Well I really have had enough? I cant take anymore!

[JsMum]

Yes I am bloo dy really angry and I am so fed up with the system, tonight my boy who was beyond his control needed assistance from the police to help make him safe, instead of offering understanding, and compassionate they come down on him like a ton of bricks threatening and bullying beyond his langage skills can allow him to understand, they threaten to take him away to the cells and lock him up where other boys would beat him up, then they left me with a very distraught 10 year old!

 

What are these public services on, dont they have any training in dealing with special needs children.

 

I tried to ring the Socail Services Off Duty Team, but they was engaged, and he was really going on one tonight, the police finally sent some officers round I was relieved for about five seconds when I had to hear what they said to him, they mocked his crying and put the fear of *O* IN him.

 

His anxieties have risen throw the roof, He has callapsed on the living room floor with pure exhaustion.

 

Well I have had enough I cant take this idiot of a world anymore, where on earth is the support? there isnt any, and no understanding either!

 

 

 

JsMum

[Frangipani]

<'> <'> <'> OMG JsMum <'> <'>

 

This is truly terrible. Once you have calmed down it truly needs to be dealt with in the harshest manner. If that happened to my son I would be putting pen to paper and writing to the local MP my sons doctor, the school, the local paper anyone that would listen. This is truly unacceptable to treat ANY ten year old like this, more so special needs.

 

My heart goes out to you and son its just awful, you must be devastated. what were they thinking. I would also be ring the Head Sergeant and making a complaint and that you are going to seek legal advise about this.

 

Dont know what else to say, please look after you as well, you must be in shock, I certainly am.

 

<'> <'> <'> dont let this get away with this bullying go to the media, that will certainly fix them.

 

Love F xx

[cmuir]

I guess it's purely down to their lack of understanding that they thought they were doing the right thing by using scare tactics. No consolation to you that's had to deal with the aftermath!

 

Caroline.

[wishingwell]

 

Hope he is OK and you Jsmum will need time to think what you are going to do.

 

I'm really worried about their behaviour, your situation was bad enough without them adding to it. The sight of a policeman would have been enough to put the fear of god in him.

[mum22boys]

J's mum <'> <'>

 

I was disgusted to read your post but sadly not suprised by the lack of understanding and knowledge of others

 

I hope today you can think clearly and decide how to tackle these thoughtless people. Keep us informed, we are thinking of you <'> <'> <'>

 

mum22boys

[Clare63]

OMG... that's terrible, appaulling & disgusting

<'> <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

Clare x

[lynyona]

<'> <'> <'> <'>

 

 

 

That is utterly disgusting and it actually beggars belief.If that is the treatment of a 10 year old. I hate to imagine how k would be treated at 21 and 6ft 2.It is quite appalling and very frightening.Surely they should have some knowledge about treatment of these special kids of ours obviously not at the end o fthe day they are not the average everyday criminal just need more help and understanding at difficult times. Hope you and your son are a bit calmer after the terrible situation that you found yourselves in.

 

 

 

 

Lynn

[bid]

Oh JM <'>

 

I think I would make a complaint

 

Bidx

[JsMum]

<'> I am a bit more calmer now especially after all those hugs you have all given me, I really dont know what I would do if this forum wasnt here?

 

Well I have made a complaint to the Police Authority, I know I wont ever phone them in the future!

 

J was very distressed and I had to pleed with him to go to school with a promise I will try and find him someone to talk to.

 

I was on the phone all morning talking to Doctors and his GP all who have been very supportive, I have had contact with the Childrens Disabilty Team and they are getting back to me with some form of support and we now have a social worker but no told us that until today?

 

Its a crazy world and I feel so let down, and a real failure in protecting Jay.

 

I have managed to get a private clinical child psychologist and we have a dual ( Me and Jay ) meeting with her on Monday so I feel we have real fate their as its a cancelation appointment so I feel its ment to be and said she would really like to help J.

 

Its really difficult to know what I could of different because before the police came I tried my best to help him calm down, to rationalise, to get him to stop but he was so angry and wound up and I gave him loads of warnings that the police would be called, in the end they where because his safety was an issue.

 

I have done what I can for now and I hope that the psychotherapist can give J some stratagies to control that temper of his and he can feel that he can talk to her about things he finds difficult, so he is going to recieve some emergency therapy for now.

 

I am ok for now, just disapointed and let down, but there is some people that do want to help and people like you guys who care.

 

JsMum

Edited June 7, 2007 by JsMum

[hev]

oh js mum <'> <'> how are things today?how awful,definately complain,its disgusting,theres no help out there for us

[oxgirl]

<'> <'> <'> Wish I could think of something useful to say, JsMum. <'> <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

~ Mel ~

[pearl]

<'> J's mum & J <'> words fail me.

[curra]

This is awful, JsMum!! I've been also told several times by different professionals to call the police if I need help to control my son, but is this the kind of "help" that they give??

M was charged last year for attacking another boy at school, so the police contacted me to say they would come to "talk" to him. I asked them to send someone with knowledge of autism who would not scare him or else I would not accept and they did.

They should have people who can deal with specail needs children. I'm so sorry for your poor boy. Have the police replied to your complaint?

 

<'> <'>

 

Curra

[KarenT]

This is a dreadful situation. I hope you can get somewhere with your complaint and access some proper help for J.

 

Look after yourself, and him.

 

Karen

x

[Bagpuss]

J's Mum That is truly awful <'> <'> I would suggest you take it further, and I am pleased to read you have. Please though, don't let it deter you from ringing the Police again should you need them. You've had a terrible experience, but it doesn't mean next time you wouldn't be dealt with in a caring and professional manner. Some officers will have experience of ASD children and adults, from within their own families, my dh included, take care <'> <'>

[lorryw]

Please forgive my ignorance but why call the police in the first place. Why would they have the depth of experience to deal with a little boy with ASD?

[JsMum]

Please forgive my ignorance but why call the police in the first place. Why would they have the depth of experience to deal with a little boy with ASD?

 

I have been instructed by the social services to ring the police because when J looses his temper he really does, he becomes very violent and so aggressive to the point he really goes to hit you full punches, kicking, nipping and biting, he really lets it all go, he was trying to jump out of his bedroom window, he was throwing large furniture, using parts to throw at me, and using anything that resembled a batton to hit me with, he had already hurt our little puppy and he was out of control and gave warning after warning, before I did call the police, I am a small framed young lady and I wasnt able to restrain him as he has so much anger that I cant keep hold of him for the time that it takes for him to calm down because he can be like this for hours.

 

I dont want to call the police but I also dont want him to get hurt in the process of his very disruptive behaviour, I also dont want to get hurt myself, if say he did hit me really hard with an object he could cause considerable amount of harm.

 

I only called the police for assistance to help hold him until he was calmer to be around, there was no rationalising with him, he wasnt calming down at all and he was really distressed.

 

I wont be calling the police next time, so I dont know what to do anymore, this morning he wouldnt get up for school he was refusing to get out of bed and I had to physically remove him as I did he punched me and continued with hard kicks and full blown screams in my face, I have to admit I really am at a loss what to do again.

 

J has severe aggression and violent outbursts.

 

JsMum

[Kazzen161]

I was in same position 8 years ago - T lost it and it was one time too many - I called SS for help - they told me there was nothing they could do, and told me to call the police. In my case the policeman was very understanding - he ended up having to crawl under T's cabin bed to talk to him.

[lorryw]

I dont understand why social services would suggest calling the police. I can see that they would recommend an ambulance, or an out of hour GP service, its a medical issue not law enforcement. At least he could perhaps be hospitalised for a while and you would have instant access to people who would then have to help.

Social Services are completely out of order here, they are completely dodging their responsibilites and leaving you and your family high and dry.

Could you try ringing the NAS and asking what they would suggest you do, you cant go on like this.

[lil_me]

Really does make me wonder why they even suggest calling the police aswell, most police haven't a clue through lack of training how to deal with a child on the spectrum, they usually will not restrain a child either. SS cop out it seems, pass them onto the police instead of us doing something, most parents won't want police at the door all the time so that will shut them up. Grrr makes me angry!

 

JsMum, wonder if there would be any chance in you doing some form of handling training aswell as techniques into how to try to stop situations like this escalating. We have done a few ran by the local carers support. We're also in same situation of refused any support from social services here, saying that they don't offer much unless you want to have your child adopted/fostered, they don't do ANY form of respite etc for under 18s inc those with severe physical disabilities.

Edited June 8, 2007 by lil_me

[JsMum]

I dont understand why social services would suggest calling the police. I can see that they would recommend an ambulance, or an out of hour GP service, its a medical issue not law enforcement. At least he could perhaps be hospitalised for a while and you would have instant access to people who would then have to help.

Social Services are completely out of order here, they are completely dodging their responsibilites and leaving you and your family high and dry.

Could you try ringing the NAS and asking what they would suggest you do, you cant go on like this.

 

Lorry I have been told that an ambulance wouldnt come to any person that is aggressive and violent without a police presence, also it would have to be the police that would have to take him to the hospital in their police vechicle, which would mean locking him inside a cage, and in handcuffs, this would be highly distressing, in the hospital they would most likely medicate him with inapropriate drugs that would not support a child with very complex issues.

 

If the police where to attempt to toutch him he would most likely lash out and this could lead him to potential assualt charges, it would just esculate to charges rather than supporting him and putting in place things that could help him control himself.

 

J is also a very different child when calmer and settled, so this state isnt a constant period of time, its when things have built up and he cant express as he cant communicate very effectively.

 

J cant be on medication throw medical reasons and so there is no real drug that could control the aggression, he needs communication aids and a place of safety rather than a cubicle in a hospital or a cell in a police station.

 

I am not going to be phoning the police or an ambulance so you dont have to be too concerned, I made my mistake and I have learnt that for some there really isnt any answers or support and I pray every day to God for strength and hope.

 

JsMum

[lil_me]

I know what you mean about bundled into a van etc, this happened to a friends child. She was told the same as you to call the police if her son got violent again. She did. They came and put him in the van, left him there to calm down, by which time he'd smashed his own face off the cage inside and ended up needing stitches. Like the officer said, what else was he mean't to do, he wasn't allowed to hold him. Anyway when it all came out with SS they took her son off her saying she couldn't cope and he was being put in danger. That was 2 years ago, she's still fighting to get him back now.

[JsMum]

I know what you mean about bundled into a van etc, this happened to a friends child. She was told the same as you to call the police if her son got violent again. She did. They came and put him in the van, left him there to calm down, by which time he'd smashed his own face off the cage inside and ended up needing stitches. Like the officer said, what else was he mean't to do, he wasn't allowed to hold him. Anyway when it all came out with SS they took her son off her saying she couldn't cope and he was being put in danger. That was 2 years ago, she's still fighting to get him back now.

oh cricky, thats orful, well I really woundnt want J taken off me, which is why I am asking for support at home, you have scared me now, its not that I cant control J because I can, what I cant deal with is his aggression when it gets to blow out time, he can also be the sweetest child too, last night he was calmer and tonight he has been fine too, I am so sorry if I have portraid a child that is always out of control because he isnt, I have most behaviours under control and support him the best I can.

 

I wont sleep tonight now worrying!!

 

JsMum

[peppa]

jsmum <'> >< <'> , really don't know what to say, just wanted to offer support.

 

Lil,me what a terrible situation for your friend i hope things are resolved posotively x

[mandyque]

oh cricky, thats orful, well I really woundnt want J taken off me, which is why I am asking for support at home, you have scared me now, its not that I cant control J because I can, what I cant deal with is his aggression when it gets to blow out time, he can also be the sweetest child too, last night he was calmer and tonight he has been fine too, I am so sorry if I have portraid a child that is always out of control because he isnt, I have most behaviours under control and support him the best I can.

 

I wont sleep tonight now worrying!!

 

JsMum

 

<'> Don't panic, hopefully you will get some more help, and if not, keep bugging the hell out of them until they do help. I don't see the point in uprooting a child with emotional problems like J, why should he be punished for something he can't help? There needs to be a support system in place for when you both reach crisis point and you need immediate help. My friends' son is very much like yours, he's a lovely lad but once he has passed the point of no return he gets very violent, she has also had to phone the police to help her.

 

I don't know what the answer is, the best thing I can think of is like what I have seen at Thornhill school in Sunderland, they have a room set aside, painted in very plain white, no stimulation whatsoever, no furniture or windows, nothing. When a pupil gets as wound up as that they take him/her to the room and let them act out their anger as safely as possible. They are never left alone, sometimes the teacher will need to watch through the door window for their own safety, but it is a very effective way of keeping everyone safe until the rage has passed. The way they deal with it is excellent, and eventually most of the pupils 'grow out of it' or else they know that if they are starting to feel agitated they can go to the room for some time alone to calm down.