Bullet

My own personal feelings on this is that if he ever comes to you and says he thinks he might have Aspergers, is to be honest with him. Tell him you thought he has been displaying signs but that as he was coping so well you wanted the decision and the awareness to be his. Please don't do what my mum in particular did, which was to just say I was "shy" (whilst ignoring or not connecting all the other traits) and it was only until I voiced concerns about my own child that she admitted she had found me different and because she'd concluded I'd be fine did not feel the need to tell me. Now I'm left being as sure as I can be that I have Aspergers, but without a formal diagnosis being unable to say for definite.

With hindslight, there were signs with Ds1 from under a year, in that he never babbled and could go weeks without making any noises apart from glue ear. At the time we put it down to his glue ear, but the fact that he would listen to nursery rhymes and respond to some noises has suggested it wasn't as bad as we had thought. Enough to muffle the sounds perhaps, but not enough to block them out completely. He would never show excitement by waving his limbs about, in fact would never show excitement at all. As he got older he never pointed, or held things up for people to look at. If he was interested in something you would only know if you took the object away from him, or by noticing the length of time he played with it or looked at it. He would never "ask" for help. Now, at the age of two and a half he rarely makes eye contact, has heaps of echolalia but has said only about six spontaneous things in his life, has no pretend play and tends to focus on studying his toys. He won't look where you're pointing. You can't have a "conversation" with him, in that if you say something he won't answer or try and engage with you. He shows little expression unless he's really happy or really upset. He does not like mixing with other children though will be more receptive if there's just one child. He also showed no interest or awareness that there was anything different about his birthday or Christmas. Saying that though he will come and give you a hug and a kiss with his forehead. If he wants help with something and he can get hold of me he'll grab my hand and take me to what he wants and manipulate it. If I feign ignorance he'll demonstate with his hands. He likes looking at picture books and will grab my finger and use it to point to the pictures, but won't respond if I ask him a question and will move my hand away if I point to something myself.

I'm not surprised you're so frustrated.

I was bullied from the ages of about 12 to 16. Hated the ignorant cretins who did it. Now I feel nothing about them. I've moved on, am happily married with two children and genuine friends. I've got the knowledge that I never deliberately hurt anybody. The bullies have got the knowledge they were little sods.

I don't think you can ever truly grow out of an ASD, but you can learn and progress. I wish there had been the help available now (scant as it is in some cases it's far better than even fifteen years ago) that could have recognised the problems I had. As a toddler and young child my ASD symptoms were more obvious. Then I got to school and they seemed to lessen. Because I was being taught how to behave and was trying to fit in. But I still had terrible trouble communicating. The only time I became articulate was through my writing, most of the time I couldn't talk to people unless it was to answer a question or when I was at home. I can remember a teacher asking me if I was ok because I'd been crying and I couldn't tell him. I wasn't embarrassed, or frightened, I just wasn't able to open my mouth and say what was wrong. But if I could have written down what was the matter I'd have been able to. Something as simple as that, because I could talk and was doing well academically, was not picked up on. My symptoms didn't disappear, but I learnt what was expected to appear normal and became very good at putting on a mask at school which invariably slipped when I got home.

Could you sneak some almonds into his diet? Maybe grind them up and mix them into something he will eat. They're got quite a good protein content, as well as other minerals and I think vitamin E. You can also make a milk substitute from them apparently by mixing ground almonds with boiling water and then straining them. Medieval cooks used it as dairy milk was not reliable. I wouldn't say you could pass it off as a drink, but it could be used as a base for sauces.

Next time you see this woman, Daisy, go up to her, all happy and chatting and, in front of her children, casually drop in the conversation: "Do you remember when we were children and you used to bully me? You'd do this and that and the other." Keep a smile on your face as you do so. She'll do one of two things. She'll either find you after and ask genuinely if that was still upsetting you in which case you night be able to move on. Or, she'll try and laugh it off or deny it. In which case you can definitely start to ignore her.

The trouble with online iq tests is they often tend to concentrate on particular areas. With myself, I score very highly on iq tests involving definition of words, of logical sentences, of getting number sequences, of general trivia and basically anything involving words that allows me to try and think logically. But it's the complete opposite when it comes to things like spatial awareness, or how a piece of a puzzle needs to rotate to fit into a larger piece, or which is the correct mirror image. On those I score much lower. I like to avoid those tests

Keep on top of things. At the very least they should be highly embarassed now the police are involved.

Doh! I should have gone to that thread first. I had posted on it . My mum knew I was different but didn't want me assessed. She said she knew I'd be fine. Well, yes, I'm married and have two children. I can talk to people and even initiate the conversation if I know them well. But it's taken me thirty years to find a proper friend other than just someone I got on quite well with and that was only because I posted to her on the internet. She doesn't know what a struggle it is for me to talk to her face to face. Won't go into the other stuff because I don't feel ready to and I'd bore you all My dad wanted me assessed. A couple of paediatricians wanted me assessed.

Couldn't reply to SD's instant message, but thank you . It's just for my own piece of mind, because I've been hiding stuff for so long to the outside world. DH knows what I'm like and relatives know what I'm like and to the rest of the world (bar those on the internet) I'm probably seen as this quiet, weird woman .

I hate feeling like this . When I was a child there were so many things about me that nowadays would have got me assessed. But mum in particular didn't want me placed in a special school and labelled and singled out. Which I can understand (she told me recently she learnt to not compare me to other children but just to accept I was different). But now I'm left feeling totally confused. It's like hurting your leg and you don't know whether it's broken or sprained or just bruised until someone checks it over for you. But you do know it hurts. I can't see myself from somebody else's perspective, just my own. I know everybody displays traits but the number of traits I have is very high. How would I go about getting myself diagnosed? Because at least then I'd know if it was just me or if I did have a defined condition - whether it was Aspergers or something else.

It's difficult to say. With myself (who has never been diagnosed so I could be talking nonsense), yes, people did comment on things I said and did. My very fast talking, my handflapping, the way I could only speak to people through my mum (and still do this a little bit with my DH), my lack of social skills. But as far as I know no-one suggested high functioning autism (Aspergers wasn't categorised until I was 16). I'm actually going to try and look at my childhood records as I do now know a couple of paediatricians had made remarks about getting me assessed. As I've got older though I have learnt things. I know that if someone folds their arms they often don't want near contact (I didn't know that until I was 17) and I know what metaphors mean (although I still picture the literal interpretation in my mind). I can't make eye contact, but I can look at people's left shoulder. If I get stressed by too much noise and too many things I go very quiet and withdrawn, which as I'm not rocking or groaning makes people think everything's ok.

There might be a compromise. Could you see about either flexischooling, which is where he'd go into school perhaps for two days and you'd home ed him for the other three (that's if you're not working yourself)? You're legally entitled to do this and you could gradually build up his full school days. Or maybe you could speak to the nursery avout letting him go to there for the extra year for a couple of days and school for the other three.

Ds1 interacts with others exactly as he does with me and DH. Which is, he will not do eye contact. He often seems to be "zoned out". He does not check your reaction to something or look at you when he's seen something. He won't point things out. If he does want to communicate he uses hands as a tool and it's just to ask for help with things. Although saying that today I was trying to get him to respond to a question about his toy sheep and I asked him what it was and he grabbed my finger and moved it around the sheep's head. Which I'm thinking was his way of telling me about it

My honest reply is that that man (who wound your ds up) sounds like a complete ######. Did it make him feel important, having a go at a child like that?

I asked him and he said he didn't think I would have been able to cope with the camp trip, which is why he said "no". He hasn't said why he told me at the last minute and I doubt he even remembers why now. I do know that he was concerned about my social interaction, my responses to things and my talking quickly so it would fit in with him trying to provoke a stereotypically normal reaction from me with it. I don't think about it, it's just I'm trying to make sense of my childhood and the way I am now before taking the step of seeing if I can get myself assessed.

I would like opinions please on a theory I have regarding an aspect of my childhood. I have always found it very difficult to express myself, to sustain a conversation and to let people know how I was feeling. I did not make a proper friend until I was in my late twenties and that was because I "spoke" to her on the internet first. I mean, I've had people I've got on with, but always on the level of "work colleagues". Ok, here's my theory. When I was about eight I asked my parents if I could go on a Brownie camp trip. They said yes, no problems. About two hours before the coach was due to go I asked my dad if I should start packing. He then told me I was not going. There were no explanations, I had not misbehaved and had had no warning that I was aware of. I was devastated inside, but I did not display any emotion. It was as though I felt very detached and whilst I was upset I couldn't express it. I am wondering if my dad had deliberately used this way of telling me to see if he could get a reaction from me?

When I am thinking something, or when I'm saying something, or listening to someone else say someone, I see a picture in my mind very clearly of what the thought/conversation is. Is that what they mean? If so then I must be a visual thinker.

You could reinforce the idea that it doesn't matter whether he manages to acheive the thing, just as long as he tries to have a go. You could also tell him to try more slowly, to try it a different way and stress how you also sometimes have to give up on things and come back to them later.

I'm one of the ones that annoyingly talk about mild aspergers and I do so for two reasons. Firstly, because I find it very difficult to talk about my feelings and play them down a lot. Secondly, it's because I am looking at myself from the inside out. It's like asking someone who's been blind since birth what it feels like. It's so hard to describe, because it's part of them. And it's only when I really think about things that I realise how much of a crippling effect things have had on me. I've always known I struggle, but nobody told me it wasn't anything other than me being me. It wasn't until I reached adulthood that my mum saw fit to tell me that several people had suggested I be assessed and not until very recently I found out it was dsome paediatricians who suggested it. With my Ds1 (who is being assessed and monitored) I am looking at him from the outside and so can see things like his communication problems. But do you think that bothers him? Of course not. Because the way his mind works is all he knows. Edit - to give an example with myself. As a very young child (say three or four) I can remember people asking me to do something and knowing what they wanted and wanting to do it, but being unable to link the thoughts in my mind to doing the act. It was as though there were two separate parts of me, the mind part and the body part and they needed to link up to let me speak or do things and often they wpouldn't. But I never thought of it as a problem, but I bet my parents did.

MotherEve, I did think that ambiguity with the third as well. I went for the option I did because it seemed more logical. But I wasn't sure. I'm thirty and I had to work through those puzzles one step at a time. They certainly could have been worded more simply.

I suppose it depends on how you view it having a significant impact. With myself because no -one told me they had specific concerns and I had no way of knowing what other people were thinking, I thought I was normal. I've only recently found out that paediatricians had asked my mum if she wanted me assessed. But I do struggle. I can't keep a conversation going. I can talk about the impact of Christianity in the medieval world, but not why I'm unhappy. I miss meals because I've forgotten that I need to eat. I get upset because I think people have interrupted me and it's because I send off the wrong cues by pausing in odd places. I can post quite eloquently on the internet, but am often unable to speak to anyone for hours beyond a monosyllabic reply. Even when things are fine. The only ones I can talk to ok are my children and as they don't reply, that's probably why So yes, things have had a significant impact on my life (not mentioning everything, there's lots more). But to my way of thinking I've spent thirty years learning to cope with the way I am and it's only when I really think about it that I realise I'm not an NT.

Well that's good then

I am pretty sure I have mild Aspergers and it's several things with me. Not being able to talk to people. I want to, but I find it difficult to keep a conversation going. I never know when to join in and DH tells me I pause at odd places and overlabour points. I have no accent and flap my hands. I also find it difficult to talk about my feelings. I know what peer pressure is, but have no wish to be a part of it. I have a good imagination, but can't imagine being someone else. I also find it difficult to accept another point of view. I have very narrow interests and also need to keep to a routine. If things have to be changed I have to plan things carefully otherwise I get stressed. I used to take things a lot more literally, but not so much now. Although I do still get the literal picture of the metaphor in my head. Eg I know what "paint the town red" means, but I still think of a person painting some buildings with red paints.