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I'm sorry for not replying earlier (dp has been off work with a hurt back and I haven't had much PC time) but I wanted to say a true thank you to those who replied - you were so kind and it really does help that other people have been in the same situation. Ds#2 is still being quite challenging (but it seems to be mainly after nursery for a few hours when he's really hard work then he settles back down a bit) but I've resisted the urge to ring Health Visitors, Child and Family Centres etc! His nursery teacher says he seems a bit happier this week (but I didn't know he wasn't). A mum approached me at school today and asked if I was feeling better after the incident. She was really nice but it doesn't help that I have been officially spotted wailing and sobbing in public - what can you do though?! Off to see the GP next week in the hope that I can be prescribed a nice antidepressant in the hope of sailing serenely through the havoc that we wreck every time we leave the house instead of crying. Am already on antidepressants but everything seems to be making me cry atm!

I think you handled a difficult situation well. None of us want to restrain our children and it's especially hard when you're called into school as you always think how you deal with your child is being scrutinised. I hope you're ok today as it does leave you absolutely shaken and emotional afterwards. x

At 5 my son had quite a bad stutter for about 6 months or so. It seemed to go of it's own accord but was a worry at the time. We saw a speech therapist and I can't remember all she said but I think mostly the advice was to ignore it and not to finish the sentence for him and also not to draw attention to it as he wasn't aware of the problem and us pointing it out could have made him worse. G still speaks very fast - I mostly understand him but it has been pointed out that he can be quite difficult to understand by various professionals. Problem is now if you tell him to slow down a bit he can go in the huff and you never find out what he was saying (although at a guess it probably involves Star Wars!)

I took ds#2 (3) to soft play today after nursery to meet our friends. I was approached by the supervisor who was going around asking who's child he was to be told he'd scratched 3 children. One was being carried by a different woman and had blood running down his face and wasn't very happy (I apologised profusely). I went to get ds who was still playing where I'd last seen him and he looked quite happy as if nothing had happened. So get back to my seat feeling sick then the tears start. My friend said I should really find out who the children's mothers were and apologise (I would have anyway but wanted to stop crying!) I tried to calm down, found the first mum who was part of a large group (easy to find by the glares we were getting) and apologised but by then I was crying - they were quite unpleasant. I understand they were none too thrilled at having their child scratched (I never found out who's child in the group he actually was as they were all having a go) but I was apologising and obviously upset. They point out the other child who I'd seen earlier who was now with his mum and I went to apologise to her. She was lovely and that made me cry even harder - you know when you start really crying and can't even breathe. Then I felt even worse for crying all over her. By now I think everyone in the place was staring at me. So go back to my seat and I really couldn't breathe at all even with my inhaler. I've neevr had one but it felt like a panic attack must feel like. Get our stuff together and leave having made as big a spectacle of myself as possible. I will never darken their doors again! It feels like same old same old again. I already have one child who I can't go anywhere with as he's likely to hurt other people I can't do this with ds#2. I don't know how I missed it happening either as I'm always on edge when out anyway due to ds#1s childhood. It also seems like such an extreme thing for a 3 yr old to do - to scratch a child's face until he drew blood, and 2 other children too. None of my friend's children are so violent. I almost rang the HV (but didn't as I cried all afternoon instead) but don't think he has asd - I've had worries before but he does play with imagination and we've had none of the quirky things (liking lampshades and fans etc) that we had with ds#1. Ds#2 started nursery in November and has gotten worse since then I think. He's usually very whingy and prone to tantrums afterwards for a good few hours. It could be because he sees more tantrums, throwing things, hitting at home (ds#1) than the average 3 yr old would. Just feeling really fed up and tearful today and thought most people here wouldn't mind listening to me, I dare say most here have had a sense of being the social pariah on occasion. I've never reacted likeI did today before even with ds#1 - I've shed tears before but never sobbed so hard in public I really couldn't breathe. It must be lovely to be able to go out with your children and not be on edge the whole time. The ds#1 came home and has reached 'level 2 Padawan' at school by getting his 10th 'light sabre' for a good day - 2 extremes of behavior in one day.

Thank you Kathryn - that's clearer and what I originally thought before confusing myself!

I've tried to empathise that in the report but you've inspired me to go back and add that this is a characteristic of asd! We seem to have no pattern (apart from the obvious end of term ones) and it can go from G being no different to any other child in his class to thinking he really needs to be in a special school. It gets very confusing in my head!

Thank you - I will investigate. That sounds likely. My views on why I wanted G assessed were in answer to 5 questions set by them and only 1 side of A4 long (I restrained myself until they decided whether to assess, thinking they would then ask me for a further report). Now they seem to have taken this as my total input.

I have a document that is 6 pages long and not quite finished (will need to be trimmed I think!) and am currently trying to write what I think G needs lol lol. So far I said we need - - speech therapy concentrating on the social side of language (rather than the short burst of say 'shh', say 'th' which we had recently and which wasn't our primary concern anyway) - Full time one to one support (he currently gets 5 mornings but it was recently agreed that he isn't accessing the curriculum during the afternoon) - a continuation of the visual supports, work station, home-school diary, social stories etc that we already have - social skills programme - anger management Is there anything really obvious I haven't mentioned? Infact any tips for writing this thing would be greatly appreciated! (I've read the sticky above and am working from that layout)

Thank you for replying, some useful reading there. I've read this and wondered if someone can clarify as the last sentence (29 days etc) is something I'd not heard - do I have a time limit in which to make my parental representation? Deciding that a statutory assessment is necessary 7:68 Within six weeks of notifying parents that a statutory assessment is being considered or within six weeks of parents, schools and settings requesting an assessment, the LEA must tell the parents and the school or setting (if they made the request) whether or not they will make a statutory assessment. The 29-day period within which parents may make representations is part of the six weeks.

Not sure about key stage but I started 'year 10' in September 1990 but uptil then the years were still called 'first year', 'second year', 'third year' etc.

Thanks for taking the time to answer - I do see what you mean. I think ours is a bit of a shady area. They were rehearsing the Christmas play and I had prewarned them that he'd taken a particular dislike to one of the songs (singing generally is something he dislikes) but apparently this time he'd been sitting nicely, when asked to move by the teacher he said no and when either asked again (teacher bent down) he kicked her with both feet. I wouldn't take it any further, obviously it's a long time ago and he did kick his teacher. We also followed this up with a really boring day at home doing school work and us giving a very clear message that violence isn't on. I was just curious is the grand scheme of thing if school had acted wrongly. I would be very unhappy with an asd child being threatened with the police! Has your son been off school since? My son reacts very badly to certain things and the new school work on a policy of backing off and distraction then discussing the incident later if he will talk about it, there have been times when people have tried to put their foot down and the situation escalates rapidly, sounds like it's been a bit like that with your son. Anyway congratulations on standing your ground!

Well done smt2, you sound as though you've done a lot of hard work and been very profession (ignoring cheap personal shots can't have been easy) Just out of curiosity, generally speaking, how can you tell if the exclusion was because of a child's disability? My AS son was excluded (fixed term) aged 5 for kicking his teacher on the basis that he knew exactly what he was doing. We thought 'fair enough' but the various professionals working with G were a bit outraged. We didn't appeal or anything - infact we apologised profusely. He's no longer at that school and the new school have put up with a lot worse with no (formal) exclusions.

I haven't been able to post for a month or so (PC probs - could read but not post) but just wanted to share that G (7) is going to be assessed. We got a fairly standard letter - it didn't ask us for a parental report though, shouldn't they have asked us to do one? We did get asked to fill in a very short form while they were deciding whether to assess and it said if we have anything else to add get in touch. Am I being pedantic? I'll send one anyway lol! Only problem is since Christmas we're having a really good spell and everyone seems to think he's cured! The last bad spell lasted from Easter in Y1 until this Christmas, it does come and go in waves and I remember having an idential situation in nursery - when the ed psych finally went in we were having a good spell. Bad spells are quite long lasting and dramatic though so if we aren't given a statement we will definately appeal. We're the ones who have known G the longest and witnessed the up and downs behaviourwise. Any good links on what I need to know now and good people to help would be appreciated. I've started the parental report using one of the templates on the stickies above.

We have a diagnosis of ASD / Aspergers because it is 'unclear whether G had a speech delay at an early age'.

My son didn't get 'enough' points on the ADOS but was still diagnosed with HFA / AS shortly afterwards. Apparently him passing the ADOS did not rule out an ASD. Just to say that not enough ADOS points doesn't always mean 'not an ASD' It must be really hard no to have any definate answers yet, I do feel for you.

I'm very impressed that it's available to us all and free. I thought when it was on the news that it would probably benefit us and would have been prepared to pay. Have ordered a copy

Well mine was 7 a few weeks ago but Thomas was still acceptable last year when my sonwas 5 going on 6, if not quite 'the thing'. Here, 6yr old boys seems to like Pokeman, Dr Who (v popular as currently on TV) and my own little darling is a big Star Wars fan as are a few boys in his class. G started his Star Wars interest after he was given a Playstation 2 and the Lego Star Wars game and it finally moved him on from Thomas - which I was quite sad about as I like Thomas - but at least Star Wars means he has something in common with his classmates. He particularly likes the droids!

We've had the same problem for the last 2 years. It started with G being scared of a Thomas the Tank film which had Diesel in it with a big grabber. Eventually the fear of Diesel went but the fear of being alone remained and is one of our biggest problems. I used to have to lie in bed until G was asleep but we sort of eased the situation by making the bunk beds into 2 single beds pushed together. Unfortunately now he won't sleep in his own bed but needs to be in his brothers and sometimes L doesn't want G in bed so there's hysterics! G is still very anxious and up and down with every noise and sometimes there's tears in the night and he wants me in his bed / in our bed etc but melatonin has helped him go over reasonably quickly before he gets the chance to get himself really worked up. I try no to stay if possible so it doesn't become a set routine but say I'm popping down to make tea / do dishes etc and will be right back, sometimes the situation needs me to be putting clothes away in my bedroom etc (if he's really worried) but I really try to be downstairs if possible. I've found trying to talk about the fears pretty useless, no amount of reassurance or talking things over ever worked. Distraction helps sometimes - we did have a DVD on to distract him but stopped that as he was staying awake longer and longer. Sympathies though as it's hard. ETA: Talking to various psychologists lately (on Early Bird Plus) they have said that trying to get the child to face their anxiety a little may help the child to realise that there's nothing bad will happen and that the anxiety level they feel at being alone will go down and the child needs this to happen to learn this will happen if that makes sense. I've always dealt with it the other way (sat with him etc) and hoped it would go away by itself in time but that made me think - if not actually be brave enough to actually go through with insisting he be alone / go to the loo alone. Dp thinks I 'pander' and he should be made to go to the loo alone etc

I'm 30 years old and have reverted to teenage stroppiness with my mam and I'm not even sure why really. She's a fantastic help and support and the only one who has the boys at all and something in me seems to be in revolt. Tonight she offered to help me walk the boys to school in the summer as I was bemoaning my recent weight gain and the fact that it's not possible to walk them there (25 min+ walk with busy roads and they both need lots of attention, no sense of danger, G feels free to shout at random pedestrians, etc). It's hard enough to get them from the car park in to school. So fair enough, a nice offer so why do I then refuse saying I need to feel as though I can do things for myself. And everyone else takes their own children to school (huge generalisation there I know). She also said how good G has been this weekend and I got stroppy again saying yes but that's not to assume everything is fine - just that I have given up on going out of the house (he's not too bad in the house) She's lovely and caring and helpful - as well as being the only relative on either side who actually does help so why do my hackles rise so easily at the minute? I'm wondering if it's because she's now given up work and we see her most days. But there's many the time when I'm grateful for the help. There's absolutely no pleasing me and I don't even understand what my own problem is so can't begin to explain it to anybody else. Well done for getting this far!

As others have said it comes in waves for me. Sometimes I am eaten up with worry and it's rattling around my head constantly, my current worry is G is being assessed for a statement ans whether we should move him to the local asd unit and that seems to be ALL I think about and I can't get to sleep for thinking. Other times I'm ok, mostly fine and getting on with life. As other people have said I do feel bitter and sad and eaten up with anger at the people who look at us (him) with disdain when he acts up when out, the same people would probably be very sympathetic if he was in a wheelchair or looked different. But as time goes on I'm caring less and less about what other people think - that has come very hard to me as I care far too much about what other people think.

Karen - the following links might help: I had them handy as just looked them up for a friend. Claiming DLA Contact A Family (DLA info) http://www.cafamily.org.uk/FactsheetDLA.pdf Cerebra - their DLA guide is vey good and helpful. http://www.cerebra.org.uk/Parent+Support/DLA_guide.htm National Autistic Society http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=1040&a=3824 http://www.nas.org.uk/nas/jsp/polopoly.jsp?d=1041&a=3330

Glad to hear you were taken seriously and that Kai is going in a new taxi from now on. x

My son is somewhat hospital phobic too but has surprised us each time he has had blood taken, he's had it done a couple of times between the age of 4 and 6. The cream on his hand worried him a bit and we did have problems getting him to have it on which we hadn't expected so hadn't really prepared him for. In the end Daddy had the cream on too! For actually having it done he sat facing Dad, legs either side with his hands out of sight while I fed him sweets! It went fine. Also worth explaining in advance to hospital staff in advance that your son has an asd and what they can do to help.

We often go in November and January. However surprisingly the once we went in June was quieter - don't know if that was a fluke!

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply, there's such a lot to think about but it really is a help to read about what made you move or not move your own children. In one way I wish we'd not moved him a year ago but the asd teacher said even waiting 6 months for a possible statement in that school was too long, mind you she also said he didn't need a statement and would be fine in a supportive environment. It's the fact that we've moved him once and it's been very hard and very distressing for him that makes it harder to move him again if need be. I think we'll visit the special schools and units and also I think what we really need is a really frank discussion with the Head of his current school. Ie if he continues as he is...how do they feel, what will happen etc. His consultant at the hospital mentioned that the violence will be harder to cope with and they may be less willing to accept it as he gets older. And what does the Head think academically? She seems very nice and supportive but I remember when G started the previous Head said that as they had places they had to have him regardless (!) so I'm worried that they're scared to say too much in case of disability discrimination etc! Will let you know how we get on - by the end of this month we should know if we're being assessed for a statement. xx