desperate

hi there some of you will no doubt remember the trials and tribulations we had with my son Neil whilst he was at school, they have proved to be nothing in comparison with the difficulties he has encountered since reaching adulthood, most of them could quite easily be considered to be of his own making but non the less they have proved very disturbing for him to handle and his depression levels have increased to sucidal proportions. During this time he also found that alcohol helped to make the world go away. A couple of months ago on his nineteenth birthday he went out to celebrate with a couple of friends. While he was out an empty flat was broken into and smashed up pretty badly. One of the boys, also autistic has been proven to be involved in this appaling incident, he had cut himself while breaking a window and has since been charged. Neil was questioned by the police and put on police bail, the other boy had reported to the police that Neil was there. Neil was interviewed by the police and denied all of this, he also said he was drunk and didn't know what he had been doing. After being put on police bail with a return date to the police station, he received a letter a few days later from the police to say that they had cancelled his bail and they were no longer investigating him. The other boys father has since made contact and said that he is certain Neil was there although the police found no evidence and he is demanding that we pay half of the fine his son will get. This boy has been told the fine could well be �2000 and he is likely to get a custodial sentence. Although I feel very sorry for this boy and his family and could not say whether Neil was there or not I must go with the denial made by Neil and the lack of any evidence found by the police I am now very concerned as to the future repercussions. It's all a very sorry mess

hi there my son was sent to the school at Banbury and in all honesty it has a high number of children with emotional behavioural disorder. Unfortuntely this children do not mix well with autistic children and they can find them selves in the same difficult sitution as at mainstream. Bullied and unable to cope.

hi bid the school I worked at did pass inspections and did contain the children. The classrooms were kept locked leading to all the staff walking around with hugh bunches of keys hanging from their trousers. The pupils were given very little in the way of distraction and one of the reasons I left was because I found it far too distressing to watch the kids biting chunks out of theirselves and pulling great clumps of hair out. One pupil banged his head constantly on the window until he bled. We used to have to "take the kids" out for a run every hour, which meant having to grab them by the hand and just run. Non of the kids enjoyed this in any way. They were put in the playgound for breaks etc whatever the weather where most of them sat on the floor or just wandered around.

IF YOU REMEMBER WE HAD ALL THESE DIFFICULTIES WITH OUR SON NEIL. hE WAS PLACED AT THREE RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS, AL PRIVATE, AND NON OF THEM WERE PREPARED TO KEEP HIM. i HAVE PLACE PREVIOUS THREADS ON THIS SITE TRYING TO TELL PARENTS THAT THESE SCHOOLS ARE NOT ALWAYS THE ANSWER. bECAUSE THEY ARE INDEPENDANT THEY ARE NOT GOVERNED BY THE SAME LAWS THAT SURROUND STATE RUN SCHOOLS. I HAD MMANY BATTLES WITH THE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION ABOUT THESE ISSUES AND THE BOTTOM LINE WAS IF THEY WERE SUBJECT TO THE SAME LAWS ETC THEN THEY WOULD NOT BE INDEPENDENT. I WAS EVEN TOLD THAT"IF A SCHOOL CHOSE TO EXCLUDE THE DAY AFTER A CHILDS ARRIVAL THEN THEY COULD. THEY ARE ALSO ENTITLED TO KEEP THE TERMS FEES. I KNOW SOME SCHOOLS DO IN FACT WORK FOR SOME OF OUR CHILDREN BUT THE MORE CHALLENGING ONES ARE NOT REALLY ACCEPTED AT ANY SCHOOL, UNLESS THEY HAVE SUCH A LOW IQ THAT THEY ARE PLACED AT SCHOOLS WHICH ARE NOT MUCH MORE THAN CONTAINMENT PLACES. I KNOW I WORKED AT ONE.

Hi all, Neil got a final written warning yesterday at his disciplinary meeting. Its to stay on his record for a year. He has also been told that he will be given much more training in how to work alongside his co workers and given strategies in what to do when he feels that stressed again. He is also being given a mentor who is going to report regularly on how he is coming along. I just thak god he wasn't sacked.

thanks for all your words of help and advice. We don't know what the day of the hearing is yet, Neil should hopefully get a letter through the post today. I hope it won't be long, it certainly should be this week. The shop is Neil's world, he even spends his days off there, so not being able to even set foot on the premises is having a massive effect on him. We even spent his holiday touring other ......... stores across England to see how they compared to his!

Hi there, Neil has been working very successfully at a local soft furnishing shop for just over a year. He has done very very well there and has been made senior sales assistant. He has also had a commendation from the managing director of the company for stopping a shop thief form getting away with his loot. He has made friends and has always received very high marks on his appraisals. He is never off sick and works as many hours as they ask him, sometimes up to 60 hours a week. His boss has often said how hard he works and are there any more like him at home He has also never been in any trouble there, a massive achievement given his history, exclusion from every school he went to and no qualifications Unfortunately on friday he was involved in an altercation with another member of staff, an asperger young man. The other person swore repeatedly at neil and in the end he resorted to swearing himself. This was observed by three witnesses. sadly all this happened on the shop floor. The manager has said that he is not interested in who started it, they both swore, a fair comment, and has suspended both of them on full pay until a hearing next week. The manager expects both of them to be sacked. Does neil have any rights, given that he is autistic, and has never been in any trouble there before, no warnings of any sort and he admitted he was wrong, apologised and said he would ensure it never happened again. This shop is his entire world, he even spends his days off there.

hi there a non maintained school is a private school. The lea will have to agree to fund Steves palcement there. They can range from �15000 upwards a term. hope this helps

my son went to two residential schools, neither of them were asd specific. Due to his severe behavioural difficulties they were not able to accommodate his needs, which were in conflict with the other students. This meant that both the schools used "garden leave" weekly and this resulted in him being home more than at school. Until both schools in turn decided that they were unable to meet his needs and told the lea that they were not an appropriate environment for him. This caused many more problems for my son and the family as a whole. He felt more rejected and less inclined to "trust" or try and spend more and more time in his own room and his own world. This is still the situation. I think many resendential schools do have the qualities, understanding and abilities to help our children. Many do not. A residential special school that takes a variety of complex needs students are very often unable to ensure the school and residential environment is one in which the asd student can feel safe and protected. This does result in the same behaviours seen at mainstream schools and does ultimately leed to the same result, exclusion. I think from experience I would ensure that the school does really understand the needs of the asd student who exhibits severe behavioural difficulties and not just assume that because it is a special school that these difficulties will recede or be accepted. An asd specific school will always be the best option but the cost of these is very often prohibitive to the lea.

I work in a school for children with severe autism and severe learning difficulties and I have to say that I very often go home in tears. As much as i love the work, and it's the children I want to work with it can be very difficult to see them so distressed that they are damaging themselves or damaging property. I can honestly say that there are very few days when I am not thumped, bitten, kicked or have my hair pulled. With the best will in the world, and all the understanding in the world for the children's high levels of anxiety and confusion, these things are so upsetting that you end in tears. This never means though, that you are not 100% behind supporting the kids, it's just part of the natural gambit of emotions that all humans will go through when witnessing or being on the receiving end of these very difficult behaviours.

There s often a discrepancy between speech and comprehension and although using pecs can be seen as a backwards step it can however be increasing the childs understanding of the world around them. It also can gice them more oppertunity to become more involved in choice, what to have for breakfast etc and help them to express likes and dislikes. A verbal choice, do you want orange or blackcurrent squash, can often be answered with the last option, and not really the preferred answer. It can help the over anxious or aggressive child by giving them another avenue to communicate with others.

I watched the programme and it did indeed have a feel warm factor. My autistic son watched it with me as the school scenes were filmed at the school he was asked to leave because he showed too many autistic traits. He seemed to like seeing the building again though, and some of the kids were in his tutor group. Hopefully th film will have made the staff there more aware of the impact on the whole family, especially as its not an asd specific school, and most of the students are ebd.

Hi there you may remember that my son Neil lost his place at a residential special school last January, because the school felt that they could not alter people's perceptions of him, or alter his reactions to them. Anyway whilst he was at school he managed to gain the duke of edingburgh bronze award. This was sadly his only ever achievement in a very turbulent school career. He was congratulated on the manner in which he had tackled all the tasks and on the great effort he had put in to pass the course. Unfortunately he was "excluded" from school before he was presented with his certificate and medal. Since last January I have e mailed the school, monthly to ask them when he would be receiving them, all with no response. Last month I decided to contact the head office of the D.O.E to ask them to intervene. They did this and I received an e mail saying that the school were very behind in their paperwork, although all the other students had had their award last Easter. Still nothing else came so I contacted the D.O.E again. Yesterday we received his record book and a note to say that he had not actually completed the course so they had been unable to issue the award. Luckily the D.O.E office phoned to see if we had had any joy. I explained the situation and he asked me to read all that was written in his log book. He confirmed that he had actually passed it but the school had been negligent in not getting it signed off officially. He can however rectify this by my sending it to him personally. He is also going to investigate the schools attitude. I feel very angry that not only did the school prevent him from completing his school qualifications but also seem to have tried to prevent him from receiving reconisition for him one success. If this is the school ethos I can now understand why an asd person with his level of difficulties was unable to cope in such an envronment.

Hi there We all know that our children are constantly being excluded from school. The ASD diagnosis is not a safeguard against this happening. My son Neil did a total of six terms in school, and no home education was provided whilst he was out of school. The lea said that they had no home tutors qualified to teach an asd child with his level of difficulties. Unfortunately small units or special schools are not always the answer either. These also use exclusion on a very regular basis if the child is exhibiting behaviours that are a threat, perceived or otherwise, to either themselves or others. Most asd units are attatched to mainstream schools, the pupils still have to attend classes with nt children and abide by the conduct code of the school. They still have to conform to what is deemed to be acceptable behaviour and they still struggle to be part of a world that is very difficult for them to understand. Many special schools either residential or day are not asd specific and the staff are often no more "asd friendly" than a mainstream school staff. The pupils have a variety of special needs from ebd, adhd, conduct disorder etc. and this can make the classrooms more difficult for the asd student to cope with because of the very diverse and complex needs of every individual, not just one or two. Very few asd children are funded at asd specific schools due to the high cost of these establishments and many more go through a system of failure upon failure. I fought really hard over the years to get some educational provision for Neil, that would help to mitigate his difficulties and provide some basis to give him a future he could feel was worth while and valued. His perceived failures have left him with less self esteem and personal value than he had before we started on the long road of battle, he has no qualifications, trusts no one and never leaves the house. Had I had the time over again I would never put him through such ordeals again, the pain was too great for so little return.

Neil had no speech until he was almost ten. He had speech therapy from the age of two and was also under a professor of linguistics because his speech was so intractable. Although his speech is now in the normal range(he is now sixteen) he still has consistant difficulty with understanding conversation and struggles to find the words he wants to use. His conversation is therefore slow and ponderous. It is also spoken in a monotonous tone. He has no descriptive vocabulary and is unable to recall verbally events. He loves films and watches them constantly, often the same film, however if you ask him what the film was about he frequently can't tell you. We are over the moon though that his speech is at this level, we were told that he would in all probility never master speech, and it is a testament to his determination that he has achieved so much.

Hi there, 25 hours support covers the five teaching hours per day. To get lunch time cover you have to have 30 hours a week support. This is probably why the school are saying that they would have to fund the other five hours. they would need to employ someone to cover those hours If your son needs cover for lunch time you need to get the statement altered to specify 30 hours per week.

hi there. Neil has no empathy with others. He has no understanding at all that other people have feelings wants or needs. He has no understanding of poverty or illness and can't understand why we all get upset at films showing people starving in other countries or of people with disabilities or are badly disfigured. He will actually "giggle" sometimes at these films. He has no understanding of emotion in others and virtually no understanding of his own emotions. If he "knows" some emotional response is required he will pick anyone and very often it's the wrong one.

Hi there. As a teaching assistant I'm wondering where the 15 hours mornings come from. That would make each school morning five hours long. The learning support is generally for teaching hours which is generally five hours per day making a total of twenty five hours per week. To cover lunch breaks this would have to be thirty hours per week. If a student needs to be covered for the lunch break then funded has to be supplied by the lea. Yes the lsa does need to have a mid morning break and a lunch break but this is covered by either someone employed for that purpose or the "named" lsa can take an early lunch when there is someone else available in the classroom. The school does not have to cover the cost if support is of a level to cover the lunch hour, the funding will be for the full 30 hours

Hi there just thought I would give you all an update on Neil since he was "thrown out " of his special residential school, not excluded but school felt as they could not alter the perception others had of him it was not fair to continue to place him in a situation that he couldn't cope with. Anyway, he has been going to the local college for three sessions a week to study key skills, as he has no qualifications at all and has had a very limited time at school since the age of five. Six terms in total and he is now 16. He has been doing I.T numeracy and literacy. The classes are very small and made up mostly of "older" students who for one reason or another have no qualifications, the average age is 30. He is doing so well, and the tutors say he is a joy to have in the class. I can't tell you how much of a turn around it has been for him. He doesn't feel threatened in any way his LSA is trained in asd and for the first time ever he is coping outside the home. I wonder why I fought so hard to keep him at school and so unhappy and why I thought school was the place that would help him to mitigate his difficulties. The college seem to have so much more idea of his needs and anxieties. I hope this gives some hope to any of you who are in the same situation as we have been for so very long. There might be light after the darkness of school.

Hi there, you may remember that we have had a battle with the residential school my son was "unofficially excluded from. He hasn't been to school since 30th January and his placement has now ceased. Anyway we have been sending mail to the school with regard his school records and other relevent paperwork in regards to his time at the school. We also asked the principal to investigate the bullying issue involving some care staff and some students. We have never received any of this information despite asking weekly and pointing out to the school that they were legally obliged to provide the paperwork. Neil's tutor also left the school in support of Neil. We have now had a letter from the school saying that they have given all of our correspondence to their insurance brokers, who will contact us shortly, and any further communication from us should be with them and not the school. I can't understand why they have put this in the hands of insurance brokers, if they disagree with us surely they would involve the school solicitor. We still have not had the requested paperwork, and it seems unlikely that the insurance brokers would be in a position to supply any of it. Any ideas as to what the school are doing?

Hi all, I think people miss the point of what I am trying to fight against. My arguement is that the LEA'S are forced, in a lot of cases, to put our children in Independent special schools. They are trying in these cases to do the best they can due to the very limited provision for our children. As we know state special schools do not take many ASD children, as they are too bright, PRU'S are full of EBD children, and there is often too much stimulus in that environment for our children to cope with. Main stream is very rarely the right place and the teachers do not have the expertise to help ASD children. This leaves the option of home education or the independent school. These schools are costly, very often residential, and they are not covered by the legislation that state schools are and very often put ASD children out of school with no recourse for the parents or the child. My complaint is not with the LEA'S but with the lack of this legislation and the lack of state privision for the kids. I have written to Ruth Kelly, David Cameron, the disability rights commission, newspapers to try to correct this loophole. We do not send our children to these provisions because we want private education for them, but to try to effect a reasonable education for them when there is nowhere else. The legislation should not be the same as for schools such as Eton, they are funded by LEA's and there fore by the government. We are never going to effect a change that would truely help our children when we all continue to fight our own little battles.

Hi there all Hope you are having a good easter. As you know my son has been "dumped out " of his special residential school. I have been working hard to find a way to prevent these independent schools from doing this, and from using unofficial exclusion. Apparently there is no legislation that covers these school with regard to exclusion policies, the dfes just said that it is not a practise that is condoned and they would hope that independent schools would not act in such a way. Neil was sent home from school in january and never allowed to return. His annual review was on 8th March and this was when the lea and ourselves were told by the principal of the school that they would not be taking him back. He had had no educational provision during this time despite our repeated requests. The dfes have said that an independent school could in all reality take a student today, receive funding for them and them say tomoorow that they can't meet that students needs and send them home on "outreach", or time out. I want to try to take this much much further, in my sons case, and many others there is no real alternative to independent schooling but they and the parents have no control about the decisions made by the schools. Because he was never excluded he had no right to appeal the decision or put his case forward. He was also working in year ten but should have been in year eleven, so chronologically he is of the age to leave school. He has therefore been left with no qualifications, or the ability to go to mainstream college, this due to his difficulty in coping in groups of more that three or four. He also have a proufound language deficit and as his speech therapy was done at school he is now without all of the things that might enable him to lead a fullfilling adulthood. I have written to many mp's etcand got absolutely nowhere. All you get is "well independent schools are different, they have their own policies and procedures". This is ok if you have paid to sent your child to an elite school but these special schools are not elitist, they are the ladt hope for many children and are paid for by LEA'S so therefore the government. Please help me to fight to change this practise. It won't help my son but it may help yours.

Hi all, As you may know Neil has been out of school again since 30 January on an unofficial exclusion. He was going to an independent special school, not specifically for ASD. He hit a child with a snooker cue while he was surrounded by a group of boys who were harrassing him, and verbally very abusive. This had been going on for some time, the school had said that this was happening. He had an annual review on 8th March where the head said she did not intend to take him back but wanted to put him on outreach support from the school until the end of the summer term. This out reach was for an lsa to come once a week and give him some maths and english. We refused this. The leas has told the school that they will stop his funding at the end of this term. We agree with this as there is little point in the leas continuing to pay funding when they don't intend to allow him back to school. There has been other very serious incidents at the school that have been unprovoked and premeditated. the boys involved were the same ones that bully Neil but they were given only short fixed term exclusion for these incidents. We have the backing of Neil's phschiatrist to take this matter to court but wonder how to go about it. we don't want to go to sendist as we are not looking to get him back into school nor do we want them to just change their policies. The head felt that it would be unfair to put Neil back into those types of situations and said she could not change how others perceive him. Any ideas to help us? Neil has ASD profound language difficulties and ad.

Hi there, Neil has been p excluded from three schools, he has had a statement since he was five, he is now in year ten. He has a diagnosis of. ASD AD and he also has a PROFOUND LANGUAGE DISORDER. His literacy and numeracy skills are at level three. At the moment he has been on an "unofficial exclusion" since 30th January, with no educational provision speech therapy etc. The school, and independent one said:- Neil's perspective of life is well out of step with his peers and the staff at school. They were unable to alter the way others saw Neil as a result of this and could not stop they way he was being treated by the others. (His bullying and harrassment led him to hit another pupil.) They said it would not be fair to him to keep him in a situation that he clearly couldn't cope with. They therefore did not feel justified in excluding him and felt he would be better on outreach.( So far he has had no outreach), with support from the school. (no support). The LEA are now looking for another placement for him, but this could take months, if it happens at all. because it is an independent school the legislation is different to state schools it seems we have no redress.

I wasn't advocating the school or otherwise, I was merely asking if it was the same school that was being put up as a possibility for Neil to attend. We haven't made any decision yet, I don't even know if we want him to go to another school. how many times do I want my son put through failure maybe he's better off at home away from having to struggle with social communication and interaction