Platefull of Love

I am so pleased they got on so well. I hope it continues to go so well & you have a calmer house to. its a shame you have to foot the bill, but as you have said it does seem woth it.

I had no phone calls all day . I came home late, so they were all waiting for me. Danny told me he had had a great day at school. He had been told how well he had done, in fact the best behaved in a few of his lessons. it just shows when given the chance he really is a great lad, its just a shame he doesn't always get the support he needs. I am so proud of how well he did today . I let him go fishing tonight, also took him to a fishing meeting later, so he was rewarded to

He is back at school. To be honest we are not so sure how long he will manage, but we shall see. He was late sorting all his stuff out, so we ended up a little late for the meeting. He locked the house up as i was sat in the car waiting. He then refused to give me the house keys, saying later. I did keep asking him right into getting to school, but he didn't I told him i needed them now as i may forget after. He didn't He kept refusing to sign the re-integration agreement, saying others get away with things, so its not fair. In the end he said he signed it for me as he knew i really needed him back at school. He kept pushing & pushing it, arguing about stuff, being extremely defiant. He couldn't find a pen, then the head gave him 1 & he said he wasn't using it as it was a cheap 1. I gave him 1, but he ended up dismantling a broken 1 & replacing it with another ink refill out of another broken pen.It even got to the point that the head had to leave the room for a min as he didn't want to lose his temper. ( he did manage to stay fairly calm ). I got home & as soon as I pulled on the drive I remembered the flipping keys, Yes Dan still had them . I had to go back to school for them. Dan was waiting with them for me. He made a few excuses which were just lies. I had to just walk off. I have told him ( & school ), I will be out at college this afternoon. Dan isn't very happy as he will have to wait for me to get home. I am glad to get home, but worried about how he will get on.

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I am disgusted at the school response to this. . Hope you lad is OK <'> . Its not right, he hadn't done anything wrong <'> <'> . I agree with the others, def. involve the police & take this as far as you go. It is not right that you have both had to go through this <'> <'>

he did go to his dads from 2ish yesterday till 7.30ish today, so at least i have managed to get a bit of a break. We rang his dad earlier to check the time, then Dan rang him to say he was busy, he wanted to sort some stuff out, so his dad said he would ring about tea time to see if they wanted to come. i had told Dan not to ring, i was so annoyed, i desperately needed this break. I rang his dad & said there was no way I was letting Dan dictate when etc. I said make it 2. make a routine & stick to it. Yes Dan did stress, but was OK when he realise he was going it was lovely to have some time with my youngest, there was still some mix left from the choc chip cookies Dan had made, so we made those. We also had a game of bingo, we did it even though Brendan was both the caller & a player . Brendan won to, prize was a biccy . I managed to relax earlier to as I knew I would not have to deal with stuff. Today i didn't make the most of it, but I really was so tired. Brendan was on his x-box, I had slept in anyway,( he did come in for a cuddle, but after a while realised i was tired so left me ) but ended up going back to bed again for another nap later. I had spent hours ( or it seemed like it ). researching code of practice etc & downloading & saving pages & pdf file of SEN & autism. Tonight after the eldest 2 came home we had a family game of bingo, i was the caller, it was nice, we did laugh though as eldest won ( all the 1 line, 2 lines & full house ). Dan stressed abit said not fair etc, but it turns out he was kind of right, it had only been a cheap game & the highest no. should of been 90. Turns out the little thing for the numbers only went up to 89 , I am sorry but I really had to laugh, Poor Dan had 90 on his card, so there was no way he could of won . Turns out Dan did see the funny side of it & we managed to get through it, it did really tickle me, Dan laughed to . we shall have to remember not to use any of the cards with 90 on in future I spent some time with Dan in his room & started to read him the aspergers & the universe book. he really identified with Kenneth Hall, so that was really good, we chatted to. I did have to shout at them tonight, but at least it was friendly chatting ( & tickling ), between Dan & my youngest, not the usual shouting & screaming for something wrong, the messing I can kind of live with, its great they can get on. ( poor Steven was trying to sleep on the bottom bunk ). Tomorrow we are back in school for 9am . Dan isn't sure whether he will sign of not, as I may of said before he is kind of right, he can't promise certain things, but he can try, we shall just have to see how it goes. I was shattered before, but woke up after a chat on the phone with my mum n dad, i ended up getting a nightcap ( & another 1 or 2 ), so i really should get to bed, esp. due to the meeting tomorrow. I forgot to say Yesterday Danny brushed his teeth. its something he normally refuses to do, but with a cheap battery toothbrush he did it, I am so proud of him. I really hope he can keep it up. I know we have a long way to go but as long as things can stay kinda calm we may be able to get through this. I still know we are close to crisis, but am starting to feel a little more positive tonight.

Edited below for speellings, so please delete this one.

I got this the other day. We started to read it tonight. I read it to Dan & he really identified himself, looks like 1 Dan will like & will help him realise he is not alone. I did try to read him some of the freaks geeks one, but he wasn't in the mood. Maybe we will go back to that 1 once this is finished. I have bought quite few books now from recomendations on here, its helping alot. I am also reading the book by his Mum to.

I should be hopefully getting it this week. I have had it on order a couple of weeks from Whsmiths ( they deliver free to whsmiths store if you want for free. Its showing as invoiced, so due to be dispatched immenently ( must now be in stock, did have 2-3 weeks at 1st, then has dropped down to a few days ). I don't have the old one, so can't really compare them though.

Thanks. I have signed. Have also posted it on a few other forums I go on ( not special needs ones, some others ).

This morn I went to wake them all up, woke Bren, but when I went to wake other 2 discovered Dan wasn't in his bed. I though oh my, Oh *&^$ to. I woke Steven up & he said he had seen him getting dressed in the middle of the night. I really though he had gone . I came downstairs & he was in the kitchen, Complete with school uniform on . He was weighing out his ingredients for cookery 1st lesson. he hadn't got the right recipe, so had gone online. I later said what lesson no. was it & he said 1st. i had to tell him as we weren't in till 10 it was to late, he couldn't do it . Even though time was tight we I said he could make them at home before we went, he did & then we went for the meeting. I did ask him if he had gone out in the middle of the night, he had but said it was dark & he came back as he knew i would of been upset. Turns out he only sat in the garden, he tolfd me he had been out for about an hour, I though he had gone to the next village, turn out he was only in the garden. Dan didn't end up in school today. We went for the re-integration meeting, but he refused to sign that he would not hit/use abusive language at all. He said he couldn't guarantee it. he gave to impression that he didn't care. It made me so sad. i was close to tears. I so wanted him to sign, but they wouldn't let him later as he didn't seem bothered. I spoke to the dep. head, again nearly in tears & said I couldn't cope. I had had enough etc. she has rang SS as we desperately need some respite care. He is breaking my heart. She said we needed to see the head, but he was teaching. he rang later & we are going in on monday at 9am.I just hope it goes ok. I called in SS & told them the same, Yes i also said what a wonderful lad he is to & that he needs support as its not all his fault as he See's things differently, but school isn't going well/home life as he keeps on pushing it. I know he loves me, but its just got to the stage where enough is enough. I try not to blame him, but it is so upsetting. he flared up a bit in town to after, I saw my SW ( he was out on the street, prob. on a lunch break ) & told him. Dan was refusing to come home with me, he had walked off, & been kicking my mobility scooter to. He did come with me, If went 1st to the car & he caught me up, he cried to my SW to, I think maybe now SS realise stuff. He has been fine since he came home. I asked them all to tidy some more of their rooms & put so0em clothes away & if they did that without arguing & shouting I would treat them told them not to disturb me as I needed a rest. They knew if they did that we were going to Blackpool for the fireworks championship, also the illuminations. They did it. Not saying they did loads to their room, but they were so good & had done some, its a miracle they didn't shout.,scream & fight. I got my sleep to. Yes we went out & we had a brilliant family time. They were all all good. The lads all appreciated it. i felt like crying when I got near to home, I was so close to breaking point then they go & get on, i love them so much, I wonder if we can get through this. i know deep down that if Dan keeps on flaring up I can't cope, yet when i goes well I feel sad for not coping when he does. I so much want us to be able to be like this, we do have some great family times. Dan was full of love, hugs etc. tonight, he really is a great lad, they all are. Somehow I just hope we can get through the tough times ( even if respite has to happen for a short time ).. I just wish I could cope when he can't, its also not fair on his brothers either, I love them all so much it hurts a lot to.

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When I had stopped my post poor steven burst into tears. He had totally had enough to, he also sugested himself going to his dads to get away from Dan. I did ring his dad. have been on the phone to him a few times tonight, he put the blame onto me, so we don't exactly get on. But I was desperate & at Dan has now stayed upstairs ( apart from when i rang his dad to chat to steven & was considering sending him over, but Dan appeared so Steven yelled somehting he shouldn't, result his dad wouldn't speak to him, he had a go at me as he had used that sort of language ( ste's language has got far to colourfull this last week, I won't put up with it ), he had a go at me, what was I going to do about it ect, rules there type of stuff, yes he swore to ( quite a few times ), luckily his woman came on the phone & I spoke to her at length to. I don't have a problem with her at all, somtimes she has would Dan up, but that is only through general stuff, but of course Dan holds it in there & then that plus other stuff builds up & I get it. As I said he is only there 1 night a week. i have hime the other 6/7 ( he doensn't go every weekend ).She seems to agree. She says she won't treat any of them any different ( she has a daughter a few months younger than Dan, not that its really relavent, but they are actually cousins, but only by her x husbands side, no relation with her & my x ), so rules have to stay the same for them all, weekends or not.Some I agree with, others I don't, all kids are different & although same type of rules, to treat them all the same isn't really as they all do better with some different treatment. So I think she was actually listening to me, she seemed to actually understand the stuff I was going through, we joked it was cos we were both women. So seems maybe I should talk more to her, yes of course she will stick up & back my x in some area's, but also has the womans understanding bit to ( sorry guys its nothing personal honest ). I feel better now haveing been able to let it all out, not only on here, but to somebody on his dads side, but with some understanding to. We had been split up long before they got together & knew her from knowing my x years ago as she was in the circle of friends/family on my x's side anyway, so its not as if she is a total stranger. I think the more I keep talking the better things will be. I think its taken a proper crisis for me to have to really readch iout & say enough is enough. I learnty today that SS are gouing to provide me witrh some respite vouchers as has opened up to my carers link, she chased it. I also have somebody in CC ( a CC version of PP ), so will have suport for all the educational stuff . I fo have alot of peple on my side its justr when it gets to much even that at the time seems not enough. I do feel alot better now. Steven, Dan & Bren are all fast asleep & I have actuially managed to get that drink. I am on my 2'nd large glass of apple snapps & put it this way its doing its job . Also being on here has made me realsie how not alone I am, I recopgnise so many of the posts, they could of been made by me about my son ect. Some of them beeping heck, I so know that feeling. Thanks alot for listening, I really really do appreciatte it, i <'> <'> xx

You know those time when they won't do as they are told, they mess about, refuse to do anything, won 't evene go to their room. now he has, but its shouting & screaming as him & eldest are argueing. I have just totally had enouigh. I just need a break . the nouise, the argueing, the threats of I won't be here when you get up, I will be gone. but not telling where stuff. I feel like a drink, but darn'ty incase i have to take him out. i can't take any more of this. younghest now shouting as he is trying to sleep in his room. eldest now down, he has had enough to. Before he even styarted argueing with eldest i was so close to either dropping him off at huis dads, or even social if they could help. I love him, yet at times he is just to much Better go, sort stuff out.

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I have now heard about another way that the LEA fund additional help. Its a new system & seems to now be prefered to a statemant for 2 reasons. 1 its alot cheaper ( it costs the LEA about �10,000 to provide each statement, that is just the piece of Paper, not any actual funding for aditional help 0, & 2 The panel meets every month, so funding & support can be put in place quicker.In our area it has only been in from last year (May? , can't remember the exact month ), so about 18 months old now. In my LEA it is called ESAP, short for Enhanced School Action Plus, the LEA has to provide the funding, its not out of the school budget. of course its not gauranteed, if I got it for Dan & moved out of the LEA I am in now we would lose it. So I am giong to try to get him assesed for a statement. I was shocked last week to hear the same as has already been said about the school SEN bvudget being linked to he amount of pupils on free school meals.

Thanks all. I am now attending a parents course on SEN, Statementing ect. It is run by the LEA through a parent carers group I attend. I have now been asigned a key worker to help me through it all. Everything really came to a head yesterday when School rang for Dan to be collected. TRhey had rang at 2.50, but he finishes school at 3.05 anyway. I was out, so had to go in in afterschool. I went in afterschool & they decided to exclude him. He has been Excluded for 2 days, so we are attending a re-intergration meeting on friday morning.Dan really flared up last night & as a result I am shattered. things got totally OTT. I ended up taking him to his dads I could not cope with him.It was all to much, was just glad that the main SEN lady rang me in the middle of it, so rang her back after, had also rang somebody else, it was all getting to much. There were 2 incedents in school yesterday ( the 2n'd happened after they had rang ).His behavior wasn't acce[ptable, but it does show he can't cope. (He had a flare up with a teacher & ended up calling her a Stupid ###### . Later on a lad outside the heads office wound him up & he punched him in the face. At least this is the 1st time he has really hit anyone in school. He crossed the line last night with me to . Its such a shame as he can be such a lovely lad. today he has worked really hard in the garden, moving rubbish, & clearing the side path. A couple of days ago he worked really hard on making a pine flat packed shoe cupboard for me, he also put up the security camera for me. The main meeting that should of been on monday with the ed pyhc, senco, myself & camhs, ended up being cancelled due to the ed physc being poorly. So hopefully we can re-schedule asap. I am going to apply for a statutory assessment myself to get the ball rolling.

I have been buying them for Dan for a week or so. He says he feels abit better with them, but I am not so sure, he has now been excluded from school for a couple of days . He was aweful yesterday. But saying that otherwise he has been better, yesterday was just one of those days. .He says he prefers the strawberry ones, I had picked up a couple of packs from Tesco's & He is now on the ASda ones.

Hope they catch the . Sorry to hear this, both for your mum & the others to <'> <'> <'> <'>

My middle lad yelled me in the other day. turns out he had gone to go to his e-mail site Hotmail & a Hot Male site came up. It was certainly not suitable for children viewing . ( it was gay's doing intimate things to each other ). It turns out my youngest had actually mis-spelled it, lucky he hadn't notice the pics, shame my eldest 2 did see them, but I am glad my middle lad had the sence to show me to. I thanked him for being so honest & that he had felt he should tell me, of course as soon as I realsied what the pics were they were straight off, I told them they were not apropriate for children.

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Sorry to hear this. I hope & pray your friend is ok <'> <'> <'>

Thanks all. I will definatly hang on moving untill we can get his statement. I have it in his school file ( Yes they actually gave me a complete copy last week as I had requested to see it ). It clearly says in the letter from CAMHS to the school " Based on the history of Daniels current probems, investigations (ADOS) and mental state examination we have reached the conclusion that Daniel suffers from Aspergers Syndrome. In view of his difficulties it was agreed that he needs Statementing for his special educational needs as soon as possible, This will enable Daniel to overcome the difficulties he is currently facing with in the school setting. " This letter was dated 10th May 2006. As to date the school have not formally requested a Statement!! I only learned this when I spoke to the ed pysc last week, I had though that that was part of the statementing precedure. WE are haveing another meeting monday ( with the ed pysc, CAMHS SENCO ect. ). The formal letter will then be going in, even if I have to write it myself ( decided I might as well hang on for a few days due to this meeting ).I know it will take about 6 months to get it, but am going to fight, appeal if needs be. I was not happy that the ed phyc said its not up to the medical staff to decide if a child needs a statement, its up to the LEA, Well at least the medical staff know my child & the difficultys we face.

I didn't know such places existed. Residential would be good to, esp due to our other needs. I have just done a search & found one. It would be absolutely perfect. I sat open mouthed & said WOW. It would be a dream come true to get him into somewhere like that. I know the chance of actually geting him in are slim, there isn't enough provision for all.But to see there is a few places like that has given me something else to seriosly aim for.Thank-You