oracle

<'> <'> <'> It nevers rains does it? Hope you get some sleep and will be adding your Mum to my prayers Oracle

My ex went for ten months without seeing his sons and was surprised when he did finally ring to see him that they did not want to see him I agree try not to bad mouth although it can be hard - but if you can resist they work it out for themselves eventually even the ones with ASD If your house is owned I have not got a clue what happens but if it's council or housing group then I will stick my neck out and say that they will offer you possession and expect your ex to go. The council would not re-house me because they told my ex to go - it took a full year. If he's already gone and it is council property go and see them asap - then you can legally change the locks. Oracle

<'> <'> <'> You reassure him and don't demand much of him - but the you can't take away the cause which appears to be school. He is telling you this, which means that he knows what the problem is, and often the overload does happen at home. I think that age is a factor because we had some volcanic eruptions between the ages of 12 and 16. If your son has seizures is he on meds for them and could they be playing a part here? I have a friend and her son has seizures but not ASD, the meds he takes for his seizures can make him aggressive. Stress can also induce a seizure in my friends son so could the stress be adding to everything? I can't offer you any advice here all I can say it that when it reached this point with my son we took him out of the environment that was causing the damage. It's not the answer for everyone but it was for us. I would not like to say re an emergency doctor I know someone who called for one and he simply called the on duty psychiatrist who was a 7 hour journey away Oracle

If this is going to happen and he 'is' leaving and wont be back then take his key or change the locks because othewise he will come back time and time again to cause you all emotional harm. This may sound harsh but that means the balance of power has shifted and it may just help you. 'You' then get to decide if you are going to open the door or not. I would also as a matter of urgency go and see a solicitor to see what the real score is - and the real score is that even if he did buy the things on his credit card they are part of a package of goods in that house that have joint ownership. I did not change the locks or take back the key and ended off moving out and in with my Mum for a year and I lost the lot because when I finally got back in he had either took what he wanted or trashed the rest. I could not take the emotional coming and going and nor could the boys. Things improved when the boys knew that we were seperated and that there would be no surprise visits. You are raw at the moment hun and no wonder. If you want to speak you know where I am. Oracle

Sounds like my ex he got the lot - but it was things that you can replace and you can't replace the kids and I got the the things worth keeping - my sons! Been there and done it and I'm still standing to prove you get through the other side. You will to - honest. You know where we are if you want to offload No hugs but LOADS of strong vibes. Oracle

Matt's speech therapist actually managed to make 'me' understand that when Matt hit us either himself, but more usually with something large and heavy, he had no idea that he was hurting us because it was not hurting him. Sounds a bit daft until you think about it. Yes he knows what it's like when he is hurt but if it's not hurting him where is the problem? Matt is still demanding, or at least tries to be, and still belows comands, but then so does my eldest who is 19. He usually follows one of his 'commands' with if that sounded nasty to you then I apologise I am not trying to sound nasty but sometimes you think it sounds that way Maybe his voice is barking commands but his ear don't make that connection? This makes me very because he knows that to me it sounds nasty but to him it sounds like he's asking me something. Carole Good luck with the twins

Again I can only speak through experience of my two sons. David now 19 had a breakdown aged 11 because he has spent years trying to fit in. After the breakdown we took him out of school and the fact that he no longer had to try eventually had a huge impact. David tells me that the turning point for him was realising that he did not have to try and fit in. He has never wanted to have a HUGE circle of friends and after spending four years locked in his room I felt that he was never going to socalise. However he now goes out with his elder brother and two friends of his own who do accept David warts and all. It took a long time to get to where he is now and he would often want to do something but on the day just could not do it. David does not want to spend time with others who have AS or ASD he will not even consider it he wants 'normal' friends God how inappropriate is that!!! My own 10p worth is that all kids go through a period of it not being cool to hang out with the kid who is different So hard for the kid that is different and a part of the learning curve for those who are not. Most have got past this peer kind of preassure by the time they leave school. But that's a long time to wait. That was why not being at school helped David. Kids in his class would cross the road to avoid him now they cross to speak to him My youngest is desperate to have friends and can't see the point of living without them He is only 9 and like David is out of school but the preassure to fit in comes from within for Matthew. He is in three clubs and mostly they work for him. Is there an activity that your daughter enjoys? Sometimes the young people who attened are more accepting because they share that interest. Only last night the older local kids were playing and he and his friend decided to latch onto them. Within 10 mins the older kids went in and Matthew was desperate to find out of it had anything to do with him. He would not let it go because if it is him he needs to know why - so sometime later while we were in the Garden having a BBQ they came out again and Matthew went and asked them all face to face was he the reason they went in? I think they were a bit but said no he was not but that his friend was being too loud, he is bless, and that that was why they went in. He did not mind at all that his poor mate was taking the blame so long as it was not him Oracle

Hi Eva, At 5 it's more than possible that Joe is still at the 'own agenda' stage of the spectrum, with little understanding why he can't do what he wants when he wants. Until you have some shared meanings and understanding with him it will be difficult for him to tune in to your requests and voice. He probably does not understand an angry voice or at least why you are angry. Would some symbols help here? For example if you start to stick symbols on the table which show that he is never to stand on the table. If you just picture a child standing then put a big red X through the symbol. Of course you will have to begin with the big red X and the fact that whenever he sees this it means he is not to do something eg re-set the washer. It may be a case of the big red X meaning that he is never to touch the switches on the washer. It's a step before to a social story because maybe he's not at the stage where he could sit still long enough to listen but you could try eg Kitchen Tables are where we eat - we don't stand on them because the table is for sitting and eating. This may sound a bit extreme but he needs to know what is expected of him and where before he gets carried away with himself. My youngest is 9 and he still has a silly switch, which when activated has no counter stop switch. It's trying to get on in there to stop it before it overloads and it's not easy. To do that the child has to be aware of this themselves. Matt is 9 and only just beginning to understand this. He now comes and asks me if he is becoming too silly But it's been a long time coming. I was told once by Rita Jordan just after the dx of both of my sons that it is no good saying to them stop doing that now! You must say stop doing that and do 'this' (whatever this is) instead. Because the child will have no understanding of what it is to do next and will probably just do something else which you do not want it to do. At 5 he is still very young but that does not mean that you should not start to make him aware of the things that are and are not acceptable. I will end now before this becomes a novel Oracle [

I don't think that Tourettes is a spectrum condition but is a close relative. That's my understanding of it anyway. It is however quite possible to have both ASD and Tourettes. What I have noticed is that when Pete is stressed it often takes him ages to formulate a response to a question - just like my two when they are stressed. I don't think that he does small talk either and is certainly over powered by the women in the house. He is by far the nicest one in the house and I agree that he is not as manipulative as the rest and can not understand why they are so bitching and back stabbing - again just like my two. Oracle

Phas as usual Your Authority should have a Children's and Young People's Plan. If you can find it - it should be on their website - and if you can stick with it - it's looooooooooooooong. You will read how important it is for everychild to be given the opportunity to reach their potential and how well being and mental health are important issues with young children. It could be argued that what they are about to do to your daughter will impact on her sense of well being and mental health. It's all worth adding into the pot when you boil em in it Oracle

Off the top of my head I would say this is a Disability Rights issue and I would ask the LEA if this is their idea of 'inclusion' also an impotant point to bring to their attention is Every Child Matters - which is law! How can your daughter 'enjoy and achieve' if they are stopping her from taking part in after school activities? 'Enjoy and Achieve' is one of the aims and ALL LEA's have to make sure that 'ALL' children achieve these aims. There are local goverment appointed officers to make sure that they do. Find out where your local government office is and who has the responsibility from within. The LEA will not be happy with anyone sniffing around - especially this person Their action is disabling your daughter as opposed to enabling her and I would do everything I could to stop this from happening. Hope this helps? Oracle

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This is the first time EVER I have been to this forum and found it deserted Having been unable to access the forum all day - can you see me shaking - I finally manage to connect and what do I find? I am here on me tod Billy no mates Yes I know it's late but really folks this simply will not do. I spend all day talking to myself at home so when I come here I expect a little bit of company. It's not too much to ask is it Oracle

I have this wonderful metal picture of you staggering around soaking wet and trying to look in control of yourself Oracle

When did C become below avearge? C is a pass in a GCSE unless I am way out of touch here. Oracle

I have two with autism and they did everything differently to each other when they were little - and I do mean that. Eldest never lined anything up, youngest did. Eldest would hide his head up my jumper rather than look at anyone, youngest would talk to anyone who walked past the house, never mind friends and family. There are things now which I see them both doing but not when they were toddlers. Try and enjoy your youngest and worry if and when you need to <'> Oracle

Can I ask how good your optician is and also if they mentioned anything about the shape of your daughters eyes? I ask because this happened to David and he has a condition called Keratoconus. It is quite rare and not directly related to ASD but it is related to allergies. I firmly believe that the Optician that we used for years missed the KC. We changed to another Optician and they spotted it at the first exam. I am not posting this to worry you but with something like KC you need to catch it asap. Oracle

OMG CarerQuie Thanks for posting this. I think I already had the full blown thing several times during my childhood and once during the last few years. I was very seriously ill for 10 weeks the first time I had a reaction to penicillian and then I was ill for just as long with tetracycline and the sulfa antibiotics are the worst. The last time I had a bad reaction I was unable to eat anything solid for 10 weeks and was fed through a straw. I also ran a fever for 3 solid weeks. No one has ever mentioned Stevens Johnson syndrome to me. I am also worried because David has inherited ALL of my alergies and he also has a dx of Keratoconus, which menas his cornea is eroding and he may need a double cornea transplant. I am sitting here wondering at the moment if it is KC or if the allergies, which also cause KC are all inter-linked. I can't quite get my head round this at the moment but I am going to thanks very much. Do you have any info or links I could check out please where there are people I could talk to about this? Oracle

I know just what you mean Lauren and I have always felt pretty much detached from everyone, not just my ex hubby, to a greater extent (and I wonder who the lads get their autism from ) However I do not feel like that with Terry. I feel very much connected to him, so I wonder why we fight so much. Life is never dull He makes me feel real if that makes any sense I know what Daisy feels though because I feel it too proving that is not just for the young or the beautiful cos neither Terry or I are oil paintings. So now you will all need 2 sick buckets Oracle

My tummy still does a flip when Terry walks into a room and we have been together almost 15 years now . Maybe that's how you know that it is love because sadly I never did get that flip with my first husband No matter how much we argue and fight boy can we do that even as he is storming off to get away from me my tummy stills flips It's our Wedding Anniversary tomorrow 3 years now. I know, I know we waited for quite some time before we tied the knot If there such things as your soul mate then I reckon that I found mine Oracle

When do we stop playing God (or whoever) here ? I am personally not a fan of IVF, which is easy to say when you have 3 children. But I think that we are now too clever for our own good and it will all blow up in our faces eventually, and nature has a way of getting round these things of it's own accord. Oracle

I appreciate the joys of been allergic to antibiotics only too well It's far worse than the illness itself. I have had various reactions some leaving me with a mouth and throat full of septic ulcers However now that I do my very best to avoid em altogether I have built up my own immunity to many things, and can quite understand why they try to convince parents that it's not good to give them out like smarites. I don't escape illness altogether but I get far less coughs, colds and other run of the mill lurgies than most of them in our house Mind you I have not escaped the Hay Fever which is making me feel at the moment Oracle

Hi Jo If PP thinks that the school is breaking the law what do 'they' intend to do about this? PP is a wonderful person but ..................... It's all very well and good everyone being NICE to you but that ain't solving the problem is it? OK so the other school is full to the brim, this is the problem. Did anyone mention an Intervention Placement to you? You could also push for a school, there is another one within mainstream, where transport would be needed and they would cough up for that. I am at the hospital with my Mum this pm I will give you a ring this evening if you are up to it <'> <'> <'> Oracle

I have to agree with Phasmid here and by the way failing to do peer awareness could be seen as a school not giving a child with a disability every chance to 'enjoy and achieve' which is one of the five aims in Every Child Matters. With regard to bullying I think that it can be a double edge sword but if the peer group are aware and then bully the school need kicking into touch if they fail to act. Many schools do not do peer awareness training because they are lazy and don't want to pick up the fall out should it happen. We have a parent in our group who wants peer awareness as they are calling her son a freak and a spaca. The school have ask the parents if they want a beacon attached to the child's head. But what if the child was in a wheel chair? I would think that bullying then would be stamped on really hard. Why should it be different with our children? I know that the Disability Discrimination People are now very active and coming down on schools like a ton of bricks where they fail in their duties and it's about time too. I do however think that there is another angle in this particular case. What does William think about this? he is not a baby anymore and I think he deserves a say in this. I personally feel that peer awareness should begin in Nursery and it should cover multi disabilities just as we look at different religions and cultures. Then there would be no need to single a child out. When a child is young then it is the parents choice for the peer group to be educated by in my opinion when a child reaches a certain age then they deserve a say in the matter. I have chosen for Matthew and his friends to be aware and that means that Matthew will be unable to put the clock back should he ever change his mind. But if he meets new friends then even at 9 I think it's up to him to decided. As it stands at the moment he has no problems with people knowing probably because we are so laid back about ASD in our house. He may change his mind as he gets older and realises that not everyone has the same attitude as we do. In some respects we can't have it all ways. We fight for our kids to be accepted and included but how can that ever be is we then use a blind fold and a gag? Oracle