I'M BOILING MAD WITH THIS TA!! ...........

[oxgirl]

I'm so irrate I can hardly type. Honestly, this TA who my son is lumbered with, she's the pits. She's supposed to be there to keep him calm and help him organize himself and not pile on more stress and pressure!!

 

Yesterday he was given four pieces of homework, two for this Friday and two for Monday. He was in a lesson today and the teacher and the TA started insisting to him that he MUST do his homework tonight, even though it isn't due in until Monday. He got very frustrated and tried to explain to the TA, but she just does not listen to him. All the way to the next lesson she argued with him and insisted that he MUST do it tonight. By the time he'd got to the next lesson he was wound up into a frenzy and ended up getting told off and sent out of the lesson. It's HER fault, she winds him up. It's not up to HER to decide when he does homework. He's never, EVER not done a piece of homework or sent a piece in late. He ALWAYS does his homework and she's insisting that 'he'll forget' if he doesn't do it tonight! He's NEVER, EVER forgotten to do homework, how dare she!! Now he's had a rotten morning because of HER stubborn ways and her refusal to listen to him and his point of view.

 

It happened again last week. He was in a lesson and she made a mistake about a piece of work and when J tried to correct her she insisted that she was right (which she was not). He got frustrated with her and got loud and ended up being sent out of the lesson AGAIN. I keep telling him, it's YOU who'll get in trouble, not HER!!

 

Last week he did a long piece of homework in his English book. He took it in and she insisted that he should have done it on paper. She made him sit down and copy it all out again, took about an hour! When he took it in to the teacher, she asked him, 'why haven't you done it in your book'!!

 

Honestly, I'm practically puce with rage, I can't bear the frustration. Poor kid, he keeps getting into trouble because of her mistakes and her incompetence. I've complained to the Teacher at the Unit and the Teacher in the lesson today but the TA will just blame him and say he's rude, I'm sick to death of it, I'm actually shaking now!!

 

So sorry for manic rant, I'm beside myself with rage!!

 

~ Mel ~

Edited March 22, 2007 by oxgirl

[bikergal]

Aaw Mel that's terrible, undermining him like that. Take care <'> <'> <'>

[Flora]

Oh heck Mel that is just the pits!

 

Every bit of what you've just told us... the absolute pits.

 

I can totally understand your fury... if it were me I don't think I'd be able to contain myself.

 

I'm so sorry I haven't anything objective or useful to say.... but reading it has made my blood boil on your behalf... so while not helpful... I share your outrage.

 

I can't believe that this is an ASD unit!!!! It's unbelievable

 

I'm going to have to PM you so that in my quest for looking for a school for Bill I know to avoid that one!!!!!

 

on your behalf

 

<'> for you

 

Flora

[curra]

Oh my word, Mel, that is just too much. So that's the BIG support he got after the meeting? That school is a total shambles to allow the same TA you complained about to go on treating your son that way. She is obviously not fit to support a child with an ASD but the school can't or doesn't want to do anything about it . I don't know what to suggest as I'm so furious reading what happened! I think that I would definitely write a formal complaint with a copy to the LEA.

 

Take care

 

Curra

[David Matthew Baker]

I'd be embarrased if I was that TA. I've occasionally made mistakes and got the students to do the wrong thing but if I hear any comments about it I make sure the teacher knows who is to blame. Normally that means just one or two words and an apology for the misunderstanding. Not hard to do. Can't ever remember getting in trouble for it. Also if I'm talking to a student and the teacher wants the classes attention most will happily have a quiet word with me. After all if they're communicating with me it is as much my fault as theres. I'd see if you can get the school to change the TA who works with your son. A simple reason like there is obviously a personality clash would suffice. Everyone knows you can't manage to get on or work well with every single person. Urgh! Just reading this makes me feel angry too.

 

I really really hope you manage to get this sorted out. As for telling a student when to do homework. I might occasionally remind them about it but it is upto them when they do it. You can't force someone to do anything. You can only get someone to do something because they want to. Hence the way to do things is to prompt, praise and lead not dictate. Also people learn by mistakes. You can't not allow the student a bit of room to do things for themselves. Only time I will more or less tell a student an answer is when we really are out of time or they're getting very frustrated with it. That goes for my work in mainstream and my work in a special school.

[pumpkinpie]

This really is ridiculous.

[Bagpuss]

Mel <'>

[mbrown]

Hi Oxgirl, I think you need to go into the school anbd get the whole homework thing sorted out.

 

When we had severe homework issues and classwprk being sent home to be done at home we had to have a meeting to get it sorted. It resulted in no homework being sent home. That was in primary school.

 

In high school our lad has a homework diary stating clearly what has to be done and when it has to be handed in.

 

But really this isn't a homework issue because your boy seems to cope fine with it.

 

It's definitely a TA issue and you have every right to get that sorted.

 

Good luck

MB

[brooke]

Hi Mel

Im sooo angry for you so i cant imagine how you feel

It really sounds as if he would be better off without this stupid ignorent women. I really feel for your lad i mean, as if they dont find it hard enough already. I think if it was me id be insisiting he have a different TA i know its a lot easier said than done. Im so sorry. <'> <'>

Brooke

[oxgirl]

Thanks everyone. <'>

At the meeting yesterday we said we wanted a different TA and they didn't seem that surprised! They said it would be possible, but probably not until September. So we're stuck with her for another five months!

 

~ Mel ~

[Clare63]

Oh my God Mel, what is she like !!!!!

Any chance getting back to the school asap and tell them what happened today, one day after your meeting and that this is just one of the reasons why you want his TA changed. Maybe your husband could ring them, I have found "the old man" (sadly though mines 5 years younger than me!!!) sometimes gets a better and quicker response than me as they seems to think I am neurotic (ah thats a thought maybe I am).

<'> <'> <'>

Clare x

[aawmum]

It doesn't surprise me at all I'm afraid. The school my son goes to always gets wonderful ofsted reports etc. but the reality is totally different. The Deputy Head is full of herself and can talk her way out of anything. When you have a problem they pretend to listen then do nothing about it really. They say things like 'we are sorry you feel this way' Making you feel that you have a problem and end up in the wrong. They do things that you can't always put your finger on so you can't really complain about.

Dosey TAs like yours are a reality. My friend did some supply teaching there and she said that some of the kids get bullied by her, but she is so clever that you couldn't prove anything.

 

I am so sorry to be negative but I am fed up with people making themselves heroes for dealing with autistic kids! They often do it for the acclaim

[Mumble]

I am so sorry to be negative but I am fed up with people making themselves heroes for dealing with autistic kids! They often do it for the acclaim

 

Thanks, aawmum, we need more people to be prepared to say what they really think .

 

I had a boy with AS in my class a few years ago and his second TA was awful - she was employed by the school 'because she knows someone whose friend's son has autism' - no kidding She was constantly going on in the staffroom about how she 'knew' about autism/AS, she'd read a book, she worked so hard for this boy when in fact she confused him and made him anxious. I used to get so angry with her (which of course was then blamed on me). Eventually I got so angry about the lack of proper support this boy got that I, known for my supreme diplomacy skills , went to talk to the head and tell him exactly what I though about him employing someone 'on the cheap' whose only qualifications where 'knowing someone who knows'. Eventually the TAs in the school were reorganised and the difference it made to this boy was so obvious - he just seemed so much calmer once he knew he would have someone else working with him - it really wasn't very difficult but it annoyed me that it took so long to organise and that another child in the school had to then put up with this TA.

 

I've working in three very different schools, and although I've had some fantastic TAs, I have also had many who really didn't care, or who, as you say, were doing it for some sort of hero status. The main problem is lack of training and poor pay. Maybe the higher level teaching assistant scheme will help a little, but I don't hold out much hope - because I don't think these HLTAs will then be the one's providing individual support. As much as we need to improve the status of teachers, we need to improve the status of TAs (but this should not mean TAs having to take lessons) and the working relationships between teachers and TAs. Just as a good teacher can make a real difference, a good TA can do the same, and often more as they are so involved with the child. However, given this involvement, a bad TA can do so much damage.

[LittleRae]

Mel

 

I'd document each item for the HT and state (calmly! lol) what affect each has had on your son. You need to get them to see that the fallout is not just a few minutes but will have a long-term effect on your son and his feelings about school. September is too far away. Let them know the consequences will be down to them

Good luck

[Cariad]

I really feel for you. I'm very angry on your behalf.

 

She is supposed to be there to help/assist him, not upset him to the point where he is being sent from lessons. Maybe she'll try not to get at him so much these last 5 months. I have my fingers crossed for you.

[Canopus]

This is absolutely disgusting. The situation has gone from bad to worse. I personally recommend temporarily taking Jay out of school until this demon of a TA is replaced.

 

My advice would be to send the school a strongly worded letter saying that his TA has driven you and him to insanity and is totally unsuitable as a person to deal with kids with AS. Next stress to the school that you have taken Jay out because he has been traumatised by his TA and he can't take any more from her. Then tell the school that Jay will only return when the school employs a suitable replacement TA.

 

I also suggest getting an article published in the local papers. Schools don't like bad press and will often only act after problems are publicised.

[aawmum]

Oh I really wish all teachers were like Mumble. One in a million!

 

It also gets to me how many times parents are told to take the child home or even teach them at home because they disrupt the class. My other son is in a mainstream High school and kids are always disrupting the flippin class, and they are deemed to be normal! WHY CAN'T PEOPLE LIVE WITH AUTISM IN SCHOOL? It's here and it's here to stay.

 

My son is at a school for children with autism and the parents of certain children are asked to keep them at home because they will be disruptive when the OFSTED inspectors are in!!!!??????

The inspectors need to see it how it is, or things will never change.

 

I am normally a cheerful girl.......honest.......no more ranting for a while now. Iv'e said enough.

[pearl]

Awww <'> Mel and <'> J

How horrible. She's making things worse for him, not better. I wouldnt wait 5 months, like someone else said, thats too long. Be the parent from hell till they get this sorted. Wearing though isnt it & we could do without it.

Keep us posted hun.

[oxgirl]

Okay, guys, brace yourselves, you're not going to chuffing believe this!!

 

At 10.30 this morning the teacher at the unit phoned me to say he was very distressed and was begging to come home. Of course, I went in straight away to get him.

 

What had happened was, I sent him in this morning telling him not to get into an argument with the TA (apparently she was going to 'check up' on him to make sure he'd done his homework). I told him to show her the entry I'd made in the home diary politely asking her to leave the organizatrion of homework to me, that we'd deal with it at home.

 

So, apparently, she misinterpreted what I'd said and started ranting at J about how she wouldn't bother doing homework with him anymore in school and if she was going to get 'rude' letters like this she wouldn't do anything at all and how the teacher was upset with me and I shouldn't have emailed the teacher incase they are busy, etc. etc. She got very cross with J and really upset him and wound him up into a panic. He was very unsettled and frightened and then had to go to the Maths lesson with her and sat and cried through the lesson and felt rotten. When he got back to the unit he was practically having a panic attack because of the stuff she'd said and the teacher took him aside to talk to him and that's when she called me!!

 

This woman needs to learn when to keep her big mouth shut! What is she doing saying all this stuff to Jay and upsetting him with it. If she has a problem with my actions she should have reassured Jay that everything was fine, bitten her lip and later come to ME about it!! She's so concerned about her own bruised ego that she doesn't give a fig about my son's feelings!! What is she DOING there in the first place??!!

 

I have complained to the teacher in the Unit, through a long email and she says she will look into it, but goodness knows what's going to happen tomorrow. This TA is now furious, how dare we complain about HER and HER mistakes and inadequacies and she's taking it out on Jay. I'm waiting for the teacher to call me to let me know what's supposed to be happening!!

 

Can't take much more of this. I only hope the Unit don't take her side and start complaining that we're unreasonable or something!!

 

Thanks for your support everyone. <'> <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[marshmallow]

Mel, <'> <'> <'>

 

I hope they take you seriously, how unfair of her to take it out on J, is he ok now? Hope they gt something sorted soon.

 

Take care.

[Bagpuss]

Oh Mel, this is utterly disgraceful

 

<'> <'> <'>

[oxgirl]

Thanks Marshmallow and Bagpuss. He's been in a rotten state all afternoon and had to take to his bed at 2.30 due to all the stress of it. He can't cope with it, it's just not fair.

 

~ Mel ~

[aawmum]

For someone to do that in front of him is disgusting! Can you imagine what they would say about a parent ranting at a child like that - Social Services would be informed!

 

Whatever is going on - it should not be taken out on the child. She is totally out of order, unprofessional, uncaring and up her own you know what!

A decent person would have thought 'oh what have I done, have I made a mistake?' Normal people beat themselves up about cocking up. The fact that she got on her high horse is not normal.

 

Good luck with it all - You are definately in the right. <'>

[LittleRae]

That is starting to sound like intimidation to me (could be interpreted as bullying). Definitely get a meeting with HT. Bring someone else with you and do not leave until they replace her. It sounds like he would be better off without her. Would he cope for a day or so on his own? That way maybe his teachers would see that she is causing more problems than she is solving

 

Good luck

[brooke]

Oh my god mel & J this is appauling it really really is. Your poor son. What on earth is wrong with this woman. How can they let her get away with this? Im so sorry for you <'> <'>

I really hope you can get this sorted soon.

Brooke

[Clare63]

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Appalling Appalling Appalling...... sounds like this women should be dismissed from her post

 

Sorry you and J are being put through all this, I hope he's feeling a little better tonight poor lad.

 

Clare x

[Flora]

 

Mel.... I applaud your restraint that you didn't go and bop her one!!!!!

 

Sounds like this woman has got an ego with a life of it's own, complete with it's own weather system and orbitting moons

 

She should be sacked, out on her ear, dust... toast....

 

Hope you and Jay are ok....

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

Flozza XX

[David Matthew Baker]

Isn't there a legal right for children in schools for everything to be done "in their best interests". The support of this particular TA is obviously not in the best interests of your child. Hence I think you would be legally inclined to request the support provided for your child to be changed. I'll see if I can locate the exact wording. Not quite sure what act it comes from. You mainly hear it talked about in relation to restraining but I know it covers a lot more than just that.

 

Convention on the Rights of the Child

 

In all actions concerning children, whether undertaken by public or private social welfare institutions, courts of law, administrative authorities or legislative bodies, the best interests of the child shall be a primary consideration.

 

http://www.ppu.org.uk/learn/texts/convention1.html

 

Doesn't this mean that if you can prove the support provided by the school at the moment is not in the best interests of your child you could legally challenge it. I would be tempted to send a letter to the school saying you are seeking legal advice over whether the support they are providing is in the best interests of your child. I know thats not an ideal situation but it is the only way I can see things getting sorted out quickly.

Edited March 21, 2007 by David Matthew Baker

[puffin]

I wonder if in this case no TA would be better than THIS TA!

 

We had this problem last year with a clueless TA who wound M up and was totally unsuitable for working with AS children and just wound M up!

 

In the end we made a formal request to have this TA removed until a new one could be appointed. In fact I think it helped the situation as the new TA was appointed much quicker as a result.

 

However M still has nightmares about her

[oxgirl]

UPDATE (again!)

 

Okay. Last night me and hub sat up late into the night talking it over and over. At lunchtime I phoned the Teacher at the Unit (my heart was thumping in my chest) and I just ranted to her basically about how terribly I thought the TA had treated J yesterday and how he'd ended up in bed most of the afternoon because of the stress she'd caused him. I told her it was unforgiveable and I wanted her away from my son. I didn't mince my words, I just told her straight what had been happening the last couple of days.

 

She said that she'd spoken to the Head of the Unit about it and they'd decided that she would rearrange the timetable and get another TA to work with him for some of the time!!

 

She said it wouldn't happen overnight, it would mean a lot of rearrangement and would affect other children, etc. etc., but it would be done. She agreed that it was 'time for a change'!!

 

This is good news, right? Why do I feel so bad??!!

 

~ Mel ~

[pumpkinpie]

Because it was ###### hard work and very draining emotionally! Youve had all the worry about how its affecting your son because lets face it shes a big bully isnt she!

 

I think this was long over due and really youve had the patience of a saint-well done!

[oxgirl]

Because it was ###### hard work and very draining emotionally! Youve had all the worry about how its affecting your son because lets face it shes a big bully isnt she!

 

I think this was long over due and really youve had the patience of a saint-well done!

 

 

Thanks pumpkinpie. <'> Yes, I think you're right, it's such an anti-climax after all this battle and upset this week that I feel empty and physically drained. I'm even feeling sorry for the old woman now, that can't be right! Maybe I need chocolate! <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[Bagpuss]

Well done Mel, that can't of been easy for you to do, and took a lot of courage

 

You probably feel bad because your exhausted from it all.......and no wonder......it should never have reached this point.

 

Take care

 

<'> <'> <'>

[oxgirl]

Well done Mel, that can't of been easy for you to do, and took a lot of courage

 

You probably feel bad because your exhausted from it all.......and no wonder......it should never have reached this point.

 

Take care

 

<'> <'> <'>

 

 

Thanks Bagpuss. <'> I'm just looking forward to the hols so we can get away from the place for a bit and recharge our batteries.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

~ Mel ~ <'>

[butterfingersbimbo]

a big well done to you for getting on the phone and putting them straight!!! am very proud of you, how dare this woman bully your son like this, dont feel sorry for her, how unprofessional is she to treat a child like this?

 

poor j i hope he is feeling a bit better, i think you both deserve some chocolate... <'>

[Clare63]

<'> <'> <'>

Mel,

A RESULT !!! Well Done that call must have taken a lot of guts, I think I would have started blubbing

Why oh why should you and J, not forgetting your DH have been put through all this, I'll never know. If anyone should feel bad than it should be the nasty old TA.

Your an inspiration

Clare x

[David Matthew Baker]

Congratulations. I'm glad you stuck to what you believed was right and managed to get to the point where things should change for the better. Is this TA fairly new. I hope they are then they might only be on a one year contract and they can always decided not to lengthen it.

[hev]

well done mel <'> <'> i hope you all ok tonight,life is hard enough without dealing with bullies who should be helping our kids not upsetting them,i think the TA is disgusting and should be sacked,i hate her and ive never met the woman

[bikergal]

Well done Mel, hope things improve from now on <'>

[curra]

That's very good news!! <'>

Don't feel bad about the TA. She's obviously not fit to work with children and it will be in their interest if she's given something else to do.

 

Curra