Stephanie

I can manage it with my son, he is ok ... but not in places like carpet shops, electrical shops etc ... and you can to a degree understand why, they are pretty dull at the best of times. I remember going shopping with my parents for things like that, I just used to find a space in a corner and lie down until they were done. Memories of my Mum trawling through dresses at the Rackhams sale springs to mind, lordy it was dull for a kid to have to endure. I feel more guilt at letting my other son down (19 months) ... he wants to do everything and can be somewhat limited by whether his brother is having a good or bad day. He needs to live a full life, and I make every effort to let him do what he wants to do, but it can be difficult. I guess that is where we have more troubles with not being a "normal" family. We have had to cut a couple of nice days out short because my oldest son has reacted to the environment that we are in, and it is a real shame that our toddler has to miss out.

Remember that NT kids can do this too (my sister once stuck a fork into my brothers forehead ... he retaliated by sticking the garden fork through her foot!) Social stories are good, if he can't read you can just tell him the story and ask him questions to ascertain if he "gets it". One of the most important things I have learned is to tell my austistic child what to do rather than not what to do. It is a bit tricky sometimes as your natural reaction is to say "stop doing that" instead of "leave your brother alone, he is crying because you have hurt him and it was wrong for you to hit him" etc etc. Your poor wee little fella in plaster ... I hope he gets better soon!

Told you he would be on to the next fad .. he's back on to being fanatical about the Red Hot Chili Peppers again ... I can live with that, we all share a like for them .. unlike the colour blue! Kids!

Ok I have found a Doctor who will do a single measles jab for my 19 month old. I have an appointment for the end of the month. What should/shouldn't I be looking for??? Should I write down the name of the vaccine, ask to see the vial, ask about mercury etc etc? I just want to make sure he gets the right vaccination, I have heard some docs just slip them the MMR anyway and that terrifies me. I am leaving the mumps and rubella jabs for now.

He's totally gone off it now ... see, told you it would be another one of his phases! On to the next one then ....

Sorry I missed the point there ... what I meant to say was use it as a tool to build on what language is already there and as a way to get the speech back (with or without the gesturing). Maybe monitor it over a period of time. You normally find these things just happen in phases. Hope the chat comes back!

You tried the PECS systems, using visuals etc? Obviously these can be used as two way communication. I think if you always use the words when you point to the pictures it helps. I think my problem when my son was smaller and wouldn't talk to communicate was that I gave up talking myself as I couldn't see the point. In hindsight, we must have had days where we hardly actually spoke to each other at all. He went to a Playschool Language Cluster which was fantastic .... and really all they did was to strip the language back into the most basic form and use a bit of Makaton, I was astounded by the results.

I have also used those waterproof tablecloth things as undersheets. Also the fitted waterproof matress protectors are useful for middle of the night changes. You just pull them up at the corners with all the sheets on top etc (so it's like a hammock etc), chuck it in the bath in a bundle. Remake the bed, and then go back to sleep ... ready for the morning when the washing machine awaits!

I heard from a lady I know with an AS son who said she got her son to make friends via computer games .. that way they can discuss games, what level they are on etc, and visit each others houses to play games. Although I am sure there isn't too much talking going on when they are playing!

Me again. You seem so expressive through text ... if the communication is the biggest part of the problem, maybe it's time for you to send another e mail? I know sometimes they are seen as the cowards way out but you can add attachments and they stay on file and can be referred back to. Maybe send one after the team build exercise (if appropriate) to say how you found it ... stick to the positives though!

Why do ASD children often relate to adults better than children of their own age? I noticed my son's very different behaviour with children at a party yesterday (invading their personal space, talking nonsense to them etc, some aggressive behaviour) which I haven't seen before. I think some of it was stimming behaviour due to the environment. When he is with adults or older children (12+), he relates a lot better, talking appropriately, no aggression, completely different. What's it all about, can anyone tell me?

Have you noticed how many people have read this thread? Human curiosity!

You can make small allowances for the fact your child has an ASD but it shouldn't mean you should let them run riot and get away with murder. They need to be told when they are out of line and clear boundaries need to be set.

Hi! To what extent do they actually know about AS. They know you have it, but do they actually know what it is and the problems it causes you? If they do know, who told them .... yourself or was it through literature etc? I guess this is one of those occasions where you may have to 'pretend' again (albeit through gritted teeth), rather than appear obstinate? Would this be a good opportunity to try and explain more to your colleagues what AS is and how it affects you and your team on a daily basis? Good luck, I hope it turns out to be not as bad as you expect.

Quick - jump on this bandwagon before it leaves town ... I sent an email to Equazen asking them if I could have a sample of the new Eye Q Chews (they are cheaper than the Smooths, my son has been on Eye Q Smooth for a year). They sent me out a whole 60 chew bottle worth ?9.00 by Recorded Delivery with a load of brochures and information on their other products. I think it is www.equazen.com - I got a reply from a lady called Charlene.

Ours is all about planning in advance ... get the "things to do with kids" books out and write a list of what we want to do ... split between paid activities and free activities per week. Then we write them on the wipe board calendar - "picnic at the park", "visit Grandma", "go to London Zoo", "Tesco's","play at home" etc etc. That way, he is less stressed because he knows what is happening way in advance. If we have to change the dates around due to weather etc, he is ok with that as long as I change it on the wipe board accordingly. It helps to avoid that "what shall we do?" scenario and gets us up and dressed early - otherwise we would all be in our PJ's until lunchtime watching Playhouse Disney! My eldest gets tired in the afternoons so we always try to get an earlyish start so we can get back for my toddlers nap time and so he can spend some time on his beloved computer.

My husband has a colleague over from the US with him at work this week, and he is staying in a swanky London hotel ... all he is doing is moaning about the lack of air conditioning we have in this country - none in hotels, on trains etc etc. I guess he just thinks the weather in London is always like this - pah!

Time

We stopped our son having his on his fourth birthday - we just kind of worked up to it and he accepted it. He had already dwindled it down to just having it at night by that point anyway. My dentist said as long as they stop before their second teeth come through, there is usually no damage done. I personally am very pro-dummies, I know some people aren't. You could start making some rules up with it "just for bed or when he's poorly" or you could go down the sticker chart route or reward chart route. I have heard of other methods like changing to a dummy with a different shaped teat which will feel strange in his mouth. My Mum used to dip my brothers in marmite because he hated it!!! Cruel. My youngest who is 18 months is mad for his dummy ... he seems to stash them all over the house and as soon as you take one out, he has found another and put it back in.

My son is the same age as yours, he is unaware of his differences and is quite happy - loves school etc etc. I feel he doesn't yet need to know about his ASD - what would he gain from knowing at this point? To be told that he is different at this age may have a negative impact. I am going to wait until he is older and starts asking questions.

I can just about cope with the weather. What I can't cope with is the guy next door but one, who complains when its too hot, complains when its too cold ... he spends all winter waiting for the summer to come and then moans about it when it arrives. ... and why do old people moan about how hot it is, as they stand there in a sweltering post office, with fur lined boots and 3 overcoats and a pair of mittens on??

Mine is social in terms of eye contact, normal gait etc, looks like any other kid apart from when he is stressed and has a few stims. However if you ask him something you will get probably a "yes" or "no thanks" kind of answer and you find him difficult to talk to ... sometimes he could be seen as being aloof but he certainly isn't in his own world kind of thing. I can still get away with putting it down to his age and just rolling my eyes and saying "kids" or something, but not for much longer. At home with us he is totally different really, you couldnt find a more chatty child, he is always yabbering away and wants company constantly, loves playing with his brother and wrestling with his Dad. He loves people, but he cannot socialise properly with other children "they think I am an annoying idiot" (he is only 5), children will come up to him in a playground and talk to him and he just does not know how to respond most of the time (they are usually older than him because he looks older than he is).

I thought it was my sons not wanting to tell me what happened at school today ... rather than his short term memory. "What did you do at school today?" .... "I can't remember" ...... "did you eat all your lunch?" .... "Mummy can I go on my computer now?" ... and then I just roll my eyes and give in!!! Ha ha. A lot of kids do it, ASD or not ... I can remember hating my parents asking me when I was a kid, somehow I detached school from home. It has made me think though, I will look out for his short term memory v his long term.

My son lost 2 of his 3 races, he came second from last on the last race ... but only because one of the other boys plimsolls fell off. He wasn't sad to have lost, he just felt sad because everyone had winners stickers and he didn't have one. He just didn't understand it all, and I could see him ticking away with the stress of it all ... luckily the teacher had him on her knee. I had a couple of stray tears going on under my sunglasses. Stupid really because every race has to have a loser, and he was by no means the worst loser if you catch my drift. I remember hating sports day as a child, I think I was probably last in most races ... it seems just to make the esteem of the good athletes even higher. Still, I bigged him up and told him how proud I was .. and that he has special powers that the other kids don't have and to me he will always be a winner ... and he will.

Ah, so it's untrue, I thought as much. And this woman was so adamant - Aspergers look like this, Autistics look like that, Fragile X look like this blah blah. What a silly uninformed old moo. I will let her know next time I see her that she needs to do more research. I didn't think much to her anyway as she kept referring to ASD as mental retardation ... obviously there is an argument for that but as a parent of a bright, lovable little character, I don't want to hear it put in such terms ... talk to the hand lady! I was getting a bit paranoid thinking "oh no everyone can tell by looking at him" .... so thanks for your replies!!!