stressedmumto2

I think you need to get some help ASAP as others have stated, what a horrible situation for you and your son. But it sounds to me like he really needs some help. Everybody's advice is spot on and there is not much I can add to it but I just wanted to give you some hugs <'> <'> <'> A sad thing happened a few years ago and a youngster, friend of my bro and sister took his life, please get some help now, I know your son doesn't want you to tell anyone and that is probably quite normal of adults/children who self-harm or have tried to commit suicide but he obviosuly has a lot going through his mind which he needs to be able to talk about. CAHMS would be a good idea as I am sure they would make something like this a priority. Take care, thinking of you <'> <'> <'>

Wow this is such fantastic news well done to you and your daughter. Good luck with the transition <'>

Carerra, it's amazing just what school's can put in place to save the Local Authority money. In my son's school the Local Authority put in place SaLT 2 sessions a week when originally they said he never needed it, they put Occupational Therapy in place again something they initally said he didn't need and they made a sensory room plus an outside area which was initally meant to be just for him for his sensory needs, to say this school has put everything in place is an understatement but the provision at times still doesn't work and he's not accessing the curriculum, but I also have to add this is mostly due to his difficulties and that he gets a sensory over-load from the enviroment which at times can be unsettled. His school is an EBD. The Local Authority will probably write the reply from the head or they may even get one of their legal bod's to do it if they think they could end up tribunal (we've had this). When my son was first expected to go to his EBD school I questioned the head about provision, staffing levels, teacher training, restraints, how they manage situations, if there are children there who are on the spectrum, how many, staffing turnover as our children do not cope well with change..the list was endless. They did respond but there were some lies in it. It's so unhelpful that schools are forced into accepting children whom they think they will not be able to manage and I think the local authority's hope that parents will give up the fight because of costing and not having support, when you think about it we are trying to do it by ourselfs but they have a whole team preparing different reports, seeing the child and the money for it doesn't come out of anyone's pocket but the budget, where as when we do it we we are doing it on our own. Whatever you do from now make sure all meetings are minuted, and you keep records of all e-mails, letters and telephone conversations as this may be used as evidence if it does go to tribunal. Just want to send you a hug and hope eveything goes ok for you. <'>

Wow fantastic news I hope he does really well

Hi J's mum, just wanted to say I hope everything works out for you and J, sending hugs <'> <'>

Hi J's mum, you are in a very difficlut situation and I really don't know what I would do, as you know before my tribunal was looming I chose not to try the school the Local Authority were suggesting for my son, it was an EBD school and I lost my case and he had to go there. I have heard from one professional in particular who has said to me that parents have completly refused to send their child to a school which they feel can't meet their child's needs and this is what has won them places in special schools, but they have had to proove why it is not the right enviroment and I have also heard it from other professionals who say that tribunals are only happy when everything has been tried and failed. My son will also still at times refuse to attend school and school will not use physical force to get him inside and it is very hard to manage. I just wanted to send you a hug <'>

That is very sad, it's my daughters birthday tomorrow and she would be so upset if the family forgot her birthday, my family can be a bit forgetfull but I remind them as for her dad's family they never forget, lol A bit belated but can you give your son some Birthday hugs from me <'> <'> <'> and some of these for you <'> <'> <'> it must be so hard for you to deal with this.

Hi Sarah, your daughter sounds very much like my son at that age who was dx with adhd at pre-school and then was medicated which did help to some extent, he was able to then sit and at times and be calm. It's taken a few years of still not understanding his behaviours to get the ASD dx and to be told he also has sensory dysfunction and I wonder if this may be the case with your daughter. If you can get the book "out of synch child" (look for it on e-bay) it has lots of information or just do a google search on sensory dysfunction, many children with ASD have sensory difficulties which can excaberate behavioural problems, such as the typical adhd sign of running around, never being able to sit still can actually be because they need the movement, a child who may hum or whistle or scream alot when in supermarkets may be trying to block out the other noises as they can hear background noise alot louder than what we can. Just a thought but when you go into the supermarket with her would she wear earmuffs or listen to some music or story tape with headphones on as this will block out all the other noises and also giving her a distractor like a fidget toy to play with. I'm not all that good at explaining it as i'm new to understanding it myself but you should definatly ask for an occupational therapist to do an assessment as there are so many things that can help which they can advise you on, my son has to do a sensory diet which school also have to implement to kepp him at just the right level and it seems to be working although school do not always follow it as son refuses to do it sometimes!! Have you considered making a part of your home into a small room or even safe space for your daughter, somewhere that is really calming, quiet where she could go when she is tantruming, maybe if she has a big room making a corner of it into a quiet place where you could put a bean bag, a bag of fidget toys that she can pull, squish and squeeze. One thing that has really helped my son is having a weighted blanket because the even weight puts pressure on his whole body which then helps to calm him, sometimes his weighted blanket come on car jourenys with us before we have to attend appointments and it works a treat. Massage can be very calming for my son who sometimes hates touch but does like a massage, lol. As you described the way you held your daughter I used to do that with my son and sometimes it would work but it doesn't know he's older. I think whilst this method works you should probably continue to do it if she is really out of control as it probably made her feel safe again I really do not think that these children like being out of control in that way so you hugging her will make her feel safe, I should also add though that when I used to do it with my son alot of the time he would still be out of control and would try to scratch me, bite me and pull my hair so be careful for that and your health visitor would be able to advise you on ways to hold her and keep both of you safe but so that it's a reassuring hold and doesn't become a battle of wills!! I know it's really hard but your daughter has been dx quite young so I think you will be able to push for assessments and hopefully not have to wait too long, my son was labelled naughty and difficult but it's getting to know him and understand him which has helped the most and having the assessments done has helped the school and other professionals to have a greater understanding of his needs. Good luck and lots of these <'> <'> <'> keep posting as we will try our best to offer advice it is so difficult when you have a challenging child <'> <'>

I would of also though that the agency would have some kind of insurance which would cover the cost of it. My son displays very challenging behaviour at times and this has now given me some thought as to what would happen if he were to damage a carers car. Hope you get something sorted at the CAB tomorrow <'>

Glad you had a nice time away <'>

Shame your break has needed to be delayed but sounds like you had a nice break in the IOW with a lovely break by yourself coming up, enjoy it <'>

Hi j's mum, think I may have heard of your holiday place once before!! hope you and Jay both have a fab time away and really enjoy the break, take care <'>

Hi Mumble, I know where you are coming from and I think as BD has pointed out if these people are very trustworthy then maybe you can learn some of these backward way things from them!! However I can see it from another point of view, a couple of weeks ago my son had an argument with a friend and this kid told my son some very nasty things would happen to us and our home by his parents, it took me to take my son to the parents home for them to explain to my son that nothing would happen for him to eventually believe it. Now that I found very very nasty and I am sure the boy in question would of known that my son would take it literally and would be scared but you just can't be sure with a child and adult I would say definatly know's the different. Try not to let the incident upset you too much <'>

Hi J's mum I really don't know what to advise you. I think if you think it will be detrimental to your son's health then I wouldn't be prepared to send him, however if you tried it and the provision failed i.e. school refusal then it would show that the provison isn't right so could make your argument for a special school stronger. However on the other side the LA could say that it is meting his needs, put everything in place immediatly for it to meet his needs so that when you go to tribunal they say things are working. This is the problem I am at now, son is in special school and they have said they are meeting his needs, his behaviour in some areas has improved but the provision is still not working 100% as some days he still refuses to attend and other days is excluded, however school awarded him the most improved child for last term. I know that when I go back to SENDIST this will be part of their evidence to say they are meeting his needs. If I knew my son was going to attend school daily and behaviour improve I would stop my fight as he is at last enjoying school most days but some of the behaviour hasn't changed at all and he's at times still not getting the therpay he needs. It's so difficult to know what to do, on the days my son refuses to attend school my sol has advised me not to take him in as it's the LA responsibility because when we went to the first tribunal the LA said with other agencies they would have him attending school etc etc but I still find it my responsibility to take him in and get all the backlash myself because I know that if that's the school he has to attend then it will lay with me to get him there and back (have to add though my LA have not been one bit bothered by his refusal to attend some days and just see it as one of those things). I think what ever you do make sure you keep a diary of everything and ask the school to do the same. The head of my son's school has said so many times to me I do not pick the children that come here, we are forced to have them, this spells it out to me that schools are forced by LA's to have children that even they know sometimes they just can't meet the needs, it also makes you wonder how much other underhand stuff goes on behind the scene. I wish you luck with whatever you decide as I know it's not an easy job <'> <'>

I think you need to do what others have suggested and be honest with how much stress it causes you but just state that you have a problem understanding accents. I too have a huge problem with understanding accents and it leaves me to the point of total frustration as I either lose track of what they are saying or ask them to call me back another time in the hope that someone else will call me back and i've just done exactly that this morning. I just want to say I hope it all goes ok for you <'>

Same here too, my boyfriend suggetsed the other day that I get some sunglasses so that I can pretend I am looking even when i'm not as both my two keep on for full attention, inclusding me giving full eye contact when I am watching something they are doing.

Fantastic news, well done to all of you for fighting. I hope your child will be very happy <'> <'>

I would have to say supervision is dependant on the individual. My son is 10 in a few weeks and is allowed to have alot of freedom. but there are many factors relating to this which is too much for me to go into without taking over this thread!!! I know of many 13, 10, 8 and even 6 year old children who go out unsupervised in our street, with parents thinking that the older children will take care of the littler ones, which isn't right but does happen. I think it's very unfortunate that the younger child sustained an injury but where were his/her parents also?? to be there talking to the older child and suggesting that perhaps he shouldn't push so high and actually stopping it. I live in a area where there are alot of children some with difficulties some without and alot of the children may do something similar to what the AS child has done, in many ways that's children in my opinion and especially more so of boys. I think the parenst of AS child need to seek out some legal advice because I think it is wrong that the other parents want to sue, would they be trying to sue if it were a child without AS having done this?? Children especially boys of that age from what I have seen and remember of my own two brothers and there army of friends do act impulsivly and do push swings very hard, it's part of the excitement for the child on the swing and the pusher and the crowds of other children watching. I think you need to get some advice, take care <'>

J's mum, as you are aware I went through similar situation to you, my son had an early dx of ADHD, then ODD and there was worry he could be developing Conduct Disorder it was only when my son completly started to school refuse that we asked for a second opinion out of Borough and went to Guys Hospital to be seen by the team there. That in itself was a nightmare as my son wouldn't work with them so they couldn't dx too although there report did say he was on the spectrum. We still had to fight the many professionals who indeed tried to twist what they had said in there reports when they was doing his statement. In the end I went down the private route of having him assessed more than anything so I knew what his difficluties were and even though this was expensive and still largely ignored by our LA I have a better understanding of his needs. It's only now because of all of the assessmnets that we are begining to understand him and at last school are taking on board some of his problems although they still don't get his fight or flight!!! which he's at that level alot. He now accesses speech therapy and although at first she couldn't work with him because of his refusal he will now engage and a pattern is emerging of a boy who does have real language delay, coupled by all the other problems which make him very complex. However when seen by the SaLT in primary they said he had no difficulties. I've found there are some professionals who are willing to help and understand and some who definatly aren't, it was interesting at a recent child in need meeting a youth worker who is attached to my son's school come to the meeting and explained to the room the reasons why he has such difficult times with swimming even though he loves it he still can't cope with the transitions and the recation on the workers face said it all, even now she still doesn't think he has those problems. Sorry this post has rambled on to be about my son but I think j's mum you need to ask for an assessment out of borough, what part of the country are you in? could you go to Guys hospital or Newcommen centre and be referred by your paed? State that your son needs another assessment. It is so hard parenting our children but it's so diffiuclt when you are dealing with professionals who just don't want to believe, even now we have many professionals who will not take into account our recent assessments. I really don't know what to say to help you but I think when a pattern emerges that a child is just displaying behavioural difficulties all the problems behind those difficulties are overlooked and they get the wrong dx, all you can do is keep plugging away at it. Hugs to you and J <'> <'>

Fantastic news we can never predict the future of our children can we, all we can do is hope for the best!! Well done to your son <'>

Keep pushing it. We've been told my son has severe sensory difficulties, he's had an OT assesment done now where they have put things into place and have been into his school to advise. He has lots of toothbrushes too as he dislikes the feel of them, i've tried every differenet type of paste and still haven't found one that works great. He wont wear trousers, jeans or combats and will only wear trackies with the lining inside, lol he is very hyper........with soft touch sometimes he will go mad especially if it's unexpected but he is always banging into things and throwing his body about, our trampoline has been a godsend for him!! Flora my son is like your's he will walk off school premises if someone is shrieking or the noise level is too high in class but he seems oblivious to how loud he can be. I hope you get somewhere with it, just keep battling, you know your child best <'>

My son is the same, he has got a bit better with age mind!! At the moment we have a king sized old matress, that's been folded in half (by son) that needs tipping in our landing in the hallway, just down a few steps form the top and that is being used as a mini trampoline. Both my children are bouning on it lots!! Could you set up a mini trampoline and one of them bar's that people at the gym use which go acroos the door frane which people can hang from, argos sell them, also big bean bags and gym balls for balance and stuff could be ideal. I think your child needs to do this and I used to always try and discourage my son from doing it but with him it also seemed like he needed the constant moving and climbing, when he was younger I was always taking him to mac d's as they had a ballpit which was free!!

This is really interesting, particulary at a time when I am thinking of allowing mine to earn pocket money, we've been discussing it the last week!! We have tried money rewards but it never really worked very well. My son is 9 and really into bmx and the bits for it are costly, like you wouldn't believe, so I have said he can earn �5 per week pocket money, we need to decide on jobs first though and my daughter whose 7 I have said �3, it will be interesting to see what she does with her's cos she's usually a saver but I expect it will go on a mag and hair bits. I never really buy my two much apart from b'days and x-mas, and they get occasional sweets when I feel like treating them, it doesn't help we have a shop two minutes away which I need to pop into alot, lol. My son has probably always got more than daughter cos his hobbys have always cost me, fishing and bmx'ing but I don't mind buying his fish bait for him as it gets him out, but his equipment bits he needs to save for or I buy as a treat for good behaviour or he gets it of family for b'day. I think the price of everything today is so much more expensive than when I was a kid and so we do have to dish out more pocket money unless we just buy the items for them, I would rather my son and daughter earnt it than had it handed to them on a plate, thy are lucky to be able to get alot more than what I did as a child and they have more opportunities, I just hope that they learn to manage money well <'>

Karen you have my sympathies. I'm too in that group and my son's excluded for the day today, exclusion doesn't work, my son's a school refuser and before I told him he was excluded he told me he wasn't going to school tomorrow, great eh!! At least you have the evidence they are finding it hard to meet your child's needs and this should give them the evidence/knowledge to put different things into place. My son's school's lame excuse for not doing an internal exclusion was they didn't have the staff. When son was in primary we had many illegal exclusion, now when the schoolcall to say he's excluded tomorrow or even on an internal I ask for a letter <'>

So sorry to hear this Jenrose like j's mum said they may have won this one but it's not the end of the battles and hopefully they know now you are strong enough to go through with it, it may keep them on their toes and they may do everything to try and meet your child's needs. Sending you hugs <'>