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      Depression, Mental Health and Crisis Support   06/04/2017

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oxgirl

Another ASD student tormenting Jay.

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oxgirl   

Jay is in an ASD Unit attached to a mainstream school. He attends some mainstream lessons and the Unit is supposed to be a safe haven for him to relax in away from the stress of mainstream. Unfortunately, it has turned into a nightmare for him because there is a lad there who is continually tormenting and taunting him. :crying:

 

It's so difficult. Obviously, this lad is there because he needs to be as well, but it just isn't fair on poor Jay. He is terrified of this lad and doesn't want to go back to the Unit. He was even glad he had a maths lesson today so he could get away from him. :unsure: He feels nervous and on edge all day long and he doesn't feel like anyone cares.

 

The helpers keep down-playing it and making out to him that he is over-reacting and even telling HIM off if he gets cross with the constant annoyance from this lad and it is wearing him down so much, he just can't take anymore. He broke down totally this afternoon and doesn't want to go back there, and I can't blame him. I feel like they're not doing enough to protect him from this kid or not taking his feelings seriously!! :crying::crying::crying:

 

~ Mel ~

Edited by oxgirl

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pearl   

Oh Mel, what a difficult situation. Clearly not acceptable. J has never been bullied by other ASD children but always attracted bullying from children with problems of their own like honey to the bee! Hope you get something sorted for him >:D<<'>

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Flora   

Mel,

 

Your poor son has not had a good time at this unit has he?

 

It seems that it is pointless having somewhere for him to feel safe and peaceful if this is happening when he goes there! Perhaps you could write to them asking them what they are going to do about it and saying that you and your son are going to keep a diary of every incident.

 

Hope you get it sorted out...

 

Flora

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curra   

Oh Mel, >:D<<'>

 

What a bad situation. The teachers in the unit MUST do something about this. Recently an AS boy physically attacked my son and he was immediately separated for the rest of the day from the unit. You cannot accept this and perhaps you can phone or write asking them to keep this boy away from Jay. It's also in this boy's interest that he is not allowed to bully another boy.

 

Hope the situation is sorted out soon.

 

Curra

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Karen A   

Hi Mel sorry you are in this situation. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> ACE produce a very good leaflet re what action parents can take in response to bullying.It gives clear guidance on the steps parents can take when contacting school and how to document concerns.It is on the ACE website.We found the info very useful.Karen.

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Karen A   

Hi Mel sorry you are in this situation. >:D<<'> >:D<<'> ACE produce a very good leaflet re what action parents can take in response to bullying.It gives clear guidance on the steps parents can take when contacting school and how to document concerns.It is on the ACE website.We found the info very useful.Karen.

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madme   

We had a similar situation at our sons school. We contacted his "mentor/ person in charge of pastoral care. As the boy had some issues and it wasn't the first time he suffered a temp exclusion. The school worked hard to get him some immediate help. We understood that he needed help as much as my son. My son is now ok with this kid. So things can work out. Have you thought about taking your son to the Gp to get it documented? The school must take action. Good luck.

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oxgirl   

Thanks very much for your replies all, sorry can't give individual replies, no energy left in me. :unsure:

 

Had a very fraught meeting with the teacher and me and Jay and basically she was very harsh with Jay. :tearful: She said it was everyone this kid was targeting not just him (as if that's supposed to make us feel better) and that he has to learn strategies for dealing with people like this and that basically he'll have to put up with it! She started pointing the finger at him and accusing him of bringing it on himself by walking into a room where this kid is and told him that he should make an effort to avoid him by not going near him. Jay said that the kid follows after HIM and he can't get away, but she didn't want to listen to him really.

 

We both came away feeling like she didn't care about his feelings and the effects this is having on his wellbeing. She more or less said that the kid is here and he's not going anywhere and he'll have to put up with it as they are trying their best and there's nothing else they can do, it's up to Jay to pull himself together and cope with it. There's no support and no protection for him, basically. :unsure:

 

Really don't know where to go from here, I feel awful sending my kid into that awful place everyday knowing that he has this to face and that no-one is that bothered about helping him or are taking the effects on him seriously. :crying:

 

I need to go and have a lie down now. :(

 

~ Mel ~

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Bagpuss   

Mel, please hang on in there....I know it is so hard and please don't think I'm being flippant. Sometimes it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and it's relentless, just one thing after another. You will come out the other end. Would it be easier to seriously consider HE, if you and Jay are suffering so much stress? I know it's not ideal, and it's something you have done before, but I don't know what else to suggest and feel at a loss. Please also consider going to GP, don't soldier on hun, honestly, it doesn't do anyone any good, believe me, I've been there :tearful:

 

Please PM me if you need to talk, thinking of you and take very good care of yourself x >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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Flora   

mel, this is so so wrong.

 

Wish I had some advice. I know I'd be well hacked off if I fought for a statement and a special placement for my son and then it was messed up because the teachers can't and won't control what goes on there!

 

I hope you can find a solution of some sort. There's loads of reactive things I could say (putting myself in your shoes), but none of them would be helpful to you, especially if you feel it's the right place for your son other than this torment going on.

 

Flora >:D<<'>

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JsMum   

The teacher has to also understand that J is entitled to an education where he is safe and will be protected against others who may harm him, the answers the teacher has given is very insensitive and lets the other boy take full control here, is he in charge of her as well, that isnt a good sign that the teacher is saying that she cant do anything about this boy.

 

there must be something they can do to protect your son, I would refuse to send him until they can be sure your son is safe from this other child, I think there is a LOT more the teacher can do.

 

I would also warn the teacher that if any harm does come to your child that you will not hesitate to call the police and have this child arrested and then go to the governers and express how you tried to prevent this situation in the first place.

 

I would keep a log of all the incidents and report any threatening behaviour to the police.

 

JsMum

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oxgirl   
Mel, please hang on in there....I know it is so hard and please don't think I'm being flippant. Sometimes it feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, and it's relentless, just one thing after another. You will come out the other end. Would it be easier to seriously consider HE, if you and Jay are suffering so much stress? I know it's not ideal, and it's something you have done before, but I don't know what else to suggest and feel at a loss. Please also consider going to GP, don't soldier on hun, honestly, it doesn't do anyone any good, believe me, I've been there :tearful:

 

Please PM me if you need to talk, thinking of you and take very good care of yourself x >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

 

Thanks Bagpuss,

It just seems never ending with this place. Sending him there was the worst decision we ever made, but it does offer things we can't. We have thought about HE again, but he is so talented in science and we can't offer him a laboratory and experiments like a secondary school can. Also, if we did HE he'd be totally alone. He doesn't have friends now, but at least he is 'there' amongst the other kids, although at the mo, he can't wait to get away from some of them. :tearful:

I just dunno what to do really. It HAS to start getting better, it just has to.

 

Thanks for the support as ever. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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oxgirl   
mel, this is so so wrong.

 

Wish I had some advice. I know I'd be well hacked off if I fought for a statement and a special placement for my son and then it was messed up because the teachers can't and won't control what goes on there!

 

I hope you can find a solution of some sort. There's loads of reactive things I could say (putting myself in your shoes), but none of them would be helpful to you, especially if you feel it's the right place for your son other than this torment going on.

 

Flora >:D<<'>

 

 

Thanks Flora,

Trouble is I don't think it's the right place, but it is the ONLY place available to him. As I said to Bagpuss, it does offer some things we can't, but the Unit itself is so small and stuffed so full of kids (and apparently next year three are leaving and SEVEN new ones beginning) that they just can't escape each other and can't breathe. The Unit was supposed to be a place where Jay could relax after the strain of his mainstream lessons and it's just turning into a nightmare. The more I think about what the teacher said to him today, the more angry I feel, actually. :wallbash:

 

Cheers. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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oxgirl   
The teacher has to also understand that J is entitled to an education where he is safe and will be protected against others who may harm him, the answers the teacher has given is very insensitive and lets the other boy take full control here, is he in charge of her as well, that isnt a good sign that the teacher is saying that she cant do anything about this boy.

 

there must be something they can do to protect your son, I would refuse to send him until they can be sure your son is safe from this other child, I think there is a LOT more the teacher can do.

 

I would also warn the teacher that if any harm does come to your child that you will not hesitate to call the police and have this child arrested and then go to the governers and express how you tried to prevent this situation in the first place.

 

I would keep a log of all the incidents and report any threatening behaviour to the police.

 

JsMum

 

 

Thanks JsMum,

There have been a few times where this kid has tried to physically attack Jay and has had to be held back by staff, but mainly it is just continually irritating and intimidating him, coming up behind him and shouting BOO at the top of his voice and saying things to deliberately wind him up and going on and on and on at him, it just wears him down so much and he ends up exhausted and an emotional wreck. He can't get away from him, if he tries to walk away the kid just follows after him. The staff half-heartedly say, 'D, don't do that', but, of course, by then he's done it and a few minutes later he's doing it again, it's never-ending. I think about how I'd feel if I was in Jay's shoes and I think I'd go completely loopy with frustration and scream the place down, it must be just awful for him. Now he spends his day being frightened and anxious and just waiting for the kid to do or say something, he's a nervous wreck, but the school don't really see it and think I'm over-reacting, I'm sure. :crying:

 

I don't know what to do to protect him. But if the kid ever did hurt him I would go totally mad and I will sue the pants off these people, I will make the biggest stink, they won't know what hit them!! :wallbash::wallbash:

 

~ Mel ~ >:D<<'>

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curra   

Mel >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

I'm so sorry, it's not fair and it's not right! The staff don't seem to have enough training in that school, it amazes me that they have an "ASD" unit. It must be so hard for you.!

So, the teacher said that Jay has to learn strategies for dealing with people and he'll have to put up with it?? Well, and how is he supposed to learn that when he has a disability that makes it diffficult for him to deal with people and put up with stress? You're right to feel angry. :angry:I am angry too for you and I think that I would be sending a letter to the head, with copy to the governors tomorrow first thing in the morning. If the staff in the unit can't cope with so many children then it's their problem how they sort that out. It may be that they need more staff or better trained staff, but whatever the school decide to do, your son has a right to be educated without being tormented by other children.

 

If he is attacked by another child you can call the police even if the school don't do it.

 

Take care

 

CurraXX

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oxgirl   
Mel >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

I'm so sorry, it's not fair and it's not right! The staff don't seem to have enough training in that school, it amazes me that they have an "ASD" unit. It must be so hard for you.!

So, the teacher said that Jay has to learn strategies for dealing with people and he'll have to put up with it?? Well, and how is he supposed to learn that when he has a disability that makes it diffficult for him to deal with people and put up with stress? You're right to feel angry. :angry:I am angry too for you and I think that I would be sending a letter to the head, with copy to the governors tomorrow first thing in the morning. If the staff in the unit can't cope with so many children then it's their problem how they sort that out. It may be that they need more staff or better trained staff, but whatever the school decide to do, your son has a right to be educated without being tormented by other children.

 

If he is attacked by another child you can call the police even if the school don't do it.

 

Take care

 

CurraXX

 

 

Thanks Curra,

 

Yep, I can't believe the incompetance of these people and how badly run this place is. We have no contact with the mainstream secondeary school that the Unit is attached to, all our dealings are with the Unit staff, they are quite independant to the school really. This means that it's the same two people, either the Unit Head or the teacher at the Unit that we have to deal with and the teacher is not very approachable, but the buck stops there really, so we are stuck.

 

Because Jay is the most able in the Unit, I feel that he is expected to just put up with stuff from the others and that allowances are not made for his own disabilities, if he gets upset or annoyed by what others do to him then he's just 'rude'. If he were to do to a less able child what is being done to him, I have no doubt that he would be torn down very severely by the staff but if it happens to him then he just has to put up with it. :wallbash::crying:

 

~ Mel ~

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Bagpuss   

Wish I could think of something else to suggest Mel and I understand what you are saying about HE

 

This shouldn't be happening :(>:D<<'>

Edited by Bagpuss

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curra   

Mel,

 

Even if the unit is inpedendent they must respond to the head teacher, so if they are not listening to you, the HT should know about it and offer a solution. You really seem to be stuck in a school that is not meeting Jay's need, so another thing you could do is skip the HT and contact the LEA directly and ask for their advice. If the LEA gets involved I imagine that the school would be sorting out the situation very soon. It seems to me that the issue here is that the unit is not recognising Jay's special needs simply because he is more high functioning than the other children in the unit. If that is the case, then they really need more training in ASD, but that is their problem, you have to stick to your guns for Jay.

 

M is also more high functioning than the rest of the kids at his unit, but the staff don't expect him to be more understanding than the others. It's obvious that if a child is in an ASD unit it's exactly because he needs special support to deal with social situations and stress. :wallbash:

 

Sending you lots of >:D<<'> >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

Curra

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Flora   

Been thinking more about this..... sorry my thoughts haven't come up with anything useful...But even if it is a fact that this other child can't help what he is doing... and even if it is a fact that because of that the teacher's can't/won't do anything to stop him tormenting your son.... surely they could have discussed this and relayed this to you in a way that was more sympathetic... ie... trying to help your son understand this other child's behaviour, helping your son decide where to sit in order to best avoid coming into contact and conflict with this other boy.

 

It seems their attitude 'tough, live with it' is the real problem here. Maybe you can't do anything to get them to change how this child reacts to your son, but you can certainly tackle them over their attitude.

 

Basically, their attitude stinks.... the buck doesn't stop with them Mel.... contact the LEA's inclusion officer... that's what they are paid for.

 

Flora

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hev   

mel >:D<<'> >:D<<'> when my steven was bullying another student constantly the school were very on the ball with it and as steven wouldnt stop doing it the school have permanetly ecluded him which i totally agree with,yes steven has problems but the girl he was bullying was living in fear like your son is now,the school should be firmer with the boy who is bullying and cant just brush it under the carpet,keep a log of every incident its not right your son is going through it and you,sorry things are rough mate,feels like a living hell sometimes dont it >:D<<'>

ive been feeling like rubbish for ages now but have had good few days,never thought i would feel happy again but i do,there will be light at the end of your tunnel,it just wears you down dont it >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

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puffin   

I agree with Flora - surely because your child is in an SEN unit does not mean that it is OK for him to be bullied?

 

Surely they should be putting some strategies into place to deal with the problem and to teach the other child a different way of interacting.

 

I would make an appointment with the head and if that doesn't work I'd follow up with a letter to the LEA as the current situation does not allow your son to get his education in the structured safe environment that is essential for his development.

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oxgirl   
Been thinking more about this..... sorry my thoughts haven't come up with anything useful...But even if it is a fact that this other child can't help what he is doing... and even if it is a fact that because of that the teacher's can't/won't do anything to stop him tormenting your son.... surely they could have discussed this and relayed this to you in a way that was more sympathetic... ie... trying to help your son understand this other child's behaviour, helping your son decide where to sit in order to best avoid coming into contact and conflict with this other boy.

 

It seems their attitude 'tough, live with it' is the real problem here. Maybe you can't do anything to get them to change how this child reacts to your son, but you can certainly tackle them over their attitude.

 

Basically, their attitude stinks.... the buck doesn't stop with them Mel.... contact the LEA's inclusion officer... that's what they are paid for.

 

Flora

 

 

Thanks Flora,

Yes, you're right I think, the problem I have really is not with the kid, but it's the attitude of the teacher yesterday. She just made me feel like I was being unreasonable and she wasn't at all sympathetic to my lad's feelings and how much he is suffering. I realize she has to be fair to all the children, but I'm telling her that one of her children is very unhappy and doesn't feel safe in the Unit and she just didn't seem to care and ended up telling him off and making him feel like it was his own fault for not avoiding this child. How is he supposed to avoid him!! :wallbash:

I woke up feeling so angry this morning. If things don't improve this week I will be taking it further, it can't be allowed to go on like this.

 

Cheers. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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oxgirl   
mel >:D<<'> >:D<<'> when my steven was bullying another student constantly the school were very on the ball with it and as steven wouldnt stop doing it the school have permanetly ecluded him which i totally agree with,yes steven has problems but the girl he was bullying was living in fear like your son is now,the school should be firmer with the boy who is bullying and cant just brush it under the carpet,keep a log of every incident its not right your son is going through it and you,sorry things are rough mate,feels like a living hell sometimes dont it >:D<<'>

ive been feeling like rubbish for ages now but have had good few days,never thought i would feel happy again but i do,there will be light at the end of your tunnel,it just wears you down dont it >:D<<'> >:D<<'>

 

 

Thanks a lot for the support hev, I know you've had it rough recently yourself. Glad things have been better for you recently, maybe now the stress and strain of Steven's current school has stopped things will continue to improve for you. >:D<<'>

It's so hard to see our kids suffering, though, isn't it.

Take care, all the best. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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oxgirl   
I agree with Flora - surely because your child is in an SEN unit does not mean that it is OK for him to be bullied?

 

Surely they should be putting some strategies into place to deal with the problem and to teach the other child a different way of interacting.

 

I would make an appointment with the head and if that doesn't work I'd follow up with a letter to the LEA as the current situation does not allow your son to get his education in the structured safe environment that is essential for his development.

 

 

Cheers puffin,

I am going to keep a close eye on the situation over the next few days and if things don't improve we're going to take some sort of action, it can't go on, it's just not fair. When the teacher was telling Jay off yesterday for going into a room where this lad was and, therefore, essentially asking for it (!!) I told her that I wanted staff to remember that Jay was the victim here and not to start telling him off when he dares to complain (or words to that effect) and she said to me, 'Well, I think that's a bit strong'!! Is it? I don't think so. :wallbash:

Thanks again. >:D<<'>

 

~ Mel ~

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Canopus   
Yep, I can't believe the incompetance of these people and how badly run this place is. We have no contact with the mainstream secondeary school that the Unit is attached to, all our dealings are with the Unit staff, they are quite independant to the school really. This means that it's the same two people, either the Unit Head or the teacher at the Unit that we have to deal with and the teacher is not very approachable, but the buck stops there really, so we are stuck.

 

I'm getting the impression this ASD unit is a scam organisation. The situation is worsening and the attitude of the staff stinks. My advice would be to discuss the matter with the LEA and tell them that the ASD unit is failing to meet Jay's needs.

 

Because Jay is the most able in the Unit, I feel that he is expected to just put up with stuff from the others and that allowances are not made for his own disabilities, if he gets upset or annoyed by what others do to him then he's just 'rude'. If he were to do to a less able child what is being done to him, I have no doubt that he would be torn down very severely by the staff but if it happens to him then he just has to put up with it.

 

The staff at my residential school always had a go at kids of high intellect for niggling little behavioural issues, but let off kids with lower intellect for more serious cases of bad behaviour. It seems things haven't changed and this unit is supposed to be for ASD rather than EBD.

 

It just seems never ending with this place. Sending him there was the worst decision we ever made, but it does offer things we can't. We have thought about HE again, but he is so talented in science and we can't offer him a laboratory and experiments like a secondary school can. Also, if we did HE he'd be totally alone. He doesn't have friends now, but at least he is 'there' amongst the other kids, although at the mo, he can't wait to get away from some of them.

 

This is exactly the same situation for me when I was 13. One of the biggest reasons my parents wanted me to stay at residential school was because I was talented at science and the school had lab facilities. If I was homeschooled I probably wouldn't be able to take science GCSE because of no facilities for practical work.

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I t does sound as if this unit is more about looking to provide provision rather than actually delivering quality care. They seem to have no idea how to meet your lads needs .

I cant see things getting better unless something drastic happens ie a whole new team running it , the lea and mainstream school seem blissfully unaware of what is happening and unless you complain loudly nothing will change. Is the unit independant of school ? If it isnt the policies from the mainstream school also take into account your sons needs ie bullying equal opportunities etc.

Maybe yo need to be lloking at a formal complaint now, ie on the grounds of bullying and also this daft teacher - her response was really bad.

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oxgirl   
I t does sound as if this unit is more about looking to provide provision rather than actually delivering quality care. They seem to have no idea how to meet your lads needs .

I cant see things getting better unless something drastic happens ie a whole new team running it , the lea and mainstream school seem blissfully unaware of what is happening and unless you complain loudly nothing will change. Is the unit independant of school ? If it isnt the policies from the mainstream school also take into account your sons needs ie bullying equal opportunities etc.

Maybe yo need to be lloking at a formal complaint now, ie on the grounds of bullying and also this daft teacher - her response was really bad.

 

 

You're right, pumpkinpie, this place just contains the kids and does very little in the way of providing the excellent care and expertise you'd expect from a so-called ASD specialist Unit. The place needs a complete overhaul and some new, fresh staff coming in with a modicum of insight and enthusiasm and dedication. Yep, it's independant from the school and the school just leave them to get on with it. Even in lessons, my lad has very little input from the teachers, they just leave him to his TA and she rules over him basically.

I wonder if any of the people there would be happy for THEIR children to be treated the way mine is and would be happy for THEIR children to have to be trapped in this environment. :tearful:

 

~ Mel ~

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Just because the unit is behacving independantly doesnt mean it should be or has the authority to be. Have you looked into the complaints procedure in operation. I cantt really see that you have much choice now because it is getting to the point your son is being damaged by a unit that should be protecting him. >:D<<'>

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Canopus   
You're right, pumpkinpie, this place just contains the kids and does very little in the way of providing the excellent care and expertise you'd expect from a so-called ASD specialist Unit. The place needs a complete overhaul and some new, fresh staff coming in with a modicum of insight and enthusiasm and dedication. Yep, it's independant from the school and the school just leave them to get on with it. Even in lessons, my lad has very little input from the teachers, they just leave him to his TA and she rules over him basically.

I wonder if any of the people there would be happy for THEIR children to be treated the way mine is and would be happy for THEIR children to have to be trapped in this environment.

 

This ASD unit sounds like a dustbin to contain misfit kids unwanted by mainstream schools. The fact that the school has little involvement in the unit provides further material to back up my claim.

 

Even my residential school had proper teachers that would actually teach stuff in lessons.

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phasmid   
Jay is in an ASD Unit attached to a mainstream school. He attends some mainstream lessons and the Unit is supposed to be a safe haven for him to relax in away from the stress of mainstream. Unfortunately, it has turned into a nightmare for him because there is a lad there who is continually tormenting and taunting him. :crying:

 

Are the staff aware of what is going on at the time, and if they are what are the staff doing when this is happening? They cannot ignore it, nor can they blame Jay for reacting to it - any child would react to being bullied. He has every right to object to being bullied. What's more they must react to it.

 

It's so difficult. Obviously, this lad is there because he needs to be as well, but it just isn't fair on poor Jay. He is terrified of this lad and doesn't want to go back to the Unit. He was even glad he had a maths lesson today so he could get away from him. :unsure: He feels nervous and on edge all day long and he doesn't feel like anyone cares.

 

It may be difficult because the other child concerned has issues but, that does not allow them to ignore it. All children have the right to an education free from the fear of being bullied or harrassed (in fact that is a part of the UN convention on the rights of the child). Having been made aware of this the school must react to it.

 

The helpers keep down-playing it and making out to him that he is over-reacting and even telling HIM off if he gets cross with the constant annoyance from this lad and it is wearing him down so much, he just can't take anymore. He broke down totally this afternoon and doesn't want to go back there, and I can't blame him. I feel like they're not doing enough to protect him from this kid or not taking his feelings seriously!! :crying::crying::crying:

 

~ Mel ~

 

Of course he seems to be over-reacting, that, is a big part of ASDs, not being able to express your emotions in the 'normal' way. They ought to know this! As all other approaches seem to have failed I would sugest a complaint, in writing, is made to the chair of governors. Ask them to investigate what is going on. Get hold of a copy of the schools bullying policy first and on every point they are failing on stick it in the letter...pull them up on it point by point by point. Give them a set amount of time to respond - a week is good - and make it clear that in the meantime you expect Jay, as a vulnerable child, to be closely watched and the other child to be prevented from bullying him. Jay is a victim here and therefore needs protecting not blaming!

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oxgirl   

Thanks very much for your replies, pumpkinpie, Canopus and Phasmid,

 

The Head of the Unit bumped into me on Friday and said he was sorry about what was happening and they were doing their best to make things better. The trouble is, in the meantime, It's Jay that is suffering. One of the main things is that this lad keeps running up behind Jay and shouting 'BOO!' very loudly at him. It's making him a nervous wreck and now he feels anxious and that he has to keep looking over his shoulder, anticipating attacks! The helpers tell the lad off, half-heartedly, it seems to me, 'D, don't do that', but the trouble is by then he's done it, hasn't he and the effect on Jay has already happened.

 

I get the feeling that the Unit feel like I am over-reacting to this as well as Jay is and that I'm making a fuss about nothing. But it is having serious consequences on my child's emotional wellbeing, he's anxious and fretting and tearful, saying he doesn't want to go in and that he's frightened! The teacher said to me she thought he could cope, but he shouldn't have to, should he!! :crying:

 

Thanks again for your support, guys. We're hoping to see an improvement next week or we will be continuing to complain.

 

~ Mel ~

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phasmid   

You are going to have to get tough on this...the unit is letting this other student terrorise Jay. What sanctions are being used to deter this other boys behaviour...any? They must be seen to be supporting Jay as much as the other child. Jay has the right to go to school and be free from this type of behaviour. Your being given excuse after excuse after excuse. They are simply not facing up to the problem, this other child is being allowed to ruin Jay's education. How long until he flatly refuses to attend a unit that is supposed to be a specialist environment for him? What do they intend to do then. Sorry Oxgirl but in your position a letter of complaint would be going in first thing tomorrow! They have no right to blame Jay, they have no right to expect him to cope! They have no right to allow this to carry on!!!

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Bard   

One of the main things is that this lad keeps running up behind Jay and shouting 'BOO!' very loudly at him. It's making him a nervous wreck and now he feels anxious and that he has to keep looking over his shoulder, anticipating attacks!

 

Well, let me add my bit as the parent of an able AS boy in mainstream, Y7.

In the Autumn term. when this happened to my boy, he belted the child in question.

Then he stormed off shouting, hitting bins, bags or children that got in his way.

He found a corner to calm down, and then a teacher caught up with him.

This happened on three occasions. He was given a 3 day 'leave of absence' the first time, then he was internally excluded and had to work in the Deputy's office for a day. The third time, he spent 2 days working in the Learning Support Unit.

During that time, the school worked extremely hard to develop strategies, give B a place to go if he felt stressed, worked on informing all the teachers about how to handle incidents, set up rules for G, and a pass card so he could head to the LDC if things were going wrong. The Senco has been fantastic. He's now got a named individual member of staff who is on call and mentoring B to help him cope.

 

This school is mainstream, as I said, and has more than 1500 pupils.

 

How much better should Jay be treated in a unit that is supposed to be full of ASD trained teachers and support workers?

Why should he be marginalised and neglected because his behaviour is not a danger to others?

My boy's reaction to things he finds upsetting is aggression, and he has been lucky with his school.

It is unbelievable that you are going to have to be as aggressive and proactive as you can be,in order to get a better education for your child.

No child can learn if they are afraid.

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