dx it was still a shock,it makes it final,no more ifs or buts.saw my doctor yesterday cuz i'm so tired all the time,mainly cuz dd's sleep is haywire at the moment but doc also thinks i've got mild depression,he wants to put me on a mild anti-depresant but i'm not sure,but told him i'll think about it'i must admit tho i can get upset really easy at the moment!!finding this forum helped,i dont know anyone else with an ASD child either only a mum at playgroup who i only see for 10 mins on a friday,so just remember ur not alone,u can chat anytime

[Bullet]

I'm the same. Everytime Ds1 smiles at me, or makes eye contact, or comes to me for a hug I think "naaah, nowt wrong with him." But then I listen to his delayed echolalia, his intense interest in counting to ten over and over again, the fact he has never said anything TO anybody, just babbles on to himself, the fact that he has hardly ever said anything spontaneous and not for months now (unlsess you count his counting) and that makes it clearer. When I take him to Toddler group and he'll use my hand as a tool but won't look at me, interact with me or show things to me and the difference between him and the other children is definitely significant that helps me accept it. I got the written report for the assessment yesterday and it said he had "intense difficulties with communication and social development" and that there could be little doubt he was on the autistic spectrum.

[lisa]

I think I know exactly how you feel. When my oldest was diagnosed with AS, we expected it and knew it was coming and to be honest, actually felt quite elated although I know that sounds strange. We knew that it didn't change who he was, but answered questions and felt relief that we could now move forward.

 

A year later, my youngest daughter was diagnosed. From the start, I suppose we'd been a bit in denial. When I look back the signs were all there but we'd refused to see it. When we realised that we couldn't ignore it any more and she started going through the process, I was ok, I knew she had AS so it was no surprise to me. The day she got the diagnosis, I couldn't believe how I felt. It was the opposite of how I'd felt with my son. I felt so depressed, almost shocked, I kept crying at everything. Like you, I couldn't talk about her to anyone without crying. I really hadn't expected to feel like that. I felt I'd been hit by a bus, I was so numb. I didn't want to accept it, not my baby, and two kids with autism, why me? I did eventually come to terms with it and I'm sure you will too. It just takes time. I think alot of people of this site who only have one ASD child also feel like this, even though you expect it, it's a shock to have it confirmed.

 

Lisa

[board]

hello i know how you feel my daughter 6 was dx aspergers on the 12 of last month it hits you hard but with a dx we can help them to grow lean and be happy with out dx they wont not get the help so be happy for that with the love and care of the family they can do well and with the help of the nice people on here we will cope all the best to you jill

[Stephanie]

It's horrible isn't it. I couldn't stop crying when my son was officially diagnosed ... because it was so final, all my hopes and denial had been shattered. I went through months of it, awful.

 

... I still keep hope and denial in the background though!

 

Somehow you kind of reach of a plateau somewhere and things even out a bit - you have great days and days where everything hits home and there seems like there is no hope, then the next day something good will happen and it's all back to being great again. A rollercoaster ride for sure.

 

You are doing the right thing by being in this forum, we can all relate. I just hope things pick up for you soon.

 

Thinking of you.

[DaisyProudfoot]

<'>

 

We all go through what youre going through.

 

I compared it to a kind of mourning period to looseing the child i thought i had and being able to enjoy the one i now had.

 

It does get easier.And the skin does grow thicker.

 

take care

 

I think Paula's said it all really. It is a kind if grieving process but please remember he's still the same child he's always been and as you and he learn to cope with his autism both your life and his will get a lot easier <'> <'> <'>

 

Oddly enough there's a man comes into my local supermarket with his severly autistic son, the kid's about 10 and he's adorable making all these little noises he always seems quite happy in his life, but this Saturday he was having a bad day poor pet screaming at his dad at a level that would have sent him off the decible scale! The man next to me said "what's wrong with him?" so I turned round and said: "He's autistic and today things are probably just too much for him, I know I've got an autistic child too."

 

"Oh," he replied. "Poor lad, it must be hard for him."

 

I wasn't quite sure whether it was directed at the father or the son but at least I made the guy think and I don't thing he'll voice his views quite so loud next time!