pookie170

I know what you mean, Baddad and Mumble, and agree with much of what you say, but there are those out there who cannot handle a workplace where their safety zones are challenged every day. In fact, I'm sure there are many adults on the spectrum who, like many of their NT counterparts, have no desire to challenge themselves in this way. If that's the case, then I can only say that I wish there were more employers out there who could accommodate them in the way that Mr Sonne has. Don't get me wrong, I understand what Mumble was saying in her post. But I think for many, the world at large is a place where they are constantly challenged and strive to cope. Perhaps if those people had a workplace like this, it would give them a place where they could let their guard down whilst achieving something (not to mention earn a decent wage!) through working. That in itself, allows people to contribute to society when they might be unable to do it in other ways, perhaps? And, I feel, that in many ways, that is a form of enabling.......these people are adults and humans, after all, and whether or not they should challenge themselves by trying to work in a more conventional way is up to them, surely?

God, Lorry, my heart goes out to you and your son...... The carers, who I'm sure did set out with the intent of causing your son distress, should have listened to you. You must be feeling so let down.....I'm so sorry. When you're feeling up to it, I would definitely recommend that you file a complaint with regards to this shambles. This link might prove useful.... http://www.dh.gov.uk/en/Managingyourorgani...rocedure/DH_377 and here is a link to The Local Authority Social Services and National Health Service Complaints (England) Regulations 2009 http://www.opsi.gov.uk/si/si2009/uksi_20090309_en_1 My thoughts are with you, I hope your son is feeling okay now (or better, I can't think how to phrase that.) Take care, <'> Esther x

Hey there. My son had a big fixation on death for a long time after my dad, his papa, died. I think he couldn't let it go because I simply couldn't give him solid answers to his questions, such as 'What happens after you die?' 'Where do you go?' 'How do you know we've got a spirit?' This quickly turned into a fixation on the traps and trimming of the death process, (if you'll excuse the phrase!) like coffins, headstones, what happens to a body as it decomposes and so on. He actually started to take a little plastic coffin everywhere with him, you know the kind you see around Halloween? With a candy skelington inside that you fit together? He told anyone who asked that his Papa was inside it!!! His nursery actually became rather concerned about it and seemed to think I was freaky because I just rolled with it. I did have a chat with his psychologist regarding the fixation, but it was her opinion, and mine too, that this was a very natural stage to go through, it was just more pronounced because of his AS...... I think Mumble put it well: "I think it's natural (for everyone) to be worried about something we can't actually know about - no one can say for definite, this is exactly what happens after death and it is something everyone has to make their own decisions about. I think, with AS, there's the possibility of this being more unsettling because there is security in knowing and this is something no-one can 'know' - but I don't think it's an AS issue." He has bypassed this stage though it took few years and countless discussions on faith, beliefs, atheism and all that to help him get comfortable with it. Smiley, TBH, I think the mulling over of death happens for everyone, and it's only a problem if it starts to affect your everyday life. When you've had to deal with the nursing of a terminally ill relative, and the grief process thereafter, it is certain to bring with it questions and considerations of what will happen when it's your own time. If you feel that it's starting to get a grip on you that is causing problems, then I think it would be a good idea to talk it through with someone who can help you get things into a more comfortable perspective. You're certainly not weird for feeling as you do, but it sounds like you yourself are not okay with the amount of energy you spent thinking about death. Have you thought, even, about contacting an association such as CRUSE? I'm certain they could help you figure out what's going on. It's no fun watching a loved one pass through pain and suffering, and it's bound to be linked to the emotions, strains and pressures that go hand in hand with that. As for it being an ASD type feature, I can't say I'd agree with that. Yeah, my aspie son went through it, but then he was only a little boy when he lost his marvellous Papa, so who wouldn't have questions? IWhen he attended an ASD specific unit, none of the other children were as interested in death as my son. Everyone's different, thank god, or it'd be a most boring world!

Oh......my......god.......... How many times, I wonder, have I pondered over my eldest sons' lack of friends? Or wept over the lack of invites to birthday parties, or clenched my teeth in cringe-fuelled wince-contorted horror at my offspring's blatant social faux pas/outbursts/complete and 100% trans-fatty saturated meltdowns when another child has tried to initiate play with him? I remember assuming, as I coddled my little darling in my arms and kissed his buttery skin, that the years ahead would be full of neighbours' children knocking the door for him, as they whiled away every summer night in the endless pursuit of fun, and I smiled ....fondly!!!! (Why do we have no 'Chiller' fonts, that should be in 'Chiller' font, that should!!) Oooooooooohhhhhh.................. My youngest has made friends with a bevy of scabby-kneed, button-nosed, hairband-toting (albeit rather cute and charming!)local lasses and is ecstatically happy with his new-found friendships. And I'll admit to a bit of a lump in my throat as he scampered off up the garden path (take that as you will....) with them, in hot pursuit of a trampoline he was as yet unacquainted with and high jinks...... And now, focus on the sound of a car being crushed at the scrapyard, or a hated teacher drawing her nails down the blackboard..... Cuz the daydreamz is over!!! My god, if they come and ring my doorbell just ONE more time, I shall shriek!! And gibber!! They never stop, 'Is he coming out?' "No, I'm afraid he's at his Dad's and won't be back till tomorrow." Cue downcast expression...'Awwww.....'kay then....' trudge, trudge, trudge, and away they go. 10 minutes pass. 10. Count them. 'Is he back yet???!!??' I re-explain the deal, in case I was misheard last time. I look patient. I still am, in reality,because, aw, look at the wee mite, all disappointed..... 'Right then...'Bye, Esther.....' (I swear I heard her give a snottery snif as she dragged herself homeward....) 20 minutes later, and patience is ebbing rapidly, just as the gaggle of doe-eyed enquirers is growing.... 'Is he...' "Nope!" I reply, curtness lending my voice a slight edge. "Tomorrow, remember? You've got to go to sleep, first! And remember a wee lie-in, too!" I josh back, hopefully sounding as jolly as I'm not, and frantically hoping they won't actually appear at 8 am, scooters a-waitin'. Then, I swear it, 20 minutes later, and I'm beginning to wonder if these children have some goldfish DNA hidden in them somewhere, back they come, on various forms of wheeled travel, accompanied by the most enormous Zippy toy I have ever seen! And the hullaballoo they bring with them, are ALL wee girls that noisy?? They appear to be more muted, where I work, and there's more of them there, for crying out loud! Irritation is now prickling, for I am elbow deep in muck from cleaning out the snail tank, my nose is itchy and if I scratch it I'll have gastropod poo on my face! (its meant to be good for the skin, but I think I'll risk the crow's feet instead, ta muchly!) I wash as the knocking grows in volume, and answer the door with a smile (I hope!) but am rather more to the point with them. The downcast trudge no longer twangs my heartstrings. I fear the tension may have snapped them forever.... Then at last, the OH comes home, and I wickedly flee upstairs to leave him to the deluge of damsels at their pining best. I snicker (bad!!!) as I hear the approaching rumble of giggling maidens, scootered up to-the-max like some surreal gang of youngest-ever-hell's-angels, and await the breathy tones. And Phil answers, is polite and kindly as he delivers the blow that the boy is unavailable (Tomorrow CANNOT be that hard a concept for them to grasp, surely??) and they go. For some reason, that was that. No more expectant faces, turned up to mine in anticipation and glee...... Thank Gawd!!! So, my point is, there is a downside after all, and I have hit oil, finding it quickly and being liberally blessed by it!!! They're nice kids, really, and I am terribly glad my boy has playmates, but argh, I'm going to soundproof the door after knock#3 form here on in!!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo!!!! But, equally,

What about this?? http://imagecache.allposters.com/images/pi...921-Posters.jpg That ought to work!!

You just can't tell, can you? Conception is a total lottery...... F'rinstance, (and this might seem blithe, but I'm just glad my first son actually looks very like his dad.....read on!!) I have dark brown eyes, and the kids' Dad has hazelly eyes. Bubs #1 comes along and opens his wee peepers for the first time and we're met with cloudy gray irises peering at us in a most miffed manner.... Midwife explains that his eye colour will 'come in' in the next few days, reckons they look like they'll be dark (how?...) Okay, fine. So, imagine my surprise when he opened his eyes the next day and I found eyes as blue as the sky looking back at me! I cannot begin to tell you how much convincing it took for the ex to believe that darker eyed parents can have a blue eyed child. The ward sister went and got a book when she got fed up of listening to another (bad) genetic lecture from me......I think it was the stammered Mendel and the pea plants explanation that really confused the issue though....(and his Dad too, by the looks on the faces!! Har har, indeed!) Thing is, even if you're told you have a 1-in-4 chance of conceiving a child with a particular condition, it doesn't mean that only one out of every 4 kids you have would be affected. You could be really lucky, and all 4 would be fine. Or perhaps 2 would be affected.....Sadly, all 4 could be affected as well though...... Sally's comments made me think......a girl in my brother's year at school became pregnant at 14 or so, and was having twins. All went well, but after the birth it was discovered one baby had Down's syndrome and the other had developed cerebral palsy, probably before the birth. She knew of no relatives who'd had Down's before her child....it just goes to show how capricious nature can be. Both babies (rather older now!!) were delightful last time I saw them, and were surpassing all expectations and thriving. Bless their little cotton socks! Personally, I just take what I'm given. There's a fair possibility that I'll be a carrier of an M.S. gene....god forbid, but I might even develop it myself one day, but I wouldn't blame my parents for it. I don't even know if there are genetic tests for M.S. yet, I don't even know if I want to know, IYSWIM? As for the AS, I dunno......I'm certainly certain that the cause of my lads' AS is organic in nature, his behaviour even as a 6 month old probably contained little hintettes that I missed at the time. But it wasn't long before the suspicion dawned that he was a little bit different. And I can pinpoint many AS traits when I think of my father, possibly even his mother as well, but it's mere speculation. My buddie's SIL is a big chief head honcho midwifey, and she says when you consider everything that could go wrong in a pregnancy, you really do look at every birth as a wee miracle. I think she might be onto something.....

mould

What? What??!!?? Doth'd mine eyes deceivethed me?? Sweat beaded upon my brow and my fingers hovered uncertainly above the expectant keyboard as I strained to comprehend the text leering at me from the monitor...... Surely, this was an error? ......They couldn't mean it really, could they?? Blithley, I had tippity-tapped my way through the previous two screens worth of questions, happily reeling off my details, qualifications and lists of previous fools...ahem, employers who had given me a job. Then suddenly, I was met with two short queries that were the typographical equivalent of a brick wall...... How do you work with people? (Erm....the usual way, I expect?) and Initiative? (Yes, please, two lumps with mine, thanks!) A tiny explanatory note accompanied each question, but I'd expect that kinda thing at interviews, not on applications!? Lordy, it took some time for me to reply to those ones, I can tell you! The thing is, WHY??? Its the kind of question that I'd want to ask a potential employee in person, if only to observe their non-verbal reactions.....I mean, you could make anything up, couldn't you? Ooh.....I hate job-hunting, a viewpoint compounded by the present dearth of jobs around...... What's the weirdest question you've been asked when job-hunting, on paper or during an interview?

Alas, there will always be sticky-beakers and annoying twits who come along and rain on your parade (playsceme)! I'm with the others, empathetic, tuned-in mum award for you! Long may your sails billow, fully and proudly!!

You have a wee bit of legal backing, in asking for a change in your working hours due to personal circumstances, though not an actual right to flexible working itself, if your employer can justify that accomodating your request would damage the buisiness, or suchlike. Have a look at this link http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Emp...ing/DG_10029491 it may be of interest to you and others in a similar position. I had to give up work for some time too, as it was just so difficult to find childcare that could deal with my sons' challenging behaviours.....his nursery placement was unspeakable! (Y'know that oft-uttered phrase, 'I wish I'd known then what I know now'? So true, and I'd go back and give 'em a piece of my mind and find somewhere that truly did have equal opportunities!....rant, rant!.... ) Anyway, I hope things go smoothly for you, it's obvious your child's best interests are of the utmost importance to you. All the conflicting emotions (I had em at any rate!) can be so draining at times, but you go with your decision and feel good about it! Take care, Esther x

This is so true- and this is something I've struggled to get across to many people over the years since my sons' diagnosis. One child that I worked with had an AS dx, but the professionals around him were seriously questioning the validity of his DX. Trying to explain to them ("I have been on a course about this, you know!") that kids on the spectrum are still just kids- they may share a DX but they're all different....well, it was like ! I think, tentatively, that sharing some of our experiences with them at least gave them something to chew over, they genuinely didn't seem to realise that not every DX'd child ticks all the same boxes. The other thing was that my son also has a dx of ADHD, and after many difficult years we put him on meds to try and help him cope. It was a good decision, thank heavens, but wow, talk about masking effects of co-morbids! All of a sudden, all these AS traits were glaring like neon at us, we just hadn't been able to see it before due to the amount of energy directed at trying to stop him climbing walls or tearing a room apart! BTW, is there are good way to find a reputable CBT therapist, privately? I'm a bit clueless about the private sector!!

My aspie son is fab at art but has had HUUUUUGE meltdowns at school during art lessons because he can't just let loose and be creative but must follow the lesson. Obviously, I get where he's coming from but we're STILL working on the whole 'you've got to take the rough with the smooth' idea.... Some of his stuff's amazing, though.....he came second in a national art comp a couple of years back and was thrilled because he won a video game! He also loves ICT type stuff, and english, where he writes some great creative stories......... I'd like to think that the 'Curriculum for Learning' approach might change things for the better, there's supposed to be much less emphasis on grading/results-based achieving but there's still lots of kinks to be worked out, IMO....... I also think a lot of teachers struggle a bit with the concept....one of the biggest questions I've heard posited regarding CfL is 'But how will we know they're progressing without testing them?' kinda thing........ Still, in theory, and often in practice, it's going in the right direction. Soz, wandered off topic again!!

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is IT, I have had it up to here with indices and fractions and linear equations!!!! (I'm studying for my maths exam later this month ) I'm just sick of going over these bits, thinking I've got the concept only to discover after an hour's hard slog doing a pass paper, that no, actually, it went in one ear and capered gleefully out the other!!! Humph...... Yuk, back to the drawing board, I suppose! (Any maths teachers out there, heheh!)

fish!!

Hannah Banana!!! And High School Spewsical, and Camp..... .....I'll keep the last one to myself, actually! I have had the dubious honour of hosting a mini Britain's got (NOT!) talent in the payground this week, and if I have to listen to one more Banana/Efron type wannabe belting out one more of those ruddy awful songs I shall... probably do what I've done all week and smiled weakly while proffering applause,positive feedback and suchlike. But Another little part of me will die inside.... ...my eardrums, with any luck!!......

Heheh- it used to be commonplace for my sister and I to arrive home from school to find our Mum sat with our little brother on her lap, blood-soaked tea-towel clamped to his forehead!! I've met several kids just as clumsy as my brother was (he was forever tripping over his own two feet, and still does!) but he seemed to favour using his forehead to sustain the full impact! At least none of us are squeamish, and our Mum was a nurse thankfully but it was amazing how copiously his head wounds seemed to bleed! BTW, Pearl, I used to demonstrate spatter patterns at college-to forensics classes, not apropos of nothing, in the cafeteria, say...- using real horse blood (collected humanely from retired horses with cannulas!) and so many students would turn a lovely shade of green! Especially the wee tough-nut teenage lads, mwahahah! But we had fun with the luminol!!

Nive to have yez back, ma wee scunners!!! Esther x

Well done, I'm glad it went well for you. I look forward to watching it, as I'm sure many other members do too. x

Oh, arrgh, what a horrible situation for you all to be in. Its really so hard when people have very different ideas about managing a child's behaviours and it impacts on so many families-many of whom have only NT kids! Throw behavioural issues, special needs etcc into the mix and it all intensifies. I soooo get what you're talking about!! <'> I can think of a couple of things you could try, though you might have tried them already. Sit down and think about all the positive things your Mum brings to your life, write them down if you like too. Not just about the positives she brings to you, but to your family as well. Then think on the problems you're experiencing with her, (I think you've probably identified flashpoints already!! ) and write them down too, to try and help you organise your thoughts. You might try tackling this as you would with school. If everyone's singing from the same hymn sheet, it's better for the child AND those around him. Perhaps you could put together copies of any strategies/tools you're using to try and help your son? Star charts, timetables, that kind of thing. It sounds like your Mum is trying to be helpful, and wants to be involved in her grandsons' life, which is a hugely positive thing,as I'm sure you appreciate, so perhaps she'll be open to going over these things with you? Maybe then, you could suggest the possibility of setting out rules that everyone follows, and work these ground rules out with her. Things like not helping him feed himself, for example, or only reading stories when he's went to bed without a fuss..... I think the way that you approach this kind of venture might be the key towards forging a more positive vibe in your relationship. A bit like school reports or workplace evaluations, make sure you accentuate/express the positives your Mums help brings, and try to avoid broaching problems with phrases like 'When you do this, it causes problems because....' as she'll become defensive and you're back where you started. I totally get your frustration. As isme says, your Mum isn't dealing with all the fallout and meltdowns that go hand in hand with your son's condition at the moment, she doesn't have him all week, 24-7 as you do, doesn't have to deal with all the outside agencies as you do....... But look at it from her POV, for a moment. She's a Granny, and what do most grandparents tend to do? See their grandchildren through rose-tinted specs and spoil them a bit. (Or a lot, in some cases!) Many grandparents find it hard to be as firm as they probably should be when their grandchildren play up, but I think this is natural enough. And the way your son is expressing his feelings about his Gran is pretty much par for the course, too. I can recall perfectly a few similar situations in our house when I was growing up-my Mum's Mum was as soft as butter with us, but had been a strict parent to her own kids. Bear in mind that if you disagree with the way your Mum handles something, it might be better to express this out of the childrens' earshot. Otherwise, your Mums going to feel undermined and be angry about that and I doubt that she'll then be receptive to your concerns, which do seem valid to me. I really hope I don't offend you with any of my suggestions/thoughts, and don't want to add to your stress in any way. Feel free to ignore them, if you wish! Just remember- you are still your Mum's baby, it sounds very much like she loves you and wants to help you, and nothing beats a calm, controlled but honest discussion. Most kids extended families don't have to get involved behavioural strategies, but when those kids are special like ours, they do. I hope you manage to work this out- have a <'> Esther x

I think the point is just what you're describing, Mumbley! I once opened a packet of salt n vinegar crisps and happily shovelled a handful in, only to discover the crisps themselves were cheese n onion. It was such a weird moment, trying to figure out what on earth had happened inside my mouth.....it really does stop you in your tracks, doesn't it? Many food manufacturers have done research on this kind of concept, and I also recall watching a Prof Robert Winston based prog where he was demonstrating how our food perceptions develop. Not only did it demonstrate the concept you're describing, but memorably included offering children chocolate mousse piped into a very realistic poo-shape. Very small kids would usually tuck in with gusto, but from 4 up, they recoiled as any adult would, with various exclamations along the lines of 'Are you insane? Its a huge great POO! It's disgusting! (....and eugh, you're holding it, I notice....)I'm not putting that in my mouth, go away!!!' It was hilarious, but goes to show that it doesn't take that long for our environment, culture and upbringing to affect our conceptions and viewpoints...... Oops, digressed again! Sorry!!

a-tchOO! *snif*! Congratulations!!

I simply can't look at my OH's Dad when he hits the dancefloor to strut his funky stuff - I normally make a hurried visit to the loo to chuckle out of sight and return once I've gained some control! What is it with that elbow thing they do? I remember my Mum and her sister dancing with gusto (slightly fuelled by lambrusco, I suspect!) at my cousin's wedding and they had the Mum-dance down pat! Talk about horrified- I was only 9 at the time and I recall thinking that this was a mandatory development gained through motherhood..... On the post subject, I know how you feel Bid- my eldest has had a fair handful of spots appear on his face, his knees are now covered in rather wiry (though so blond it's near invisible!) hair and I can see the hint of the man he will become lurking on his face....(that's if he makes it that far, a sometimes dodgy probability that I have been known to question darkly, on occasion! ) The littley now won't give me a kiss at the school gates, has developed a whine that Kevin and Perry would be proud of and has been known to roll his eyes at me, usually in tandem with his big brother....and I just know they're cringing inside at some total 'Mum' moment....... (Hah! Suck it up, brats, it's MY turn now and revenge is sweet, MWAHAHAHAhahahahahahaha!!) Its also quite sobering to think that my little cousin, whose birth I remember fondly and well, is now 16 and every inch a woman. Oooofs!

Oooo.....may all your various bits recover, BD!! (I winced whilst reading your post!! Albeit with a bit of a grin, heheh!) I'm planning to take my eldest and his cousin this summer, as we have a Go Ape near us too, and to be honest, I'm as excited about it as they are! Rawther intrigued by the disability concession you mentioned as its quite a pricey day out- what must you take as proof of disability? A dla letter?

Ooooo!! I used to have a t-shirt shaped rubber that smelled of washing-up powder-I LOVED it!! I must rush out and get one of these, preferably in grape...or possibly apple! As for the scratch-n-sniff stickers, thay always seemed to smell of pickled onions or garbage!! Do you recall the garbage pail kids ones? http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3055/289157...3f2bf34a5_m.jpg Some of them were boggin', but thing was they also brought out scratch n sniff versions.... I'll leave it to your imaginations!!