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Thank you all for the replies! Baddad I had that blooming book and ebayed it! How annoying - I had a purge of all the books cluttering up the bedside table and it went the journey along with 'Sibling Rivalry', 'How to Talk So Kids Will Listen' and the 'No Cry Sleep Solution'. I may be forced to buy it again. I think I've went too far post diagnosis (coming up 2 years) with trying to understand and trying not to discipline for things he might not be able to help. The problem is going to be how to regain control! I find it very, very difficult to tell between 'ASD' and 'naughty' Violence is easy - zero tolerance but other things - I'm torn between thinking I asked for it for going out at all, not doing a visual timetable, forgetting his (new so not used to taking it) CD player with Star War music therefore I shouldn't punish him? Or at the first shout (kerfuffle at the escalator) should we have went promptly home? I do strongly feel that he's 6 and we (I) only have a limited time to get this sorted. I'm also rapidly coming around to thinking I'm going to have to be more like my dp even though I do feel he's too hard at times. Don't tell my dp though! He thinks he's super parent already! He makes mistakes too though - recently when G was excluded from school - dp got him to decide his own punishment which turned out to be (after the first suggestion of 'maybe you should strangle me' was rejected) 6 weeks of no playstation. Feel a bit sad though that I try so hard, read everything I can and am still getting it wrong. Don't mean that in a self pitying way, just fact. Edited to add - I'm really grateful for the suggestions and there's lots to think about there, if anyone has anything to add or say how they'd have handled things differently I wouldn't be offended. The other thing that confuses me is that I've read 'there's always a reason for the behaviour' and to try and find out what it was, understand etc - should I still be punishing this behaviour (ie playstation ban, no TV etc)?

Agree with the tooth fairy! G lost both bottom teeth a few month ago and getting ?1 cheered him up no end (although I almost forgot with the second one and had to sneak it under first thing in the morning - thankfully he wasn't up at 5am that day!) Like the above poster - G opened a packet with his teeth and the tooth got stuck at a right angle to the rest - lots of blood and he was hysterical as it wouldn't go back in position. Luckily it dropped out later that evening. There are a few books about and maybe his own social story about his teeth and how they might drop out. Maybe mention that A, B and C in his class have had teeth drop out and got money from the tooth fairy so it's more 'real' and personal?

I'm not after help or advice (although if anyone has any I'll gladly accept it!) but am beginning to feel at the absolute end of my tether with ds#1 (6 with AS). I really thought he'd calm down in the holidays and he is happy-ish in the house but leaving the house is a nightmare. Today we went into town as I really needed to go to the bank and for some more Eye-Q. G is obsessed with getting the front seat on the metro which is fine as if someone is sitting there he'll stand at the front but if it's really busy then I can't let him force his way down there as I need him next to me and ds#2 incase something happens so lots of shouting and threats to kill people. On the escalator someone had dropped 5p, I said he couldn't pick it up (too dangerous where it was) end up restraining him with more shouting and threats to kill and he still managed to dart away and get it - luckily his fingers are intact but it made my blood run cold. We went into the bank, he shouted and screamed - we came out. So we went into a cafe (one G particularly likes - they have revolving fans and a picture of a train!) for fish and chips for lunch. As I was ordering the food I could already hear him shouting (my mam had taken the boys to get a seat), then his food arrived and he tipped his juice over on it by accident - he went absolutely, absolutely ... can't think of a word! I had to physically restrain him (again) with my mam, kicking screaming and trying to bite. He was shouting that he was going to kill the waitress (for giving him a cup of juice that was 'too full' - in his world it was her fault) and any body else that looked at him and how he was going to kick the juice machine - obviously for giving him a faulty cup that spilt . We eventually got him to sit down and tried to calm him (saying I'd get him another lunch etc) but he shouted and screamed and threatened for a good 15 minutes. In the meantime my mam swopped lunches with ds#2 (it really wasn't that wet!) who ate it quite happily so ds#1 ate his (started another row this evening with how cruel we were for giving L a 'wet' lunch). I felt that I'd dealt with it well, debating in retrospect whether we should have upped and left but the deciding factor mid crisis was that it was a very narrow cafe and there was no chance of getting him out - lashing out and screaming - without someone's lunch or person getting hurt. Also the waitresses and 'evil' juice machine were at the end where the door was and at that point I think he'd have went for them. And ds#2 was looking forward to his lunch. However, just to really really show myself up as soon as he calmed down and was eating and chatting normally I started crying and couldn't stop. Knocked my contact lens out and couldn't see either! At the end the waitress came over and we apologised and she said 'it's fine, it's not your fault' then went away and came back with two lollies for the boys and her being nice set my eyes off watering again. Going home was a nightmare too and by the time I got home I had the shakes. These aren't just one off incidents any more though. G has become seriously violent to anyone or anything. I feel as though he has taken control of the household - when dp isn't around - and I need to get it back and I'm not sure how. I simply can't go out with the boys alone (ds#2 is 2 and prone to running off too) I've complained before how I feel that dp is too harsh and disciplines for things which G can't help but at least he isn't totally dominated which is how I am beginning to feel (although I do still say no). It's pathetic feeling dominated by a 6yr old. He can go out with G without the epic style meltdowns that I have (although saying that if G starts when out with dp he is physically picked up and taken home - which I can't do) I'm thinking about ringing the child and family unit tomorrow and also Social Services to chase up our carers assessment but no sure what they can do to help - my mam asked about medication today which sort of proves how extreme today was. He won't go with anyone (apart from me or dp) so I'm not sure what sort of respite could be offered. My mam offered to have him for a few days but he won't go - I could take him and run but I know he'd lash out at her and she has arthritis and I'm not prepared to have her kicked and hit. I suppose our main priorities behaviourally are shouting, threats and violence (someone bumped into him on the way home and apologiesd but got shouted at and called stupid). I have no idea how to tackle these - I've tried social stories about various things such as 'accidents' and time outs for shouting. It's so constant I don't think a star chart would work unless it was for 1 minute time spans. Is there anything 'anger management' style for a young child? Should we just stay in forever? Ds#1 is unable to occupy himself at all unless it involves a screen (when I turn them off he follows me non-stop including the loo and talks about Star Wars to me) so I feel the need to drag him out now and again. I don't like ds#2 seeing all of this and now he's beginning to copy some of G's expressions (threatening to put me in the bin! And also hitting) Sorry this is so long.

You must be so shocked. Take it easy and let your parents take care of you for a bit. Hope you're ok - why on earth did she bother with all the other stuff yesterday?! Thinking of you.

Ds has always had a problem seperating from me going to school - he's fine for dp but when I take him there's a 50% chance of hysteria, clinging to me, crying and lashing out. Recently though he won't go with either Grandma or Granda (my side and always been close to them). He needs kisses and cuddles in very specific places (say garden gate) and usually ends up in tears. Yesterday I needed to go to the emergency doctor and he was hysterical at being left with my mam (in our house). He's fine when I'm gone (apart from school) - it's the actual transition. My current tactic has been to try not and force him and hope he'll feel secure enough to branch out in his own time. He was always a very clingy baby but did seem to get better at about 4 -5 - we even had a spell of him happily going to an after school club and a holiday club, can't imagine that now!

I hit a brief burst of enthusiasm at the end of July - bought all the pants and shirts in M&Ss 3 for 2 sale, jumpers had to be ordered ages ago from school so had them ages (but kept them in the plastic bags until the holidays as the way things were going at school I half expected them to say they didn't want him back come September!) Have sewed (!) lables into everything too. And washed everything a few times hopefully it won't feel too new. We braved Clarkes last week - half expecting them not to fit properly as it was manic, the fitter seemed really uninterested and didn't even ask him to walk in them. Now I just need to try and persuade G to try everything on to make sure it fits, my chances are slim however as everything I've bought he says 'I don't need that because I'm not going back to school'

I'm happy with the local child and family unit and ongoing suport we get from them and also support from Barnardoes. Another forum member however lives in the same had a nightmare time and no support so it seems it depends on who you see. ASD liasion seem good too. We're just starting with social services and applying for a statement so will reserve judgement there! We live in Gateshead, Tyne & Wear.

Lol - I included that on the original form!

Thank you two for replying, it's very useful. It does seem as though his intelligence (he's in the 99th centile - verbally - on some bits on his Ed psych report. Very verbal lol - it's what he actually says to people that doesn't go down to well!) will the 'the' problem. The Ed Psych at 4 said he had an 'unusual level of verbal aggression which was unusual in AS' - although actually I disagree with that, it sounds as though a lot of our children can be very verbally agressive. So he knows a lot of words! Do you think I need to write out something to read to them on the day? A video is a possibility too. I don't think I'll have a problem with the 'severe behavioural problems' - have more than enough reports to justify that, I left both boys in an adjoining room in ear shot for a few minutes last week and ds#2 (2) had a settee dropped on top of him, thought he'd broken his blooming leg! (He was fine but wouldn't move it for a few scary minutes.)

I wonder if anyone has anything to add / comment on / help regarding a DLA appeal and I hope no-one minds me posting this. Briefly ds#1 is 6 1/2 has AS and gets High Rate Care and Low Rate Mobility - I know this is a good rate and I should be grateful but I do feel that he qualifies for the High Rate Mobility (I'm sure there's a lot of children who do who don't actually get it.) I also know we probably won't get it but the difficult streak in me has made me try anyway. Citizens Advice won't help as they aren't referring anyone else for DLA appeals but helpfully commented that he won't get it as he can physically walk. The local Law Centre's phone rings out forever and I don't hold out much hope for actually getting through although I will keep trying. And I'll be going to this appeal on my own as it's at school pick up time so dp will need to collect ds#1 from school and to look after ds#2. If I copy the letter that I've sent would anyone who's feeling bored feel free to comment! We also have a very negative report from G's consultant (negative in a ggod way with regard to the appeal) and a reasonably negative report from the old school (it has to be from them as he was attending there at the time of review in November) - only thing I disagree with with that is that it says he goes to the toilet independantly which he doesn't and their lack of understanding on that (and him coming home with soiled pants) was one of the reasons why we moved him but I don't think that's a biggie. 21 June 2006 Dear Sir or Madam I write in response to my appeal regarding the mobility rate of my son's DLA allowance. I enclose a further written report from G's Senior Practitioner ######### at the Child and Family Unit, #######. ########has also indicated that she is willing to be contacted by telephone on #######if any further information is required. The criteria for qualifying for the high rate of mobility is 'that they already get DLA Care Component at the highest rate and are severely mentally impaired / disabled and have severe behavioural problems'. The definition of 'Severe Mental Impairment' states that the child must be entitled to the higher rate of care , 'an arrested or incomplete physical development of the brain, which results in severe impairment of intelligence and social functioning' and severe behavioural problems. G qualifies for the high rate of care and the last decision maker agreed after seeking medical advice that he did have arrested development of the brain and difficulties in social interaction. Impaired social functioning being one of the three definitive areas ('the triad of impairments') that autistic people suffer from - all autistic people have impaired social functioning, this is part of the diagnostic criteria - we are left with 'severe impairment of intelligence' I have referred to the National Autistic Society and I read with interest that the Court of Appeal held that 'severe impairment of intelligence should not be defined exclusively by reference to an IQ score (Megarry v Chief Adjudication Officer, 29/10/99)' this case concerned an autistic child's claim for Disability Living Allowance. The child appealed to the Social Security Commissioners on the grounds that he should be entitled to the higher rate of mobility on the basis of severe mental impairment. The article goes on to say how when the IQ score is higher than 55 the decision maker must consider all the available evidence to decide the claimants level of useful intelligence. Guidance issued in December 1999 says that the decision maker should decide whether the claimant has the ability to solve abstract tests but is unable to apply that intelligence to real-life situations. After having looked at all the evidence it is possible therefore for a decision maker to decide that a claimants behaviour is consistent with severe impairment of intelligence despite having an IQ above 55. In short it appears to me that G meets the criteria for the high rate of mobility - the query being over his intelligence which is 'above average'. Children with autism do often have areas in which they are of high ability - unfortunately this ability is not reflected across the full range of skills, there are many areas in which G is achieving below average ability. At the minute even though G scored well on some aspects of the tests with the Educational Psychologist (aged 4 years) he is below average in many aspects of his school work, particularly reading and writing. He is very unwilling to co-operate and is believed to suffer also from some symptoms of Pathological Demand Avoidance making his behaviour even more difficult. I do not believe that G does have a high level of 'useful intelligence' and ask that the decision maker reviews the original application with this in mind. The reason given for refusing the high level of mobility was that 'I have have reconsidered the available evidence. I accept that he has challenging behaviour, difficulties in social interaction and arrested brain development but there is no evidence of significant learning difficulties.' However this does not consider G's level of 'useful intelligence'. I have already explained at length many many situations which demonstrate that G has severe behavioural problems as defined by 'extreme and unpredictable disruptive behaviour requiring someone on hand ready to intervene to prevent danger or damage whenever the person is awake'. At 5 years old (December 2005) he was excluded from school for assaulting his teacher and at 6 he is now in his 2nd primary school, he was moved at recommendation of the LEA Autism Liasion teacher who feared further exclusions. The Autism Liasion teacher requests not to be left alone with G incase he is violent. Recently an elderly man brushed past Gin the school yard and George, thinking that the man had hit him, hit the man. There are so many incidents I can not even recall them all, waiting in the doctors waiting room, waiting to go into school, at soft play or a park - G needs to be closely supervised constantly for fear of him hurting another person or himself. Sometimes we are not quick enough and it happens anyway, it is unbelievably stressful and of course if G does hurt someone we feel awful. G has randomly punched a child in the street in the face, thrown a brick into a busy road. He is unable to make a sound and safe judgement and act upon it because of his poor communication, obsessional behaviour and social skills. Loud noises upset him and make him angry causing him to randomly lash out. A big problem we have is that he does not understand accidents and if he trips or bumps into someone and hurts himself we have an extreme violent reaction as he thinks it happened on purpose. G has a poor attention span and will not hear me if I speak (or even shout in an emergency) and his mind is elsewhere or he is distracted by background noise. He is has a disability of the mind which results in abnormally aggressive and seriously irresponsible conduct. G lacks the practical wisdom and the ability to reason and deliberate together with the soundness of judgement and shrewdness that all goes together to constitute 'useful intelligence'. He is extremely vulnerable compared to other 6 year old children and has no street sense at all. Only today G ran out of the school gates and onto the busy road straight into the path of a van which had to brake sharply. He is unpredictable and will run away. The difficulties of going anywhere outside with him are almost impossible to define into a few examples and sentences. However I feel that I have given many examples on the original DLA application form and I hope you will refer to this. Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Yours faithfully etc Sorry it's so long and I hope I'm not breaking any rules by asking for any pointers, further arguments to use. Since that letter G has been sent home from school twice (the last few weeks were very stressful for him) for attempting to strangle another child and a generally very difficult day. New school are applying for a statement in September and are very concerned generally. Out consultant is beginning to ask how we feel about special schools - not sure if any of that is relevant as it's all happened since November when the DLA review was. I feel like I'm greedy but it honestly isn't the money at all - it's an acknowledgement of the fact that yes he can walk but they want to try actually walking somewhere with him! (I'm sure I'm not alone in this situation) Public transport either makes him angry and shouting at everyone or he'll curl up into a ball with his hands over his ears. People are thumped, grabbed, shouted at etc, he will run away or refuse to move etc but this is all meaningless to the DLA because he is 'intelligent' and has no 'significant learning difficulties'. How on earth does his actual IQ have any bearing on how difficult it is to go places? The lack of recognition of this makes me so cross I have to appeal on principle. Thanks for bearing with me and please feel free to be honest - I've already sent the letter but if it's ###### and waffly maybe I can improve and send further evidence in. Just to update - I had a letter this morning and we have won our appeal! High care (which we had) and HIGH MOBILITY! So chuffed. Thought I'd share it to show it is possible to get high rate mobility with a child who's IQ is over 55. Thank you so much for those who replied advising my original post - your help was taken on board to write my letter (in the end I chickened out of going in person and it was going to be awkward childcare wise so sent a letter instead).

I'm so glad it's not just me who feels like this - I've been told I'm too soft by many but I have real difficulty between distinguishing between 'asd' and general 'bad' behaviour. I try to understand and explain but in the back of my mind is the fact that all children need some discipline and G needs this to be able to fit into the 'real world' at some point. At the minute I concentrate on rudeness (calling me stupid etc) and violence but am making very little progress!

Hi Bagpuss I go to one but haven't been for a while with one thing and another - after the Early Bird course (which falls on the support group days) I'm going to make a real effort to go back. Where abouts in the North East do you live? This one is in Gateshead. There's not many dads attend actually but they are welcome and the group does dad and children days out (which my dp won't go to!). x

This is such an issue for me atm! It's getting me seriously stressed. G is 6 with AS. Dp says (and will happily tell all manner of professionals - making me look totally useless) that G 'behaves' for him. Which he does in fact. I can have had a day of tantrums, meltdowns, you name it and as soon as dp comes home G will smile sweetly and say 'hello Daddy'. Dp doesn't read anything on autism, websites, books, anything, but is an expert - he's always 'right' But I'm then left with the fall out. Only this week (just one example of so many) I had planned to take the boys to a museum with Grandma. Dp suggested that as he was off work we went somewhere else as he was available to take us in the car. I tell G, G is upset and cross. Not a problem in my book - he'll put up a protest, we go anyway, he discovers it's fun and all is fine. It was blatently obvious to me that this was because we'd suddenly changed plans but it turned into a huge issue with dp saying that G was trying to manipulate me. (We did go in the end and it was fine - but there just was no understanding there at all of why G was upset originally.) At the end of the day out I ask G to have a photo taken with me, he refuses then stands sulking with his hat right over his face, dp confiscates the hat, meltdown and we all get whisked back to the car with G getting told off. I wished I'd never asked for a photo. But my way of dealing with it would have been to say 'ok no photo' and leave it I feel like I'm not protecting him enough, dp says I'm far too soft and I simply can't get him to listen. We need some middle ground and we can't find that if he's always right and refuses to educate himself further. Sorry for the ramble but it's a biggie here atm. We are due to start an Early Bird Plus course in September and (praying that dp won't refuse to go at the last minute like he did on the Help course) I'm hoping that will help. The gradual drip drip approach of other people telling dp things seems to be the only way to get him to listen - anything I say is automatically worthless coming from me Edited to say that dp is both boys' biological parent - so it's not all step families either!

Hi I really feel for you, my son is 6 too and going into Y2 in September. School are going to be requesting a statement come September and out consultant has asked us to think about special schools as he's simply not coping. With regard to how well your daughter is doing - most schools will informally assess the children at the end of yr (my ds refused to take part so we don't know how he's doing sigh) but don't generally inform the parents of the results so it might be worth asking school come September if they did that and if they know what level of the national curriculum your daughter is working at. At the end of Y1 I think (anyone feel free to correct me) they should be achieving roughly level 1, aiming to be at level 2 by the end of Y2. If she is working below national curriculum level then the results may be recorded as 'PIVATS'. My son is 'a handful' too and in a way this is good as it means his needs and problems are definately brought to attention - it must be very difficult if you have a quiet child who isn't much trouble in class as I imagine it's easy for them to be overlooked. How is her behaviour at home? Often a good indicator of how things are going at school. Is she on an IEP plan - if she is you should be having regular reviews of her progress and school should be letting you know how she is doing. My son is sometimes hysterical when I leave him and it's heartbreaking. I think 'leaving mum' is going to be one of his targets on his IEP next term, also he was having 2 afternoons 1-2-1 with a teaching assistant but this is going to be moved and increased to 5 mornings as it's in the morning when he's most upset, he's usually settled somewhat by the afternoon. Is there an Educational Psychologist involved with your daughter - if she is behind in her school work it might be worth asking school if she can be assessed by the ed psych (can be a wait as school only get so many hours with the ed psych and have to prioritise) and they can test to see what her abilities are. Also in our area we have an autism liasion teacher who liases with school and advises them on how best to deal with your child - if there is such a person it might be worth having a chat with them and they can advise school how to help. I'm also planning on having a chat with ds' new teacher early in term and have got a copy of 'Early Years Curriculum' leaflet (something like that) from the National Autistic Society (it was about ?1) and am writing notes in it of things that particularly upset my ds. Hope some of that was some help, if it's any consolation I'm absolutely dreading Y2 - ds will be in a much larger class (from 17 to 29), has a newly qualified teacher, there'll be more emphasis on 'work' and not so many toys in the classroom (he likes the sand and blocks) etc and SATs! Good luck. x

I can totally understand your feelings of frustration! We had a day out yesterday investigating roman forts - ds#1 didn't want his photo taken with me, dp lost his temper with him and we all ended up back in the car. Luckily it was near the end of the day. I was left near to tears and wishing I'd never asked for a photo with ds#1 in the first place. <'> Glad you had a better day today - you and your daughter deserved a nice day out!

Thanks for that - I emailed and asked for some and got a pack of 60 chewies and a sample of smooth Unfortunately G tasted one chewy and spat it out in disgust. Then screamed at me for giving him them. His little brother (3 next month) found them acceptable though. I tried one and they're not all that disgusting - I've tried a few different types of omega oil and they are foul but this one reminded me of strawberry chewing gum that has lost most of it's taste. Will really have to work on getting him to be able to take tablets as the only ones he will tolerate are halibo orange which are full of rubbish. Although we're making progress with Efaflex which I think is slightly better.

Only last night dp said 'but G hasn't got autism, he has aspergers' and I had to explain that AS is autism and that G has actually a diagnosis of AS / high functioning autism. He's gradually coming round - but is strange as he accepts he does have AS but doesn't do any reading, doesn't want to hear any stories from here and doesn't really make the relevant adjustments (na dis forever saying I'm just too soft. So on the surface the diagnosis is accepted but deep down I think there's a way to go. I've probably mentioned this already but G bit him last week and it was somewhat satisfying - it's usually me getting hit then dp says something like 'he never hits me'!

Well week 2 into the holidays and G (6 with AS) isn't showing any signs of calming down. Today I've been on my own with the two boys all day until dp came in at 7. My mam would usually come in an emergency but is ill with a stomach bug (can't complain about that as we were the ones who gave her it ) I've been screamed at, scratched (new horrid habit), hit, had things thrown at me and the little one has had a settee dropped on him during the 3 minutes I left them alone in the next room while I dried my hair. I honestly thought he'd broken his leg as he wouldn't move it at all at first. It was an accident, G 'was having a tidy up' and had told L to move but couldn't hold the settee any longer. While I'm trying to persuade L to move his leg and wiggle his toes G was screaming at me and L because it was all our fault, and I told him to shut up He's fell off the slide so there was hell on about why did we buy such a stupid slide then gave himself a thick lip on a collaspible (sp?) tunnel (apparently if you walk about in one of those you're a droid) so that got thrown in the outside bin with great force (by G) and I got screamed at for having such a stupid thing in the house. By the time dp came in they were playing happily with no sign that it has been the absolute day from hell. They've went to bed (early but they don't know that!) and I feel so sad. It's awful seeing G so full of anger and distressed. I don't know where to go - we've had behavioural advice from the child and family unit (sitting on the step, taking things away for a day, not tolerating violence) and I've rang social services for an assessment but not heard anything yet (I think it goes before a panel then they decide whether to help). Concerned about any behavioural advice (SS said this might be an option) after KarenT's experience with the local 'behavioural advice' which turned out to be general, critical and none ASC specific. Very worried about the little one (he's 3 next month) seeing all of this, he was hiding behind the bed today and everything he said he got screamed at by G. I can't gag him and he does come out with the worst possible thing to say when G is going full flow ('Daddy will be cross with you George' or 'Are you being naughty George?' which sends G into an even bigger rage and I have to get between them) He's only little and I need to keep him near me when G is having a meltdown (if I put him in another room he'd follow anyway) and need to stay fairly close to G (to keep him safe and also he has a big fear of being alone so if I walked away and left him he'd follow and the whole situation would escalate even further) so it's pretty hairy when things are getting thrown and doors slammed. Sorry for the waffle but any hints or tips gratefully accepted.

I'm having the same problem - we haven't been very far at all. Soft play - someone pinched G's ball so he decided to grab them, the library - we asked about Starwars books the lady said yes they had them but he couldn't get them out as they were in the adult section so lots of shouting (I've lost my ticket and had no ID to get another). We were supposed to be going to a special needs fun day today - I got up early feeling really brave (the thought of taking the 2 of them by myself, and driving as I've not long passed my test and am not the best driver) but G ended up having such a big meltdown I really couldn't take him as the likelyhood would be someone getting thumped at the fun day. Sigh. We're going horseriding with Karen T next week but will be leaving the little one with Grandma (note to self - tell Grandma!)

We also went through Direct Health and were asked to check the vial. Weren't asked to wait in the car park though. They also filled the yellow book in with the details. It's still scary though having to put this trust in strangers (even though you check as much as possible) but my ds#2 was fine.

I know what you mean - I used to think (prior to diagnosis the month before his 5th birthday) that I had the toddler from hell. At soft play he'd hit and bang his head repeatedly on the floor or line the soft blocks up and heaven help the child who dared move one. He'd run off, run rampage in shops and climb on the shelves. We went to Gym Tots and at the end of the first session the instructor said she didn't think it was for G and gave us a refund! Story time at the library was like you. Toddler group was hell but I kept going for 2 years thinking he needed to mix to learn to socialise. We'd HAVE to go down the lampshade isle in Wilkinsons and there was hell to pay if he didn't get a new lampshade! Ditto the fan obsession...in his buggy he always had a lampshade or a fan! Oh and dragging him into toilets screaming (not understanding then why he was screaming) because he was terrified of hand dryers. At Christmas and Birthday's he'd get really upset. Often saying he didn't want something and to take it back and it makes me so sad to think we told him off and thought he was so ungrateful (we were embarrassed when people gave him presents and he told them he didn't like them.) If only I'd known then how stressful Christmas in general and the visit to the inlaws with all the noise and fuss was So many incidents and stress. And all the things he was told off for that he couldn't help. I know I can't change things but if I could it would be for someone to pick up on the glaringly obvious signs much earlier - I'd never heard about AS until posting about G's behaviour on a parenting board when at my wits end and someone mentioned Aspergers Syndrome. Sorry - have possibly went off on a sad tangent. I can see the difference too with L who is 2 (I did have concerns about him but I think some of them were typical 2yr old rigidity and me being obviously aware of G). His play is lovely to watch - his trains chat to each other, figures have adventures etc and I never realised how G didn't do this until L did. L is so social whereas G would have a fit if someone came to our house. And L seems to have empathy - at only 2 he'll come and ask me 'is G cross?' and say things like 'I love you mammy' I know we wouldn't swap them though and G has some lovely strong honourable qualities that hopefully mean he will grow up into a lovely man.

Blue here too with orange as official 'second favourite'. We have a blue school uniform (pale blue shirt and royal blue jumper) but as he doesn't like his school it doesn't help much!

I'll have to trawl my memory for amusing incidents. I was looking through old photos today though and there was one of G at about 15mths sitting next to his fan at Grandma's house. We didn't have a clue then (he was diagnosed at 4) but fans were his thing for years - everyone bought fans for him. And if you dared turn if off! Also another one where he was about 2 being a 'washer on spin' he'd stand next to the washer and jiggle away. Even younger that that he'd demand the washer be put on to spin and sit entranced. The photos made me smile.

I haven't any useful advice but wanted to reply that you're not alone. There's so many times when my reaction to something G has done has been influenced by people wacthing. I'm trying really hard to ignore my own feelings of embarrassment but I'm not there yet. Keep trying, at least you are aware and that's (hopefully for both of us) half way to solving the problem.