Nikkih

A book we used to tell our DS about autism was 'Can I tell you about aspergers'. I know not strictly HFA, but I think will do the job well. Our DS was diagnosed at 3yrs 8mnths, and we had used the word autism around him since then and he knew he was a bit different, but when he got to around 9 or 10 we decided to sit down and explain it a bit more to him. Although he was diagnosed wioth autism, we found the above book fab, and he still picks it up to have a look every now and then.

I've recently been on a course run by a woman called Fiona Spiers who is an expert in delivering Personal Social Helath Education to children with ASD. The behaviour of your stepson is in no way unique. Yes it is unacceptable but he is far from being the only person with ASD to behave in an inappropriate manner. I think you should have a look at her website and maybe even get in touch with her. She has dealt a lot with adults with ASD who have found themselves in the criminal justice system from similar situations to your stepson. She may be able to point you in the right direction to get your stepson the help he needs. www.fionaspeirs.co.uk I'm not trying to detract from the seriousness of the situation, but I think he needs help to see how his behaviour is not appropriate and how to deal with his feelings in the future. I know this isn't a good question to ask, but if he was your son, would you be reacting so badly and trying to get him out of the house or would you feel that keeping him there where you can keep an eye on him and support him would be the better thing to do. You mentioned in one post what about if he didn't have AS, you can't say that, the AS will affect everything he does. I would like to think that I would be open minded enough (although it's easier to say when you have direct experience of ASD) that if it was my son he touched, I would make the effort to find out the full facts and would hopefully have some compassion for an obviously very troubled young man with AS. I'm sorry you feel that you aren't getting the support you wanted from the forum, but you have to remember that most of us here have a child with ASD and personally my thoughts go to your stepson as I can only think how I would feel if it were my son behaving that way, and I would move heaven and earth to try and help him and prevent it happening again.

Just wanted to say don't be too hard on yourself, and don't think that just because you're getting upset or emotional that you're not coping or letting anyone down. Our DS was diagnosed at 3 years 8months, he will be 13 in 3 weeks and there are still times when i only have to hear the word autism, or read some of the posts on this site and I will be in floods of tears. I don't know about anyone else but I think for me, these feelings will always surface now and again. Most of the time we cope fine with the autism, i find particularly when I am fighting for something or if there are pressing issues out of the ordinary then I am at my best and deal with it without getting too emotional, but when things seem to be going well and i'm not fighting against anything, I tend to go down a bit and find it hard to deal with the autism. Autism is a life-long condition and although we may come to terms with it and be positive for the most part, it can still take us by surprise on occasions and feel as raw as receiving the diagnosis all over again. Take care Nikki x

Our son is now 12 and hasn't eaten a sandwich in 2 years. His lunchbag consists of some dry coco-pops, 2 custard creams, 2 bourbon biscuits, a packet of wotsits and a bottle of orange juice. He has a severely restricted diet and will only eat a praticular type of sausages, heinz beans, birds eye waffles, homemade leek & potato soup, heinz spag bol or homemade spag bol. Its so bad that if the homemade soup or spag bol is slightly different he won't eat it. He does also eat dairylea cheese strips but only at home, he seems unable to eat them in school. He will occasionally have toast with jam or toasted roll wth cheese at home but won't touch bread or rolls unless they've been toasted. It's really hard having a fussy eater and it's one of the things that impacts the most on our lives. My sympathies go to anyone with a chld on a restricted diet.

I don't have bike in my name cos I'm not that imaginative, but I do own a bike. I have a Suzuki SV650 and my hubby has a Honda Blackbird 1100. Bikes are GRRREEEEEEAAAAAAAAT

Thank you so much for that link Stella, I have saved the book already, going to start filling that out rightaway and take it with us on Friday morning. We have arranged a meeting with the headteacher and SENCO of the secondary school. Thank you to everyone for their replies and advice x

Thank you so much for that. Now I know what I can ask for I am going to ring the school and ask to go in for a chat and see if we can get some of these things going. I have said before that I dont mind taking him down if it will make things easeier but they dont seem to be in any rush. Thanks to everyone forthe replies, its just nice to know you're not alone

That is one thing we would love but she wont go. His NNEB has been with him since he started school in Jan 2001. He even goes home after school with her 2 afternoons a week...!!!! We have been down to speak to the SENCO and she said that they didnt want to start visits until after the Whitsun holiday and that she didnt want his NNEB to go with him as he might be confused and think she is going with him. I think she is worried that she will want to go with him cos she has probably got someone lined up for the job already. I dont knwo what I should be asking for. Hi NNEB said they couldn't go into the classrooms as there were lessons going on and had to be careful about where they took photos as they weren't allowed to get any other children in them. I just think he needs to see the classes he will be going to, meet the teachers and have it explained to him how things work in secondary school, e.g. changing classes for each lesson, registration etc.

Hi, our son is going into secondary school in september (into mainstream) from a mainstream primary. He is HFA and has a full-time NNEB at present. As yet we haven't had his transition review or had any contact with anyone from education. His current NNEB has taken him to the secondary school for a 2-hour visit last week but she said they couldn't go into any of the classrooms as lessons were on-going, couldn't meet any of the teachers and basically said it was a waste of time. The next visit is cheduled for 3 weeks time and is only for an hour and will basically be the same. I'm happy for him to visit the SEN unit as he may well spend some time in there but the purpose was to see the classrooms and meet the teachers he will come into contact with and take photos of people and places so he can get familiar with them. What I'm wondering is, if you have had a child make the transition or are current;y preparing........How many visits did they have/are they having........and what things did they/are they doing during the visits? He is worried about going to 'big' school and worried about growing up and I don't think the LEA are doing anything to make things easier. I am presuming they are going to try and change his statement, by either taking away the NNEB and replacing with an LSA or reducing hours, or (heaven help us) both. Sorry to have rambled on, but I am getting more and more concerned as time goes on that they are going to take away his provision and he will never cope.

I don't see my son as an issue either, and I love him more than anything. However, I am on anti-depressants at the moment and was for a period last year too. I would love to be able to say "No I dont need to take anything" but I just couldn't function. Just because I am suffering from depression and feel incredibly sad about the fact that my son has autism and faces many difficulties in his life does not mean that I love him any less or should feel bad about the fact that I need something just to help me cope with everyday life. I apologise if I have taken your comments about your son the wrong way, but just because some of us need anti-depressants to cope, it doesn't mean that we are blaming our children.

I would just like to add that I also think you did the right thing. Due to lack of speech our son started a nursery school at 18 months, he is an only child and we thought being around other children would help. When he was around 2 - 2.5 years old, the playgroup leader approached our health visitor with concerns that there was more than a speech delay, the HV however said nothing as she "didnt want to worry the parents". The leader didnt feel she knew us well enough at the time to approach us so we struggled on for a further year until we started filling in forms for a statement and a friend of my husbands (who has an AS son) pointed out that he could be autistic, then everything fell into place. Up until that point i was convinced iit was all my fault as a bad parent. I know our son was diagnosed early at 3.5 years but we could have understood him better and helped him better if the HV had raised the possibility the year before. Sorry, still havent really forgiven the HV who was useless.

I wouldnt mind reading over it. I read a lot, all sorts of books including those about autism. One book i read recently (can't remember which one) went back in time in places and always did this in italics so you knew where you were.

That's really good news,very pleased for you. Its good to hear that there are some understanding employers out there.

You need to have a look on the Dti (Department of Trade and Industry) website and search for flexible working. All parents with children under 6 and parents with disabled children up to the age of 18 (disabled means in receipt of DLA) have the right to request a flexible working pattern, which could mean reduced hours, job share or working from home. There is a good guidance booklet on there that will let you know your rights. I have applied to work from home for 3 days a week under this act but have unfortunately been turned down, the employer has a duty to consider and must give sound business reasons for a refusal. Good luck x

Hi, just to let you know, we live in the back of beyond in west Wales. I have a friend who's son is 7 with AS and has a taxi to take him to school which is 30 miles away and takes approximately 45 minutes each way. She said he really enjoys it and he manages to chill out on the taxi ride home too. Wish i was so strong, my son is 9 HFA and i still take him to school myself and his carer picks him up. Good luck with it x

Thanks Stephanie, He is ok with pink if he isnt eating at the time. And the worst shades are definately 'Barbie' pink. He doesnt like girly things either like kiddies jewelry or sparkly hair clips, he cant eat if he sees these. I dont know what it is but he just chokes and spits his food out and then wont touch it again. I will do a search now to find your earlier post.

Thanks for the replies. Does anyone have any info on where i could get a pair of tinted glasses for him to try?

Hi, Just wondering if anyone else has any experience of this or any advice on how to get over it. Our son is 10 years old and has AS diagnosed when he was 3 and a half. Over the years he has had many funny things that he couldnt cope with e.g. broken biscuits, turning round when we went for a walk, a crease in his yoghurt pot among many others. But he has managed to get over all of these. The only major problems that remain are a fear of high ceilings, which is getting better and a severe dislike of anything pink or girly when he's eating. He cant eat at all if there is anything pink or girly within his vision and if he has a mouthful and spots something, he will then spit it out and sometimes be sick. This is impacting majorly on our lives as we have major problems eating out with him (apart from him being a fussy eater also), going on holiday, going to other peoples houses etc. In school he was eating his lunch in the classroom on his own but now sits in the dinner hall on the teachers table facing away from everyone else. I'm getting increasingly concerned about this as it seems to have been there for as long as I can remember and he is going to secondary school next year where I'm sure it is going to create even more problems for him. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. thanks Nikki

Hi Jo, I have total sympathy with you on this one although our problem isnt that our son gets angry, rather that he gets very upset if he thinks he has done something wrong or something that upsets us. We are always trying to think of ways to tell him not to do something or to quieten down without him crying for ages afterwards. I have also been through the same emotions as you are experiencing now. Our son is now 10 but didnt have any speech until he was 5 so when he did start speaking we were so grateful to hear it we gave him anything he asked for. Sam also quotes cartoons and videos and spends a lot of his time speaking in an american accent. I'm afraid i dont have any pearls of wisdom for you but i just thought i would let you know you're not alone and I would also welcome any advice on how to handle this.

I wouldnt worry too much, most little girls of 9 are probably still interested in teddy bears and the obsession will no doubt change as she gets older. With our son it started as an obsession with Thomas the Tank Engine, then went onto cars, now at the age of 10 he is still obsessed with cars but also trains, busses and planes. I think its quite rare for one obsession to stay forever.