justine1

This is interesting and its good that science has come so far.I do not think its likely they would give an unborn or even newborn dx of something like autism because you wont know how the child will develop one way or another,even severly autistic child may be a high achiever in some way,one never knows. On the other hand like cerebal palsy,sevrly autistic kids can have problems walking,communicating,need to be fed, be in nappies etc.this will be a problem for a parent who knows they wont cope in that situation.I myself know I wouldnt cope.What happens if the parents are told there is a 70% chance their child will be autistic?Will they abort the foetus,or take that 30% chance its to hard to consider.My sister in law had an amnio when pregnant with my nephew,the scan revealed he was 65% likely to have downs amnio came back clear but she bled afterwards and could have lost her son and its likely to be their only child due to age and other factors.So this is hard to answer really.I think if you plan on having a baby you should be prepared for anything,an ill child,healthy child etc that way you wont be "caught out"It is those who dont plan to have children that will find themselves in a more difficult situation.I originally planned to have six kids,but with my marriage breaking down and all my energy spent on the four boys I have esp.Sam (AS)I couldnt bring another child into the world as much as I would love to.I am sure in the future people will be able to test their partners genes for autism before having kids,then what?What if thats your soulmate and you deeply in love do you throw it away cause of a test?

Hi thank you all so much for your reply's,since this post my sons behaviour got worse and he was excluded for two days(I have a post on this situation,meant to read May attend school half day but made error says Mat instead of May!)My son seriously hurt his brother last night as well which he doesnt normally do,his younger brother had smacked him first but he decided to beat him over the head with a toy.He really didnt seem to understand how serious the situation was even when his brother went to A&E. To Puffin:You are right I do find my son has difficulty expressing himself and at school it is worse becasue he is reluctant even AFRAID to tell the teachers when he has a problem.The school have given him an area to calm down but its right near the classroom and is not quiet enough.At the moment they still get my eldest to calm him down. To Sally44:No he hasnt a diagnosis has had one assesment chasing up for second appt now.Just got off the phone with special needs helper who goes to the school on Mondays she wants to get a Autism Advisory teacher in but said she cant do anything until he has a dignosis so have called the paed centre they will get back to me,school said they will also contact them if there is still a delay.I am not sure if I will keep him at this school yet,the school is lovely but I may need to move as I am starting Uni in Sept 2010 and I dont drive,there is an autism specific school where we will move to so may try get him there,after he has his statement.But I love my house and other kids in fact even Sam are happy here. To baddad:I do know how the other parents feel,my eldest son has been bullied many times in the past (not at this school)and even racially assulted.Sam himself has been bullied and hurt many times(at this school) so I totally get why they angry.But I would never tell someone how to raise their own child,even if it was seen as advice,unless they ask for advice who am I to give it?Also I think her frusration/anger should be directed at the school.Yes there is little the school can do but they must be able to do something at the moment they do nothing,just tell him its wrong without explaining why.I did reward system at home before but I think he was to little to understand he just ripped everything.I really like the token idea it really is great.The problem I have is he doesnt have anything valuable,in the way of console,and as I am a single parent I cant restict the tv watching cause I rely on that when I bath,cook etc. tried other things to keep him occupied this doesnt work,however,I have started saying if he doesnt harm anyone he can have a Ben 10 magazine(which he loves) I dont buy it normally cause its expensive,but I think by having the tokens its more visual and he is able to keep track of his progree,rather than me just saying you cant have a treat cause he did wrong,so thanks for that sounds perfect. I know it may seem that I am leaving it up to the school but I am most definatley not,I have four boys,he is the only one who is aggressive,though they all argue and fight which is normal,so again I know its not my parenting.I have really started talking more about his behaviour and after repeating many times I think he is getting there,but I will continue repeating it all.He had a good day last Mon before being excluded and last fri after exclusion,and the head said he has been great today,so there is no doubt he can do it.Thank you all so very much.

Last year,two weeks before christmas I got all kids gifts half price(except one or two but even they were 25% off)So I am waiting for this again this year.I have always noticed(since 2004) they do reduce toys two/three days before christmas,but by then most have brought their gifts or the toy you want is sold out.Not feeling festive yet.Last yr my ex stayed over for christmas,even though we were not together,it was easier for the kids and for me to have extra pair of hands.This yr he has said he doesnt want to come,but will think about it,my brother has invited us to his place but not sure cause with Sam's AS I worry things will get out of hand,Dan (3) is also started "acting up" when my family is around.Because they live a good 15 min drive away I cant just walk home if things get bad!!!!So not sure yet what will happen on the day.I am going to buy all the food the same week 21st and if we dont eat it christmas will keep for new year.

Thank you everyone.Your input is so helpful.

Congratulations great news I can imagine how pleased you are,I hope my Sam can achieve this,after his exclusion he did have a great day yesterday which is good A whole week would be amazing So pleased for both of you

I have not started shopping.I know I will probably run out of time,but its happened before.I managed to get each of my boys one gift for christmas day and then got the rest at the sales.This worked out better because I could get them more and they could chose what they wanted (within reason of course) It may take away the magic but the thing is I am single mum of four so money is tight anyway.Also I am going to my brothers house for christmas so they will get loads of gifts from extended family.there will be loads to keep them busy on the day.

Hi I have the same situation:Have six yr old with AS and my 3 yr old seems he may also be on the spectrum.However 3 yr old Dan has some similarities with other kids on the spectrum rather than being exactly like Sam.He has more obvious speech problems,Sam does not.He does make eye contact but again Sam does not.I do find Dan is far more hyper than Sam was at this age,he is all over the place and he only sleeps at 10pm(on average)Like Sam,Dan has major issues with food again I feel its worse in Dan.He also hates wearing socks!!!Both of them run about when we out pretending they are cars and Dan sings one song over and over for two-three days at a time.He also stands in front of the telly constantly so nobody can watch,Sam didnt do that.So,I did think at first its all copied but now I am beginning to see that Dan has got something,maybe not AS but somewhere on the spectrum.Dan seems more "out of control" at home than preschool and Sam is opposite!My brother said about two months ago that he is 100% sure there is something because Dan is just all over and does not listen at ALL!I think I will take him to the GP I am just reluctant as I am having such a hard time with Sam,school mostly,to now go to assesments etc for Dan is going to cause even more stress,but best I know now than to wait.The other difference is Sam has attachment to me and Dan has attachment to his dad,Dan eats better and seems happier with his dad when I left his dad last yr thought he was going to die,he cried constantly,no consoling him and he refused to it he lived on cocopops for three months I would say seek advice now with all this red tape etc to get statements for school best to get everything done before he starts full time ed.

Just found more info on internal exclusion.It states that it is not a legal form of exclusion and therefore no requirement for schools to follow guidance.The internal room is usually supervised by a senior staff member but not always the case.It does state that because of staffing,money is an issue to fund an internal exclusion room.

Hi and welcome to the forum.I am in the process of getting a diagnosis for my six yr old,he has had one assesment and the paeditrition is certain its aspergers ahe reported lack of eye contact no social interaction and communication problem (misprenounces words and doesnt understand questions at times.)He does well at school but has been excluded recently temporary due to being aggressive.At home he is fine he has three brother and they do rough about like any other boys their age,he does whine and cry alot more than others his age and he does break toys draw on walls etc.I still love him to bits.I think it is better not to tell anyone of your concerns rather wait until you have at least seen a paeditrician for assesment and see from there.I just have heard of stories where they may have thought its aspergers but its soemthing else or worse nothing!!I am not saying this will happen but best to keep quiet for now.Make sure you keep a diary of "odd"behaviour even if its something small it can be important,I thought my son was just a fussy eater but he isnt its sensory issues!I really think given you have a younger child you as a mum will know there is something my son and his younger brother have same age gap as your two and it was at the same age your are that I seeked help because I got to compare him to both his older and younger brother there was just something so very,very different.Good luck remember you will always get great help,support and advice here so pop in anytime!

Hi thank you all for your response.Thank you Karen.Yes this is correct they expect me to look after him,my brother who looks after kids at an after school club also was surprised and mentioned the CRB thing.I am not sure how they are documenting it,as far as exclusion goes I do strongly believe they are doing this all because I asked for them to get a statement so now they may be rushing to gather evidence???I dont know but just think it is suspecious that he was excluded for two days the very same day I mentioned the statement!I have decided to write to the LA requesting the assesment.Today,after I posted this on here I was called at 10.30am told to come collect him (again)after he jumped on a child,at 12pm,I agreed and got the teacher to give him work to take home.Then at 1.30 I recieved a message to say I should have brought him back!I was shocked this was not my understanding after all the teacher had given his bag and work to do at home????When I went to fetch my eldest the headteacher said I was supposed to bring him back I told her if I knew that I wouldnt have collected him,I do not drive and they know this he has an older brother at school so I would have had to walk (15min) 6 times!!!!She said when it happens again I can sit in school with him at lunchtime,I refused saying it is not fair on me or more importantly my two younger kids,she seemed annoyed about this.It is almost like they taking advantage as I am not working at the moment,how would they cope if I was???I am quite angry at the school.He hasnt got a diagnosis as yet he has seen a paeditrition and recieved a report stating he has social and communication problems,incl lack of eye contact,she wants to see him in Jan where a diagnosis will be made.He is 6 and he is in yr.2.He has an IEP,it has just been updated only has two things listed one is for him to sit still on the mat without annoying others the second is to not hurt anyone at playtime,all they doing is bringing him for lego play at break so he only gets short play outside he is allowed to take one friend with to play lego.They have said they will give him a cushion on the mat where he can sit,main problem now is he always wnats to be first on the mat.The IEP is on action plus.The head explained today that all incidents incl when he refuses to do something or hides under table is documented on a system where it can be retrieved by the Paeditrition,not sure what the system is though???Thanks again

Hi this question is aimed more at adults with Autism/AS/ASD but I welcome comments from everyone.I am doing a course on health and social care,at the moment I need to write an essay on "the social model of disability" I have to explore three websites and see how they are good at offering advice,support etc for the people its aimed at,how easy is it to navigate,and how would you change/improve the site to make it easier for the people using the site.Of course I am fortunate that (a) they chose NAS site and ( I have used the site myself.I do have to also think if there is anything that is in anyway discriminating and if the views are expressed just by "able bodied" NT or professionals,rather than getting the view from those with autism.I do hope you can all help me,it is not easy looking at the sight as an NT and trying to find the barriers and challenges AS/ASD people may have.Thank you.

Hi I went to see the headteacher today after my son was excluded for two days,she mentioned two options that we will consider if his behaviour continues to get worse,one is internal exclusion:where he will be put in a separate class for most of the time and mix with kids at playtime,but I will need to do this as there is nobody to take this responsibilty(this of course is out of the question as IU have two small kids they cant come into the school the whole day!)the second option is half day of school where he can finish at 12pm,which makes sense as 90% of the time he hurts kids after lunch time.I am happy with the second option but I wonder are the school not obligated to first try and get support for my son so that he can attend school fulltime?If they did this it would be more practical in the long run because I am going to Uni in Sept 2010 and therefore cant fetch him at 12.Dont really know what is going on?I have explained so many times to the head that I need to sort out a long term solution for me and for him.Maybe in the end I will have to defer my uni place till 2011 which I will hate because already put it off for 3yrs.

Hi sorry you having a bad time at the moment. I felt like this a week or two ago lasted about 8 days but after coming on here and talking to my mum(who I only talk to every four months cause she is abroad) I felt much better.So I am sure you will feel better soon.I do know what you mean about grieving for the child in a way,I do sometimes feel the same,but I have four boys one is AS the other three not and my eldest (NT) is really intelligent,lovely natured easy going boy and always think he is going to be great and successful whatever he does but we can never tell what this life will bring my Sam (AS) may be even more successful then his older brother.All I ever pray is that I can be there for all my kids whether they have disability or not,to be there when they happy or sad.I will do my best to raise them and hope they will be responsible adults.I dont think I worry much about if he will marry or if he will go to parties,your son is two yrs younger but he has at least been to two parties Sams been to one when he was at nursery!I think I just take each day step by step,I have so many other things to worry about dont have time to think of the future really!I think reading posts from adults on here with a dx of AS and seeing that although they have struggled they seem to be doing alright,nobodys life can be perfect and straightworward all kids will have problems at some point in their lives,all we can do as parents is love and support them as best as we can.I really hope you feel better soon <'> <'> <'>

Hi and welcome,I dont know whether to laugh or cry,because your mum sounds just like me!My six yr old has AS and I strongly suspect I do.I have always lied since I was achild I cant help myself.When I was little I lied about stupid things like I told people I had a younger sibling and when they asked where this sibling was I used to say she's at a relatives.In my teenage yrs I lied to school friends that I had older friends from outside school,I gave them names ages even addresses(I was 12)I kept this up for two yrs!!!As an adult I have learnt to control my lies a bit more and it is usually,to me,to protect myself.My eldest son (NT)is now confused about lies because I lied alot up until 3yrs ago but as he is nine he can remember the lies,I think this has helped me change.I also think I am a cow!I do seem moody and get angry alot,with silly things but never with my kids,but they see me getting angry with the PC or dog poo on the pavement and I dont want them to be angry at society like I am!I also used to be hypochondriac,I have four kids now so I dont have time to be sick let alone pretend to be sick,but I did do this for about 10yrs maybe longer.I was a poorly child,have heart problem and asthma,often got bronchitis and spent months in hospital,so I got lots of attention,so in between when I was sick I would convince myself I was ill and at 13 medically I was fit and have been since then but still used to stay off school loads and convince my mum I was "dying"Sorry I am going on and on but I just thought I would share my thoughts.Good luck with everything and welcome to the forum!

This is wrong!I dont know your whole situation,if your ex had a restraining order hence why your were barred from contacting him there must have been very good evidence to do this as harressment is not taken lightly.I do understand that the child sent the text etc. Here is the problem,I have had dealings with the police and unless you were at your ex's home(which you werent),then they could have just explained why you were being arrested giving you time to explain,again from the police point of view harrassment is serious,I am sure you have heard in the news how poilce dont take it seriously and women end up murderd.The one thing I can say is I think if you had commited the act which is what the police thought at the time then regardless of a disability they have a duty to arrest you to protect your ex,sorry I know that seems harsh given the outcome of your situation but thats reality.There are two things you can speak to a solicitor about:one is if you felt mistreated in any way when in police custody,after you were able to explain you have aspergers were you asked if you needed help. The second thing would be the fact that you were left to get home alone,they should have driven you back home,called someone to fetch you or called a cab(I dont know about the money side of the last one though ie who exactly would pay.)Sorry I cant recommend a solicitor.Also not sure as you mentioned2007,if that is when this happened I dont really think you will have a case.I wanted to take an employer to a tribunal as I was pregnant at the time wanted to wait till after baby came but told these things have to be done in 6 months,and most courts work the same,maybe 6-12 mths,but I do think you should speak to a lawyer,you may need proof about what you are claiming so you have to think if that will be possible.

I would not recommend citizens advice beureau,though it seems others have recommended better options for you anyway,they are not helpful,very slow and often you have to wait an hour in the waiting area.All the info they find for you is online anyway so it basically means you can do it yourself.I used to use them alot for various issues and felt I got nowhere,it was before I had internet access.So I strongly advice you to take the other suggestions.Shelter is excellent,but sometimes they send you to the local council anyway so I would go there for the housing issue,but I do think you should speak to your Uni first obviousley they not going to just kick you out they need to help you even if its just making calls on your behalf.

Hi thank you all so very much for the advice.Although the headteacher is reluctant to do a statement process she has heard what I have said and said she will get the ball rolling,but I will keep checking if she has not done it by december I will just request it myself.The reason for hitting the girl was they were playing a game and the boy who started the game had not given "permission" for the girl to play she just joined in so this annoyed him.He has apologised and she seems alright gave her a big cuddle to,a little awkward for him but he didnt complain.He was more concerned as I went to fetch him at luchtime and he wanted to see the school diner Anyway,I will check about the incidents record book make sure everything will be included.I do think it wont be long before he is permanantly excluded he has got away with so much already to be honest.Last week he pulled a girls hair(amoungst other things)reason was she was getting her bag first and he wanted to be first.The headteacher said today she could tell he was getting aggrevated in assembly and "expected" something was going to happen so informed the TA to keep a close eye on him then 10min later the incident occured,I said why couldnt she get him to cool down first,she had no reply.Thank you all again great to have this support.

Hi My son (6) has been excluded today after puching a girl in the eye I am dissapointed him of course even more so because she lives nearby and visits our home on a regular basis and her mum is really nice,unlike most other mums!Anyway before all this happened I told the headteacher that it doesnt seem they are doing enough to help him because he is hurting kids everyday sometimes the WHOLE day,I mentioned that I plan to move nextsummer and would like to try get him a statement she was really against it saying its very unlikely this will happen,she said she has had kids worse than him and that two had been refused,one got there in the end after three attempts and that it took 18mths in total(with two refusals)I am not worried really but it doesnt help me if she is not positive or supportive.I also asked about help his getting which is nothing at the moment,they have sent a request to Camhs for help but headteacher said this help will only be "teaching" the school techniques on how to manage his behaviour,so now actual support.Is this normal?and should I wait before requesting a statement?Any advice appreciated.

Hi my son Sam is the same loves putting out the rules,does this calmly at home bit gets very upset about rule breaking by others at school,we used to think its cute when he was little,but now he gets aggresive over rules at school so it is a problem.He also does not realise those rules apply to him.He also think the pavements in the UK belong to him if people walk behind us he gets so upset because he thinks they following us home!!!

I had same problem at catholic school.My eldest son(NT) had been bullied on and off for two years because it was a girl who was harming him I was not taken seriously,then in yr2 there was a mother who was very jealous of my son her son and mine were both top of the class so she didnt like that,she made many false accusations against my son,then one day my son had enough and punched another boy in the mouth (I knew this was wrong and was very dissapointed in him)immediatley they said they want to expel him,I said while I am not excusing his behaviour I have told the school so many times he is being bullied she claimed she knew nothing about it.Around the same time my AS son Sam had been in reception for 6 months again they never mentioned anything odd about him I think they just thought he was taking long to settle into school.I changed their school and after two months they mention there is a problem but they never made any referral that was left to me and I did this through the GP.Anyway I do think you need to go back to the paed who saw your child and explain the situation if this is not possible your GP will have all the info from the paed anyway.Is she going for furthur assesment to get a diagnosis?You dont need the school on your side to continue with that,maybe their attitude will change when they see it in black and white.Let me tell you,it is a battle with paed,ed phs,teachers headteachers,senco,its a wonder how we find time for the kids we are fighting to help

Hi I have the same problem I in fact can remember things better if someone talks/lectures me about the topic,I hate reading,the words seem to jump all over and lose my place.I am studying at the moment to and I just use lots of different highlighters to highlight important facts,I probably take longer than the average person but I get there in the end.I also love mind maps again using lots of different coloured pens,I associate each colour with a fact.I also come back to add things if I remember something I have read this can be out of the blue when I am washing dishes,walking etc.If I dont have a pen nearby I store it on my phone.I also read things aloud when I dont understand feel it helps more.The thing is everyone learns in different ways AS or not I dont know if there are any organisations which can help with this sure someone else can help.Good luck with your work.

Why not buy something for the whole family,that is if you have not already brought for the adults.It can be expensive buying individual presents.Even something simple like a tin of chocs or biscuits will be appreciated by all.

Sorry this is not helpful,tried rational calm talking does not work!!!!I give all my time going to see and speak to the school but there is only so much I can do he is not in my care when he is at school.They have a reward system in place and it works probably one day out of five.I also have recetly started social stories with my son.His school doesnt have social lessons with TA and dont think they will be able to as it seems they are streached when it comes to staff.Thanks anyway.

Hi thanks for reply,you are right in that there are always reasons as to why he has hurt other kids,not that I am excusing it,but at home I am able to remove him from the situation if he gets upset,at school they dont seem to be doing much and ofetn say it was done for "no reason"but he always tells me what has annoyed him he never tells the teacher these things so he looks bad.I have had three meetings with the headteacher who is also SENco,they reassure me encourage me to bring him in cause he often does not want to go to school,but I can honestly say from where I am sitting does not look like they doing much.He goes for another assesment at a centre soon,but again there is no communication between the school and the assesment place,the Paeditricians have requested info from the school three times and when the report had been delayed the school moaned at me to call them which I did a week later the report came in the post,so its not them its the school who is at fault.I dont really get angry prefer just to listen and then walk away,but today I just coud not help it,I mean what exactly do they expect me to do?I have explained to some of the mums but they all seem so ignorant thinking my son is now the school bully and because I was in a refuge last yr people are judging me think I am useless mum.

Today I have reached boiling point and really dont know where to turn.Everday since the start of school year,Sept,my son has hurt someone at school,I get so annoyed over it because I never know what to do other than to explain,or get him to explain what he has done.This week I gave the teacher a diary where she can write what is going on,got the idea from here so thanks for that!Yesterday his teacher explained that he had pushed a boy,and this boy's name comes up nearly everyday,so I really feel bad that this is happening.The mum of the boy spoke to me this morning,which is the second time in two months,about Sams behaviour towards my son asking "what am I going to do about it" she treated me as though I am a bad mum and suggested I should remove his toys as punnishment,she also made an annoying statement "dont know why he does it your children seem happy"what????Anyway after school the teachercalled me and another girls mum over and told her mum that Sam had pulled her hair she then turned to Sam and said "say sorry to ? and you see her mum here she is not happy" the mum then went on to explain that Sam had kicked her yesterday in the leg and "beatings" happen constantly.The mum left and I exploded shouting at the teacher saying how could she make my son feel intimidated in that way,am I wrong?I also went on to say that he is not even happy at school,and I am trying to get him the help he needs,I told her about the other mum and she was saying "I can see you upset come inside" I refused because it seems the only way they will listen is if I shout and get angry.