Jannih

I found it. It might give you a few ideas. http://aspergerwomenassociation.com/fashion.html

A pair of smart trousers and and a loose,"floaty" top made with a luxurious material. Jeans and T shirts are a real no-no for a wedding. I remember seeing on the internet, some fashion styles by a Dutch designer who specialised in designing clothes for ASD girls/women. I thought they were really lovely. I will see if I can find the link and post it on here.

If there are no adult assessment clinics for autism in your region, then you could ask to be referred to the Maudsely Hospital. They are the only hospital which will take referrals outside their region. In other words, they are national referral unit. You will have to referred by a local psychiatrist, which can be arranged by your GP. Then you have to wait for funding to be arranged, or not. I'm at that stage myself.

Pop down to the CAB, as the overpayment is obviously a DWP error. Take the letter with you, as I have seen some letters where the the person who is claiming,is invited, to pay back the overpayment. Note that I say "invited". It could be worded differently, but that's what's implied. The chances are that if in a few years time, you become eligible for benefits again, the deductions might be done then. I come across people who took out a crisis loan in eg, 2001 and then 9 years later when they return to make a claim for benefits, they get a letter re. deductions. Often they don't have a clue what its about, but after some investigating, it applies to a loan that was never repaid. However this is not a loan, this is an office error. So don't just go ahead and pay it back without a fight. If you have to give the money back, then complete a complaints form and/or complain to your MP. It's not right that vulnerable people should have to pay for officialdom's mistakes and suffer hardship as a result. The benefits system is so complex that you are not to know that you have been given too much. All the best.

Lovely news. Glad to hear it.

I think it's really good that both of you are taking these risks, especially AJ. It can't be easy for him, being away from mum, putting up with strange food etc. Even a NT child would find it difficult. Make the most of your well-earned rest.

I was helping my new foster cat, from the Cinnamon Trust, settle in. His name is Sidney and he is staying with me for a fortnight. He was hiding under the sofa and coming out only when he was offered a prawn.

I would have thought someone ie. NAS, would have organised the equivalent of a "Mother and Toddlers group." Somewhere to take the kids,or teenagers and adults, leaving the mums to chat amongst themselves or go somwhere nearby for a meal, walk in the park etc.

I've been lost in the system twice since I first saw my GP requesting an assessment. The Maudsley removed me from their waiting list on one occasion because my GP did not respond to a letter and now I've been told they have not responded to another letter re.funding. At this rate and in view of the economic climate, I might have to go private !

Hi Mystery Bowler and welcome. There are few people who post on here that have had a late diagnosis. Maybe they will share there experiences with you. I'm 56years old and going for an assessment/ diagnosis at the Maudsley. I'm just waiting for the NHS funding to be agreed. How do you feel now you have been diagnosed? Is it a load off your mind or do you feel angry?

What is Grateley House and what are they celebrating ?

It seems that your mum may have run out of resources and feels powerless to help. That's probably why she says nothing or just smiles when you try to speak to her about your autism. Although I don't know much about your personal situation, I do know that parents are fobbed off by the professionanls who are supposed to help and offer guidance, especially if their child does not exhibit behaviours that causes disturbance to others. She may have felt overawed by those in authority and did not know how to push through for the help that was required for you. The other thing to consider is that a lot of parents, somehow think they might be to blame for their children's condition. Even though it is proven that this is not the case, some will go into denial that there is a problem at all. My mum was in denial about my sister. It was in the 1960s that the primary school head mistress told my mum that little sister needed a psychiatrist as she was disturbing thev rest of the class with her hyperactive behaviour. If the Head Mistress had said nothing, I don't think my mum would have done anything. It was obvious to everyone she had a problem, and when someone suggested a support group for the parents of "mentally handicapped" children, my mum felt grossly insulted and said their was nothing at all wrong with little sister. I think she felt that it was a reflection of her as a parent, hence the denial. Try not to blame your mum, she also needs support. There is no such thing as a good mother but there are good enough mothers. She could have done far worse by you eg. hit you back, neglected you, place you in care and not bought you any clothes at all !

The best person to ask is your mum, as she was the one who said it. You could say," by the way mum, "I wasn't out for the count this morning", but what did you mean by saying, " look at it" If she gets flustered or embarrassed then it might be a deroggatory term. It might also be typical of the sort of banter that goes on in families and might have been motivated by humour alone. I might say the same thing about my sister,who won't go to bed but chooses to sleep/sprawl across the sofa without ever going to bed ! This behaviour is very antisocial because every time she turns she lets out these grunts and we as a family have to listen to it esp. my elderly dad who is there all the time and can't really get away from it. Regarding the exclusion from the cinema outing. Let them know that you overheard it. Say" I overheard you saying that you were going to the cinema, can I come ?" If they are not happy about it ask them why and ask them to be honest, but be prepared for an upsetting answer. It might be that you have some behaviour pattern that they might tolerate at home but would find embarrassing amongst people who don't kinow you too well and who might not understand your condition. Using my sister as an example. When we go out to eat, we find her table manners to be appalling. She talks with her mouth wide open, makes slurpy noises and gets curry all over her face. No exaggeration ! We try and place her where no other diners will see her but we are not always successful as she sometimes insists in sitting in a certain chair. She will also dominate the conversation, will insist she is right and will interrupt constantly. These behaviours can be very wearing at times. What I am trying to say here, is that there might be a similar problem. If you know what the problem is you should then try and take there feelings into consideration by changing, as you may go on to be continually excluded. Living in the real world there has to be give and take, regardless of disability. I am not saying that we should all behave like NT people but there comes a point where our behaviour does impact on others. I don't care how often my sister takes a bath/shower but I do care if I have to put up with an unpleasant smell. I hope you you can see where I am coming from. I might sound hard but it's what I feel is my honest opinion and I hope you get this problem resolved as soon as possible and enjoy a quality life with your family.

I can't see what the problem is, even if we were talking about Asians. It's a sad day when we can't have a serious, intelligent discussion without being afraid of being politically incorrect. I was a nurse for a number of years and generally speaking the ethnic groups had a greater sense of "family responsibility" than the British who were more than likely to put there loved ones in a home if they needed care. That is a generalisation and I am not saying that all Brits want to dump their grannies ASAP, but hopefully you can see what I mean ! My sister was married to a Jewish guy for a number of years and another thing she observed was," that they looked after their own" and they did it well. Most parents regardless of ethnicity / religion might be initially shocked that their child is diagnosed with an ASD,but knuckle under when that shock wheres off. After all it's their child.

As Lynden says, we are all indiduals and we are different in the same that neurotypical girls are. I have been quite fortunate as I work and I own my own house. I have always wanted to be independent and my parents couldn't understand it, when I left home as soon as I could. I was eighteen at the time. It was an obssession of mine to have my own place which I could call my home. I saved up for years until I got the deposit for a small flat at the age of 36. Since then I've moved yup the property ladder. I live alone. My main problems are around social issues. II'm often considered to be aloof. I have difficulties in initiating and maintaining a conversation. I got round that one by finding friends who talk a lot ! However, I have lost close friends over the years through them misunderstanding me. That makes me feel sad. I sometimes feel I should get out more and developv a better social life but I have a tendency to be passive. I am often accused of not working as part of a team as I get anxious and have to finish any job I have started. I will only help others when I have completed the task in hand. on a positive note, one could also say that this is conscientiousness or tenacity ! Because of the job I do, which involves dealing with people who can sometimes be deemed as vulnerable, disadvantaged etc. I have had to learn tact and diplomacy and I must say, I think I am pretty good at it. However I do manage to upset the occasional person, because I can be quite challenging- and some don't like it. I am ofen accused of selective hearing. The trouble is, I don't deliberately think that I will listen to one thing and not the other, it just happens, and often I miss out on chunks of someones conversation. Whereby they think I don't value what is being said. Zoning out is another issue. All said and done, I just manage to keep my head above water, although I am prone to depression.

I'm glad you feel positive about your diagnosis. They say, " the truth sets you free." Have you outed yourself with colleagues at work ? I haven't had my assessment yet, but if it was such, that I was diagnosed with an ASD, how would I go about sharing this with people at work, who I feel might not take ASD seriously. There is a part of me that even feels that it would work to my disadvantage. As this is the area where I experience most of my difficulties, I feel that I would be in a no win situation. If you have outed yourself at work, could you share some of your experiences and tips etc.

Re: the DLA, they should enclose a leaflet telling you how to appeal. A lot of DLA applications are turned down at the first hurdle, so make sure you appeal. Do it as quickly as possible as it has to be done within a certain amount of time. If they tell you that you are out of time, try telling them that their were no instructions provided in how to appeal and that you didn't know you could. However, I have a feeling that the info would have been provided in the letter you received. I might be wrong though.

Ask other people, i.e. family and friends to help and provide you with examples.

I have a similar extrovert side to me. I can get up and sing in front of a load of strangers but I have such difficulty making small talk. So instead of someone thinking that I am just shy, have difficulties etc. they see me as aloof, "stuckup" or just plain antisocial. Another way I compensate for my shortcomings, is by being approachable and helpful to people. At work the less experienced colleagues tend to come to me for help, advice etc. Without that, my working relationships would have been much worse., I think.

Was you GP unable to find a local psychiatrist or was it that he was unable to find one who had sufficient knowledge of ASD. If you are seeing a psychiatrist to be assessed, then it might be a good idea to contact the NAS for a list of consultants in your area, who who would have the relevant background in autistic disorders, before you part with your money.

The large ears can be associated with Fragile X . A number of people with ASD have the fragile X gene and there are a list of physical characteristics which go with this condition.

For some reason, people on benefits and tax credits, seem to get them in May. So anytime now, hopefully.

Done !!

Hi Blood Heart I agree with Zenemu. You seem to have a number of autistic traits but need to go for an assessment. Don't let your age put you off. I'm just in the process of getting a referral and I'm coming up to 57 this year. Have you already had experience of going through the mental health system with the OCD, social anxiety etc. or have you just coped with life and got on with it, albeit with great difficulty ? If you are already seeing a psychiatrist, maybe you could discuss this with him/her. Take a print-out of your list to your GP. It does help to have it written down. It is possible that your GP might want to hear it in your own words, as they can then see how you function without your script in front of you, and that can be very telling ! You will still have your script to refer to. How do you view your GP? Drawing from my experience, my one was competent and thorough and sympathetic and so there was a degree of trust in place when I went to see her. If you feel that your GP will fob you off, you could ask to see another in the practice. Failing that, you can always ask for a 2nd opinion. Zenemu said, "The only questions that your GP may have, is what you wish to gain from a diagnosis" Another question they might ask is, "why now, why not 2 years ago, or 5 years ago ?" Have you considered what you would do once you have the diagnosis. Would it make your life better or worse and in which way. Everything has a downside- so its important to give careful consideration.