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Hi Bid My Dad was really ill for the last two years of his life and two years on that is still what I remember. I try hard to remember the times when he was dressing up as Clowns or whatever for my birthday parties. He was always the life and soul of every party but I can't bring that back at the moment His older brother is his spitting image (they were often mistaken for twins) and has always been my favourite uncle but I find it very hard to see him now. My Mum sees him every week and she stills sees his sister. They always have met up once a week. Once a month they are at my Mums and I try to avoid going down as I find it too difficult. My Uncle looks like my Dad and sounds like him. I do dream about him and in my dreams he is never ill so that is something I suppose. Oracle

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We tend to begin with something that Matthew likes or is interested in and the see how it develops from there. It is actually quite amazing how far this can take you and in the background you always have the starting point which is an interest. It has taken us 5 years before we have been able to give Matthew enough confidence to want to read. Even though he only did 18 months at school he was totally book phobic when we took him out. This was because they kept giving him words to learn that he could not picture He would hide underneath his bed rather than try to read. This has meant that everything we did was on the net or us reading to him. The parents on the HE-SEN group basically advised us not to panic and not to push, so although it's been difficult that is what we have done. Every time we see the LEA - we go to them because I don't want them in my home as this would really distress Matthew - I have been very honest about his literacy skills and to my surprise they have always been OK about it. However about 3 months ago Matthew decide he wanted to read and it's a bit like when he became verbal aged 4 it's just flooding in . I will see this as our biggest success to date and he's rather pleased about it to. Oracle

I think that this is the question that really needs to be answered and was certainly one of the main questions that we asked before we took Matthew out of the system - which frankly saved my sanity as well as his. The other big decider for me was the fact that I wanted my children, no matter what their dx, to remember their childhood as being happy. We are children for such a short time and I personally think that what happens in your childhood can have a huge impact and lasting effect on your life. The thought that Matthew and David would only remember their childhood with great pain was too much for me. I also decided that I wanted my sons to understand themselves and what makes them tic and explode on occasion. I want them to know how to shop, wear to shop, and to be able to shop - because I want them to be as independant as possible. I wanted to develop their social skills and their communications skills because even with the best qualifications in the world, without those skills what hope have you of holding down a job? Maybe all of this would be possible within a school setting but not the schools that my two attended because for one they did not get the level of support that they required. The link in the other post gives some good links to follow especially this one http://www.he-special.org.uk/ HE may be a big step but it can also be the right step not just for the child but the whoile family. At the risk of being shot down in flames I don't think that teaching is half as complicated as it is made out to be Matthew has an excellent in-depth knowledge base which is proved time and time again with his local school attending peers. Yes they all know who Guy Fawkes is come November 5th - but Matthew is the only kid on the block who knows that he was never the brains of the outfit We live in a life long learning environment when we can return to learn at any time - for many of our children their childhood is not the right time because they have so many other things they need to learn. I will shut up now. Oracle

I hope they listen and then do something. I am pleased you managed it. I HATE the tube. Oracle

I know another family in this Authority who has been turned down by an OT. It's interesting that in some areas the recommendation for approval is given on reasons of saftey as it certainly is with the family I know. Maybe it's time to rattle some cages Oracle

Brook - I am beginning to think that you and I and our families have been cloned Oracle

First of all even my 19 year old son had a voice that he uses when he is stressed/anxious/excited. The trouble is trying to decide which one it is David will take on the voice of someone from one of his favourite show and use that to communicate with me. Matthew also has a different voice and also has HUGE problems with inappropriate interaction. That is why from pretty much the age of 5 we have been teaching Matthew about himself and what makes him tic and explode I know that many parents feel that that is way too young but I don't. He is now 9 and is quite good at understanding when he needs to walk away from a situation. I also used social stories to explain to him that his rules were not always the rules that other kids used because all parents have different rules. Really hard to negotiate that one is. I did not do this with books because books don't work for Matthew so I used his cuddly toys gave em personalities and did it that way. It worked for us but it is something that we have to re-visit and work on all of the time. On a good day Matthew can walk away from an explosive situation and I still reward him for doing so. I never take away his rewards however if he can't walk away because this had a negative impact on him and did not help. I need him to know that we all get it wrong sometimes and that's OK. In my opinion kids with ASD never pick up social skills they need to be taught them and even harder they need to understand why what they think is OK is inappropriate. That takes some doing but it can be done. We have come so far along the road with Matthew in the last four years that I am amazed. Looking back to when he was 5 I thought that he would always be a walking time bomb but he can and does not work out when he is feeling really mad and he can and does walk away - but not always. But no one is perfect and I would not want him to be. It makes me sad that at 9 years olds he can't just go out and play but that he always has to be working out in his head if he is getting it right Maybe that's why I him so much. Oracle

I put it down to sensory overload myself. When we are altogether both Matthew and David are very OTT. David is now 19 and he is either hyper or can still on occasion tell everyone to shut up. It's the same with Matthew. I know for a fact that David finds it very difficult to take in anything when there is all sorts going on around him. So if he is in a room where more than one conversation is taking place or where there is a TV on then he quickly overloads. Matthew is the same and if we try to talk while he watching a programme he always tells us to shut up.

This was actually debated in the House of Commons. Both BIBIC and NAS took it up but BIBIC ran with it because this is sadly not an isolated case and just shows what can happen. BIBIC have taken this so seriously that they launched a national campaign about the issue - you can find details here http://www.bibic.org.uk/newsite/general/campaigns2.htm as I have said this is not an isolated incident and all it takes is one nasty neighbour talking to one Policeman that knows nothings about ASD and............ It made the news at the time but as far as I know no matter what anyone has done the ASBO stood - but I can not be 100% sure about that. Oracle

Totally 100% agree with everything that has been said however the following is for real and has happened it was actually last year and there was a huge stink but the ASBO stands. Oracle A 15-year-old boy with Asperger Syndrome and no criminal convictions whatsoever was ASBOed last month in a court in the South West with a condition that he was not to look over and stare into his neighbours? garden. Apparent the neighbours went to the police because the behaviour was persistent, the police then applied for an ASBO and the ASBO was granted. He is now prohibited from staring over his neighbours? fence. The court was aware of the condition. He was not known to the Youth Offending Team because of the absence of offences, so they were not in court. Asperger Syndrome is a form of autism that affects the way that an individual can communicate. Among some of the traits are: difficulty in communicating; difficulty in social relationships; lack of imagination and creative play. People with Asperger Syndrome love routines and often find change upsetting.

It's difficult to stick your nose in when you don't know the full story so I aplogise for getting it soooooooooooo wrong. Still not sure that sending him to his mates was the best solution because there he gets to do what he likes. But as for being his taxi service then maybe it's time to let him If you want to gain then don't give out pain. Oracle

I agree with Brook and Will. Your eldest son is still only a child himself and he has his own issues to deal with. Sending him to stay with a friend only sends out a message that the youngest is the favourite and resentment could well build. But of course this level of violence can not be allowed to continue. Where we live we have a counselling services for children and CAMHS also provide this service for families so that siblings get the support that they need. Maybe this is something you could look into. It's soooooooooo hard for NT children living with ASD siblings and at 16 he has his own needs which to him will be just as important as his brothers. Does he get any quality time with you are his dad? To a certain extent I have been here but my middle son also has AS so when his temper blew and he lifted his hands there was no way we could send him anywhere. We just set down rules and would not budge from them. That does not mean it all went like clockwork because nothing ever does but at the end of the day he eventually got the message. Oracle

Hope your son can overcome his nerves Suze so that you can 'seize' the moment Please let us know how it goes. Oracle

<'> <'> <'> I think that you have to await the brain scan. They must be taking something seriously as they don't arrange for brain scans for no reason. I would ceratinly sit on them until you get a date. There has to be a reason for this and it may be something that she can not help. On the other hand it may be something that she can be helped with. I battled for ten years to find out what the problem was mith my middle son so I can understand your fears but hopefully the brain scan is them opening the door for you this time. Don't feel guilty about your feelings I think we have all been there many times I know I have. You have a lot on your plate and you are only human. Oracle

Jools take a deep breath walk out the door and then enjoy yourself. You can pick up the pieces if necessary when you come home. And you never know it may go better than you think. No matter what she may be like she is a Mum herself and your kids will be safe with her. She may not understand fully and your daughter may have to help but she wont fail you totally. She wants to do this you need the break - and hell woman you are going to see Robbie Oracle

Well done you!!! I am not being sarcastic because I know just how hard it is to get them to do something they don't want to do. Also know about the putrid temper. Did he rip his sheets - David used to when he was in a temper - also his clothes that how come he HAD to have new ones. Oracle

Kirstie my mountain went missing weeks ago and stll has not returned homw. I figured not having a mountain made me special or maybe it's just a way of saying that we are unique - yes I like that Oracle

Another clever chap who takes after their parents ! Well done Auriel Your Mum has a right to be proud of you so don't shout to loud at her. Oracle

I can't offer any advice either really. I too have built personal hygene into the routine for both boys because I had some terrible years with David who just would not get bathed or change his clothes. I started binning em and he eventually ran out. However I got tough and told him that the PC and his games machine would be binned to if he did not play ball. Now he could not see the need to bath but I could so I just stuck to my guns. But I know that you play in a different ball game to me. To begin with it was once a week and he would huff and puff and blow the house down but now he is in the bath every day ofhis own free will. Matthew now aged 9 and sitting opposite me looking as if he is employed as a chimmney sweep is going the same way as David and can't see the need. But again this lady is not for turning. I know you say that he does not respond to bribery but what about food is that a motivator? I am not suggesting that you with-hold food. Maybe make something he can not resist and then say no bath no Spag Bol - which would be the carrot in this house. It's just a thought probably a bad one. Oracle

Ohhhhhhhhh I missed this first time around and probably just as well. Why Sunderland Canopus - do you live here to? Now while I am the first to admit that we have some hell holes because we do, I live in the middle of a middle class area where I dare not even go to the corner shop after 5pm because of all of the nice middle class children hanging around drinking and making life hell. The problem is not purely with working class parents or even those on the dole. In fact I will stick my neck out here and say that the problem is a double edged sword because the nice middle class children are latch key kids because both of their parents are working. We had kids living over the road to us, who have thankfully now moved, whose parents both worked. These kids had absolutely everything except parents who were there when they came home from school and during the six weeks holidays. To begin with Granny came and helped but as they got older they were left to it and there in lies the problem. Kids aged 11 plus don't just get on with it they get into trouble. These nice middle class parents would get soooooooooo angry if any of us dared to mention that the little darlings were anything less than that. Had Mummy or Daddy been home to look after the children and give them direction and a sense of right and wrong then I believe things would have been different. The problem lies with the parents no matter what class you are. Upper class kids are usually in the papers doing different things - like snorting coke or lap dancing. I am not an idiot having been a Chair of Governors at a school in Sunderland who is in the ninth most deprived ward in the whole of the UK, where most of the parents are one parent none working. I seen first hand for a number of years what things are like. However 4 miles down the road at our top Comprehensive School in a very good area they dance on the graves in a local cemetary, while holding their parties there. I know all about our demographics in Sunderland having studied them in Common Purpose. Parents in general are the problem not any sub section. But I firmly agree that in ten years time we will 'all' be living in fear. Oracle

Good new is the best kind of news. This is BRILLIANT NEWS and you have every right to be elated. Wish we could here her? Oracle

The local shop keepers love my two sons with ASD they always comment to me how polite they are and how they never push in or try to queue jump. They also comment that they are probably the only two where we live that ever say please or thankyou and I think that speaks volumes. If Matthew misbehaves I bring him in EVERY time. He gets a warning and then he's in. I get sick of the other parents with their empty threats. This spills over when their kids come into my house. I have never heard such cheek or disrespect, well at least with Matthew's friends. David's mates are older of course but have always behaved well around me. This is probaly why his best mate has been sleeping over here since he was 7 years old. In fact he used to move in during the six weeks hols. I would never ask any of Matthew's friends to sleep over because I could not stand it. We recently went to a playscheme with Matthew who asked if two of his friends could attend with him. Never again. They were screaming in the car and would not shut up when asked to. I don't have this with Matthew and never had it with David. I think in short what I am trying to say is give me my two any day ofthe week. Oracle