Elouise

Annie had after the Pead' threw his hands up mystified by her lack of sequencing. Assesment for suitable writing equipment and other bits to make school life easier. Fine motor finger excercises her teacher and LA do daily. Once a week gross motor movement class Once a week alt. sports club that is not competitive or requires concentration, co-ordination or organisation. She loves it.

The mail is not known academically for its 'unbiased' reporting. The telegraph produced this. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml.../05/nhead05.xml Children CAN be mistaken for having aspergers syndrome when it is OTT OCD combeined with other co-morbidities. Those who really do have aspergers are unable to benefit from an EB type setting as that does not address their problem but it can help those with ADHD, OCD, ODD and similar long standing behaviours that have become habitual. These kids normally have a greater problem with those than ASD. *yes ASD sucks at times but I have meet Kids whose ADHD is more of a problem than their ASD ever will be for them. * The school pupils are aged 4-11 (primary) and the school is a special school dealing with 'challenging behaviour' and when someone in a Council uses the phrase 'challenging behaviour' they mean it. Yes autism can produce challenging behaviour but this is way differant to the sort of challenging behaviour that stems from ODD or worse conduct disorder. Used to work with some like that as a yoof worker pre Nathan causing havoc....... in comparrison Nathns is qute lovely! They aim not to exclude those already excluded and give them skills needed for seconadry school and beyond. learning no might actually mean no if not learnt pre teen never will. In four years only nine pupils have had items confiscated WITH parental approval and having worked with parents who have told me their little bundle of joy who just bit me, demolished another child, removed the sink and blocked all the toilets *for fun* then ran off with the other kids stuff to sell had not GOT any behaviour problems and they could not understand why social services had recommened that he needed to be at the specialist youth club I am on the side of the headteacher and the parents who are trying this to help their children.

Just going to add their are two types of CRB checks. the ordinary one *ie for normal part time youth work, childrens entertainers etc* and the extended one aimmed at those who work with extremely vulnerable youngsters (ie those who have already suffered!) Needless to say the latter is more expensive and can take months to do and is only essential for residential seetings.

Sam does not appear to 'feel' hunger. He cannot link the 'feeling' in his tummy with the lack of food entering into his mouth. I canot get him to eat easily. I managed to get him to agree to one meal a day after i hauled out an indepth medical textbook and ran through how food is converted to fuel to make his 'engine {body} work and help his brain to think bt that is honestly as far as I have managed to get with him in 10 years. Sam will never see food as fun or truly twig that twinge is hunger. Al I can do is teach him to eat once a day by rote and cheer if he will accept even a mouthful of anything else in 24 hours.

Sam goes to an out of school club once a week at the mainstream school that has managed to meet his complex needs *shock I know*...its aimmed at meeting the needs of less confident kids so its smaller in number than the main after school club it sprang from and it allows him to play none competitive team games with other kids. If he has enough someone goes with him to the computer suite (Sams first abiding love since he found it plays battle chess) It is worth going to the club and having a look around. The best advice I was ever given years ago was to look for a child that reminds you of yours and looks happy to be where they are. It also helps if a club offers activities that follow whatever an ASD is intressted in. ie Sam loves chess so he joined the chess club for a year but hated it as it had more to do with winning than pure mathematical logic. The latest club he loves as he thinks it is 'fair' to everyone and he likes helping the kid in the wheelchair to 'soup' up their electiric motor so they can go faster playing wheelchair ball games.

'ASD does not just run in my family....it positvely gallops' *appologises to Arsnic and Old Lace.

Sam flaps ......a lot. He also does so when happy or excited or thinking. Sam also has ADHD and for us this is better than his somersaulting off the walls. He also does not 'tune out' when flapping, in Sams case it indicates he is actually happy. (When Sam tunes out he disappears under a coat and bites if you go near) So no I do not shout or stop Sam from flapping if anything I let him indulge in his oddities as a reward for doing things he is unsure of. If he succeeds he gets very pleased with himself.

*laughs* Put my misunderstanding of how you were using lucky to sleep deprivation. Monkey boy managed all of 2 hours sleep yesterday and wanted to share 'waking up the sun' with me this morning. Sam can manage on less than three hours sleep...not me. I think getting help also depends on where you live and who you know. I have managed to get stuff out of my local NHS and Education services other parents have tried for years to get and failed, I have no idea why. I do know that to get ANYTHING you have to keep on at statutory services and tell it exactly like it is. My trump card has always been to say 'Brilliant so you will be happy to have sam for an hour for me then whilst I just sort stuff out.' Lets put it this way the DHSS have NEVER aske dme to come back to their office since. ADHD is considered by the 'public' to be overdiaognosed and that 'behaviour modification techniques' should be tried first. On the whole I do not disagree with that approach as long as once this is tried if problems persist other reasons for challenging behaviours are looked at. Some parents do set themselves up for trouble simply because they lack experiance of small toddlers and have unrealistic expectations but heck there is something about REAL ADHD that no amount of 'sticker charts' and good parenting efforts will modify. Good to hear your son sleeps somewhere. I wish Sam would have. Maybe your son would consider a futon surrounded by his playpen 'walls' as he gets bigger if he dislikes the height of his bed. Sam used to sleep on the floor as by the time he had fallen out of bed wriggling for the nthhh time what was the point, Sam cannot keep still even in his sleep. He sleep walks, sleep talks and just never seems to really stop. Sam now has a high sleeper that he loves to head spring and somersault off and as the boy moves like a springing tiger I have tried not to watch and worry about what he is doing.....I just try to keep his toys in sealed boxes and put a spare mattress and cushions about. Your right the school holidays are not fun. Its hard enough dealing with ONE horror without adding in extras, all with their own special needs. Sam cannot and does not sleep and as long as he agrees to stay in the house he is allowed his OU science programmes, his books, his trains and anything as long as its NOT explosive, flammable or involves the cooker, microwave or smoke alarm. Its taken a few years to get to this level of trust between me and sam but we both know it makes life better for both of us. Nathan HATES school holidays. He has expressed himself quite colourfully on the subject to his social worker. Nathan has a full statement thanks to autism/dyspraxia. Jo is listed as gifted and talented and ###### trouble if allowed to get bored. Sam is well statemented to the hilt with full back up manuel on how to manage an explosive mix of twisted genius who happens to have Aspergers and ADHD. Get it wrong and he trashes people and places. Annie is a bit of ?. She is on highfocus and both myself and the school want a statement out of the education authority. Once I have finalised Nathans Special College I will sort out Annie who is lost in time and space. I have to admit the people I got the best info and support off when Nathan was first suspected of being 'differant' was off other parents who had special needs kids. They told me things those in authority did not. Give him time of the rotten poisons. Sam has chomped his way through everything from paint stripper to plaster, anything but FOOD! See I told you we were on first name terms with the local chidrens hospital I even have a chair with my name sodding engraved on it. Any time you want to scream over what a kid with ADHD can do on top of other difficulties your welcome to share bruises, bumps and bites marks. *darn the boy has gone quite best go check who he is happening to now he did say something about 'how do you pull teeth out if your a dentist a few minutes ago.....'...roll on the school re-opening on Tues.*

We got industrial ones from Screwfix. They are under 'workware' look for ear protection. They vary in price from ?3 for basic protection to ?30 for the bells and whistles version. They also sell packs of 200 foam ones for ?18.

No Col not lucky, Sam IS that bad. Sam well Sam is Sam and his ADHD is still considered the second worst seen by the regional CAHMS team in living memory. They spotted him before his 1st birthday as we already saw them for Nathan but could not asses him untill he had been referred on by secondary services so we had to do the CDC first. By the time we made it to the CDC (secondary) had already beaten our Homestart volunter with the line prop and left her run ragged; she was also a fully trained respite-foster mum who dealt day in day with 'challenging behaviour' but even she had not meet someone as horrendous as Sam. She was the first to grab hold of my GP and tell him 'I am qualified and I am experianced and I am telling you this little lad is not right, everything this mum tells you about this boy is true get him help.' He screamed not cried none stop from day 1 and was banished from the postnatal ward, he wore out even the most experainced midwife escaped from swaddling and was on a mission to escape from his cot. At home he did NOT sleep (less than 1 hour in 24 and that was simple cat naps) he could scream in his sleep and was frantic to move. By three months he had mastered a sort of roll and was demolishing anything within reach. By 11 months he had found his feet and became a real pain. He broke thorugh so called child safety devices, he managed to work out how to open a window lock with a paper clip and got onto the roof. neighbours constantly bought him back as he ran off every and any where. I was too darn tired to keep watching him 24/7. At 12 months he was being x-rayed as he had swallowed the contents of my jewellry box before I could grab him. Go on imagine the humouring look I had from the doctors on duty when I told them a 12 month old had EATEN all my jewellry, they stopped laughing when they saw the pictures of his somach. He managed to get banned from three playgroups by the time he was 18 months. He would have a go at ANYONE. Sam could climb walls and door jams literally. By the time Sam was assesed at the CDC he had quite a record from casulty which was a mix of constatntly using his nose as a break from slamming into walls and reacting to foods with notes from his dispairing peadiatric dietician. Sams initital assesment consisted of me looking shattered holding on to Annie to keep her out of Sams way. Sam shoot into the room leapt on every surface screaming and hooting made straight for the sink and removed it from the wall by undoing the screws with his fingers then yelled 'MACHINE' shinned up the windows opened the window climbed out and was seen running wild and free following the hospitals lawnmower. He was eventually cornered minus his clothes kicking screaming and biting for the lawnmower. After that typical day with sam that he crammed into a mere 10 minutes it was not very hard to get a diaognosis as the perisher was like this 24/7 in EVERY envioronment. His OT could not asses him he was too hyperactive, his ST could not asses him he was too hyperactive, he eventually was assesed by teirtory services and wore the specialist CAMHS team to the floor. There is something about watching an senior consutlant child pshchiatrist stagger in from assesing your toddler lean agianst a wall and slide down down going ' Goodness we can think of only one child we have seen who is WORSE'. Sam was quickly statemented and a place reserved at a residential special school for ADHD/ASDs for his 5th birthday BUT thanks to having an excellant nursary, melatonin a trial period of Concerta XL he managed to make a normal ASD Special day school. Sam is horrendously hyperactive. Melatonin nudged his sleep up to 3 hours in 24 and thats all he ever has. EVER Col 7 to 9 hours in 24 is okay as long as you have not got a ragged out with exhaustion child HONEST. It just does not feel like that when its you who desperatly needs a heavy 12 hours sleep and you cannot have it because you know your buddle of fun will be up and 'busy'. I used ear plugs ,the industrial kind to muffle the noise levels, in fact we all did. Annie had ear muffs. You cannot persuade a 2 year old to drop the noise so make sure you look after yourself and get a big bumper box of ear plugs, just make sure they contain nothing toxic as if your son is like Sam he will eat and chew any he can find. I fitted door chains to the tops of ALL upstarirs doors to limit his range or at least give me time to hear him shin up a door to begin to undo the chain. ADHD toddler proofing a home takes more than normal ASD toddler proofing. I speak from experiance! Forget carpets, they get spilt on, wet and its not worth the nervous breakdown from constant cleaning. I replaced all our carpets with tiles and laminates with none slip MACHINE washable rugs. Its far easier to wipe them clean after Sams been 'busy'. Secure your furniture to the walls! You will NOT stop him climbing so make sure the stuff cannot come down upon him. Forget the playpen its NOT working. HOWEVER you could stick a seat in there for you and anoounce its 'mummies drinking tea seat' If your sat in there he must under no circumstances leap at you or he will hurt you. *yes I know but you have to learn to live with what you have been dealt or you will go nuts*. I had a stable door fitted in my kitchen with a turn door handle that went the wrong way and had to be pulled outwards with an extra hidden in bolt lock. The top had a wire mesh so Sam could climb up and yell through the door at me and see what I was doing but NOT run slam into the hot cooker or get to the washing machine so easily. I removed every window and replaced them with safety glass and key locks that I still walk round with the keys for. I fitted a heavy wood locked door for my one room and placed everything 'special' in there so Sam could have the run of the rest of the house. The sofa was replaced with a expensive leather solid hardwood frame one...worth every penny its got a few rips but its mostly in one piece and washable still. He wants to break the TV do what I did....remove the TV OR get a friend to make it a wire cage to sit in...we used a travel dog cage. You do get used to watching the picture through bars honest. I keep all papers in a LOCKED filing cabinet that is LOCKED in the garage and I have the keys. If you leave anything out for the whirlwind it will not be able to resist the urge to make a snow storm out of anything. I am glad you have a nursary place. Keep fighting for him. Your the only one who truly will and these kids truly do need their advocates. Sam is now 9 1/2. He has an eight page statement that covers his ASD, his ADHD and his gifted in science status. His care plan and behaviour management plan runs into over 50 pages composed by CAHMS and his ASD support team. He now attends a fully inclusive mainstream school that treat him as a very lively eccentric rather than a none stop defiant pest. He no longer takes ritalin or concertaXL as they pushed down the ADHD but the paranoid aspergers that was beind the ADHD *shudder* Sam is lucky his ASD interest helps him keep his ADHD down to a major fidget and his ADHD gives him a spontinaity that his ASD lacks. He is STILL exhausting still has a destructive streak if he is allowed to get bored for too long. Age does help as does being set up for some successes. ADHD kids who constantly get shouted at, constantly into trouble end up being unhappy. Get advice form the ADHD alliance in regards to a local ADHD suport group. Its important to make sure you get some form of respite even if you have to pay for it. Its important to try and find something you like and can nurture in even the most demanding whirlwind. The todler phase is HORRENDOUS and it can be survived. ADHD proof your home. Pick your battles carefully on behaviour Stick your foot in the doorway of statutory services and do NOT remove it EVER. Your the best advocate he will ever have so go fight his corner for him

For those of us who NEVER intended to apply to be full time un-qualified, underpaid carers. This book is a must. {Yes I had a small amount of dosh left over from paying for yet another new mattress for Nathan and I treated myself instead of buying him yet another spinney twiddly thing with the change} Its not written on how to care for ASD its written for Carers by a carer and its all about YOU , how to stay sane{ish} how to resist the temptation to 'push them down the stairs' when burnout begins. How to stay calm dealing with beaurocracy How to say no to all those stunning scial events you KNOW your buddle of nihilistic joy will have a 'little moment' over for the whole of the following week over....and its funny if like me your humour got reset on black after the fifth time the smoke alarms went off one evening when Nathan toasted the plastic spatula....AGAIN whilst trying to make ME cheese of toast. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0...1722875-4574364 PS its cheaper on the shelf at Waterstones.(?6.99)

But they will if you have the sort of nonestop in your face firebrand of non stop screaming none sleeping hyperactive that is Sam! Sam was diaognosed with ADHD by a pead just before his second birthday. He had aspergers added in for his 3rd birthday as it was haed to see the aspergers behind the AD*arrrrgghhh*D I am glad it was picked up so early at the CDC as Sam had 2 1/2 years in a special nursary that meant I got to grab some sleep and he got speech theraphy everyday. Sam has a supersenstive smell and a supersensitive taste. He will NOT allow any dietry supplement past his nose never mind as far as his lips. The boy can sort Kellogs cornflakes from any other brand in the market. I stopped trying to use anything after a peadiatric dietician assesed his one meal a day as 'boring but nutritionally adequate'. If he TRULY has to have something he cannot stand he has agreed to pinch his nose and swallow it but only if his pead' manages to produce a cast iron mediccal reason why such a foul thing has to be ingested. He will now take oral antibiotics but fishoil is still 'no way'. If i ever find a way to talk him into it I will be the first to let you know. Having a supportive nursary helped us both the most. They had Sam every morning when I was suffering from total sleep deprivation.

Daft question. Annie, my little lost in time and space daughter, is becoming increasingly stressed anxious and panicky over going to school. She wants to go but is totally overwhelmed. The SENCO is fantastic *anyone who can deal with Sam in one of HIS moods and smile through 'his little moments' wins my vote*. She is on school action plus, receives extra help from the outreach OT from the local special school with fine motor skills and is now getting extra help within special gross motor skills group. They also offer her an after school club *free* for kids with or without SEN who lack all confidence and they even created an art club so she had somewhere that she was one of the best at something in. Heck her teacher even sends her 'well done' cards in the post for effort above and beyond the call of duty. And despite all this the poor little kid is still suffering. Its as if she is over responding to all sensory input and especially if she thinks someone has shouted at her. Add in total perfectionism with a complete inability to do basic level maths, English or anything really and its making for one very unhappy little kid. Other kids are able to read real books. Annie is barely able to fathom out occasional words in Barrington Stoke books. Anyone have any idea where I can find info on helping junior age DAMP girls, her consultant thinks DAMP is closest to what is going on. I WILL be speaking with Nathan and Sam's CAHMS team in July when we do the once a year family special visit. But for now I still need to think of someway to encourage her for now.

Thank you.....this made me laugh...... Esp on the day I have solved the disappearing new packs of toilet rolls mystery...lets just say Sams bed was slowly being nudged away from the wall when I found what he had been using for the latest bridge construction..... I am still trying to work out HOW I failed to notice he had over 100 brand new toilet rolls stashed between the wall and his bed. and the half a cucumber...well its because you have kids who are ASD of course...

Thanks for this I managed to buy Nathan some 12-14 ones from Marks and spencers went back to buy more for him and could not find anything bigger than a 12. This will make his day....I just told him I may have to KNIT him socks if he does not stop growing. You have saved nathan from KNITTED socks and me from Nathan hating them. (Nathan the only prem baby I know who would NOT wear his regulation SCBU knitted hat)

*hmmmmm* I think I may critically analyse her 'report' and send THAT to her editor. Frankly I expect higher level of journalism from those employed by the times. She can also have Nathan and Sam for a day on work experiance! (FOR HER! not them)

Nathan still has the 'weekend special' Its not school thats the cause, in his case it is the change from his Mon to fri routine into Sat and Sun ....Monday he is off with the staff at school but prefers his Mon to fri school routines.

There are only one I would consider since the Emmaljunga Babybus is no longer on the market. (okay so you can buy them on ebay in the states!) Mountain Buggy Double http://www.chariotsatp.co.uk/products/mb_terrain2.htm I KILLED any thing with a light weight frame with Nathan being heavy and Sam being so active normal frames just twisted I DID try tandems but they were awkward, heavy and buckled (except for the Babybus) I speak as someone who ended up pushing Nathan untill he was well over 7! In the end I had a specail needs buggy for Nathan and backpack for Jo as the Babybus could not fit in our small car and a Mountain Buggy and babytrek backpack the next time around for Sam and Annie .....I decided on comfort over saving dosh knowing how long I might be physically lugging them both around. It comes down to space, money and how you live your life so get as much info as you can before you buy anything.

My quess is its the one from social services to adapt a home for a disabled persons use. The adaptions tend to be quite specifically aimmed at physical rather than learning disabilities though and the grant (were I live) needs the OT and Physio to rubber stamp the application. You also need to be below a certain level of income this varies slightly from council to council. We had to pay for everything.

Nathan did not speak untill past three and then it was all echo. His vocabulary was 'eeee' Ingu, ple (fruit) , arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Nathans communications was so severe we had to use photo cards of real things in the house. All I recall of Nathan is a wall of screaming smearing head banging aka the sh*t spitting screaming spawn from hell (his bad days were TRULY that bad!) Nathan was diaognosed autistic. Thanks to LOTS of support from an autistic specific primary and now back in an autistic specific secondary he is now described as being high functioning autistic BUT with very complex needs you would expect in a low functioning SLD kid. Get them wrong and you welcome back a six foot plus version of Nathan as he was at 3. *runs away!!!!!* Nathan can function on a surface level but cannot communicate at all well. He wants friends but solely on HIS terms so things tend to implode then explode. Sam was orgionally diaognosed as Autistic by a complete numb-nuts who managed to diaognose him without having him in his room for more than five minutes. *the idiot* as if I was not used to in your face down the spectrum autism . Needless to say I insisted on a referral to Nathans tertiary service team for a second opnion. Sam has ADHD and Aspergers. *ha I was right!* Sam had disordered speech with word finding difficulties but he also had more skills than Nathan ever could or would have. His intellect was less hampered by his ASD and his intrests were greater, trains rather than a single flicker of light on a spinner that was Nathans abiding life long love. Sam would also like friends SOLEY on his terms which explains why he is now trying to build robots............Nathan cannot problem solve either. If he hits a shut door he tends to keep trying to walk through it rather than work out how to open it.

Going to add educating special needs privately is expensive. One of my friends has ended up having to pay ?14K a year for a SpLD school as she missed getting her son in for a special unit/school when he moved from juniors to secondary. By the end of his first year there were NO special school places left. I spent two years fighting to get a special school BACK for Nathan I had to wait for another parent to move before he was given the one and only place available for secondary age. Talk with NAS, talk with IPSEA and start the statementing process ASAP if you have not already done so for your 8 year old. It might be worth contacting parent support groups for ASD in your area as they will have local knowledge that NAS might not be aware of. You will not get an autistic specific school without a statement and even with you will have a fight.

I have three back seat drivers and one 'know it all teen'. I stopped using motorways after the nathan unexpectadly appearing to do Peeka boo on me at 60mph caused me to go up the back of another car *he was quickly secured in a Britax Special needs seat with extra strength harness after that I assure you * Sam gets plain hysterical and tels me HOW to drive, repeatedly, in detail, minute detail....and always ran out of the car the minute we stopped even if it was slower moving traffic. Annie well she simply curls up in her car seat with her blanket over her head singing about dragons. Our holidays are on the long slow route, we plan at least a couple of stop offs with a picnic to 'do something' they find fun. This is useful because on the A and B roads Nathan relaxes as every thing is slower and he can play look for nice cars, Sam spends his time looking for farm machinary , if its old we do have to stop so he can inspect and photo it but hey its time consumming but works for us better than the old method of trying to bomb down the motorway ASAP. They all have their own ipods Sam listens to classical music, Jo emo, Nathan weird japanese stuff thats beyond me and repetitive, Annie listens to the same story repeatedly and I do NOT have to share or arbitrate between any of them. What matters is finding what works for you as a family.

I do not have naswers for what will help your family. All I can offer are tips for what helped ours. Your not a bad mom, an overwelmed one yes , but you are NOT a bad mum. 1) Next time you go to the Homestart group tell them how BAD things are for you right now. The local homestart officers constantly work out who is in greatest need for support NOW. My HS volunter came to my home from 9am upto 4.30pm and took a raving non stop Sam off my hands so i could spend time with Annie. Its worth asking. 2) Have a look see if there are ANY special needs nursaries or outreaches in your area i.e. KIDS. http://www.kids-online.org.uk/ Contact a family may also be able to suggest specialist placements. Sam was so volitile at 2 he HAD to have a special nursary placement as no where else could contain him. I paid for this out of his DLA. It meant i got to spend some time with Annie instead of leaving her in the corner barricaded in from Sam. 3) I bought a superstrong Emmaljunga twin pushchair so I COULD get out of the house and upgraded to a mountain buggy for Sam and a Kelty backpack (suit up tp 5 years if your strong enough) once I had saved up for them That way Sam could scream bite kick and yell to HIS hearts content in a pushchair he could not tip and Annie was on my back playing with my hair and i could talk to her as the noise from Sam was lower down. 4) nathan was just like your 2 year old at 2. I got so sick of him screaming I went and took photos of 'things' in the house including Nathan in the bath, Nathan eating food, Nathan drinking a drink , Laminated them and made him a flip book all of his own. Okay so he did throw the picture of what he wanted at me and STILL screamed but it was a small start towards symbol communication. 5) I unashamedly took any and all time off offered. Nathan used to go to a childminder who specialised in one to one special needs when Pip was teeny I paid some, social services paid some. Sam i paid for a nursary as no one wpuld take HIM. Nathan went to special needs summer playschemes as did Sam untill they outgrow them. 6) I targeted Holidays specifically FOR special needs in the Uk to begin with as both boys where so darn awful to keep explaining why your child SCREAMED none stop and no you where not beating them got old. 7) I think I camped out in assorted clinics and statutory service places with the monsters at full pelt just so statotory services got a little taste of what they where like around the clock. these days when I offer to pop down to sort things out with the lads its amazing how fast things are sorted for them both just so I am spared a trip to their offices. 8) Target education to get that statement ASAP and if you have the enrgy begin NOW for your younger son. I began Sams at 2 and he was given his nursary place at an autistic specific special school by 3. I also used the local councils 'sibling rule' to get him in too. 9) Ear plugs good strong ear plugs...sanity savers. 10) Distraction box with twidlles in like bubble mix to blow or sparkly paper to twidle or holgraphic cards to flick or pegs to line up or whatever works for your lads, you do have to make one box each though. 11) Both boys have their own rooms *thank GOD* and each has their own 'chill zone' Nathans Bright with lots of flashing lights and spinning things and is like a white room. Sams is dark as a pit with a single glow ball that omits soft changing light in a 'hidey hole'. Both now use these instead of simply kicking the doors off and biting me if they get wound up. Your poor little boy must be so frustrated. Nathan used to get so tired trying to make sense of the world he would 'switch off' and fall asleep on the spot and drop down. He has a safe spot, the bean bag, let that be his special safe place he does not have to share with the others or you. Nathan had a bean bag too it was screamed at thumped and hugged to bits. he used to sleep on it too and as long as he was safe that was fine. It might not be a case of he will not let you in to help him, if his communication is as severely affected as nathns he may simply not know you are 'safe' to let near. I spent ages sat in the corner of the room being quite and doing things slowly not looking at Nathan untill he stopped banging his head against the floor screaming and began to come out from under the table to pat me. That however took 12 months to achieve. Nathan did not begin to make progress until he was finally at a special autistic school. At 16 he still has his 'moments' where he screams and head bangs and his communication is still awful but he is also happier and has achieved far more than I thought possible based on how bad he was between birth and 5. I had moments I wanted to give up and leave him with social services as there were many times I felt I was getting no where and wasting my time. Now I think it was worth it. When in hell keep going and take any help offered you can find to get through parenting autistic toddlerhood. *just a note Westco make beanbag beds suitable to sleep on if thats what your son finds the right tactile for him to settle on.* Hang in there, your parenting the hardest part *and that is compared to a teenage autistic kevin stage*

A few years ago I had a destructive insular 8 year old (Nathan) who would SCREAM over any little thing that was not 'just right', a six year old (Jo), a non stop non sleeping whirlwind that dismantled everything and anything in his path (SAM!) and a very sick baby who was not expected to survive at the Regional Childrens Hospital (Annie) oh and a husband who was stuck working in GERMANY. I was so exhausted from dealing with so much on my own I knew a crack up was on the cards. Nathans Learning Disability Nurse got me in contact with our local areas Homestart. It was a sanity saver and Homestart were brilliant as they sent out there most experianced volunter who took Nathan and Sam in her stride. Sam at that point had been banned from three playgroups for uber aggresive and destructive behaviour (and I do NOT blame the groups he was a monster at 2) She came with me to Sams assesments and those helped to get Sam a much needed place at an Autistic Specific Special School Nursary (Sam had 2 1/2 years special nursary and what a differance it made for the lad, he is now in mainstream and loving it!) You can self refer to Homestart as well as being referred by Health Visitors and the like. Their website is here. http://www.home-start.org.uk/ Hope this is of some help. Its horrendous dealing with a non verbal autistic child and trying t sort things out for them whilst looking at another younger child and going 'hmm that one has it too'. Its a challenge to parent at this stage so try and be a bit proactive and go grab any help that might be out there. Experiance has taught me it doe snot come to you you have to go find it yourself. *thanks statutory' services!*

Nathan has GAD, his stay in suportive mainstream was so stressful the anxiety degenerated into depression + GAD. It produced a VERY aggresive lad who self harmed and destroyed EVERYTHING he could lay his hands on. Nathan is bigger than me it was NOT funny talking him into putting the carving knife down he was brandishing in my face just before he curled up in a ball screaming he wanted to die and never wake up again. Its NOT funny to find yourself dealing with mental health issues on top of the ones that come from ASD. Nathan got so bad he spent time in an Adolescent Psych Unit, finding out he was not the only teen who was so miserable, that people believed he felt awful even if he has no facial expressions and hardly any vocabulary to express emotional distress came as a huge relief to the lad. They did try assorted 'talking based therapies first silly sods.....Nathan took to art theraphy like a duck to water, he found a way he could express himself without verbalisation. That helped him the most. Nathan finds his anxiety is best controlled in a calm small supportive setting, if the anxiety is under control he does not fall into the pit of dispair. If he gets stressed I am straight onto his CAHMS team and I am beginning to work towards a transition for adult mental health services so he has a named Psychi' nurse to draw with on the 'bad days'. I cannot stop the world making him stressed so I need to put in place support to help him manage the stress rather than it managing him and throwing him back to a nasty level of depression again. If he has support fight tooth and nail to keep it for him. He will need it. Growing up is hard enough for a NT teen never mind an ASD one. Young Minds are a good osurce of info IF he is able to cope with the language used on the site. Nathan likes the BBC OUCH website for ease of understanding for him personnally. There are others who use this board in a similar situation and I am sure as the day goes on they will post here as life allows. *heads off to work*