Have a problem developing that I want to nip in the bud - UPDATED!!!!!!

[fiorelli]

Basically, Louis has started to do something which could be construed as illegal out of the house.

 

When he isn't getting his own way, or when someone says something he doesn't like, or he doesn't want to do something that we have asked him to do, he will pull down his trousers and pants, grab hold of his bits, pushes his butt forward (iykwim), and will waggle himself at you with making a 'funny' noise.

 

Any ideas why he is doing this, and what I can do to stop it?

 

 

 

Well, those of you who suggested that it may have been something he had seen at school were right!

 

We were in school for a meeting this morning. We mentioned how Louis had come home saying that he had been given a detention for pulling his pants and trousers down [at the teacher] in school, and how he was now doing it at home.

 

His teacher was perplexed. She said that he had never been given a detention, in fact, he had been getting silver and gold awards for his behaviour since the beginning of term. She did however say that another child had been given a detention for pulling his trousers and pants down.

 

At least we know where he got it from, and in fact, since I wrote the original post, we started ignoring it, and I now can't remember the last time he done it.

 

Thanks for your help all!

Edited November 8, 2006 by fiorelli

[Karen A]

Hi I can understand your wish to nip the problem in the bud.I have not had such a clear display but we did become a little concerned at Ben's tendency to fiddle around that area.How old is your DS?

How about using a social story to explain that this is not a good way to show that he is cross

I will be interested to see if anyone has a better idea.Karen

[fiorelli]

He's 8 Karen

[Kazzen161]

It woudl be worth checking that he is not copying this behaviour from someone at school.

 

It is a good way of getting attention from you!

 

Karen

[nellie]

Much easier said than done but I would keep calm, ignore and distract. You have my sympathy. <'>

 

Nellie xx

[KarenT]

Much easier said than done but I would keep calm, ignore and distract. You have my sympathy. <'>

 

Nellie xx

I agree. Then if it persists you could try a social story about personal space and private body parts.

 

Karen

x

[sarahjane]

H who is also 8 does a very similar thing- if he thinks he is getting in trouble he will pull down his trousers and show you his "butt" or thrust his bits out- so far I have tried telling him calmly no and then ignoring and so far he has never done it out of the house. he loves been naked and at present has a bit of an obsesseion with his bits- and other peoples! Not sure what the answer is I am hoping if ignore it it will pass!

[barefoot wend]

When I first read your post I was a little concerned, but when I read that he is only 8, I have to say I was relieved.

 

Nellie's advice is spot-on. Ignore it completely.

 

Have to admit that ignoring it when in public may well be a herculean task. Good luck!

 

Barefoot

[Gardenia]

Our youngest boy done something very similar to this, and I honestly think he liked to see peoples reaction. We decided to totally "blank" him when he did this type of behaviour and focussed more positive attention to our other son or something else. Thankfully he never attempted his strippingl outside so it was easier to ignore this type of behaviour. Its strange but I forgot when it stopped - I often wonder when did he stop doing this or that. Dh has just informed me it lasted a couple of month.

 

 

Gardenia.

 

Mind you the look on the mother-in-laws face was priceless

[butterfingersbimbo]

oo it must be annoying! good luck trying to ignore it........

[JsMum]

I have to agree and wonder if he has seen this in school? and copying,

 

Also has he become interested in the parts of the body? is he confused and not sure what is exceptable and when we need to have privacy and the need for personal space?

 

Our bodies are powerful symbols and it could be he is trying to assert this as it certainly will get reactions and attention and could potentially he could be vunrable as well so he does need some form of a discussion of what we do with our bodies.

 

Books that look at these kind of things are in books that look at our bodies in all areas of issues and one that I can recommend is

 

lets talk about sex

growing up, changing bodies, sex and sexual health.

 

by robie harris the walker books series.

 

Its surprising what is talks about, as sex can mean gender.

 

Your son might be a bit young for this book but their is similair books that are for younger children.

 

I think in your sons case though he really doesnt understand the real signals he is giving here, and not fully understanding why its wrong to do this.

 

 

JsMum

[loulou]

Hi Fiorelli,

 

Kai is also 8 and he has done this too. I definately agree that you have to TOTALLY ignore it. He went through a stage of doing it earlier this year. I explained that it was not acceptable, but he didn't seem to care and found peoples' reactions highly amusing. When i ignored him, he would shout, "Look at my willy!" and i would reply, "No thanks". This phase went on for about 4 months.

 

Unfortunately, it has just started up again in the last few weeks . I think it's attention seeking and boredom, as he's been off school after having his tonsils out.

 

Hang on in there, and IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE,

 

Loulou xx

[fiorelli]

Thanks all. It's good (if that's the right word) to know that Louis isn't the only one to do this.

 

There has been some good advice on this thread which I have taken on board.

 

xFx

[Karen A]

Hi sorry it was a while before I picked the answer up.I am also much less concerned if your DS is eight-no consolation when you need to deal with it I know. It is not unusual for children of this age to be interested in body parts.If our kids don't have the same social awareness as others then I think they worry less about doing things others would be embarassed to do in public.Hope it has helped to know you are not alone.Karen

[Jill]

Fiorelli,

 

You may also find something useful on this site:

 

http://www.growingandlearning.co.uk/

 

The lady who wrote the books has a son with autism and she has also been a nurse specialising in helping children with special needs re sexual health.

 

I know what your son is doing isn't sexual per se, but the books may help him to understand a little more why it would be unacceptable to do what he's doing.

 

I must confess to not having read the books myself mind, cos The Boy is so young yet, but I do know that people have found them useful and at least the author has knowledge of the subject.

[fiorelli]

updated above!

[smiley]

Children are treasures aren't they......

 

Really pleased things have been sorted

 

<'>

[hev]

yeah glad things are sorted now,roll on the next phase eh?!!steves latest one is spitting,i hate it