Flora

I love that word 'nippy' and the many different ways it's used in Scotland. I remember seeing a friend at the HV clinic after Ben was born, we'd both had babies at the same time. To say I was surprised at the size of her baby was an understatement.... he had a head like a huge boulder and shoulders like a Japanese wrestler. I said to her... 'my goodness, that must have taken some effort to get out' she said 'aye, it was wee bit nippy'.... Made me laugh anyway! Floz

That's great bid. Congratulations Flo' XXX

Hi Chris, I don't think anyone here said the bully shouldn't be punished. I think this boy should be disciplined. However, for many kids it's enough to know the consequences of negative behaviour to prevent the behaviour; but with some kids, and some people on this forum will relate to this with their own kids, they need immediate help with controlling their own behaviour because for one reason or another they don't have an inbuilt ability to control it themselves (no matter what consequences they've been warned about). I think this particular lad falls into that category and that's why I was concerned that other things had been put in place to help him control his actions and at the same time protect other kids from them, before he was written off entirely. I wouldn't condone for one minute that someone who'd been caught bullying should be patted on the head and excused because of their background. In saying that though, I have no idea what the answer is, because it's far easier for schools and LEA's to either ingnore the bullying, or to expell the bully, and we all know that due to resources etc they invariably always take the easy way out (especially if they haven't got the parents on board). For my own part, if schools are going to take the easy way out, I'd rather they erred on the side of caution and expelled a bully than pussy footed around and effectively ignored the distress of the victims, but that doesn't make it right. Flora

Just to be sure have you combed through the hair with a nit comb? The reason I ask is that Bill had this problem a few years back and I kept checking his hair for 'visitors' and couldn't see anything, bought various shampoos etc to treat scalp conditions etc none of which got rid of the problem. One night I decided to comb through with a nit comb just to be absolutely sure, and he had several colonies that had made themselves right at home So maybe you already have, but if not, I would definitely recommend trying with conditioner and a nit comb just to make sure. Flora

There's a theory about some people and junior management/supervisory positions..... they get a bit 'lost in their own importance' (that's a very very very polite way of putting it and took me a few minutes to come up with )...... I'm not sure who coined the phrase and the theorythat goes with it (it might have been me but I don't think so) but it's called 'Important bottom syndrome'. Basically men putting on a suit and suddenly feeling all important. And if you ever look at someone who fits that description they really do have 'important bottoms'.... OR rather they THINK they do. Flora

baddad, this was what I was worried about when I said this : I know quite a bit about this lads history and I feel very ambivalent about him.... ie... heartily sorry for him but also seeing what a little toad he is. He really does need help but if it's been offered and he isn't getting it, then it's his parent's who are blocking it because in their eyes he's a 'little smasher', not because they are overly protective and nurturing, but to acknowledge that he's heading for trouble would mean they would have to stir themselves and put some effort in. Flora

good luck with this Nicky Typical of the South, to pinch a Northern tradition and make it their own Floz XX

Hiya That must have been a horrible experience Kathryn's advice is spot on. I think some of kids, because they've been so well prepared by everyone involved, do make huge efforts to cope and quite often they 'hide' the lack of coping because they feel guilty (this is what happened with my son for a couple of months at secondary school). Eventually they can't deal with internalising those feelings and reach a crisis point. Let us know how you get on. Flora <'>

I spoke to the other boys mum this morning (the one who was being stopped from getting off the bus), she knocked on my door at 8.30am because her son had told her about the incident. She hadn't rang the school because she said it wasn't as bad as some of the things this boy had done, although she has complained many times before over worse incidents. She was very grateful I'd rang. She told me this lad wasn't only on final warnings for the bus, but if he puts a toe out of line within school he's going to be permanently excluded. She too said don't feel bad, because he's made her son's (and others) lives a misery when they were all in year 7! I don't feel so bad now! Flora

That about sums it up Pearl! Just one of those situations that you want to sort out, but feel bad about the other kid. Have to say if it had been Ben he was bullying I wouldn't feel sympathetic. Makes you wonder though how much the school do beyond imposing sanctions. One more incident and this kid is going to be banned from the bus so hopefully if that's the case then they are going to look further into why! If they've met the parents (which they must've done) they'll know 'why' immediately, but something more should be done to find a way of reaching this kid before he gets beyond the stage of being helped. Flo'

Jsmum <'> Hope things have settled down now Going away sounds like a good idea to me. A few days, to recharge before the tribunal Flo' X

hev, that sounds fab I hope he doesn't want to practice in your garden though Flozza XXXX

Tally <'> You should go and work where I'm going! I'm going in a week today so they can do a proper risk assessment (not for them for me ) to make sure that they can adjust things to help me. The guy I spoke to today was really helpful and supportive; he said he wants to makes sure they get it right so that I don't go through a confidence crisis and end up leaving like I did years ago. Flo'

I'm reading 'Surprised'.... by Omar Gosh Flo'

Good luck with the move SG. You'll need the week off anyway to get unpacked and then plenty of sleep.... moving is exhausting! Flo'

I know cat. And my main thoughts and concerns were if it isn't dealt with quickly that Ben (who's got off to a great start with the transition etc) would develop fear/anxiety around getting the bus. I haven't pushed for any support for him because he really would hate to be singled out and appear different, but I also know that he can get very negative and wobbly about things if they keep going awry. He's making great strides towards independence and I don't want silly incidents on the bus to interfere with his confidence with that. I suppose I do feel a bit sorry for this other boy though I know he has a horrible home life and that is at the root of his behaviour; it doesn't excuse it though, and it also doesn't help the other kids who are collateral damage to his own problems. Flo'

I haven't had time to post about this incident which happened yesterday. I can see the bus stop where the school bus drops Ben off if I stick my head out of the front door (after opening it first of course !!!). Yesterday at about the time the bus is due in I looked out and saw the bus was there and that all the kids were getting off. I left the door ajar for Ben and went back inside. About 4 minutes went past and I thought he must be dawdling (the bust stop is barely a 2 minute walk, probably much less) and I looked back outside and couldn't see any kids at all in the street and Ben hadn't arrived home. My heart went cold and I ran into the house to get my mobile phone and to get into the car to see if I could find him. I was looking for the school number to see if they could tell me if he'd been on the bus and really starting to panic. Just as I was starting to pull away from the house in the car he appeared around the corner coming from the opposite direction of the bus stop. Apparently there was a boy on the bus stopping another boy from coming down the stairs and he made Ben and another boy who were trying to come down the stairs behind them miss the stop. Ben said it wasn't 'in fun', that this boy was bullying the other boy and jumped off the bus at the last minute making the bullied boy and Ben and his friend miss their stop and they had to be dropped off outside the village on a main road I thought about it for a while and decided to ring the school because quite honestly it's unacceptable behaviour on a school bus not just for the boy who was being bullied (poor kid, I know him and he has always had a hard time) and particularly when it was only the second day of getting the bus for Ben and one of the other boys who missed the stop. They rang me back this morning and the student manager who I was talking to was absolutely furious. I wanted her to take steps (have words) to make sure it doesn't happen again, but she said this particular boy is now on his last warning (apparently multiple incidents since he started at the school a year ago). If there are any more incidents after this one involving him he's not going to be allowed to use the school bus (not sure how that will work!!!). I'm kind of torn about this. On the one hand I was cross about what happened partly because Ben not appearing off the bus gave me a big fright (I've taken a leap of faith in sending him to the school with no support because he wouldn't like it... he hates to be different and is really trying to assert his independence) and I really just wanted to make sure there weren't repetitive incidents (he could handle one or two, but I think he'll quickly get wobbly about going on the bus if things kept happening), but now I've effectively taken away this lads penultimate chance over an incident which, in the greater scheme of things, wasn't the worst thing that could happen. I have no idea if the lad who was being bullied would tell his mum or not. He's a year 8 lad and while I know he gets some stick (from things Ben used to tell me when this lad was still at primary school) but he's also quite a robust character so could probably handle it. Should I have let this one go in the hope that it was a one off? Flo'

Karen <'> Hope it's not as tough as you expect it to be, quite often looking back on things is worse than actually living them, and maybe your memory of going through the process the first time is worse than this time turns out to feel IYKWIM. I hope you get some definitive answers as to what is going on with Ben. Even with all the knowledge and experience shared and gleened on the forum it doesn't make the events that we experience day to day any easier at all. Good luck over the next few weeks. I will look out for your updates. Flo' XXXXXXX

I know how disappointing this can feel. Experience has taught me that what ever time scale someone gives for 'getting back to me' to double it. If they get back to you within the time scale they gave it's always a pleasant surprise, if they are a little bit late it's better than you allowed yourself to expect... if they haven't got back to you by the end of the doubled time scale then it is perfectly reasonable to make an absolute nuisance of yourself. Flora

I've never seen it smiley but my dd watched it and she was not that impressed. Have you seen 'The Inbetweeners'? Very very funny sit com about a bunch of 6th form boys. It had me and dd in stitches. Flo'

I wonder how many of us haven't done this? I've almost lost count.... wrong term start (early), wrong term start (late ), forgetting to move clock forward an hour, forgetting to move it back an hour.... Forgetting that I HAD moved the clock back an hour and moving it back another hour the next day....that was fun Flo'

Bill thinks Ross is hillarious and laughs 'at' his awkwardness and childishness (oh the irony ) Flo'

Sounds like he is a devotee of the 80's Habitat monstrosities Flora

I'm lost for words Floz xxx

Bill loves to watch episodes of 'Friends'. We have every episode on dvd. I think it's an excellent show for exploring and learning about may different emotions; they cover everything - friendship, dating, dating warfare, lust/sex , stupid mistakes, faux pas, triumphs, heart break, just about every aspect of socialising comes into it. And because of the drama and exageration of each situation it is easy to differentiate one emotion from another and also how they overlap. Also some of the characters go through agonising self doubt and extremely awkward social scenarios which people with AS (as well as just about anybody else) can particularly relate to. Every incident covers both sides of the story and shows how misunderstandings can easily occur. This is all done with an underlying integrity within most of the characters (which programmes like East enders and corrie etc seem to be horribly lacking in). Just my opinion of course and others might think Friends is too unrealistic a set up for it to be of any use. Others might also hate the show, but we all love it Flo'